Disclaimer: I do not own Game of Thrones. All characters belong to George R.R. Martin. I only own the OC characters.

Chapter 2

Name Day Morning Part 1

Seventeen.

Seventeen name days.

This day is mine. Today is the day I tell Jon how I feel about him. My nerves are getting to me and I hate that. The fact that I waited so long to tell him bothers me as well. For three years I have known how I felt about him. For three years I let these feelings fester knowing that he intends on leaving to join the Night's Watch one day. I don't want to be selfish and get in the way of what he wants. But I need for him to know that the Night's Watch isn't his only option for a future. I want him to have a future with me and I feel selfish for just wanting that. In my dreams I see the future that Jon can have if he joins the Night's Watch. I see a lot in my dreams. I see things that scare me to the core. I have seen things that had me running to the Godswood to pray in the middle of the night.

I used to tell Lady Catelyn and Lord Stark my dreams but stopped when I realized that if too many people knew of what I see, I would be putting those I care about in danger. I was barely the age of eight when I stopped telling them. That is also when I started telling Jon about them. I never told any of the Martell's about my dreams. They only assumed that I was suffering from night terrors. When I reached the age of fifteen, I stopped telling Jon about them. He noticed and asked if I stopped having them. I did not lie. I could never lie to Jon. I simply explained to him that it is safest to keeps the contents of my dreams to myself.

So, here I am, standing in front of my mirror just past midnight. Jon was sitting at my desk. His mind was focused on the book lying open on the desk and I continuously glanced at him as I attempted to braid my hair for the hundredth time. Although he and I have not shared a room since we were eight years old, on occasion we sneak off into each others room to sleep at night. Exasperated, I combed out my messy gained Jon's attention. He say the frustration on my face and rose from my desk,

"Ana. You should just let Sansa braid your hair. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. She's always offered."

Turning from the mirror and facing Jon, I sighed and made my way to stand in front of him. He had a polite and playful smile on his face.

"You know good and well Jon that I do not like things being done for me that I should be able to do myself. Besides, Sansa loves to talk of boys she has never seen or met all too much. If I have to sit through another one of her delirious fanatics of marriage to a glamorous and handsome knight-"

"Alright. Alright. I get it. I don't even like thinking about Sansa marrying. She's too young to be worrying about such things."

I smirked at Jon and fell onto my bed with a laugh.

"Ha! Tell me about it. Lady Stark had another talk with me just yesterday about seeking possible matches. It's gotten worse Jon. She's not letting the topic go. I swear. It was a whole lot easier to avoid when Rickon was born. Eventually, she will try and take matters into her own hands if she hasn't already. She has no right to give my hand to some lord I have never met. Lady Stark is not my mother. I am her ward, not her daughter."

Jon looked down at me, taking in my words before laying beside me on my bed. Our gazes focused on the ceiling. My hand found Jon and he held mine lightly,

"She means well, Ana. By neither of us having a mother, she took the initiative upon herself. At least she likes you. I can see it now. Over the years I have noticed it much more. She doesn't want me associated with her children. She sees me as a nuisance. I am nothing more than a bastard in her eyes. She may have nursed both of us, but she likes you. Sansa is the only one who follows her mother's beliefs. She called me a bastard to my face the other day…"

My head sharply turned to look at Jon. His eyes met mine. I tried to read his face for his emotions at the moment. I saw pain and confliction. His thumb gently rubbed back and forth on my hand. I knew what he saw in my face, anger and resentment.

"There's nothing you could have done Ana. Do not waste your anger on the matter. Although it does pain me that Sansa thinks of me differently from our other siblings, I understand. I should expect everyone to look down at me. I should not expect for my half siblings to welcome me and love me as though we are fully related."

Jon paused and found my eyes once more locked with his,

"I shouldn't be able to even talk to you. You shouldn't even want to have anything to do with me. Yet here we are and you are my best friend."

He let go of my hand and proceeded to shift a few stray hairs from my face. We lay in my bed in silence for a few moments. Our eyes locked and no words spoken. Neither of us moved and it was a moment of peace that I knew would be rare for a long time to come again. I broke this moment of peace,

"When were you going to tell me that you plan on joining the Night's Watch Jon?"

His hand left my face and he began sitting up,

"How did you find out?"

The shock and guilt in his voice had me almost reluctant to start this conversation.

"Lady Stark told me. She said that since you would be leaving soon that I should start seriously looking for marital matches to distract me from your absence once you leave…. Jon, I have no interest in marrying a man I do not know. I have known you my entire life and you were going to leave me so easily?"

We both were sitting straight up now. Jon quickly grabbed my hand and held it firmly.

"No. It's not like that Ana. I was going to tell you, I swear it. I just didn't want to ruin your name day. And you know it would not be easy to leave home, especially you."

"When I go to Dorne, Jon, do you think it is easy for me to leave? The first two weeks of my journey to Dorne is spent trying to convince myself not to turn around and stay here in Winterfell with you. At least when I go to visit Dorne, I know that I will come back here to you...and your family."

Jon looked at me with a pained expression and I hated this conversation. It was hurting us both.

"Jon. The Night's Watch is a lifetime commitment. Your Uncle Benjen is lucky to be able to come visit you all. I wouldn't be able to see you for years and gods know when I'd ever be able to see you if Lady Catelyn marries me off. I am aware that you want to join the Night's Watch for honor, but I also know that you want to escape your title as the Bastard of Winterfell. You know that I care not for such titles and that you are anything and everything but a bastard to me."

Jon stared at me with an unrecognizable expression for a few seconds before he stood up and began to make his way to my door.

"Jon, don't go."

He stopped and turned back to me.

"I don't want to cause you any trouble Ana. You'll never find a good match if you are associated with a bastard."

Just as he was about to turn away from me again, I was up and in front of him in a matter of seconds. My rage flared in that moment.

"Don't you ever call yourself that! You are not a bastard. You are my friend and I love you more than anyone in Winterfell ever will. So do not belittle yourself to what others think of you! If you think excepting what people think of you will change how I see you or how they see you, then you know nothing! Jon Snow, I swear on my parents graves, if you ever look at yourself as the monstrous bastard people seem to want you to be, I will do anything and everything to make you see that you are better than those you see you as such."

That was not how I necessarily planned on confessing my feelings for Jon. It just...all came out at once. I did not know what else to do when Jon made a surprising and unexpected move. He encased his arms around my torso, brought my body flush against his and then planted his lips firmly on mine. A sensation I had never felt before, started in my lower tummy and a heat rose within my body. The kiss was sweet and held both a good and bad message of importance: I want you, but I must not cross Lady Stark, we should not take things further for there would be no point of return. Our hearts beat in sync the whole time our lips were connected. I felt like we had conjoined somehow. It felt like a destiny that he would not allow to happen.

No matter how many times I bestow my affections upon him, he will never see himself as more than his title. We both savored the moment. Our lips moving in sync as I breathed in the scent of his skin and felt his black curly hair in my fingers. I memorized this moment because I knew that we would never have it again. He sealed his path and I know where his path to the Wall will take him, who it will take him to, what it will show him. All I can do now is change the outcome of the path he has chosen.

I was the first to pull back. His arms were still tightly wrapped around my waist. Our foreheads leaned against one another as was both savored the moment of peace between us. Only this time I was not the one to break the peace. A sudden knock echoed through the room from my closed bedroom door. The peace was gone and we jumped out of eachother's arms. Fear replaced my sadness as a voice sounded just as the door opened. There in the doorway was Lady Stark.

"Bellana, you should be asleep-"

She stopped speaking as soon as her eyes found Jon standing beside me. The look on her face was priceless. Anger and shock never look well upon her face, but that is what it held now. Jon quickly squeezed my hand before quietly saying goodnight to me and retreated out of my room and around Catelyn who glowered at him with such hatred, I almost got angry again. Once he was out of her sights, she turned to me and I knew that she had much to say, and it is more than goodnight.