Going 'way back to the first season of The Mentalist, I loved the Bloodshot episode. I thought there was a lot of room in that episode to further explore how Jane's sudden blindness affected him. We only saw his brave front in front of Lisbon and Cho for a short time in the hospital. Here is my attempt to fill in more details of that difficult time for him in the hospital and his thoughts as he lived through his first days of blindness. If you have not seen Bloodshot, it is from season 1, episode 16.

By the way, I make no profit from these stories. They are just for fun.

Blindness Chapter 2

Feeling My Way To Freedom

An hour later Lisbon was sitting quietly by Jane's bed, waiting for him to wake up. A loud clatter of dropped trays out in the hall broke the stillness of the afternoon and suddenly Jane jolted awake. Breathing heavily, he was disoriented and confused. The noise bothered him. Usually he didn't hear noise from the office far below him when he chose to sleep on his pallet bed up in the attic over the CBI. What could have made such a racket? He blinked and looked around, alarmed at the total blackness of the night. Was there a power failure? The city nightscape was always lit up like a carnival and provided a pleasant view out of his aerie windows. But he couldn't see any lights below at all through the window. Rubbing his hands over his face his fingers hit the bandages on his eyes and suddenly, reality hit him hard.

"Damn…" he muttered under his breath. 'I'm blind…' he thought, the events of the day rushing back at him. Lisbon heard his rapid intake of breath and looked up to see the panic trace over Jane's face. Standing up quietly so as not to startle him, she spoke softly.

'Jane, I'm here".

Patrick reached out at the sound of her voice and she took his hand. "You're safe. Don't worry".

Jane shook his head at the irony of her comment but spared Lisbon an acerbic response. What could he possibly have to worry about, other than permanent blindness and the loss of one of his greatest gifts - the ability to read people.

"I'm OK" he lied. "Just forgot what happened for a minute while I was asleep".

"Sorry about that" Lisbon whispered. There was a light knock on the door and Cho poked his head in the room.

"OK if I come in now?" he asked. "I've got your tea Jane" he said, holding a fresh cup aloft, forgetting yet again that Jane couldn't see it.

"Come in, thanks Cho" Jane said with a forced smile. Another knock on the door and an attractive dark-haired woman appeared.

"Mr. Jane? I'm Dr. Fuller. I have the results of your x-rays." Eyeing Cho and Lisbon, she told them they could stay while she spoke to her patient.

"Well doctor, what's the good news? I'm fine right?" Jane chirped sarcastically, sounding more optimistic than he felt.

"There is good news, yes. The x-rays did not show any severe head injuries, no skull fractures or haematomas. We can be grateful for that."

"I sense a 'but' coming" interrupted Jane.

The doctor took out the x-ray and held it up to a light bar. She pointed to the areas of the x-ray pertinent to her explanation, oblivious to the fact that her patient couldn't actually see what she was indicating.

"There's a moderate concussion with some short term memory loss. Disorientation, headache, and of course, the fleeting blindness. This is most likely due to small floating blood clots in the vessels around the eyes demonstrating as CVI or cortical visual impairment."

Jane harrumphed his disappointment and made short work of his disparagement of the doctor's diagnosis. She shot back at him that he should be grateful that his blindness would in all likelihood be temporary. Rather than being elated at the news that he might see again within 2 or 3 days, Jane dismissed the doctor and wanted to be alone. Lisbon was mortified.

After the doctor left Lisbon wasted no time in showing her consultant her frustration with his attitude, pinching his arm forcefully.

"Ow! What was that for?" he barked, shocked that she would hurt him on purpose.

"You are a miserable patient!" she shouted at him, while Cho grinned at the childish display before him.

"And you're a bad visitor!" Jane countered in self-defense.

"Can't you just focus on the good news that soon you will have your sight back?" Lisbon suggested. Jane shook his head and hated to burst her bubble, but he was not convinced that he would see again. Life had taught him to take vague assurances of good outcomes with a grain of salt. If he prepared himself for the worst possible outcome, and things were actually better than he expected, he could take a bit of solace in that turn around. But he wasn't going to waste his breath explaining it all to Cho and Lisbon. She was perpetually hopeful that the best would happen to good people, and he held a much bleaker outlook. One of them would be proven to be correct, in just a few days time.

Cho took a call and had to say his goodbyes, wishing Jane well. Lisbon hated to leave her partner but she too had to get back to the office to begin the investigation into the bombing. Jane could not help with the case in his condition, so she hoped he would just lie back and rest up. What else could he do? Well, he could cause the staff no end of misery, but that would have to be their battle, not hers.

After delaying her departure for as long as possible, Jane finally let her off the hook and told her to go, sensing her reluctance to leave him alone.

"It's fine Lisbon, you go. I need to get some sleep anyway…" he said with as much faked sincerity as he could muster. "I'll be fine here until you come back" he assured her.

"Ok. But you behave!" she warned him with a gentle nudge.

"Yes Mom.." he replied, smiling broadly but not feeling the slightest bit mirthful.

Lisbon walked to the door and cast a backward glance towards her wayward consultant. She hesitated at the door until he told her to go once again. With a rueful smile she said goodbye and a moment later, Jane heard the door close with a soft thud. The smile instantly fell off his face and he collapsed back against his pillows in dejection. The blackness that surrounded him was not just visual, it was a blackness of the spirit, of the soul, which he didn't believe he had, but that heavy darkness that pressed down on him was all-pervasive none the less. He was restless but afraid of the space all around him. What were his boundaries? How large was the room? Was someone watching him even now? He felt around in space with his hands to locate his tray table and anything else his hands might bump into. He considered ringing for a nurse just to have the intellectual fun of pestering someone, but that didn't hold its' usual allure at the moment. He sat in bed contemplating his next move. However, nature dictated what his next activity would be.

What he had to do was ….pee. Oh great. Now he had to ask someone to help him with that embarrassing problem. Or not.

Screw it. He knew how to do it without anyone helping. How hard could it be to get out of his bed, feel around until he found the small bathroom attached to his private room and quietly go in and relieve himself. He did it all the time at night without turning on a light back at his motel room or at the CBI attic, so how difficult could it be now? His mind made up, he pushed back his covers and threw his legs over the side of his bed. He chose the opposite side of the bed from where Lisbon and Cho had stood, figuring that side of the room was not where the bathroom was located. But it was just a guess. He stood up too quickly and found that he was dizzy, wobbling slightly like a ship listing against a wave. He reached out wildly and finally grabbed onto his tray table for stability. Whoa… the concussion was making itself known. He reached over the surface of the table trying to ascertain where it ended when a sudden sharp stinging pain hit his hand. Dammit - the IV line! He was attached to the IV bag and pole, wherever they might be.

Now what? He was tethered to that damned thing. Well, if he moved, it would have to move with him. He turned around facing the back of the bed and felt around for the pole and bag. His instincts were good and he soon found them just behind his bed and a little to the right. Grabbing the pole with one hand while he used the other to feel his way as he took small uncertain steps forward, he slowly made his way across the floor, away from the relative safety of his bed. All went well for a moment or two but ended when he bumped into the cupboard beside his bed and stubbed his toe in the process, cursing softly. He now proceeded cautiously, waving his free hand out in front of himself to prevent hitting anything else in his way and fearful of hitting his feet on something else. Where were his shoes? He inched his way slowly forward, out into the unknown of the bedroom, like a sailor leaving a safe harbour for the open ocean. Suddenly his fingertips brushed against a cold wall surface. Following it with his hand he slowly shuffled forward feeling for a doorway. Five feet down the wall he found it and stepped into the space, feeling cold tile on his bare feet. Reaching around he felt a sink and to the right, the toilet! Releasing a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, Jane shut the door and got down to business, happy to have accomplished this goal alone and with his dignity intact. A few minutes later he was making his way back to his bed when he got an idea. He carefully turned himself around and ventured out into his room again, feeling along the wall until he found his closet. He was sweating with nerves and concentration by now but felt a small sense of satisfaction at accomplishing his goal. Pulling the door open he reached inside and felt his clothes hanging there, waiting for him. He ran his hand over the fabric of his suit, caressing his jacket like it was a dear friend. Lifting it to his nose he inhaled and found the suit smelled like a chimney. First order of business when he got out of there would be to get his suit dry cleaned and refreshed. As he considered this the door to his room suddenly opened and a loud voice over his shoulder startled him.

"What are you doing Mr. Jane!" boomed a male voice.

"Aaagh!" gasped Jane, startled and frightened at the sudden outburst from an unknown person so close by. Reacting instinctively, he lurched backwards, trying to put space between himself and this stranger, and fell over his IV pole, hitting the ground hard.

"Get away!" he shouted, hearing the fear in his own voice. A rush of footsteps brought his unknown intruder to him quickly.

"It's OK Mr. Jane, I'm David, your nurse for the rest of the day" a voice said. "I'm so sorry I startled you, but you shouldn't be out of bed Mr. Jane, you could rip out your IV line, or fall…."

David felt foolish himself now, warning of a possible fall that he had in fact, already caused. He bent down and took Jane's arm and helped him back onto his feet, and gently led a protesting Jane back to bed. Feeling powerless made Jane irritable and he was not very pleasant to David, no matter the nurses' good intentions. By the time he had him back in bed and comfortable, David had been thoroughly chewed out. And then Jane had another thought.

"Is it too much to ask why I am bare assed? Where are my boxers?" demanded Jane, fully aware that his firm white butt had been on display when he so unceremoniously tumbled onto the floor in front of this male nurse.

"Is there some correlation between sudden blindness and my inability to be trusted with underpants? Can I at least put on my underwear like an adult?" groused the frustrated patient.

David knew Mr. Jane was embarrassed and grouchy, so he went to the closet and found the bag containing a new clean shirt, boxers and socks that Lisbon had brought over. Fishing crisp fresh cotton boxers out of the bottom of the bag, he brought them back to Jane and put them in his hand.

"There you go Mr. Jane. You'll feel much more at home with those on. Now stay in bed and get some rest." David was glad to leave Jane to his own devices. Suppertime brought more challenges to the staff, as Jane was dismissive of the the food selection and the terrible tea. His complaining annoyed them but also assured them that he was in fact, well on his way to getting better after his brush with death. But his upcoming days in their care would surely test their patience. No one, staff or patient, was looking forward to it.

This long tiresome day dragged on and on. Jane couldn't read, his favourite pass time. Listening to TV was boring. Indulging in his thoughts only made him more worried as to what the next few days would bring. What the hell would he do if this was his new life? Fretting about things he couldn't control was not his forte, so he did everything he could to avoid that pitfall. Biofeedback helped some. Eventually, Jane dozed off, finally sleeping deeply and restfully after his exhausting day. He managed to sleep for the whole night, a rare event helped greatly by the sedation in his IV solution. Lisbon came by to check up on him after work that evening, but he slept through her visit. She would go to see him at noon the next day she promised herself. He would be bored silly by then and maybe she could share some details of the case with him to occupy his mind at that point.

The morning began with a bang as the someone threw open the door and plunked a breakfast tray down on Jane's bedside tray table. The loud 'thunk' of the tray hitting the table woke him up with a start. Confused by the noise and darkness, it took him another moment to remember yet again, where he was and why he was here. Jane ran his long fingers over the surface of his eye bandages, keen to peel them off and test his vision. Deciding that doing so would only create yet another hassle with the nursing staff, he dropped his hand in resignation.

The long sleep the night before had left Jane refreshed but restless, and bored. He felt fine now except for the blindness, so he decided to get up after breakfast and once again explore his room. When his muffin and juice were done, he took a few half-hearted swallows of his terrible tea and realized that breakfast was a disappointment he would have to correct himself soon. Pushing his tray out of the way, Jane grabbed his IV pole and slowly shuffled across the room again, this time managing to avoid banging into the bedside cupboard. He felt his way along the wall and was rewarded with the handle of the closet finally hitting his hand. Reaching inside of the slim space, Jane instantly made up his mind. He could lie here in the bed and wait for something to change with his eyesight, or he could leave and get a good cup of tea somewhere and help with the bomb investigation.

There was no question as to which proposition pleased him more. Grabbing his suit and the paper bag Lisbon had brought in, he made his way over to his bed and sat down. Gripping the tape on the back of his hand, he ripped it off in one painful swipe. Taking the IV needle in his fingertips he carefully eased it out of his vein and put it on the night table. Free now to move a bit quicker, he soon was divested of the hated open back gown the hospital always gave new patients, and soon had his pants back on. Padding around the room with a bit more confidence, he found the bathroom again and spent the next 15 minutes figuring out how to get washed and rinse the pavement grit out of his pillow crumpled hair. Not being able to see if his hair was any better looking now that it was damp, he had to finger comb it into place. Since he had no toothbrush, his breakfast apple would have to clean his teeth until he got back to the office or his motel room. Realizing there was nothing else he could do in that ill-equipped bathroom, he shuffled back to his bed to continue getting dressed.

Feeling around for his socks, he dragged them on and then got busy with his clean shirt and smoke filled vest. First thing, he needed a clean suit from his attic hideaway. As soon as his last button was done up, Jane stood up and smoothed out his suit, hoping he looked presentable. Now to find his beloved old brown shoes. They took a while to locate, but eventually he was tying the laces and was now ready to leave this depressing place. Lisbon had told him there was a policeman guarding his room. Time to rope that guy into his plan for an escape. Jane carefully made his way over to the door and opened it, calling out to the man standing with boredom outside his door.

"Officer? Are you there?"

"Yes Mr. Jane, I'm here. Can I help you?"

"You sure can. It's time for me to go but my friends are held up at the office and can't pick me up. Would you be so kind to help me out of the hospital and drive me to the CBI office? "

The officer looked a little unsure about whether his responsibilities included getting this man to a new destination. But what the hell, this guy worked for the CBI, right? So if he says it's OK to go, it must be OK….

"Sure Mr. Jane, no problem. Are you ready now?"

"Yes, now would be perfect. Oh, and we need to pick up a cane on the way if you don't mind. Helps me to get around until these things come off" Jane explained, pointing to the bandages over his eyes.

The police officer couldn't say no to this request. Who could deny a blind man a request for a cane?

"Shall we?" Jane asked, reaching out to take the officer's arm, while gripping his paper bag filled with his dirty smokey clothes in the other hand. Hoping with all his might that the nurses were busy at the nurses station and wouldn't notice him leaving, he suggested they head towards the elevator.

The officer advanced slowly and together they walked to the elevators and took a ride down to the main entrance. Jane regaled him with a review of his favourite tea shop and the baked goods to be found there. The officer's mouth was watering by the time he helped Jane into his cruiser. By the time the nurses had discovered their patient had escaped, Jane was pulling into the main parking lot of the CBI building happily ensconced in the front seat of the police cruiser, finishing off a warm bagel and wonderful cup of English Breakfast tea.

The officer guided Jane upstairs where he changed into a clean suit, applied some cologne and brushed his teeth.

Van Pelt couldn't believe her eyes when Jane strolled into the office on the arm of his new friend, the police officer. As her questions about his unexpected appearance rolled off him like water on a duck's back, he smiled a wide grin of accomplishment.

And so the day began…..

The End.