Speculation

A/N: I'll do my best to do this not-OOC but it probably will have its moments (well a lot of OOC moments) in it since I'm not as familiar with Fairy Tail's male cast. This is Jellal's bachelor party aka Fairy Tail deciding he needed one and they needed a party and Jellal feeling generally overwhelmed and conflicted about everything. Also Jellal & Laxus are my BrOTP. Also Jura & Jellal would be a BrOTP if they were on the council together, but Jura's not in this.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.

The Bachelor Party

Jellal frankly didn't know why he bothered to show up. Perhaps it was his near-constant guilt complex telling him it was unforgivable to let down the friends he had only recently made, or maybe it was the fact that he knew Erza would be disappointed if he didn't go.

Erza and the women of Fairy Tail (minus Wendy, who Carla ensured was locked safely away from both potentially rowdy parties) were at a luxury hotel for the night for her bachelorette party. The men had thus settled for the guild. Unfortunately, since none of the ladies would be at the guild that night, they had to serve their own beer and bus their own tables. There were also no strippers at the party because everyone knew Erza and Mira would find out somehow and end up giving all the men a tongue-lashing. Not that Jellal would've enjoyed strippers in the first place.

As a result, the party was just a bunch of increasingly inebriated male Fairy Tail members being loud together. None of Crime Sorciere came. Richard and Sawyer couldn't get to Fairy Tail on such short notice, and Sorano had turned down Erza's offer for the same reason. Midnight hadn't replied to the invitation, not that Jellal expected he would. Erik, while in town, had holed himself up in his apartment, insisting that Fairy Tail parties were too loud. Jellal knew he would show up in the end wanting free beer. Then again, Jellal suspected that Kinana, who had not gone with Erza, was probably keeping Erik occupied.

It was only an hour into the party and several small brawls had already threatened to erupt, distracting the guild members. That allowed Jellal to stay seated up on the second floor drinking a beer with little interruption. Laxus had just brought him a second mug of beer and sat across the small table from him.

"Having fun?" Laxus asked him.

Jellal looked up at Laxus to acknowledge his presence, but said nothing.

"I thought so," Laxus sighed. "This guild can be a pain in the ass."

"We love it though," Jellal replied dryly.

Laxus nodded. "So how's Erza? I haven't seen her since before she announced the wedding."

"Fine," Jellal informed him. "She's very excited for the wedding."

"And you aren't?" Laxus asked him.

"I am."

"I'd just expect you to be more excited. Mira did tell me that Erza hasn't slept with you since the announcement so she could focus all her attention on making it her dream wedding," Laxus said.

Jellal maintained a poker face, but inside he was frustrated. Sometimes he wondered how much Erza and Mira shared, but he didn't think he wanted to know.

"They can be a bit of a handful," Jellal admitted. "Is Mira better now that she's closer to her due date?"

"No," Laxus grunted out. "I swear I thought she was crazy when she was early on, but now that she's really pregnant she's only getting more hormonal. Hell, one night I came home and she decided to try and convince me that we should have a foursome with you two."

Jellal almost spit out his beer.

"Seriously, you've never heard Erza propose that? Erik told me that Erza and Mira had talked about it in the girls' bath one night."

"Well, Erik has complained that I need to get Erza to stop thinking about the possibility," Jellal replied.

"I swear, they act so different but they're both just as perverted as the other," Laxus said. "I was surprised when Mira told me that they'd never slept together before considering everything…"

"Considering what?" Jellal asked, a bit surprised that anything perverted had happened between Mira and Erza. After all, he was her first, and he never thought Erza and Mira had that kind of friendship. He supposed he should have known something was up based on Erik's comments.

"Well, they were rivals for a long time, but after Lisanna died they became more like best friends," Laxus explained. "That didn't mean that the rivalry hasn't continued, as I'm sure you noticed. After the Grand Magic Games when we returned to Magnolia, the winning team chose a member of the losing team to boss around for the day. Mira chose Erza and proceeded to spend the day tying her up and spanking her in the street. Erza didn't seem to be too opposed. When midnight came around, she started spanking Mira back."

Jellal tried to hold in his nosebleed.

"I'm sure neither of us would be entirely opposed," Laxus paused to let out a deep, hearty laugh. "As long as they let us watch."

Jellal held his hand to his face, desperate to hide the perverted look on his face at Laxus's suggestion.

"They won't let that happen, though," Laxus lamented.

"Hey!" Natsu called up from the lower floor. "Isn't it time the bachelor joined his party?"

Laxus nodded, but didn't egg his friend on. He knew he wouldn't like to be in Jellal's place, and since Jellal was one of the few people Laxus saw as both a good friend and an equal, he had no desire to force Jellal into anything.

Jellal picked up his mug and slowly descended the stairs down to the crowd of his fiancé's good friends.

"So, as is Fairy Tail tradition," Macao announced, "We get to give you tips on a successful marriage." Jellal was tempted to walk away, but thought Erza wouldn't be happy if she'd heard he was rude. He sat down and prepared for the onslaught of unnecessary information.

"Since when has that been a thing?" Natsu asked.

"Since you were too young to come to these things," Wakaba reminded him.

"So we're talking about sex?" Natsu clarified. Wakaba clapped a hand over the dragon slayer's mouth, trying to get him to shut up.

"First thing's first: it's a waste of your talent if you don't double-team Erza using that thought projection magic of yours," Macao declared. A few of the other men nodded their heads. Jellal kept his face stone cold, trying to stave off a blush that threatened his cheeks.

"Yeah, you got to teach me that," Laxus joked, nudging him with an elbow. Jellal already had some ideas about what Laxus's lightning magic could do for a woman in very controlled doses. He didn't doubt Laxus could do that if he tried. Still, no matter what their partners shared, Jellal and Laxus weren't about to share anything with each other.

"But really, what do you even know about sex and making your wife happy, Macao? You couldn't even keep your wife," Natsu pointed out.

"More that you, firebreath," Gray said.

"At least I know what they're talking about," Natsu accused, bringing his forehead to Gray's.

"At least I've gotten laid," Gray growled.

"It's not like either of you have the biggest dick," someone in the crowd yelled out – Jellal assumed it was said to provoke the duo. That broke up their war of words, but the competitive nature remained.

"Who does, then?" Natsu asked. He doubted anyone really knew for sure.

Jellal looked desperately up at Laxus. "Are they about to have a literal dick measuring contest?" He whispered to the lightning dragon slayer in horror. With the way Jellal acted at times like this, Laxus wasn't shocked to hear his crimes were heavily influenced by brain washing.

"God, I hope not," Laxus groaned in Jellal's general direction. As a few of the men moved to drop their pants, Laxus knew he had to do something.

"That doesn't matter," Laxus said confidently. "What matters is how well your partner responds."

"Yeah, Cana said that Jellal and Erza suck in bed, but they seem pretty happy about it so their relationship is good," Natsu reminded everyone. Jellal groaned, once again annoyed at the reminder that Cana had told the story of her night in Erza's closet to every member of the guild.

"I was surprised to hear how vanilla she said you guys are," Gray said towards Jellal. "Maybe Erza only likes that kinky stuff when Mira's involved." Jellal also wondered if every member of the guild also knew about Erza and Mira's strange kinky obsession with each other. Laxus's story suggested the whole town knew.

"You know Cana's kinky, though," Jellal deflected. "So she may just have not been impressed."

"No, you guys are just lame," Laxus said as he slapped his friend on the back.

"You have to wonder who the kinkiest girl in Fairy Tail is, though," Natsu pondered. "I'd bet it's probably Mira." Jellal and Laxus both suspected he was on the right track.

"Nah, it can't be Mira, she's too innocent and beautiful," Macao said.

"Did you see her at the Grand Magic Games? Or after?" Gray asked in disbelief of Macao's statement. "Or any of her teenage years?"

Everyone knew they could ask Laxus for confirmation, but he was too intimidating for the non-S-class mages to ask. One knew that no one asked Laxus about his sex life. Jellal also couldn't be asked, but there was nothing to ask after Cana's story. Their partners made any questions even more dangerous.

"Levy's probably kinky," Happy contributed. "It's always the bookworms."

Gajeel choked on the sip of beer he was drinking. Jet and Droy both tried to deny everything, including the fact that Levy was sexually active at all.

"I'd bet Juvia's interesting in bed," Loke said. "She can turn herself into water, which must be great in a hot tub."

Gray wouldn't confirm or deny this, but Gajeel felt he needed to give his two cents. "The guys in Phantom Lord would always wonder if she'd actually do that. Sometimes when she's really relaxed or drunk, she'd just start turning into a puddle on the floor."

"So it probably depends on how interesting Gray can keep it," Loke speculated.

"Sometimes it just happens," Gray admitted. "Usually not during sex though, just afterwards."

"Is that why you and her are always having sex at the spring? Like every day?" Loke asked. "So that she doesn't end up soaking into your bed?" The men laughed, much to Gray's chagrin.

"I'm just really good at finding things she likes," Gray defended himself. "She wouldn't get to that point if I wasn't good in bed."

"So you're saying you're man enough for her," Loke said. "Which is nice, but-"

Before Loke could finish, Elfman allowed his voice to be heard. "Pleasing your girlfriend is MANLY," he declared.

"How about pleasing several girlfriends? At once?" Loke smoothly replied, clearly understanding that it would provoke some of the men at the guild. He was lucky that when he caused trouble he could simply return to the celestial spirit realm.

"A man doesn't cheat on his girlfriend," Elfman roared. He looked ready to start the next fight of the evening. Sure enough, he attempted to take Loke down, but the spirit had already left the room.

"Anyways," Macao continued, trying to get the conversation back on track. "You should tap that ass, Jellal."

Jellal blushed, and Macao assumed that meant that Jellal was too naïve to know what he was getting at. For all the things he had done, Cana went a long way to convincing the guild that Jellal was the most innocent of them all.

"I mean you should go in the back-"

"I'd prefer not to," Jellal interrupted. "I'll try if Erza asks, but she hasn't seemed too keen on the idea." In fact, one night while lying in a slightly intoxicated Erza's bed cuddled up with her, Erza had told him every disgusting detail of what Cana had shared with her about anal earlier in the night. Erza had not seemed impressed. When Erza casually mentioned that Mira didn't like it either (and listed Mira's reasons), he felt grateful that it was a closed issue.

"Oh, come on," Wakaba said. "I can't believe she wouldn't try it."

"Well, Mira doesn't want to, and you know if Mira doesn't do something Erza sure as hell won't unless she already wants to do it of her own volition," Laxus said to back his friend up. In truth, he and Mira had tried it once. Neither of them had liked the sensation, so they'd decided not to try again. He knew Mira had tried it more than once in her teenage years, but grown-up Mira wasn't exactly wild. Well, she could be when she wanted to, but that didn't usually happen if nothing had annoyed her that day.

"How about tying her up? She seemed to enjoy it when Mira did it," Natsu grinned. Jellal wondered if Natsu knew exactly what he was suggesting, but wouldn't question it.

"She accidentally got tied up after requipping into a Heart Kreuz custom armor without trying it on first," Jellal recalled. "She was struggling to get out, so I untied her."

"Sure you did Jellal," Gray grinned.

"Oh you totally know he did that," Erik, who had popped in for free beer as Jellal had predicted, said. "He had dirty thoughts about what could've happened, but felt too guilty watching her try to untie herself to keep her tied up like that."

"I doubt you were close enough to hear his thoughts at that time," Natsu said suspiciously.

"I wasn't, but that didn't stop him from recalling the incident on our next job and I was unfortunate to have to share a tent with him," Erik whined before taking a healthy swig of his beer. "Man, with some of the things he thinks you'd think Cana was lying about them being vanilla – and he doesn't even get near Erza's level!" He conveniently left out the part about Jellal's resistance to a tied up Erza had to do with the guilt of seeing an unconscious Erza tied up in the Tower of Heaven.

Jellal finally groaned and lay his head on the table, not wanting the guild to know any details. Hopefully Erik wouldn't spill. Usually he kept information to himself, but he would say things as he saw fit.

"How is Kinana today, Erik?" Jellal asked, trying to distract Erik.

"Don't change the topic, Jellal," Gajeel grinned.

"Then shouldn't we find out if Levy likes it? If you're going to give advice, provide evidence it works," Jellal replied smoothly. It was at those moments that Laxus saw the master manipulator Jellal had once been. While the brainwashing must have removed all of the morals that would otherwise stop him, Jellal was certainly capable of whatever those brainwashing him wanted him to do. Even so, he now spent the vast majority of his time making this as unapparent as possible.

Gajeel grabbed his beer tighter, getting agitated, but didn't move. Jellal knew (or rather hoped) Gajeel was smart enough not to pick a fight over this.

"He won't say anything because he and Levy are more vanilla than you and Erza," Pantherlily commented. Many of the now heavily inebriated guild members started laughing.

"Well, if the type of music he makes are any indication, Lily's telling the truth," Erik confirmed with a wicked grin.

Gajeel looked down at the table and blushed. Jellal and Laxus were both surprised, but Erik was right that Gajeel's sense of music suggested he was less dangerous than he looked.

"What do you mean by that?" Natsu asked, clearly wanting to know how he could one-up the other dragon slayer.

"Well, for one, he's never had sex with Levy outside of a bed," Erik told Natsu. "And they're not exactly blushing virgins, either. They've had plenty of time to remedy that."

Oh how Jellal hated not only Erik's freakish hearing, but also his uncanny ability to lose all semblance of a brain-to-mouth filter when drinking. It made him wonder if Laxus was truly the only sane dragon slayer in the guild.

"Then what about you and Kinana?" Gajeel asked, edging his face closer to Erik's.

Natsu was obviously feeding off the animosity building between the two other dragon slayers. Elfman was beginning to stand up, ready for another fight. It was only a matter of time before someone threw the first punch.

Laxus tapped Jellal's shoulder and pointed back towards the front door. Jellal, once sure that all the men who had the power to stop him were thoroughly distracted, moved out the door.

"Bar?" Laxus asked him. Jellal nodded and followed his friend down the streets of Magnolia to a quiet bar the two frequented. This was a much more acceptable bachelor party.

The next day Jellal didn't bother to get out of bed until he heard a knock on his front door. He quickly threw on whatever clothes were nearest to the bed and went to check on who it was. Erza and Mira wouldn't be expected until around lunch, and he was sure it wasn't quite that late yet.

"We shouldn't have left last night," the lightning dragon slayer said as soon as the door was open.

Jellal groggily tilted his head, trying to understand what Laxus was getting at.

"Mira and Erza will be back in an hour," Laxus stated matter-of-factly.

Jellal still wasn't awake enough to understand, so he threw on some boots and a coat. He wasn't sure he wanted to see the guild, but he needed to know what he was in for when Erza got back.

One short walk to the hall later, he found himself greeted by the aftermath of his bachelor party. Most of the tables and benches were broken. At least one pool que from the basement was upstairs – and now stuck straight through a window. On the floor small puddles of spilled beer were still drying, and behind the bar liquor bottles were smashed. At least two guild members Jellal could see were passed out from the night before, and one more was dragging himself to the baths.

"Shit," Jellal said.

A/N: I'm going to leave it on that cliff hanger. I'm sure you can imagine how happy Mira and Erza will be to have the guild trashed. Again, sorry about any OOC-ness or oddness in the writing. I hope you enjoyed despite that.