"Now, how many times have I told you? ... more likely to get shot... being around a guy with a gun."

She never really thought about it, the true relationship between that 'Private Ryan' and Yoo Sijin. Then again, she never really had a reason to think about it. All that she ever knew was that Sijin had saved the person in the past, and somehow now... being an arms dealer; the man somehow kept reappearing before them.

She should have been able to pick up something. Because the facts had always been there... out in the open.

"You should break up with him now. This is an advice, not a warning."

When she thought about it, it was strange. From the very beginning, that person had always taken a special interest towards her... ever since the incident at the ghost village. No, not exactly. Not her. The more she thought about it, that man started paying attention to her because of Sijin.

"Are you crazy?"

"I guess... you can say that..."

"I think I had the advantage... this time, Big Boss."

The more she thought about it... that man always seemed to want to hurt Sijin whenever possible. Using her. That man always did seem to keep wanting to remind her how dangerous Sijin was to her. That man intentionally kidnapped her because he knew that it would hurt Sijin the most. Because it gave him an advantage.

She should have been able to pick up those hints. That there was something more between those two than what it seemed. That person... to Sijin, was not just a former fellow soldier he met in the past. There's something more to that. If only she knew what it was.

xxx

The moment the helicopter landed, Sijin rushed out without a word. She wanted to follow right away but Sergeant Seo stopped her. They ended up thanking the Arabs for their help before watching them leave. And she had to wait even more before retracing Sijin's steps; once she was sure that Sergeant Seo and Choi stopped paying attention to her.

"Big Boss. He's smart, funny...and mysterious."

"But... he has a lot of secrets..."

It wasn't as if she did not trust Sijin. It wasn't as if she wasn't aware that Sijin could have secrets that he couldn't tell her. Being in his line of jobs, there are bound to be many things that he wasn't allowed to reveal. Secrets... after all, comes in many forms. Even doctors had to keep some secrets... especially relating to the patients they treat. She understood that... yet she still traced his footsteps towards where Sijin might hide.

She never thought that she could see him looking even more broken that he already was at that very moment.

xxx

"Was there... any more lies you told me because you didn't want me to worry?"

"There wasn't... any more lies... other than that."

She didn't want to say those words to hurt him. She didn't. She was hoping that he could perhaps confide to her about the things that were hurting him. Especially after last night. She found out more than she could ever hope. She thought he would open up to her after that but he didn't. And it hurt her to see him suffering alone, with secrets that he couldn't share with her.

"Big Boss. He's smart, funny... and mysterious."

"He'll disappear from time to time. He'll be hard to contact. And then, one day... He'll never come back."

It's strange to think that someone like that would give her an advice... but it did make her think. Even if that man might have said all those things to scare her; intimidate her. Was Sijin... really someone that she could truly handle?

xxx

"Do you want to break up with me?"

Those words kept ringing in her mind. And with it, brought everything else back from the back of her mind. Why Sijin never argued with her decisions in the past whenever she rejected or break up with him. On why letting her see any hint of the true reality of his job as a soldier was his 'disadvantage'. Why he never tried to push it whenever she set her boundaries against him.

Always... she realised; Sijin must have had fears that she would continue pushing him away, not returning his feelings for her. Or just... leave him. Because that was the more convenient, safer choice. Yet she knew... that despite everything, Sijin needed her to be by his side. And she needed him.

There's no turning back now. Both of them had gone too deep to back away. Both of them had loved each other too much.

"Forget this..."

It's strange when she thought back. Rather than the horror of seeing a man being shot to death before her; the image that she couldn't forget was not that. It was Sijin. She could recall it ever so clearly. How his hand had shook, the choked sob that she could barely hear coming from him as he pulled the trigger. Over and over. She could see it so clearly. The tears that streamed down his cheeks as he mustered his courage to kill Private Ryan. Perhaps that was the reason she couldn't help following him last night.

"... if we have to kill him, I'll do my job... and kill him."

Before, she never realised the weight of those words. But now... she realised the reason Sijin said that; wasn't because he couldn't shoot Ryan, but because if it was possible... Sijin didn't want to have to kill him. He was trying to convince himself that he could kill him. If he needed to. Even if...

... it meant that he have to kill the person he once considered a friend.

A friend. That must be it. Maybe. She couldn't imagine it if their relationship was much more than that. Because if it was... just how much could Sijin's pain really be? How could he bear all that by himself?

She recalled seeing the image of that man and Sijin, smiling in the picture that was slowly burning away. It was a brief glimpse... but she couldn't forget those smiles worn by those two men.

"I want you... to forget this as well..."

That's what she said... last night. Sijin had cried even more after that. She wished she could have done something—said anything—more than that.

xxx

She cried. Remembering just how many tears the man she loved shed earlier, as well as crying because of her own helplessness. Courage. She needed courage. And wondering just how she could convey all of her thoughts and feelings that would lead towards her ultimate decision. She splashed some water to wash her face.

In which, moments later she walked up towards Yoo Sijin and asked him to meet her at the chapel... bringing some coffee.