Chapter 9: My Heart in Your Hands

Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, concern, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of status or something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection. (1)

Relationships no matter how mature, how old, how in love the couple are, jealousy was something that would always get in between such matters. There was also the fact of different types of jealousy; the love of a mother from one child to another, the love of a lover who felt vulnerable, the love of friends who felt ignored, of the emotion itself. Humans, demons, any being that had feelings always has jealousy, greed, insecurity, fear, anxiety hidden deep within their hearts, down in their very souls.

It was normal, natural, cycle of life. Somewhat expected, truth be told, that couples would argue, fight, have words that would create a chasm of between them whose fault could be laid at the feet of insecurity and jealousy.

A two thousand-year-old kitsune who had been 'reborn' in the body of nineteen-year-old was more susceptible to emotions that he had believed to be controlled and under tight rein, when such things were not always so.

But sometimes it could also be the excuse one needed to break away from what they truly only wanted to protect.

"What?" By the worlds, it could not be possible. There was no way that things could have taken such a drastic turn.

"I do not want to be with you any longer," Kagome turned her head, unwilling to look into the green eyes she so adored, that she still so very much loved.

Somewhat clawed hands grasped her forearms in a tight grip, shaking at the desire of wanting to shake her. Or so she imagined.

This was the first she had felt that Kurama was in perfect synchronization with his alter ego.

"Repeat that again Kagome," his voice was cold, unrelenting, but beneath it all there was a type of pleading, a hope that maybe just maybe he had not heard right.

"I'm saying we should break up Minamino-san," she flinched slightly, both at the feeling of his clawed hands tightening around her arms, and at the name she had used. Not since their first meeting had she ever called him so.

"No," he growled, anger now at the forefront, disbelief that this was something she would decide on her own. "No I will not accept this miko. What has brought this on? Is it because of him? Was not one of the things you said we should always do is communicate? That for our relationship to function is to talk about what our problems are?"

She maintained her eyes averted, her rioting emotions causing her to almost hyperventilate from the pressure of hurting this male, this youkai who had brought her so much happiness.

"Answer me!" She gave a small yelp when he shook her abruptly, teeth clanking harshly.

Suddenly being let go, she was unprepared and fell to the floor, knees hitting the hardwood floor harshly, hands in front of her to prevent from becoming one with it.

"Have I not shown you how much I love you?" that sentence brought pain than what she had suffered at the hands of her enemy, more than the agony of having her soul yanked out, oh how it hurt, it ached!, more than she had thought possible. How could she, she who knew the pain of being rejected of being pushed aside, put someone through it, cause heartbreak, cause the crumbling of confidence that came with the doubts, the questions.

Was it something I said? Was it something I did? HowcanIchangeyourmindwhatisitpleasenopleasenowhatisit?

Tell me!

Swallowing the sob that almost escaped her, she threw on herself the mantle of Miko, of her incarnate, of a woman who felt so much but showed almost nothing.

"It was not enough," rising, standing tall, she gathered her courage and stared into eyes that glittered emerald and gold.

Both were conscious, speaking their desire, together, it was ironic that in this moment, in a moment of pain and heartbreak they could put their differences to the side and truly become one.

If this was under other circumstances she would have been proud, made some nonsensical remark that would have Youko chasing her unmerciful through the gardens before Kurama would reprimand him for tiring her out so much before gathering her and letting her rest against him.

If only…

"What?" Disbelief was plain in his voice. Pain was there too, but she ignored it at the moment., needed to.

"We," she broke off for moment. Thoughts flittered around, trying to make her point, trying to get away from this nightmare she created-was creating.

Myhappinessmylovepleasepleaseforgiveme.

"I was foolish to believe that a miko and a youkai could be together," she let out. "We are too different to be together, and I do not think that being with you is something that I can continue doing. My family is suffering, enduring the consequences of my choices, and I can no longer keep on watching."

Red tresses shook in denial.

"He only opened my mind to the truth, to the reality of life. Nothing more nothing less. Your jealousy is also something that has been getting in between us. My son, my friends, my family, they are far above anything else. I will allow no one to come in between that."

"My jealousy?" His voice was soft, deadly, devoid of anything. "You think me foolish for being jealous? You are constantly surrounded by those that would take you from me at the snap of your fingers, who follow after you like salivating mutts and you think me idiotic for it."

Anger rose in her, something that never could be controlled, that always escaped her when she was talked, treated like nothing more than property.

"I am not some possession that you need to hoard, that you need to guard zealously! I am Kagome, Shikon no Miko, a woman that has fought just as furiously as any youkai, do not think otherwise King of Thieves."

Each stared at the other, not backing down from the challenge, neither one willing to concede.

They were at an impasse.

Kagome for all that she had caused this, could not help but want to go back, back to when the only true problem they had was where they would spend their days, where they would go for a simple date, back, back to when they would share sweet kisses beneath the Goshinboku, careful of not being caught by her grandfather.

"I do not wish to be around a youkai who would rather I be placed under lock and key than to fight my own battles. I am who I am, I will not change. Not for you, nor for anyone else. It's over."

Turning her back she proudly walked out of the small apartment, never looking back, and when she heard the sound of breaking glass, of growls filled with pain, she only blinked and softly closed the door on the sound of heartbreak.

Blue eyes blinked, looking up into the cracked ceiling of the hotel she was staying in. tears slowly trickled out her eyes, she lay still, allowing them to fall heedlessly onto the pillow below her head.

A hundred years would pass and she would never forgive herself for causing so much pain for the man that unknowingly still held onto her heart. That somehow she knew always would.

Even if he believed that the one that held it was someone that he once have called brother.

Hiei.

What tangled webs we weave.

Her tormentor, her enemy was dead, but his darkness was all reaching.

I curse you Miko Kagome, I curse you to never attain happiness. Curse you to always be alone, and that darkness descend upon that pure heart.

Naraku, you may be dead, but it seems, that you will always follow me around, your hate and anger grasping at weak hearts.

One day..

I will be free.

A/N: (1) This was a direct quote from wiki. I preferred their wording than Google's simple definition.

I hope this chapter answered some questions (and probably brought a lot more! ~) and that it was understandable. Please tell me what you all think and forgive me for the long wait!

Thank you for those that are still reading this, you make me try my best to write, my best to create a story worthy of your input ;))