Chapter 46: Cloudy with a chance of poopies

Cloud Strife is the most in demand male supermodel in the planet, he has dated thousands of women and has more money that can last a lifetime without the need to work regularly nine hours a day with a boring job behind a boring desk with an absolutely horror movie villian type of boss who expects him to kiss his ass all day and bring his coffee and breakfast burrito then will ride home on the subway with a drooling drunkard with a greasy head leaning down his shoulder while his own head bobbed up and down from exhaustion while cursing the day he was born.

He never thought that he would settle down with a very unlikely woman and even have a baby with her, he never even thought about marriage and kids even if his life depended on it, he hated kids.

But times change and now, he's a loving father who would spoil his baby girl rotten and he doesn't care if his feisty wife would kill him for it. No, he will give all the love and support to his daughter, the thing that his own father hadn't given him. But there is absolutely one thing he couldn't do until now.

"Cloud, I need you to look after Krystal for atleast two hours, I need to run to the grocery store with Nathan." Tifa said while she walked across the bedroom with Cloud and Krystal on the bed, the six month old baby is sitting across from her Father while she aggressively smashed a toy block with another block using her chubby hand while Cloud watched.

"No, no sweetie, don't do that, stop being violent like Mommy."

"I heard that, but did you hear me though?"

"Yes, but can't Nathan go alone?"

"No, I have to buy a new pan, what if he buys the wrong kind? I need to go. Plus, I haven't been out of the house for six months, I think I need a breather. And you need to spend more time with her." She said. Cloud suddenly felt sorry for his wife.

"You're right. Sorry Daddy's been busy a lot baby." He told his daughter, who ignored him and continued smashing the toy blocks. "Have fun grocery shopping then."

"More like a vacation." Tifa said as she approached her chubby baby girl on the bed and kissed her head full of short black hair. "I'll be back baby, I love you, be good to Daddy okay?" Then she proceeded to kiss her husband. "Bye Grumpie."

"Love you."

"Love you, see you later."

"Alright sweetie, it's just you and me now, we're gonna have lots of fun together." Cloud as he carried his baby to the living room, he sat on the sofa then settled Krystal on his lap before he grabbed the remote from the coffee table to switch open the television.

Of course. He thought as a ridiculous yellow mascot with a cake hat who was singing and dancing instantly greeted him the moment the TV was open, his baby instantly smiled and laughed.

"Is that your favorite Princess? You like that don't you?" He asked, the baby started waving her chubby arms and feet so Cloud held her by the armpit so she can stand up on his lap, still waving her arms and licking her legs before her chubby fists met with her mouth and she began sucking on them, saliva started falling towards Cloud's lap and knees. "You're so cute." He said. "Let me see my baby girl." He said again before he turned her around to face him, her wet hands instantly met his face, making it wet as well. "So cute." He said again while staring at his daughter's cute face before he wiped his own saliva covered one with his hand. Then he turned her around again so she could watch the show.

Then, it came. The thing the that he was praying to never happen while Tifa was away for hours, but the Gods betrayed him, they were probably even laughing while sipping their lemon teas on their shiny golden thrones with the angels guffawing along with them.

Let's torment him a little, the look on his face would be outstanding. Then they laughed. It was probably how the conversation went anyway.

Cloud lifted his baby near his face and started smelling her diaper clad buttocks.

"OH! HOLY SHI.. COW!" He looked sideways with a pathetic sour look while he held Krystal at arms length. "HOO!" Then he stood up, panicking, his heart racing, his forehead sweating and his stomach turning.

"Okay, okay, okay." He muttered while he ran to the nursery to lay her down on the changing table, Krystal started laughing while kicking her legs like she was making fun of her Father. If only she could talk.

"I can't wait to tell Mummy how funny your face looks Dada!"

Cloud was thankful that she couldn't, not yet anyway.

"Where are those diapers?!" He asked himself with a cracking voice. Then he found them neatly stacked on the drawer below the changing table. "Okay good, now..." He looked around and found wetwipes. "Okay, I need to wipe her butt with this. Then... Okay." He wanted to kill himself for being so pathetic.

"Toxic air filter, check, Anti-waste hand protection, check. Contamination eye shield, check, Full body armor, check." Cloud stood in front of his daughter, all ready for war while wearing his 'battle gear', it was consisting of a regular face mask, pink rubber gloves, swimming goggles and a white flowery apron with the message "They see me cookin, they pukin'" written on it. He rubbed his hands together before he unbuttoned Krystal's onesie to reveal her dirty diaper. "Okay." Cloud said again before he slowly opened the diaper. He actually screamed when he saw the gooey, not to mention surprising amount of the poop from her diaper. "Oh! Oh! Holy sh...! I need to! So much! I can't!" He started looking around and grabbed some wet wipes and placed them between her butt and the poop. He held her ankles upward while he did this, but she kept kicking her legs while laughing."No! No please! Help! Tifa!"

Gods I am really pathetic. He thought calmly despite his frantic actions. Multitasking at its best.

He started wiping her butt with what he can while she still kicked her legs."Ah! No!" Krystal managed to escape from her Father's grip and started kicking her legs again, poop smearing on the table with some of them already on her feet and Cloud's apron. He started screaming again.

Cloud set the timer on the washing machine to wash the poop decorated apron while he stretched his back, a cracking sound made him groan but he felt good afterwards.

This is what Tifa goes through everyday? My poor wife. He thought, he decided to make her feel special by doing something extra special.

Another thing that he shouldn't have done.

Cloud stared at his laptop as he looked for recipes on the internet while on the kitchen countertop.

"Okay, mince the garlic... How do you mince? Do you know how to mince Krystal?" He asked the baby who was sitting on the high chair, her fat fist on her mouth while she babbled and ignored her Father at the same time. Cloud looked for videos on how to mince and when he found one, he found it fascinating. "Oh, so that's it. Really small cuts huh?" He looked back at the chopping board and the huge kitchen knife resting on top of it.

Shit.

"Ow! Ow! Ow ow ow ow!" He hissed while waving his bloody finger before he rinsed it at the faucet. "Stupid stupid stupid!" He could hear Krystal hysterically laughing behind him. "Oh that's it!" He grabbed the grater and started grating everything, the garlic, the onions, the carrots and the rest of the vegetables, even the meat, then started dumping everything on the pot, he poured some water then milk, then the salt and pepper and put the lid on.

He stared at the closed pot with a dumb look on his face while thinking of what he had just done.

I have no idea what I'm doing. He thought before his eyes landed on the knife on the chopping board then his eyes narrowed.

I'm watching you.

"Grumpie? Krystal?" Tifa called as her and Nathan entered the apartment with plastic bags on their hands.

"Hey Trollie, we're in here!" Cloud called from the kitchen. As Tifa entered the scene, she saw Cloud feeding Krystal with some baby food, she couldn't help but laugh at how the same baby food were smeared on his face, even his hair and clothes.

"What happened to you?" She asked with another laugh. Cloud sneered at her.

"Ask your daughter." He said before he hover another spoonful of the food but Krystal grabbed it then started stabbing the high chair table with it. Tifa and Nathan started laughing while Cloud groaned loudly.

"You're a naughty girl, aren't you?" Tifa said as she approached her baby girl to clean her up. Meanwhile, Nathan was in the stove when he saw the 'soup' on the pot, he sneaked a glance on the couple before he began stealing a spoonful of it, then his cheeks puffed up before he spit it out on the sink, disgusted by what he just tasted.

"What are you doing." Cloud suddenly said behind him and when Nathan frantically turned around, their faces were only inches from one another.

"I-I-I-I-I-I-I" It was so fast that it sounded more like 'ayayayayayaya'. Cloud raised one eyebrow.

"What's this?" Tifa asked as she opened the lid of the said pot of doom. Cloud's eyes widened instantly.

"No no no! Don't eat that-!" Too late. Tifa already tried a spoonful and her face remained unreadable. Cloud and Nathan were both bitting their lower lips with wide eyes and when Tifa visibly swallowed, she smiled.

"Did you make this for me? Aww, give me a bowl while I clean Kryssie up." She said before she lifted the baby off the high chair. She grimaced while making her way towards the bathroom but smiled immediately. She appreciated her husband's actions and she would eat that soup he made for her, even if it would kill her, but she hoped not.

Cloud couldn't help but smile.