Based on this prompt: "look I'm glad you have a healthy sex life and all but will you please try not to pierce a hole through my ceiling with your bed thanks"

Sanji's had it. He's got to wake up early godammit. Fucking neighbours have been humping like rabbits all night, every single night since they've moved 2 weeks ago. First time he laughed "oh, looks like the new neighbours are on honeymoon". Fourth day was impressive - FUCKING 2 WEEKS… He doesn't care any more, it's fucking 1 AM and they are about to pierce his ceiling with their bed. That's it.

He didn't even bother changing his pyjamas; he dragged his body dressed in blue spiral print, with eye bags deep enough to make him look like he's been on a fight with the Sandman - not the Neil Gaiman Sandman, but the most badass one, the Rise of the Guardians Sandman. He climbed the stairs mumbling obscenities and knocked their door with contained anger.

"Yes?" A deep voice answered.

"Look here, I'm your neighbour from 302. I got that you and your girlfriend are having a nice time, but I gotta sleep, you fuckers. Fucking literal fuckers, I must add. Just do it in the mornings or whatever, but let me fucking sleep. I'm fucking tired. Two weeks godammit. So please, please tone down, would you?"

Breathes.

Ok, now he's feeling better.

"Agh, ok, just…" The annoyed guy took a deep breath, scratched the back of his head and screamed on the top of his lungs "LUFFY!"

Now that Sanji had some time to look at him, damn he looked angry. His hair is weird. His jaw though... Did god descend from heaven and hand craft it? Wait, what? He's compromised, Sanji, stop. Fuck he's strong. Fucking fuck, looks like his muscles were shaped to perfection, probably a pact with Satan - forget god, there's nothing holy about him, it's pure sin, bad bad terribly naughty perfection straight from hell. Yes, it was Satan's doing.

"Luffy, I fucking told you to stop jumping on your bed, you idiot"

Oh. He's gay. That's a man. He was humping a man. He's gay.

"Oh, sorry, Zoro"

Sanji is definitely not gay. He's half straight. Yup. He's a proud half heterosexual. Nothing gay on this.

Ok.

50% gay. But nobody needs to know that. Also, that man had a partner already, obviously.

"Hey, sorry about that."

Sanji could outdo that skinny thing though. But he's not gay so he won't do it. He could test though.

"Hey?"

Yup, he'd definitely win. Luckily he's not gay. Nope. Not gay at all. Just a bit, but not much. Obviously. He is a ladies man! Not gay.

"Hey!"

"I'M HALF HETEROSEXUAL, GODAMMIT!"

Shit.

As his blood travelled at the speed of light to his cheeks he finally realised that his thoughts were so loud he ended up screaming in an attempt to outdo them. Well, it worked.

"What?" The ex-annoyed and now confused green haired man looked at him with a nervous smirk. Welp. Time to go to bed.

"Well… G-good night!" Sanji left without looking back, race-walking so fast he'd probably be a gold medallist were this the Olympiads. It wasn't though. Doesn't matter. He's going to sleep, and pretend this never happened; he was too sleepy for this shit anyway.

Back there, and still by the door, the skinny boy and the green haired guy looked at each other equally confused.

"Zoro, what is a heterosexual?"

"It's a mythical creature that likes to eat loud kids for breakfast. They are very rare and dangerous. Take care, Luffy, you better not jump on your bed any more" Zoro looked dead serious.

"Woah. So one of this guy's parents is a full heterosexual?"

"Yes. Poor kid. Must've had a terrible childhood"

"Zoro, do heterosexuals poop?"

"It's a mystery." The wide eyed kid looked so impressed, Zoro wouldn't dare to laugh. He waved goodnight to his young flatmate and laughed himself to sleep after what became a very amusing day.

Notes: Hello, so I'm trying to start writing, please know that English is not my first language, so if you find any errors please tell me. Also you can always tell me what you think or even what do you expect/want to happen, I may consider it or any other prompts. That said, I'm in the middle of writing my thesis for college, writing fics is going to be my coping mechanism, so I won't be really fast, I'll try not to take too long though.