Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. All rights go to Michael Patrick King and Whitney Cummings!

2 broke girls and the up and down

-When Deke returns to reclaim his love for Max, Max starts to feel things again. Meanwhile Han and Oleg try to get rid of a skunk in Han's office.

"Well it finally happened!" Caroline announced dramatically coming into the diner. "I've hit my bottom."

"You said that about a week ago when that customer tipped you in pennies," Earl said shaking his head.

The blonde ignored him and went straight for the counter which Max was pretending to wipe off.

"Relax, everyone feels that way when they come in here. It's like when Pamela Anderson found out she had herpes," Max quipped.

"I had to take the bus here and sit next to a hipster who smelt like cigarettes and antidepressants. I might as well be Pamela Anderson!"

"Well you already have the blonde hair," she smiled.

"Really funny."

Caroline went into the kitchen to wash her hands that she claimed reeked of road kill and so much sadness.

"See if the doctor can prescribe you Gonadotropins. I heard it helps you make a baby. If that doesn't work just do it all day, every day with no breaks."

The girls rolled their eyes as Oleg walked by talking on the phone in his thick Ukrainian accent. Deciding it was best not to ask Caroline continued to complain.

"We really need a better transportation system. We should get a car!"

Max laughed as if it was a joke but according to her friends face she was dead serious.

"Why pay for a car we don't need with the money we don't have? That's why god invented legs not cars. Lazy bastards."

"Oh what do we have here?" Han asked coming into the back. "Employees doing nothing while the customers serve themselves? What is this the Golden Corral?"

"Han we don't have time to pretend we're going to listen to your complaining. We're going to invest in a car!" Caroline smiled.

"No we are not."

"Oh, relax. I have bigger problems besides hiring broken waitresses. I have a skunk situation in my office, again, and I need someone to help me get rid of it!" Han exclaimed.

"Did you say skunk situation? Oleg asked finally getting off the phone.

"Yes," Han nodded.

"Alright we need red bull, tape, and a lot of lube."

…..

When the girls returned home Caroline started looking for used cars online. Even though Max was against it she still thought it was a good investment. That and anything to keep from taking the bus again.

"Look, I went on and I already found a bunch of great cars. Like this 2001 Chevy Monte Carlo for under 2,000 dollars."

Caroline got up to show Max but instead was interrupted by a loud knock at the door.

"Who could that be this late at night?"

"Maybe it's the grim reaper coming to save me from this annoying conversation," Max yawned.

She went over to answer the door and was pretty shocked by who was on the other side.

"Deke?"

"Max."

"Caroline!"

The two looked back at the blonde simultaneously. She nervously chuckled as he face grew red.

"I'll be over here," she trailed off awkwardly.

"What are you doing here?" Max whispered.

"Can we talk in the hall?"

She sighed but complied with it anyway. They stepped out and Deke quietly shut the door behind him.

"Are you insane?"

"No, but I'm Jewish," he grinned stupidly.

"Look, Deke. When Caroline and I pushed you back to the Upper East Side I planned to never see you again. I was trying to do something nice and give you a better life!" she exclaimed. "See, this is why I never do anything nice. It always comes back to bite me in the ass."

"I came back because I couldn't stop thinking about you."

"I can't take you seriously with that hair."

He sighed looking around the hall. His eyes finally fell on a black bag. He picked it up and put it on his head to cover his hair.

"Better?"

"Yeah, sure!" Max said, he words dripping with sarcasm.

"So I packed my bags and came all the way back to see you. I had to walk which was a bummer but I did loose five pounds," he laughed.

"This is crazy," she declared. "This is not a Katherine Heigl movie. You can't just show up here in the middle of the night…"

Max started to talk but was cut off by his lips on hers. She was caught off guard then quickly kissed back.

"Wait, I'm supposed to be mad at you," Max said pulling away.

"Why?"

"I don't remember."

And with that they continued to make out in the hall, bag still on head.

…

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the Queen of booty calls," Caroline smiled the next day as Max walked into the diner.

The brunette was also all smiles as she strolled up to her with a brand new bracelet dangling from her wrist.

"So are you and you know who back together?"

"You know I don't mix business with pleasure. If you want details you have to ask the new jewelry," she paused putting her bags on the counter. "He bought me because, bitch, we're back together!"

"I'm so happy for you," Caroline said looking through her bags. "Can I keep this?"

"You can take whatever you want."

Caroline took the bags in the back while following Max. She figured she had time to kill since they weren't doing anything important.

"This is like twenty thousand dollars' worth of diamonds. Deke must really love you."

"He only told me fifty times," Max blushed, completely out of character.

"That is not what I thought the lube was for!" Han yelled.

"What did you think the lube was for?" Oleg asked. "Skunks happen to like…"

"Oleg, don't say it out loud!"

"The skunk is still in the office?" Caroline asked rolling her eyes.

"They are much more intelligent than I thought," Han defended.

"There you are!" Deke smiled coming into the kitchen. "You must really love being in the back."

"It depends on the mood," Max grinned.

"The kitchen is for employees only!" Han cried.

"You still haven't grown yet?" Deke asked surprised as Max and Caroline tried not to chuckle.

"I don't need it!" the boss shook his head. "Come on Oleg. At least you have respect for me."

"Right behind you, Gogo Dodo."

"I don't need it!"

"Are you coming over again tonight? If you are, though, I got to clean out my tampon box, again. I ended last week with a serious flow," Deke asked playfully standing next to his girlfriend.

"Aww, there's the gross humor we've been missing," Caroline cooed.

"Or you could come over my place. But if you do I'm warning you that Caroline's a sleep talker."

"I am not!" she said offended then paused. "I am?"

"Someone please get me some tomato juice!" Han yelled coming into the kitchen, again, followed by a pungent odor. "Oleg did the lube thing again and the skunk did not like it!"

…...

"Hey everybody!" Sophie yelled.

She dramatically came into the diner the next day in a floor length gown.

"I'll be in my booth."

"Hey, Sophie. What can I get you?" Max asked bringing her a menu.

"Max, what's wrong with your face?" the polish woman asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You're smiling," she said pointing to her face. "Did you finally kill Caroline?"

"Come on, Sophie. You know it's not the twenty seventh yet," Max laughed. Deke and I are back together."

"The rich one?" she winked suggestively. "Alright, get it, girl!"

Sophie looked around but didn't spot Oleg in the serving window. Usually he was flashing his penis or comparing the food to body parts by now.

"Where's Oleg?"

"Oh, Oleg and Han are trying to get rid of a skunk out of the office. It already sprayed Han so you know he's out," Max replied.

"Oh my, if it isn't the dashing and elegant Caroline Channing walking in with a new fabulous designer purse and heels. I would definitely vote her for best dressed!"

Being just as dramatic as Sophie, Caroline walked in like she was on a runway. While narrating herself she stopped a couple times to pose.

"Really? Because I'd vote you for the first to get eaten on a desert island," Max said rolling her eyes. "And I don't mean the good way."

The blonde was way too happy to let Max's negativity get her down so she brushed it off and went over to her roommate to show her the newly purchased accessories.

"You did not force Deke to buy you these."

"No, Max. I simply pawned some of the jewelry he bought you so I could buy these!" Caroline beamed.

Han and Oleg come out of the office looking tired, dejected, and losing all their dignity.

"Couldn't get rid of the skunk, huh?" Earl asked peeking his head over at the two. "That's the problem with black and white things. They're stubborn and never go away."

"Still?" Caroline laughed going over to them.

"It's too smart!" Han said flinging his hands up. He must be from Korea."

"I graduated top of my class at Wharton. I can handle a little skunk."

She went to the kitchen to grab some grass growing in the corner and a big box with a lid.

"I'll show you how it's done."

They all gathered in Han's office to watch Caroline try to catch the skunk. First she put the grass out on the floor to lure it out. As soon as the skunk came out to eat it she slowly came up behind him and put the box on top of it.

Lastly flipping it over and placing the lid on the box and the skunk was caught.

"See, not so hard at all," Caroline said. "In fact he's kind of cute."

She opened the lid a little to see the skunk but he was already in position to spray and before she could close it the skunk sprayed her right in the mouth.

"Correction, now you've hit your bottom," Max laughed.

Total: $ 1,000