Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their rightful owners.

AN1: Thank you for all the support. ALSO thank you to everyone who has reviewed the last few chapters, I haven't been able to thank you.

It has been a month since Tony returned to the compound after leaving once he learnt the truth about what happened to Howard and Maria and ever since then Tony and Steve having been spending a lot of time together and they are trying to get to know each other as father and son rather than just friends and teammates.

It has also been a month since Tony and Natasha had sex for the first time and since then it has happened many time since. Even though Tony and Natasha are having sex several times a night, most nights, the two of them haven't talked about what they are doing, what their relationship is and they are choosing to ignore the fact that Sam, Rhodey, Clint, Vision, and Wanda have all realised what is going on between them, though, to the amusement of everyone, Steve is oblivious.

For the past four days Steve and Sam have been away from the compound as they have a lead on Bucky leaving the others behind and since even before they left Tony has been struggling with nightmares about several different things and so Tony is basically functioning on coffee and determination alone.

It is about seven am and Tony is in his lab where he has been for a few hours, ever since he woke up drenched in sweat and terror, and is just sitting down with his third cup of coffee when his phone rings.

"Who is it FRIDAY?" Tony asks curious, not looking up from what he is doing.

"Steve." FRIDAY answers.

"Oh put him through." Tony says, looking up, "You know you don't have to keep checking in, I'm not going to burn down the compound." Tony comments in a joking tone of voice.

"I'm not calling to make sure that you haven't destroyed anything. I'm checking in on you." Steve explains to his son, "How are you Tony?" Steve asks curious.

"I'm fine." Tony lies, "How's your search going?" he asks curious, wanting to change the subject.

"Not great, this was the first lead we've had in a while and it's lead nowhere." Steve comments, sounding both frustrated and disappointed.

"I'm sorry, Steve, I know how much you want to find him." Tony says actually meaning that.

"Yeah." Steve says, disappointment in his voice, "Um, so, Sam and I are on our way back, we'll be back tonight." He reveals.

"Okay, good. I'll see you then." Tony comments.

"Yeah, see you then." Steve says before hanging up.

After hanging up with Steve Tony picks up his coffee and gulps it down quickly before getting back to the work ignoring the scolding feeling in his throat.

About half an hour after his phone call with Steve Tony is still in his lab, on his next cup of coffee, working on his new suit.

"How many cups of coffee does that make?" Natasha asks as she walks into the lab, coming from the run she went on with Rhodey.

"I don't know, I've lost count." Tony admits, as he almost burns himself.

"Another new suit?" Natasha asks, noticing what he is doing.

"Yeah, there are always room for improvements." Tony comments, "Steve called." Tony reveals as Natasha sits down on the table next to him, "He and Sam will be home tonight."

"Good, that's good." Natasha comments, "You figured out how you are going to explain how exhausted you look?" she asks.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Tony lies, as he looks closer at what he is doing, clearly attempting to avoid talking about what Natasha is talking about.

"Tony." Natasha says in warning tone of voice, "Look at me." She requests and Tony does, "Look, I know actually talking is something neither of us particularly enjoy, or even want to do, but there is something we need to talk about." Natasha comments.

"Okay." Tony says, putting down what he is doing so that he can look right at Natasha.

"Look, we can pretend that the only reason we haven't slept in the same bed once in the last month is because of the fact that we both have extreme commitment and intimacy issues."

"Which we do." Tony adds.

"Oh yeah, without a doubt." Natasha adds with a smile, "But that's not the only reason we haven't slept in the same bed, and we both know it."

"Yeah, we do." Tony confirms, "I don't know the last time I got more than an hours sleep." Tony comments, "I'm having nightmares."

"I figured." Natasha comments in a kind voice as she reaches out and takes Tony's hand in a rare show of intimacy.

"I thought you did." Tony says, giving Natasha's hand a squeeze, "Is it really that noticeable?"

"A few days ago, only if you knew the signs, but today, definitely." Natasha comments, "He's going to notice and unlike me he's not going to let it go."

"Any advice?" Tony asks curious.

"Steve will push because he is worried, and he will push until he knows what's wrong, but he won't push if you don't want to go into details." Natasha admits.

"I don't know if I could." Tony admits, "Could you?" he asks as he knows that it's just not his nightmares that have kept them from sharing a bed.

"Probably not." Natasha admits.

"Didn't think so." Tony responds and the two of them drift into silence, "Do you want to do breakfast?" Tony asks curious.

"Breakfast?" Natasha asks surprised as she and Tony have been having sex but have never done anything more than that.

"Yeah, you know the meal usually eaten first thing in the morning, usually involves more than coffee." Tony says with a teasing grin.

"Yes, thank you, I know what breakfast is shellhead." Natasha says as she playfully nudges Tony.

"Just checking." Tony says with a grin, "So you interested? We could go into the city or even make breakfast together in the kitchen, my omelette's not half bad." He comments, "What do you think?"

"I think door number two." Natasha answers as it would be better.

"Okay, meet in the kitchen in ten minutes." Tony suggests.

"Sounds good." Natasha says, jumping down from the table, but then, before she walks away she decides to do something and she just leans down and gives Tony a quick kiss before she walks away, adding a familiarity, a closeness that they haven't had before.

"Huh." Tony says to himself as Natasha leaves, feeling amazed.

Twenty minutes later after getting a message from Clint, Rhodey is walking up the hallway towards the kitchen.

"What's going on?" Rhodey asks, "What's with the message?" he asks curious.

"Just look." Clint says and confused Rhodey walks over to Clint and looks over his shoulder, into the kitchen.

As Rhodey looks into the kitchen he realises, right away, why Clint messaged him as in the kitchen Natasha and Tony are cooking together, as a team, and they both look to be enjoying themselves, a lot.

"Holy crap, am I really seeing this?" Rhodey asks, sounding completely shocked.

"What Natasha Romanoff and Tony Stark acting coupley, together? Yeah." Clint answers, sounding surprised.

"Okay on my list of impossible things this would have been near the top." Rhodey comments.

"Yeah, mine too." Clint admits, "Not sure if I'd eat anything they cook though."

"Me either." Rhodey says, "It is nice to see though." He admits.

"It really is." Clint confirms and he and Rhodey just continue to watch their respective best friends together, both silently agreeing to disappear before Natasha and Tony finish eating so that they don't ruin things for their friends.

A couple of hours later while sitting next to each other in the plane on their way back to the compound and as they fly back Sam decides to ask Steve something he has been curious about for the last month.

"Why do you always have that with you?" Sam asks curious as Steve is holding Howard's journal in his hands.

"Howard wrote everything in here, his thoughts, his fears, his feelings, everything he wanted me to know, everything he was afraid to say." Steve says as he runs his hand over the front of the journal, "This is a piece of Howard." Steve explains, "Having this with me, feels like it feels when I have my shield, it feels like in a little way, he's back with me." Steve explains with a sad smile.

"Oh." Sam says, not sure how to respond to that.

"Yeah." Steve says, "He was right." Steve mutters and even though Sam hears the comment he decides not to question it.

A few hours later Steve and Sam have arrived back at the facility.

"I'm going to find Tony; I'll see you later." Steve tells Sam.

"Yeah, see ya, I have a poker game to win." Sam reveals.

"Good luck." Steve says as he and Sam go their separate directions Steve deciding not to question about the poker game.

A couple of minutes later Steve walks into the place where he has the most chance of finding his son, the lab, and just like he was expecting Steve finds his son sitting at his workbench, but what Steve wasn't expecting is that Tony looks like he hasn't slept since Steve has been gone and he looks far from okay.

"Tony." Steve says surprised.

"Hey, hey, Steve." Tony comments.

"Are you okay?" Steve asks concerned.

"I'm fine." Tony lies, as he avoids looking at his father.

"Are you sure?" Steve asks as he sits down next to Tony, "Because you don't look okay." he says and Tony can hear the worry in his voice.

"I'm fine. I just haven't been sleeping." Tony explains.

"Why not? Are you okay?" Steve asks.

"Yeah, it's nothing new." Tony says trying to keep Steve from worrying, "Can we talk in the morning? There is somewhere I have to be." Tony comments, partly lying as he and Natasha are meeting in her room in half an hour and he has a few things to organize before then.

"Sure." Steve says, though he is pretty sure that Tony is avoiding him.

"Great." Tony responds, "I'll see you later." Tony say before heading across the room, but then he stops at the door and turns back around, "I'm glad you're home." Tony says before leaving.

After watching his son go Steve looks around the room and all he sees is more than a few empty coffee cups and jugs, all of which cause his concern to grow. As his concern grows Steve decides that he might go and talk to the one person, he believes, might know what is going on with Tony, Rhodey.

A couple of minutes later Steve walks into one of the common areas where Sam, Rhodey and Clint are sitting around the table playing poker, all three of them have glasses of scotch and cigars.

"Hey Cap, you want to be dealt in?" Clint asks curious as he shuffles the deck.

"No, I'm good." Steve says, "How long have these poker games been going on?" he asks curious.

"About two months." Rhodey answers.

"How have I not noticed?" Steve asks surprised.

"You've been busy." Sam says, "You've either been spending time with Tony or you've had your noise in Howard's journal." He explains.

"Right." Steve says, as he takes a seat in the empty seat, "Is Tony okay?" he says, looking at Rhodey, "He doesn't seem like it."

"Everyone can see that he's not." Clint comments.

"I'd say Clint's right, but I don't know for sure, he hasn't talked to me." Rhodey comments, "You might want to try talking to Nat, she might know." He says, completely forgetting that Steve hasn't realised what is going on with Tony and Natasha.

"That would make sense, especially with what's going on with them." Clint says, as he deals the cards for the next hand.

"What do you mean what's going on with them?" Steve asks confused.

"They're together." Sam reveals, "Or just having sex. It's hard to tell with them." He explains, "Two please." He tells Clint who deals the cards.

"What?" Steve asks shocked.

"I think it's more." Clint comments as he hands Sam his cards, "Even if they haven't realised that, especially after what happened today." He says as Rhodey signals three cards so Clint hands him, "and I'll take two as well."

"What happened today?" Sam asks curious.

"They made breakfast together." Rhodey reveals, "As a perfect team and all coupley." He explains.

"Wow." Sam says shocked.

"Wait, go back, Nat and Tony are together?" Steve asks.

"Yep." Sam, Rhodey and Clint say together.

"My son Tony and friend Nat?" Steve asks once more, wanting to be sure.

"Yeah, that would be them." Clint says, amusement clear in his voice.

"How long has this been going on?" Steve asks, not sure how to react.

"About a month." Sam answers, "I'm actually amazed that you haven't realised sooner, everyone else has." He explains.

"Huh." Steve says, "You think Nat might know what's going on?" Steve says, briefly wondering whether it is a wrong to go to his son's girlfriend, or whatever Natasha is to Tony, to find out what is going on with Tony.

"There's a good chance she would." Rhodey admits.

"I saw her in the gym before, I think she would still be there." Clint reveals.

"Okay, thanks." Steve says, standing up.

"Are we going to play poker or not?" Sam asks as Steve walks out the room.

"Why Wilson are you eager to lose again?" Rhodey asks, casing Steve to shake his head as he walks down the corridor.

A couple of minutes later Steve is walking up to the gym when Natasha walks out.

"Nat."

"Hey Steve, glad you're back." Natasha comments when she sees her friend.

"Thanks." Steve responds, as the two of them start to walk down the corridor, "I want to ask you something, about Tony." Steve explains.

"Okay." Natasha says, knowing that this is going to go either one of two ways and she isn't sure which one it's going to be.

"He doesn't seem okay and Rhodey said that you might know why that is." Steve explains.

"Oh he did, did he?" Natasha asks, and Steve nods, "Yeah, I do." She confirms.

"What's going on? Is he okay?" Steve asks worried and Natasha has to try and think the right way to respond to that.

"I can't tell you. I can't break his confidence." Natasha tells Steve, as she has no idea what is going on with her and Tony, or what they will become, all she knows is that she can't break his confidence if they want to become anything.

"Nat, please." Steve asks, it being more than clear how worried he is, as they stop walking.

"I can't, I won't." Natasha tells him, "You need to try talking to him yourself again." She reveals, making Steve wonder how she knows that he and Tony have already talked, "What I will say is that he needs you, Steve, and you need to push because he won't." Natasha explains, "I've got to go. I have plans." She says before walking down the corridor.

"NAT." Steve calls and she turns around, "Sam, Rhodey and Clint said that you and Tony have been together for a month, have you?" he asks.

"That really depends on your definition of together." Natasha admits, "But for arguments sake, yeah." Natasha says before she turns and continues to walk down the corridor, leaving Steve standing alone.

A few minutes later Natasha walks into her room and to her surprise she doesn't find Tony naked, in her bed, like she has more than a few times, she finds a picnic blanket with an entire meal on it on the floor and Tony lighting candles that are on her bookshelf.

"Tony?" Natasha asks, not wanting to admit that he has actually surprised her.

"Nat, hey." Tony says, turning around.

"What's all this?" Natasha asks curious as she closes the door.

"I thought you would recognize a picnic." Tony says with a smirk.

"Cute, Tony."

"That's what I am." Tony says grinning, "I thought we could have an actual diner first instead of sneaking to the kitchen for left overs." He explains.

"That would be good." Natasha comments, as she is getting a little sick of leftovers, "But I've spent the last few hours in the gym, so I really need a shower." Natasha comments.

"Guess it's a good thing the food will keep then." Tony comments.

"Yeah, it is." Natasha says, heading to her adjoining bathroom as she removes her shirt, "Join me?" Natasha asks with a flirty smirk as she gets to the door. Returning the smile Tony just follows Natasha into her bathroom, removing his own shirt a she goes.

A few hours later Natasha and Tony are sleeping in the same bed for the first time ever, and have been for less than an hour, but they are quickly going to learn why they haven't been doing that. As she is a deep sleeper Natasha is woken the second she starts to hear someone talking, so acting on instinct Natasha quickly pulls her hidden gun before she has even open her eyes fully and points it a where the sounds are coming from and as she does Natasha realises that it is Tony tossing and turning, muttering to himself.

"Tony." Natasha says worried, putting her gun on the bedside table, "Tony, wake up." Natasha says, shaking him awake.

"I'M SORRY." Tony says, bolting upright, drenched in sweat, looking terrified.

"Tony, you're okay, listen to my voice, you're safe, you're home." Natasha says in a kind, quiet voice, not touching Tony as she knows that he'll likely just react badly to that.

"Nat?" Tony asks, his breathing heavy.

"Yeah, you're okay, Tony." Natasha informs him, "You're home."

"Home." Tony repeats, like he is trying to reassure himself that everything is okay, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You don't have to apologise." Natasha informs him, "We both knew what we were getting into."

"Yeah, guess we do." Tony responds, "I need to go to the lab." Tony says, throwing his blanket off, looking panicked.

"Tony."

"I … just… need to work." Tony says as he puts on his pants and picks up a shirt and heads out of the room.

For about a minute Natasha debates what to do and then the answer comes to her and puts on a pair of underwear and then picks up the first shirt she can find, which turns out to be one of the shirts that Tony left one night, puts it on and then heads out of her room too.

A couple of minutes later Natasha walks into the lab where she finds Tony sitting on the ground, leaning against his work bench, looking pale, clammy and shaking. So, without a word Natasha walks over and sits next to him, making sure that he heard her walking over so that she doesn't scare him.

For a couple of minutes Natasha and Tony just sit side by side, close enough so that their shoulders are touching, Natasha purposely avoiding thinking about how cold the floor surprisingly is.

"Guess our sharing a bed went about as good as we were expecting." Tony comments, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, I'd say so. I didn't shoot you though, so I'd say that things didn't go as bad as they could have." Natasha says, trying to make things seem better than she knows they are.

"That's good, I really don't want to get shot." Tony comments, "I'm a mess."

"We both are." Natasha counters.

"I think that's why we work." Tony admits, telling the truth.

"You think we work?" Natasha asks, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, I think we do." Tony admits, "I mean we probably get each other more than anyone. Plus, who else would not only put up with but be okay with our insanity and the dangerous, reckless, questionable and stupid things we do." Tony comments.

"Good point." Natasha admits, being pretty sure that everything that Tony just said is true, "I wouldn't say no to something more." She admits.

"Neither would I." Tony responds and the two of them drift into silence.

For a few more minutes Natasha and Tony just continue to sit side by side, neither speaking as Tony attempts to get his berthing under control.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Natasha asks.

"It was what I've been seeing for years." Tony admits, "Everyone's dead because of me, and my Dads were telling me how much of a disappointment I am, how I'll never be good enough." He explains, not noticing that he said Dads plural.

"That's not true, you know that right." Natasha says, knowing that it would be better not to mention that Tony said Dads plural.

"Is it?" Tony asks, "I created Ultron, I blew Sokovia, and my weapons killed so many people, they destroyed so many lives." Tony says, his breathing becoming heavy once more, "It's all…... I…..." Tony says, and he clearly starts to struggle even more.

"Tony, hey, look at me." Natasha says, moving so that she is right in front of Tony, "Listen to my voice, focus on me." She requests.

"Can't…" Tony says as his heavy breathing turns into a panic attack.

"TONY, just listen to me. Nothing else is going on, it's just me and you we're in your lab, in your safe place." Natasha says.

"Tony." A voice says and Natasha turns around and sees Steve walking into the lab, "What's wrong?" Steve asks worried as he hurries over, "Are you okay?" he asks and Tony just shakes his head.

"Just listen to us, Tony." Natasha tells him, "It's just me and Steve, no one else." She tells him as Steve squats down in front of his son to, having no idea what to say so he reaches out and takes his son's hand. Seeing the action Natasha is about to stop Steve but then she notices that Tony gets the smallest look of joy at Steve's action, he looks more relaxed, though it's just a little, "Give him a hug." Natasha tells Steve.

"Is that okay?" Steve asks and Tony nods So Steve moves over and puts his arm around his son, pulling him in close.

"You're okay, Tony, jut focus on us." Natasha says and for the next couple of minutes Natasha and Steve just sit with Tony as he struggles until he has managed to calm himself down.

"I think I'm okay." Tony manages to say, but he doesn't move away from Steve.

"I'll let you two talk." Natasha tells Tony, giving him a 'you're okay' look as she goes, knowing that considering his dreams Steve would be able to help Tony more than her.

"Am I ever going to get my shirt back?" Tony calls after Natasha.

"You left it in my room, it's mine now." Natasha says before leaving.

"What happened?" Steve asks concerned, noticing the amused but joyful look on his son's face as he banters with Natasha.

"I have nightmares." Tony reveals, "They've been bad lately, and what you just saw happens when they get bad." He admits.

"Do you want to talk about them?" Steve asks curious, wanting to help him.

"No. Telling Nat lead to what you just saw." Tony admits, as he tries and fails to keep a yawn in, "I'm so tired." He admits.

"Then maybe you should try to get some more sleep." Steve suggests.

"I can't, if I sleep I have nightmares, and I don't want to see that again." Tony admits, "But I'm so tired." He says as he leans his head on Steve's shoulder.

"What if I stayed with you, and wake you up if I start to see you starting to have a nightmare." Steve suggests.

"You'd do that?" Tony asks, sound surprised by that.

"Of course I would." Steve responds.

"Thank you… Dad." Tony says, his voice sounding nervous.

"You don't have to thank me Tony." Steve says, "You're my son, and I love you, I'll always be here to help; even if it's just sitting with you after a bad dream."

"I've never had that." Tony admits, "I know he had his reasons but that doesn't change the fact that Dad was never for me, he didn't help me after a bad dream, I was never good enough." He admits.

"You were Tony, he loved you more than anything." Steve tells is son, "But I know that doesn't make up for the kind of father Howard was.

"I just wanted to make him proud." Tony admits, doing something he would never do if he wasn't so tried.

"You did make him proud, Tony, and you make me proud." Steve assures his son, and Tony doesn't respond, "Tony?" he asks but as he looks over to his son he notices that Tony is asleep, "Let's get you to bed." Steve tells his son before, moving as slow as possible so that he doesn't wake Tony, Steve picks up his son and carries him out of the lab.

A few minutes later Steve and Tony have gotten to Tony's room and Steve has gently lane his son down on his bed and has just finished tucking him in.

"I'm sorry that you didn't get to experience this more." Steve says as he places a kiss on his son's head, "And I wish I could keep away your nightmares." He says then and an idea comes to him, so after sitting down next to Tony Steve pulls out the journal out of his pocket, turns to a page, and he starts to read out loud to his son, hoping that it helps.

A piece of you, that's what our son is, he's a piece of you, and me, but he's so much more. He's going to be great, I can just know it, how could he not with you as his father. I spent hours thinking today, obsessing really, about what our son will be, I was so distracted that I almost blew up the lab. Don't worry, Jarvis made sure I didn't and is going to supervise me from now on, usually I'd be insulted but I think it's warranted. Anyway, I was thinking about everything and I realised that it doesn't matter what he becomes I just want him to live, I want him to be happy, and healthy and safe. I want him to know that he is loved, that he was created out of love, and I want him to know you, please Steve, please, come home to us.

After he reads the first entry Steve looks over at Tony and once he is sure that his son is sleeping safely Steve continues to read, hoping that his son can get some sleep without nightmares as he knows that Howard was right Tony is a piece of both of them, but he is so much more, and Steve is going to do his best to make sure he sees that. He is going to show his son the amazing person he is and he is going to help him see what Howard wanted most for him, Steve is going to show Tony just how loved he is.

The end

An2: So I wasn't really sure where to go next which is why I have ended this.