A/N: Super sorry for the delay on this one. I wrote then rewrote and rewrote it. I'm still not entirely happy with it, but I'm just gonna toss caution to the wind and go back and fix things if needed. It's 5am and I havent slept. I'm a little loopy my proof reading was probably hellishly unproductive. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'd be lying if I didn't say it hits close to home.

btw. I will be changing the title soon, just havent landed on one yet.

PLEASE REVIEW:)

Disclaimer: I own nothing 'cept the plot.

Mess is Mine by Vance Joy

The smell of bacon cooking was the first thing to greet Beca when she woke up. That and air cold enough to make her jaw clench. She had to pee, but she was sure that she would turn into a human popsicle if she moved from under the covers. What kind of person keeps their house this cold. Jesus Christ.

She heard the door open and stiffened. Was she ready to deal with people yet? She was glad she was facing the wall. It'd be much easier to not respond.

"Hey, Becs. Are you up?" Chloe spoke softly.

Beca unwillingly responded with a grunt.

"There's breakfast downstairs when you're ready. Biscuits and gravy, bacon, eggs, and pancakes." Chloe was way too cheery for the time.

Beca planned on forcing herself to go back to sleep but her stomach let out a loud growl. She could hear Chloe stifling a laugh. "I guess, I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Apparently, I'm about to die of starvation." She couldn't help but feel betrayed by her own body. "I don't know. I'm nervous. I don't know any of these people. I feel like everyone will be judging me." She tried to breathe deeply to calm her nerves.

"Oh, no. Not at all. No one is going to judge you." Chloe sat behind her on the bed. Beca couldn't help the way she relaxed as the girl began to play with her hair.

"They've all heard a lot about you, but it's all been good. I mean, yes they know about yesterday. But, everyone here is very understanding. No one will judge you or make you feel that way, I promise. And if you feel uncomfortable, just let me know. I'll fix it."

Beca could hear the hope in her voice. And she knew she would have to get up eventually. It's not like she could stay in the bed the whole time. She would fucking freeze to death.

"I mean, okay. I'll get up. Just... why is it so cold in here?" Her teeth chattered as she finished her sentence.

"Oh, shit." Chloe cursed. "I meant to turn that off. Sorry." They were both saddened by the loss of contact. Beca kept her eyes on her as she walked around to her side of the bed and turned off the window unit. "I sleep much better if it's cold."

"It's fine. But you should probably save up money for my prosthetics when my legs turn solid and shatter." Her voice was harsher than intended and Chloe picked up on it immediately.

"I'm here for you, you know. Everything will be okay. If you start feeling anything negative, just...cross your fingers. I'll get you out of whatever conversation or situation you're trapped in." Chloe kneeled so she was eye to eye with her. "I'll take care of you. Always."

She couldn't help the question that forced it's way out. "What if you're the negative? What if you're the reason I feel trapped?"

The response was immediate to a degree that made Beca wonder how good of a person Chloe actually was. I mean, there is such a thing as too understanding, right? "Then you cross your fingers. And I'll leave you alone or whatever it is you need." Even in the darkened room, the ginger's eyes shone brilliantly.

"You're too kind. I don't know how you do it."

"You'll see." Chloe stood. "When you get up and meet the people who raised me." She smiled.

Beca knew she needed to make a good impression. If not for her own sake, for Chloe's. It was obviously very important to her. She was also curious about the girl's family. Beca was just so nervous; parents always hated her. She groaned one more time before quickly throwing herself out of bed.

She realized she'd made a mistake as soon as her vision started to blur. She reached out to Chloe as the other girl grabbed her around the waist.

"You shouldn't stand up so fast. Give your body time to acclimate. I'm sure it'll be having a rougher time reorienting itself for a while." She smiled and leaned her head on the redheads shoulder. She breathed in the smell of coffee and cigarettes.

"Wait. You smoke?" Beca asked.

Chloe laughed knowingly. "No. No. My papaw does though. I've been sitting outside with him all morning."

"All morning? What time is it?" She looked around the room to get an idea but there were blackout curtains over every window.

"It's 11 o'clock. I've been up since 6."

Beca's jaw dropped momentarily before she could formulate a response. "I really.. don't understand you. You ran a fucking marathon. Then you drove six hours. Then you got up after just five hours of sleep. And you're still like this big flawless breath of fresh gorgeous air."

Chloe's cheeks were on fire. Molten lava was her new skin tone. She cleared her throat before she spoke. "I just don't need that much sleep lately. I think it's all the adrenaline. I'm fine though. Let's go eat."

Once Beca had gotten dressed she made her way across the loft to the set of stairs. She couldn't help but be amazed at the house. It was all natural wood and the detail blew her away. There was a bed in the loft, and what she presumed to be a bedroom next to the upstairs bathroom. And, of course, Chloe's room which was on the far side of the loft.

"My father built this house." Beca jumped at the voice and gripped the handrail. It was Chloe's mother at the base of the staircase.

"You can call me Miss Jean." She sounded nice enough, but something about the woman put her slightly on edge. Beca noted her confident and strong demeanor. She already knew to stay clear of the woman's bad side.

Beca cleared her throat before speaking. "G-Good morning Miss Jean."

"Mom. Don't scare her, please." Chloe spoke.

"Sorry, Love. You know it comes natural. And I get it honest." Miss Jean gave them both a cheeky smile before heading into the kitchen. "Come and get it 'fore it gets cold, y'all."

Beca didn't realize how hard she'd been gripping the rail until she felt Chloe's thumb softly stroke the top of her wrist. "Deep breaths. I'm right here. I know you're anxious; it's normal. Let's just eat. If you want to come back upstairs afterwards, we can."

She nodded, "Okay. Just... I'm worried I'm going to embarrass myself." She tried to laugh off her nervousness. "Whoo. Lets do this."

Beca couldn't help but smile at the hand that rested at the small of her back.

Chloe couldn't help but feel proud of Beca. Her first day clean, she'd barely been able to open her eyes, let alone face people she'd never met while in the throes of withdrawal. Hopefully this was a sign that Beca hadn't been using very long.

They walked over to the stove and Chloe made them both plates. "Do you want to eat outside or inside?"

"I mean, outside?" Beca couldn't help but feel confused. Why would I want to eat outside?

"We have a big picnic table on the back deck. Most people eat outside here when the weather is nice enough." She motioned to a door near the fridge and Beca noticed a two people outside sitting in chairs, but the picnic table was left empty.

The thought of suddenly being around strangers had her skin crawling, but she could feel how badly Chloe wanted to sit outside with her family. She wiped away the tear that made its way to the corner of her eye. "Can you sit next to me though? I'm um... I'm a little scared." She kept her head down.

Beca couldn't help but notice how dirty the floor was. There was dog hair and crumbs and chips in the tile. She began looking around and realized that the house was very lived in. She could tell that many people frequented the house as there were shoes and random clothing items littering the dining room table and a small table that was in the kitchen. She let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

"Please don't say anything about the mess. I mean, not that I think you would be rude. It's just that my grandmother is really-" Beca cut Chloe off as soon as she realized the impression she'd given as she looked around the house.

"NO! No...No. Not at all. It's just... I'm so used to everything being so perfect. A place for everything, and everything in it's place." She looked around again then looked the other girl in the eyes. "I can practically feel the love in this house."

Chloe beamed. "I'm glad you're here."

Beca's face flushed. "Me too, Chlo. Now. Lets go meet the fam before I lose my nerve."

Chloe stepped out first but allowed Beca to sit down first so that she would be as comfortable as possible.

"You gonna introduce yourself or just pretend you've been here the whole time?" The laughing voice came from Chloe's grandfather, Bob. He was in a crew neck t-shirt with a pocket that held cigarettes and a worn pair of jeans. His skin was weathered and bronzed. Beca couldn't help but wonder how old he was. She could tell he looked old for his age. He gave a rather clear impression that he'd worked outside all his life.

"Oh, sorry." Beca struggled for a moment. "I'm Beca." She glanced around and softly waved at him and the other woman that occupied the space.

"Well, it's certainly wonderful to meet you, Beca. I'm Bob, Chloe's grandfather. And this here beautiful creature..." He smiled and pulled the woma's chair closer to himself. "is my wonderful wife, Lynette."

The love that the two poured into their shared look made Beca melt. She'd never seen anyone in her family share a look like that. Or share anything really.

"It's nice to meet you both."

"It's nice to meet you as well, Beca" Lynette spoke.

An awkward silence followed, but luckily it was interrupted by Chloe's mother stepping onto the porch. "Alright, Dad!" She beamed at the man, and Beca instantly saw just how much Chloe looked like her mother. "It's time to go. I have the portable oxygen in the car, so we're good for the ride downtown. You ready?"

"Well, hell yeah. Let's go." As Jean, Lynette, and Bob gathered themselves and headed towards the car, Beca couldn't help but feel relieved. She could feel herself growing antsy and was afraid of making a bad impression.

Chloe walked to the car and gave them all hugs before returning to the back porch with Beca.

"So, my grandmother thinks you're gorgeous. And "has a good feeling about you." Chloe chuckled. "My family is very superstitious and instinct driven. You'll have to get used to that, I'm sure. Most people don't really get it at first. They think it's weird..." Chloe continued rambling but Beca couldn't focus on her words. Her heart was racing and she felt like she was on fire.

Beca reached out and grabbed Chloe's arm forcefully.

"Ow...Beca, what's wrong? What's going on?" Beca's breathing was labored and when she turned to face her, Chloe's heart dropped at the look of sheer terror on the girl's face

"Beca, what's going on? You have to talk to me. What is it? I can't help if I don't know what's going on." Chloe used her free hand to rub the back of the hand that was still squeezing her forearm.

"MMM." Beca hummed loudly before unclenching her jaw. "I'm scarrrrred. Fuuuuck. What the fuck is happening to me?!" Beca jumped up from her seat and started pacing up and down the porch.

"God. I feel so fucking hot!" Chloe finally sprung to her feet and grabbed Beca by her shoulders to still her.

"Beca, I need you to breathe." She looked into the brunettes eyes as she spoke.

Beca's eyes bulged and she yanked away. "I can't fucking breathe, Chloe! Oh my god. What the fuck is this? Why does my chest hurt so bad?"

Chloe calmly walked up behind the frightened girl and wrapped her arms tightly around her, holding her arms down in the process. "I know you're scared, sweetheart. I know. But you trust me don't you?" She spoke softly into the girls left ear. She could feel her calm somewhat, but the sound of her crying bore through her soul. As soon as she felt her nod she reached down and entwined their fingers.

"You're going to be okay. I promise." She kissed the top of Beca's shoulder. "Do you remember when we first met? I was handing out flyers in the quad. I can even remember the way you had your hair pulled back and how many earrings you had in." She laughed lightly at her own insanity. "I never told you this, but I knew as soon as I first met you. I just knew."

Beca sniffled lightly. "Knew what?"

"That you would become a part of my life." She lightly squeezed the girl that still stood in her embrace.

After a few minutes Beca spoke, "How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Just... calm me down like that. I haven't had a panic attack like that since I was like 16. I fucking forgot what they feel like. And you just... knew what to do." She leaned back into Chloe.

"I know what it's like. I've had really bad panic attacks for as long as I can remember. I just did what I would want someone to do for me."

Beca immediately turned around. "How have I not noticed?"

"I'm just really good at hiding it to be honest. It embarrasses me when it happens it public, and well, I would just hate for you to worry about me. I don't know. I don't want you to see me that way." Chloe tried to look away but Beca guided her eyes back to her own.

"You don't always have to be the one taking care of everyone else, you know? It's okay to need someone. It's okay to need help."

Chloe shook her head while resisting the urge to point out the irony of the statement. "Needing help makes me uncomfortable. I don't like it at all. I feel like a fucking leech."

Beca couldn't believe what she was hearing. What could possibly make Chloe think that way?

Chloe cut her off as she went to speak. "I can't talk about this right now. I really can't stomach it today, okay? I'm sorry."

The redhead began busying herself with picking up dishes left behind on the porch. "You should finish your breakfast, Beca. You shouldn't let yourself get too hungry." Her next statement was so matter-of-fact that Beca actually sat down to finish her food. "The cravings get so much worse when you're hungry."

Chloe continued with cleaning up the porch and propped open the double doors leading into the kitchen. She couldn't bear the thought of losing sight of her, but the thought of being in the same room as Beca made her feel sick.

For the first time since she met Beca, she was uncomfortable being around the girl. She felt vulnerable. She felt small. She felt exposed. She was usually so good at keeping things to herself and keeping her mouth in check. She knew that it was probably a bit hypocritical, but she didn't want Beca to know about her past. She couldn't seem to get far enough away from those days. Something always brought it back up, and it made her skin crawl every time. She knew Beca would eventually pick up on the comment, and she was dreading the conversation that would follow.

The subtle implication of the statement shook Beca. She started going through every memory she had of the girl trying to find evidence to support it. Surely, she would have noticed. She had enough experience being around addicts, recovered and otherwise, that she should've noticed. It should've been obvious.

She quickly finished the rest of her food and met Chloe at the sink where she was doing dishes. She could tell by the way Chloe immediately took on a defensive demeanor that the girl was preparing for Beca to confront her. But not only did Beca not have the energy for another emotional anything today, she knew that Chloe knew she figured it out. And if she was the Chloe she thought she was, she would talk when she was ready.

Chloe was nothing short of surprised when Beca walked to the dish drainer and grabbed a dry dish towel.

Beca smiled softly and bumped hips with the other girl. "If you tell me where they go, I'll dry them and put them away."

Chloe sighed and willed away the wetness that sprung to her eyes. "Thank you."

"Hey, that's what friends are for right?" Beca winked.

They both knew they weren't talking about the dishes.

Chloe couldn't help but let herself fall a little bit harder.

After the dishes were done and put away, Beca decided to voice a question that had been weighing on her mind but was simply too hard to ask. "So, um... Not that it's really my business, but what exactly is wrong with your papaw? Like, why the portable oxygen?"

Chloe closed her eyes and willed herself to be as still as possible. She hated this question. She'd answered it so many times that she was simply sick of repeating herself. But, she knew that wasn't Beca's fault. She just wished she'd told Beca sooner. She had a feeling the girl would be upset about not being told.

"You don't have to say anything right now if you don't want. Or, at all. I was just wondering." Beca couldn't help but to break the silence after spending more than two minutes staring at Chloe's silent, still form.

Chloe finally opened her eyes and sighed. "You're probably going to be upset that I didn't tell you sooner. But honestly, I just didn't want that to be part of our thing. This touches everything else. Every real relationship and friendship I have." Chloe started running her fingers through her hair as she slowly paced the kitchen. "This will be easier if I sit down."

Beca followed Chloe to the back porch. They sat on opposite sides of the picnic table. Beca waited patiently for Chloe to speak.

Chloe took a deep breath. "It all started two summers ago. It was the fourth of July. I wasn't living here then. I just came over to see everyone while my ex did her thing with her family. My papaw kept mentioning that he had been dropping things a lot that day and that he just felt weird in general. I should've known he'd had a stroke. I know the symptoms. My mom is a nurse and she practically drilled them into my head." She cleared her throat and tapped her nails on the table.

"But, anyways. A few days later, my mom calls me and tells me that he eventually went to the hospital that day and he'd had a stroke. He was relatively fine and was regaining motor function quickly. But, he hadn't been to a doctor in almost ten years. They did all kinds of bloodwork and x-rays and they found a mass in his lung. It was located between two lobes so, it was automatically inoperable."

Beca's chest burned at the look in Chloe's eyes. She could see how hard she was trying to hold herself together.

"They gave him six months to live. That was two years ago." Chloe's bottom lip began to tremble and Beca couldn't stop herself from moving to sit by her. She straddled the bench so that she could wrap her arms around the other girl. "When I went back to school after Christmas, he'd been doing okay. A little tired and he was coughing more, but he was okay. It didn't feel... imminent."

Chloe finally let the tears fall freely. The pain was too much for her to push back.

"Apparently things have gotten really bad. He fell last week. And he's been getting really angry."

She began crying harder and had to fight to get her words out. "The appointment he had today is about them starting hospice." She leaned into Beca as she cried for her grandfather for the first time.

"He's gonna be gone soon, and I don't know what to do."

Later that night, Beca and Chloe sat on the couch in Chloe's room. Neither one of them knew what to say at this point. Once Jean, Lynette, and Bob returned, the two women sat Chloe and Beca down and explained that hospice would be coming by later that night to set up a bed in the living room.

Beca was surprised how well Chloe held it together in front of her family. She held her mom and her grandmother and told them how much she loved them. And eventually, the three women embraced each other as they bowed their heads and prayed.

Beca wondered how many sides Chloe had that she was keeping hidden.

It had been such an emotional day, and they were both separately coming to terms with the fact that they didn't know much about each other.

It was obvious to Beca that Chloe's past was a sensitive spot, but she wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything about her. She couldn't help but feel somewhat deceived. The feeling made her realize how hypocritical she was. She had an entire relationship and active addiction that she kept hidden from Chloe. A relationship that Chloe still didn't know about.

Chloe, on the other hand, felt extremely vulnerable. Things she'd kept inside and completely hidden from her life at Barden were working their way to the surface around someone who was her favorite part of that aspect of her life. She knew that her feelings for Beca and her sense of comfort around her family was making it hard to separate things.

Chloe felt selfish for putting so much on Beca on her first day clean. The day had just been so much. She was worried she would push Beca away. She'd always made it pretty obvious that she had feelings for the other girl and they were never acknowledged. She took what she could get; a hug here, a cuddle there.

They were both brought from their thoughts at the sound of a car door shutting.

"It's hospice." Chloe spoke.

"How do you know?" Beca asked.

"I can practically feel it."

Beca frowned and took the redhead's hand in her's. "Come on. I'm getting tired and I know you need rest. Let's go to bed."

Chloe let go of her hand and stood before walking over to the window unit. She turned it on and flashed Beca a fake apologetic look. "Sorry. But, you're just gonna have to get used to it."

Beca rolled her eyes into another dimension.

They both crawled into bed and gravitated towards each other. Chloe was the big spoon.

"I love it when you hold me." The tone of Beca's voice was laced with an unfamiliar intimacy that caused Chloe's heart to race. She pulled the girl in closer and kissed her shoulder.

"You're gonna be the death of me. You know that, right?"

"We'll die together then."