My name is Barry Allen. And once I was the fastest man alive. An accident gave me super speed. With the help of my family and friends from S.T.A.R. Labs I was able to embrace my powers and become a hero known as the Flash. I did my best to protect Central City, but I've failed to realize one simple truth – my powers were a double edged sword. For every person I've saved there were people whom I've put in danger. Although I was called a hero, my very existence has become the reason that opened the city and its citizens to new threats.

I was reminded of that fact when I went back in time and risked everything to try to save my mother. I was going to sacrifice my present life, my relationships, all that I held dear – change the whole time line just to rescue one person. No one would stop me, so I almost did go through with it. But, changing millions of lives, erasing them even… that should not have been my choice to make. Yet for a moment I felt selfish enough to think that I was entitled to it. Just because I was a hero I deemed that the World was indebted to me. Selfish… And wrong, especially when nothing stops you from abusing your power to collect that supposed debt.

As I think back it was always a race with fate to tip the scales in my favor. I would be so caught up in my new life as a hero that helping someone was all that mattered. I wouldn't keep a precise score of course, but somehow as long as it felt like I've saved more people than I've put in danger, I could easily justify my actions. I should've known better. I'm a forensic scientist too, you know. So it's a shame that for so long I couldn't connect the dots and see the whole picture and the true cause behind the recent major tragedies that had befallen Central City.

Everything has changed when I met Zoom. Suddenly it has become all too clear not to notice. I - the Flash - was the cause of misfortune for Central City. The symbol that I've become, my powers they were a beacon that attracted villains to the city. To challenge me, to rob me of my powers.

I never stopped being selfish. So, even when I had a chance to let go of my powers and once more become an ordinary person, time and time again I've decided to keep my powers and to continue being the Flash. I'd like to say that I've made this choice out of the sense of duty – after all what real hero could bear the thought of quitting saving people. However, that wasn't the only reason. I simply feared to lose control over my own fate, become helpless. I couldn't help thinking that I'd rather be a danger to the people around me, but at the same time be able to protect them, rather than become completely powerless. I may be putting someone at risk, but I will always be there to save every last one of them no matter what. That is what I kept telling myself. I sincerely believed that I was capable of fulfilling this promise too.

If I'm to make an excuse, I could say that for me being a hero was never solely about saving the innocent. There are the villains too, and you can't leave them out of the picture. However naïve it may sound, not all of them are irredeemably evil, they do have their reasons. I opt to believe that my encounters with them mean something. I'm sure, the Flash can be more than just a force to stop them, but also someone who can get through to them. Most people have something good in them. If I tried hard enough, I might be even able to persuade them to change their ways. It is always worth a try.

Sometimes people who are accused are no villains at all. To err is human. But when the Law is blind, small but crucial details tend to be ignored, and good men end up in prison for the crimes they did not commit. Like my dad. No one believed a kid eyewitness. No one wanted to hold space for the impossible; they just went with the simpler theory of an abusive father.

The Flash, however, is himself the impossible, so he won't make the same mistake, he will always be willing to believe in people, willing to listen, and get to the bottom of things. If to unveil the truth he has to believe in the impossible, he will do just that without a second thought.

I decided to become the Flash, because I wanted real justice for my dad. I wanted to make a difference, so I've vowed to help people.

Now, of course, it is too late for this kind of promises. I am no longer a protector of Central City. I'm not even there anymore. The fact is, I don't know, where I am. Well, maybe that's not quite accurate. I have an idea what this place, this dimension might be. My guess is, I'm inside the Speed Force. The mysterious source of the Flash's power. This notion, however, doesn't change the fact that I'm terribly lost. Drifting through this foreign dimension with no means to return to the real World. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure that I'm still alive. I don't like thinking too much about this, though. It's too weird really and terrifying.

This place is nowhere – an abyss of pure energy, and I'm travelling through its tremulous shimmering mass with no real sense of direction. I'm scared, because it's so easy to let your body dissolve in the flow and lose all sense of self.

This place is everywhere. I strain to remember who I am, and the Speed Force lets me see it. Visions from my memory, but also the things I could've never seen myself – scenes from distant past, glimpses of the future, and most importantly fragments of other people's lives.

A multitude of thin barely visible strings that connect me to other people, pull me toward them. These people are no strangers; I can feel that one way or another I am connected to all of them. Maybe they can help me.

The strings beam with yellowish light, inviting me to trace them to reach the person on the other end. Like the clew from that one Greek myth, they promise to help me and lead the way out of this labyrinth. But that's a trick.

When I reach out to grasp one of the strings, it gets taunt and white-hot, shinning like a streak of lightning. My fingers are numbed. I feel a tingling sensation of electricity coursing through my body. It's like this lightning is feeding on my energy, using it as fuel.

My only chance to escape is to ride on this lightning. But I hesitate. I'm afraid. If my connection isn't strong enough, if the person on the other end won't be able to become my lightning rod will the line snap and will the Speed Force pull me back in? How many tries will I have before it saps all my strength and I cease to exist?

I have to make my mind soon. While I am still me. Before it's too late.

I might not succeed, but at least it will be like a good-bye tour. As I fade away I will be able to see the people important to me one last time. This is worth a try.

TBC

As always thanks for the wait!

I was planning something else for Ch4, but as many of you have been wondering about Barry I thought that I'll have him make an appearance a little bit earlier in the story. :)

Sorry for the first person pov, I hope it wasn't an eyesore :P but that's my idea of relaing a first-hand experience of what being inside the Speed Force might feel like.

Back to S.T.A.R. Labs team and Snart in the next chapter~