I'm worrying about Tris. As she stormed out from the cafeteria, I noticed her angry yet sad face. I have no idea what's going on with her, and what their friends said to her, but I can tell, they hurt her in some way.

I really want to follow her, but I can't. People would be suspicious, and I can't let happen they find out about us. At least until the Initiation will be over. There are some people who gladly ruin my life with this secret of ours. And most important, ruin her life.

I catch Zeke stare at me, and I just now realize I forgot about my food in front of me at my plate. I try to turn back my attention back to my food, and pretend I didn't just stare at my Initiate for a long minute. So I start eat again and don't let my face shows any emotion whom swirl in me.

I have to keep myself up, I have some fear simulations to run today. I can't wait this thing will be finally over. Just so hate to see them in terror. Hate to see her in terror.

Today Tris had to face the fear of losing her family by her own hands, again. I can see it breaks her apart, maybe this is her greatest fear. Easy to tell, how much she loves her parents and brother. I feel jealous about this, her good childhood, loving family. I only got a supposed-to-be-dead mother, and a sadistic father. What a family…

If I was in that simulation, I'd never got a hard time to shot Marcus between his eyes. Maybe I'm a bad person because of this.

After her turn, I kiss her in that abandoned hallway, press her against the stone wall. At first the kiss seems light, a gesture of caring, makes her relaxed, takes off the pressure of her. Then our lips just connect with full of heat and want, and it's impossible to not touch her.

Her hands sneak into my back pocket of the trousers of mine, and bring me closer to her, while she squeezes my butt a little. She knows very well how much this turns me on.

I'd like to kiss her neck, but I can't remove my lips from hers, because it's the only way I can stop the moans whom escape her throat, just after I begins rub her through her pants. I feel satisfied when she clings to my hand as my fingers do their job.

The growing sensation becomes more and more overwhelming, so I have to stop, and pull away from her, unless I want to rip off her clothes, and let my desires to takes over control above me. Not would be too appropriate to have sex in the corridor.

So I give her a final kiss, before I leave her, and go back to do my job.

This wasn't the only time I see her today. When I announced the rankings of stage two, I catch her shocked face, when she saw her name at the first place. Then I met her at the training room, but I couldn't show any emotions toward her. She was with her friends, I was with my friends, and they didn't know about our relationship. They wouldn't know about it.

Now I'm sitting on my swivel chair in the control room, monitoring the city through security cameras. But honestly, I have no idea what's going on the streets. I zoom out easily, lost in my thoughts.

I have to figure my relationship with Tris out. I now I like her since the first day I met her, but this relationship was just about sex in the beginning. To have sex with a girl I like. But now I think it's more than that. She's not just some girl I'm sleeping with, she's like my girlfriend.

She doesn't know about that. I should have told her how I feel – that just intimate with her isn't enough for me. I want to call her my girlfriend.

The only problem, it's impossible right now. She's my initiate, so I must not have any connection with her. We would be in a big trouble if somebody find this out. Maybe they'd even trow her out from Dauntless.

I can see herself in front of me; her fragile yet strong frame, the muscles she grew to her arms and thighs – I've felt them so many times when her legs were wrap around my hips. Her blond hair maybe dull, but it's shining outside, where the darkness of this compound can't take away the color from it. But her eyes have the most powerful effect on me. Other people probably they seem plain, but that greyish blue color is special, in a way I can't describe properly. And that fire I can see in them… A fire which is a proof of her courage and strength.

She is so different from that person everybody think she is – a weak, boring Stiff. She is not that kind of girl. I can't believe how strong-minded and sustained a girl from Abnegation can be.

I can tell she has feelings for me as well. I don't know if they as strong as what I feel, but they definitely there. She'd be my girlfriend? I hope so, though I wanna be called her that.

But before that, I have to tell her the truth. The truth about me.

I'm afraid. What will she think about after find out my faction of origin, and what my father did to me. I can't bear if she would look at me like I'm a victimized boy. I'm not that boy anymore. I grew up, and changed a lot. I had to be strong to leave my past behind me.

I try to remember her from Abnegation, but I hardly have any memory of her. I think she was just another kid dressed in gray, and I hadn't given her a second look. I spent my whole childhood to avoid attention. That included to avoid staring at people. I walked my head down, and stayed quiet. Marcus would probably killed me, if I talked with someone.

I was a coward. I want to be a better man.

Something bangs on the ground, and I'm shaking up from my deep thoughts to look up with wary eyes.

"Sorry, bro, I didn't want to scare the shit out of you." It's just Zeke. Of course he is. But I'm glad somehow he is here, even though I can't tell him anything about what's going on in my head. For Tris' sake.

"What's the matter with you? You seems... I don't know, strange I guess."

"You don't have to worry, especially about me. It's just the simulations. They takes a lot from me, man."

He claps my shoulder, smiling with understanding. He mostly a funny guy, but he can be serious if he really wants.

I wonder if I can share something with him, at least a few words about a girl I like. But I know it would be a hurried move. Zeke isn't the friend you have a serious chat about girls. He probably would make aome funny comments how the almighty Four finally shows some interest to the opposite sex. And yeah, he gladly would have a few words about sex as well.

If he even knows how many times I've had that certain girl in my bed naked, he'd choke his tongue down. He definitely doesn't know I'm not a virgin anymore.

"You sure you're okay, man? You seems more... sullen than before."

I raise my eyebrow challenging him. I'm not sullen, just sad, because I have a relationship and great sex times, and I just can't tell a word about it, since I'm screwing with my Initiate.

So I just shrug, and make some excuse that I'm tired and I'll have simulations to watch tomorrow, and leave him there, before he'd ask more questions.

As I walk back to my apartment, I think about how much I want this agonizing initiation will be over. It's so hard to monitor their fears, and it's so fucking impossible to stay away from Tris, and don't show I care about her.

I really want to take this relationship into a different level, and not just exploring her body in many ways, but get to know her soul, too. What we're doing it's not very Abnegation, and I'm not that guy, who just playing with girls.

I have to know her true self. I want to love her.

A scream shakes me up from my thoughts. A loud, blood-curdling scream, which dies soon, but echoing in my head for a long time, ad I start running where it might came from.

My head filled with so many horrible pictures about what's happening, but when I come face to face incident, I feel how my blood is boiling in my veins. Now I'm running faster than I've ever had to, raising my knuckles, and trow the first punch as soon as I close enough to one of these bastards. But I know I'm too late. They dropped their victim to the chasm.

He cries out in pain, and I see as the blood running from his nose, matching with his red hair. Drew... I lose my temper, when I notice a big framed boy's running from the scene. That one can be only one person I recognize, but I've never imagined he could do any hurt for someone. Al seemed too soft for this.

I see someone else leave the locale with fast steps. I have a tip that was Peter, though Drew hasn't done anything without his boss. All I see red, and can't stop hitting his ugly face.

But I stop suddenly. I hear a faint whisper coming from the railing. The voice is so weak I almost missed it, although it shakes me up from my anger-induced trans. I look over where the voice came, and I see her blond hair peaking above the railing. I'm in sock for a few seconds, before I give one last punch for Drew, and drop him down to the ground, and rush over her.

Tris is hanging by her armpits on the railing, almost falling down to her death. I grab her arms where they meet the shoulders, and pull her up, and hug her to my chest.

"Four", she sighs with relief in her voice. She's shivering, as I stroke her cheek, her hair. Then her body becomes motionless and heavy as unconsciousness overtakes her.

I panic for a moment, and look over her searching for any sign of damage, but I only find some bruises and cuts. Besides them she seems unharmed. But to be sure I press my fingertips to her neck to check her pulse. It's there, faster than I would waited, but starting slow down. But not mine, my heartbeat is so rapid, there's an ache in my chest.

I was so close to lose her, before I've a chance to tell her everything; my past, my name, my feelings for her. Now I have to do it as soon as she gets better.

She is limp in my arms as I walk back to my apartment. When I close the soor behind us, I gently lay her down to the top of my blanket. She looks so small and weak and somehow broken, though I know she is not any of them.

I wash the dried blood of my hand and it stings as the soap reaches the small cuts and scratches on my skin.

When I step back to the room, I meet with her hazy eyes. I can tell she's barely awake, yet her state contains so many emotions.

"You hurt," she acknowledges my not anymore bloody hands.

"Look who talks," I chuckle, even it wasn't funny. I smooth her cheek, and she leans to my palm. "For a second I thought I lost you."

"Am I really survived?" Her voice is raspy.

"You did. Barely, but you did."

I watch as the tears start forming behind her eyelashes. Probably everything just happened now seems real for her.

"I don't understand," she cries out, the tears seem as a fresh river on her cheeks. "Why he did this? I thought he was my friend. He couldn't her people, but he still hurt me. I can't… can't believe it."

"He doesn't understand you," I try to explain what I think happened. "Because you seem so small and weak, yet you are far more stronger than he'll ever be."

She shakes her head, and more tears escape from the corner of her eyes. "No, I'm weak, I can't even protect myself. I feel… like I don't belong here."

It breaks my heart to see her like this. She's unsure of herself and thinks something which isn't true. I place my hands either side of her face, and look into her teary eyes. Her greyish irises look broken and full of pain.

"Hey, look at me. All of this is not your fault. You're not weak, understand me?" I use my instructor voice to convince her about my truth. "That was three against one, you had no chance to win, or even escape from them. I'm just relieved they didn't anything serious with you."

She suddenly becomes tense, and starts biting her lips, her fingers grab my blue quilt, as they're about shaking.

"What's going on, Tris?" I ask her, but she just keeps staring in front of her, though I see as her legs bouncing up and down on the mattress. "You can tell me everything, you know?"

"They did." Her voice is so low, it's kind of a whisper, but I still understand, but it just confuses me even more. "They did, Four."

"What are you talking about?" I ask her with fear in my voice. "What have they done to you?"

"They… they… touched me."

I feel like the time stop around us, and my anger raise with so much intense, it takes away my senses. I literally see red, as I imagine their hands on her. I want to kill them. Right know.

"Touched you..." I repeat her words, she nods in silence. "I'm gonna kill them."

"No, Four, you won't." She pleads with terrified eyes. Is she afraid of me or the consequences if I'd do anything with that bastards? Either way I immediately stop my murderous thoughts. I have to stay calm for her.

"But they didn't… you know… forced themselves on you, did they?" I ask, worry visible in my tone.

"No, they didn't… rape me. Just… touch me… on some private places..."

Okay, I still want to rip of their head. Or other body parts of them. I am the only one who can and should touch her like that. The only one who can take of her clothes and be her mine. It's disgusting that somebody tried to do anything sexual against her will.

I sit down next to her on the bed, and cautiously and slowly wrap my arms around her, and pull her to my chest. A sigh escapes her mouth, and I feel how she starts to relax in my hug.

"Everything is going to be okay, Tris. This insanity is almost over, just you have to hold on a little bit more, okay?"

"I don't know I'll be able to do that. After everything… I thought I could trust Al, and he betrayed me. How can I trust anybody?"

I pull her tighter into me, and put a light kiss to her forehead. "I know it's hard, but you can surely trust your friends. Will and Christina can protect you, if you show some vulnerability. Even Uriah and his group will be on your side, since he's fascinating by you. And you know you can trust me."

A small smile shows up across her face, before she turns her face to the side, and press it to the croak of my neck.

"You'll be through this, I can promise you that."

"Thank you," she sighs with a light relief in her voice.

We stay in this way for a few more, peaceful minutes. I stroke her hair, while her grip is strong around me. Neither of us say anything, until she mentions a shower.

I can understand her, her body sticks with sweat and blood. And after their disgusting hands poisoned her skin, I can't even imagine how dirty she might feels herself.

I help her to undress, while her fingers shakes so violently, she can't do it by herself. Even the standing gives her a hard time, so I hold her by the hips to not lose her balance, as I turn the shower on.

It hard to not lose my mind during the shower, as her smooth skin press against my bare chest, as I use my free hand to help washing her. I have to remember myself to this situation; she got hurt, and she needs me, so I can't just let my desire overcome my clear logic. But it doesn't mean my wet boxer doesn't feel tight on me.

She feels weak and shaking in my arms as she leans back her head to it rests on my shoulder. Everything happened tonight it was too much for her right now.

I sit her down to a chair, and I quickly dry myself, before I use a fluffy towel to dry her, too. I think she is deep in her toughs, as she just stars ahead and doesn't say a word. Her bareness a little awkward for me, because now she doesn't under my covers, or under me.

She uses my arm to stay on her feet, when I drive her to my bed, I help her lay down, after I give her one of my old t-shirts to wear. She suppresses a painful moan, when her back hits the mattress. I try not look at your hurt body before, but I know, she has some injuries and bruises.

I knee down next to the bed, and smooth her hair, as she bites her lips, and I can sense some fresh tears in her eyes, trying to hold them back.

"Hey, you can be weak now," I say to her in a soft voice. "It's just me here."

A single tear rolls down her cheek, but the others stay under her eyelids. She's mobilizing all of her strength to not crying, but can't stop to smother some snivels.

After a few minutes she looks up, and our eyes meet. It's not hard to see the brokenness in them.

"Can you… Can you touch me?" she asks, her voice's shaking and uncertain.

"Tris… I don't think it's the best thing to do..."

"Please."

Her eyes are pleading, she wants my touch, but I know, she only want it to forget what they did to her. And it's not right.

"I can't be me… I need to remember your hands, your touch."

"But you know, I'm a man, too, right?"

"Yeah, just you are not like them. You wouldn't have hurt me."

She's right. Even though one of my greatest fear is Marcus, and to become like him, it's no way I've ever lay a finger on her. So I nod. I can do that for her. I can touch her, so she can forget. And I'm kinda glad she asks me to do this, since it's so hard to not hold her, and touch her, and kiss her.

My mouth finds hers, her lips are a little dry, but I use my tongue to moisturize them, before I start to kiss her with full want.

It would be so easy to lost myself in this moment, in this kiss. I know I can't do that. She needs my carefulness, my care, my love. So I first touch her neck while I still kissing her lips, then I slowly make my way down. My hand sneaks under the shirt of mine what she's wearing, and smooth her soft skin on her hip and side, before I reach her ribcage. I feel as her muscles tense under my fingers.

"Is this not too much?" I ask her, my voice is so low due to the desire, which fills my veins.

"No, you're never too much for me."

I show a small smile before I put a light kiss to her mouth again. She moans a little as I carefully touch her nipple, my other hand is still on neck, I draw circles on her cheek with my thumb.

She shudders next to me as I cup her breast and squeeze it with a light force. I use my teeth to pinch her earlobe while my fingers pay same attention to her other nipple, too. I notice when she clenches her tights together. It's time to erase her defense.

My hand runs down her side, grabs her butt lightly, caresses her tight. When I reach the skin of her inner tight, her fingers twitch as they clutch the fabric of my shirt. I cautiously separate her legs, but I find her eyes and wait for an agreement, before I turn my hand and touch her lightly where she needs the most.

She shuts her eyes for a minute, then she's the one who initiate a kiss, and I'm gladly taste her lips again, enjoy the sensation as our tongues meet. She brings one of her legs over my body, her tight rests on my hip. We are so close together, and I can easily use my fingers to caress her.

I shudder as I hear her moans next to my ear, and feel her wetness on my hand, and I can tell she feels how hard I've became. I'm so full of longing to make love with her, but I know, it's not my time to be satisfied.

I tear our lips apart, and start kissing her neck one more time, while I roll up the fabric which covers her delicate body. A delicate body with dark patch of bruises. When I finally reveal the soft skin of hers, my lips do their job, and overlay her body with wet kisses. I press my lips gently to every blue or green or black bruises. I wish it would be that easy to make them disappear.

She breaths heavily as I such her nipple between my teeth, and play with it with the tip of my tongue.

The last bit of control falls out of her hands as soon as I arrive to the most sensitive part of her. Her whole body shiver and moans which leave her mouth become louder and louder as I kiss her folds.

I really enjoy this, seeing her in this state, when I can tell how much pleasure I cause for her. So I continue with more confidence as I see I don't hurt her in any ways. I use my tongue to indulge her, to show her how much I care about her, and I'm willing to do everything to make her safe and carefree. I can tell she's much more relaxed as she was half an hour ago. Her moans are the proof she enjoys every minutes of my act. And her scent is like some cologne to my nose – it seduces me easily.

Then I feel her shaking fingers on the zipper of my pants, as she tries to pull it down, and free my hardness from its cage. But when her attempt remains unsuccessful, she gives up, and instead she starts touching me trough the denim.

"Tris, you don't have to do anything," I say as I remove her hand gently. "Just relax."

"But… I want to do this. I want to feel you."

I shake my head. "I want you to concentrate yourself for this time. My needs are out of priority right now."

"Okay..." she sighs. "Then can I just hold you? Please."

I can see the wanting in her eyes. She really wants to touch me. Is it some kind of connection between us for her? Maybe. I can't tell her no, nor I want say no.

I bring my tongue between her moistened folds, draw a circle on her clit, before I help her unbutton my pants and pull down the zipper, and drive her hand into my boxer. I sigh as her uncertain fingers wrap around my pulsing member. She doesn't do anything beside hold it, but the feeling is almost enough to bring me to an unexpected orgasm.

The position seems uncomfortable, so I come back to kiss her lips, and use my fingers to bring her closer to a sweet end. I hug her close to my chest, while we're kissing and touching each other. I slip a finger into her, and I immediately feel how close she is. I move my finger in her in a slow motion, while I use my thumb to put pressure to her clit.

She's unable to kiss me anymore. Her breath are quick, she heaves, and her eyes close. I run my fingers in circles on the back of her head, her hair like silk under my fingertips.

Doesn't take too much time when she finally reaches her orgasm, and a quiet scream escapes from her throat. She's shaking a little bit, her chest moves up and down quickly as she tries catches her breath.

I kiss her lightly, and she hugs my neck to keep our lips together for a minute.

"Thank you," she says with a heavy voice. She seems tired, it's a miracle she's still awake.

For an answer, I stoke her cheek, and place a kiss to her forehead. Likely, she doesn't even know how much this meant to me. Her trust.

Her hand stirs in my underwear, and I know she tries to satisfy my needs, as well. But she's too weak right now to do that. At least on her own.

So I place my own hand above hers, and link our fingers together, before start to move them up then down on my shaft. It doesn't feel wrong, or like I do this to please myself. I just feel her hand on me, her skin on mine.

A few moments later I increase the speed, as the end feels closer, and I press our lips together one more time, a second before every nerves explode in my body, and my seeds covers our hands and my boxers. I dry the hand of ours with the fabric of my underwear, and I don't mind I have to wash it later.

I look down to Tris, who seems about falling asleep in my arms. I roll down the shirt on her body, and pull the blue quilt over her. She looks so peaceful, like nothing bad happened with her.

As I study her, I understand something. Maybe she's strong most of the time, but she lets me see her in the most vulnerable state of her, and she needed my touch even when she's the weakest. She clearly trusts me.

Now I have to trust her, and show her who I really am.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Thank you for your support to this story, I hope you like this chapter, as well, and can forgive every mistakes I've may done here. I'm gonna write one more chapter, I swear.