Part 3.

Sam finds himself in a place he hasn't been in many, many years. He's standing in front of his brother's hospital room door and he can't go in. He doesn't know what to say, doesn't know how to act. Doesn't know if he wants to cuss Dean out or cry until he's exhausted on his shoulder.

He doesn't know how to look at his hero and know how low he must bend just to live with himself.

His hands are fisted by his sides, his eyes burning with tears determined not to fall. This was Dean's fault, damnit! This was his problem and it was hurting Sam and hell, Sam really, really wants to blame Dean, but he can't.

And he can't go in, and he doesn't know what to say and he feels like the worst brother ever. So he opens the door and stand in its way.

The room is dark. Dean lays on the bed in a hospital gown, tucked under the sheets primly. Sam knows he hasn't been awake yet because he would have mess up the sheets if he had been. The only light on is shining down on his brother lighting his pale face illuminating the light, yellow bruises on the left side of his face. He looks sick and weak, but he looks like he's at peace. Like he's actually sleeping. For once.

It was the hardest thing to do these days, getting Dean Winchester to lay down and let himself rest. So Sam's thankful at least for that. Biting his lip, he steps forward into the room and stops by Dean's bed. Shaking his head, trying to avoid the desperate tears waiting to spill over, he takes his brother's big, calloused hand.

But lying there Dean might as well have been a child. Small and scared. Sam only sees his brother, the man he's killed to save, the man who has died to save him, sees him lying there still and white as death...and he did it to himself. Sam let him do it to himself.

He can't quite wrap his mind around how it happened, how he got used to leaving his brother to his own devices. But he knows somewhere along the road Sam started to leave him alone. And that wasn't what Dean needed, that wasn't what he deserved. He thrived on people, he thrived on people needing him, he thrived on saving people from the very pain he himself had experienced.

When he couldn't, when his world was spinning out of control and people got hurt Dean let himself feel the pain, let himself feel it because if he couldn't stop it then he deserved for it to be his. Sam chokes back a sob and Dean's eyes flutter, green flashing.

Sam lifts a hand and lays against Dean's bruised cheek, his thumb grazing over the slightly swollen cheek bone. Dean's confused gaze lands on him and his body goes relaxed, he sleepily turns his face into Sam's hand. He looks up, mildly surprised at Sam's gasping in take of breath.

"You don't have to suffer," Sam says gently, trying to keep the desperation and heart break and anger out of his voice.

Dean just looks at him.

"You deserve saving just like everyone else, Dean." His brother seems to be getting the gist of the conversation, he tenses and pulls away.

"Don't, don't do that," Sam pleads, "Don't pull away from me to be alone and miserable just because I deserve better, or...or because Jesse grew up alone...it isn't your fault Dean, it isn't your wrong to pay for."

Dean swallows and looks away, tears sparkling in his own eyes.

"Will you ever get it?" Sam asks, a scoffing laugh escaping his lips amidst his tears.

Dean's gaze sharpens, a dare to mock him any more.

Sam leans down and wraps his other hand around his big brother's forearm. "Will you ever get that what you do is over and beyond enough...will you ever see that you are a man amongst men? Will you ever see yourself as more than just someone who failed to do something, will you never see your victories?"

Sam holds his breath in order to keep back a sob, as Dean looks away from him, tears snaking from his eyes and leaking onto Sam's hand.

Sam wipes one away with his thumb. "Will you ever realize your tears should be dried too?"

He squeezes Dean's arm tightly, "Will you ever accept that you deserve something better? Will you ever have pain and instead of leaving it alone and hiding it and relishing in it, will you lay it out ugly and raw and let someone fix it? Dean..."

He pulls his brother's face to look at him, "Let me fix it, let me try..."

His brother shuts his eyes, more tears loosening as he shakes his head.

"Yes..." Sam whispers, "Yes." He gives a firm shake to Dean's arm. "I'm here for you Dean, that's all I'm here for, you're supposed to need me, you're supposed to fall apart and let me put you back together.

"You're supposed to feel guilty about the darkness, and Lucifer and the mark of Cain, but you're supposed to blame it on someone other than yourself, your supposed to be angry and point fingers at stupid little brothers."

Sam's eyes dim with tears as he watches the pain and emotions wash over his brother's face, the tears follow wetly.

"You're supposed to miss Cas," he whispers, face so close to Dean's, these words just between them. "You're supposed to feel like a terrible friend, and you should try and save him. But. You. Do. Not. Hurt. For. Him."

Dean lets out a shuddering breath, and tries to look away, but Sam jerks his face back towards him.

"Do you hear me?" He asks determined, eyes red and wet but serious. "You don't hurt for him, you don't hurt for the world...you don't hurt for me..."

And oh god, how many times had Dean done that for Sam? Let himself ache and experience agony because Sam was discontent, or because Sam was pissed about Benny, or about an angel possessing him, or being secretive about the Book of the Damned? He knew what Dean did for him in plain sight. What did his brother do in the dark, how did he suffer for Sam behind closed doors and in the depths of his heart?

He feels the weight fall upon him just thinking about it, feels the breath caught in his throat, feels the tears falling so fast down his cheeks, they knock each other down onto his shirt.

"Please," he begs, forehead pressed to his brother's. "Please not for me, never for me Dee."

Sam's hand leaves Dean's face and snakes around his stomach, "Don't suffer for me brother, please not for me."

When he feels a gentle hand on his head and familiar fingers in his hair he feels himself relax. He lets his head drop from Dean's forehead to his chest, breathes in the familiar scent, finds rest in this tried and true place of comfort. Even though Dean hasn't said anything, even though they haven't resolved anything. He knows his brother's heart is breaking with his, knows the life is bearing hard on him, knows it just became too heavy.

It was too good to be true, they had held together so well for so long. Sam should have seen it coming. Now the world, their predicament, their failures...it all comes crashing down on them. From here they're defenseless, from here they can only roll with the punches.

They're both exhausted and done pretending to optimistic, they're losing. And as Sam lies there on Dean's chest he thinks nothing could be more important than being there for Dean. That he will never just 'leave that alone' again. But who knows? When the world needs saving, when only one man can do the job can Sam leave it alone? When things are too big, and too important to be held up for the sake of one man can he leave it alone?

Whether it's for himself to save the world, or for Dean to save the world, can Sam leave Dean alone?

the end.

This is the last chapter so...PLEASE REVIEW! ;)

thank you

Wednesday's coming! YAYYYYY...can't wait to see Chuck! :)

P.S. I know Dean didn't say anything back to Sam in this chapter but what would Dean really do? What was he supposed to say? Would he promise not to do it anymore? No, I don't think so. Oh well.