So this is the first story I put up out there since... wow, 2007 ! The Clexa fandom brought me back to life as a writer !
This is based on my own college experience, so some details might differ from yours if you're from any other country than France. If you aren't, then let's hang !
Also come say hi on tumblr : pinkshiori.

Nothing lasts forever

Clarke and Lexa meet in college, no wait, this is not exactly how it happens. It all starts in Trikru Dojo - The best in Polis - on the last session before Summer Break when Lexa Woods tells her sparring partner how excited she is about starting on the Linguistics curriculum at Polis University in September.

"Wait, you're going to be a Linguistics major at Polis U ?" Octavia asks.
"That's exactly what I just said, O."
"No way ! This is awesome !" she squeals.
"I... guess..." Lexa frowns, unsure as to how her choice of major could elicit such an intense reaction. "I would have picked international business, but I realized I'm more interested in the theory behind languages rather than actually using them. Did you know that -"
"No that ! You nerd !" Octavia cuts her off. "You're doing the exact same thing as my friend, Clarke. What are the odds, huh ?"
"Oh." Lexa shrugs. So what if she's going to be in the same lecture hall as someone Octavia knows ? So are four hundred other people.
"No but I'm serious, you really need to meet her ! Clarke used to hang out with my brother in high school, but she's really my best friend ! She's the coolest person ever ! And she's a nerd, just like you ! You'll definitely get along, I know it ! Here."

It is the year 2005 and before she can protest, Octavia gives Lexa's her friend's e-mail adress and tells her to add her up on MSN messenger.

Lexa turns her computer on the moment she gets home and squints at Octavia's scribbles, hesitating. She is not really keen on meeting new people, she always feels like she is going to say the wrong thing and make a fool of herself. But college is scary and it might be good to know at least one person before it starts. Besides it's not like she is going to meet Octavia's friend in person. Not yet anyway.
So she takes a deep breath and sends an add request to not_a_gryffindor with a short message.

T. Lex (TrikruLexa87 ) say :
- Hey, sorry to bother you, I am a friend of Octavia Blake, I know her from karate lessons and she told me we might be in the same class next year at Polis U. So, hi.

The answer comes shortly after.

Klark Gryff - [Slytherin Pride 3] - Veni, veni, venias, ne me mori facias (not_a_gryffindor ) say :
- Lexaaaaaa !
- Hey !
- O texted me about you ! what a coincidence, right ?
- Nice to meet you, I'm Clarke Griffin
- with an e at the end.
- it's a not a typo lol

T. Lex (TrikruLexa87 ) say :
- Hello Clarke
- I'm Lexa.

Klark Gryff - [Slytherin Pride 3] - Veni, veni, venias, ne me mori facias (not_a_gryffindor ) say :
- I know lol

T. Lex (TrikruLexa87 ) say :
- sorry

Klark Gryff - [Slytherin Pride 3] - Veni, veni, venias, ne me mori facias (not_a_gryffindor ) say :
- no problem. btw your nick sounds like a japanese dinosaur, I like it
- You play video games ? O told me you did.

Clarke is from Arkadia, a small town in the outskirts of Polis, a very small town, a village actually, where they consider themselves lucky to even have an internet connexion at all, not matter how shitty it is. Nothing much to do over there unless you're a very outdoorsy person, which Clarke is not. So Clarke happens to spend most of her free time online or playing video games. So does Lexa, even though she lives right in Polis. She likes it best inside her oom.
Clarke's father is an international pilot so most of the time it's just her and her mother. Sometimes she feels like she doesn't have a father at all. Lexa's father left her mother when Lexa was a baby, so yeah, she knows the feeling.

By the time college starts for real, they know more about each other than anyone else does.

September cannot come soon enough, but finally Lexa stands by the door to her first college class ever, where she and Clarke had agreed to meet, and waits.
She did not know what to expect, but it certainly was not to be suddenly engulfed in a bone crushing hug. The hair in her face is exceptionally soft and smells like flowers - somehow the only tings she can think of is how the night before Clarke had complained about having to go and wash her hair before their first day. Before she can actually react, the girl releases her and places her hands on her shoulders.
"Hey Lexa ! You're really Lexa, right ? Please tell me I did not just hug a random stranger !"
"Hello, Clarke." Lexa simply answers.
"Hi."

Clarke is everything Lexa is not. Where lexa is all strength and toned muscles, Clarke is all creamy skin an soft, generous curves. While lexa breasts are practically non existent, Clarke's are the very definition of good cleavage. Lexa feel a bit bad about noticing it right away, but let's be honest no one can miss that. Clarke would later confess that she wears a D cup, which in reality makes bra shopping a nightmare and is the reason she gave up on any kind of sport altogether, and that she's incredibly jealous of Lexa's more manageable assets.

Clarke comes with a ready set of friends, a hundred of them it seems. Lexa doesn't know, she doesn't keep count, she doesn't care. Clarke is more than enough.

They partner up for every single class project. Lexa is brilliant and dedicated. Clarke could be brilliant too, but she realizes during the first weeks that linguistics is not really her calling, so she just aims for average until she can switch majors at the end of the year. One day during a particularly boring lecture the teacher catches them giggling and doodling. "As I see it, ladies, if you think I'm so boring, why don't you just leave instead of disturbing my classe ?" he says. Clarke grabs both their stuff and they leave the room. That guy is an ass and Lexa is already at the top of their year anyway. It's the first time Lexa skips class, ever.

Every night after school they log in on MSN Messenger and talk for hours even after a whole day spent together.
Lexa is a nerd, and an introvert but somehow spending time with Clarke is not as taxing as it should be. Clarke is easy to talk to. She could have been miss popular but she is also a major dork and a fantasy geek. She can go on for hours about the last RPG game she played. Sometimes they play together.

Clarke is like that online best friend you can tell everything to, except better because you get to see them for real, even touch them.

Clarke is all about the casual touching, Lexa not so much. She can hardly remember the last time she made physical contact with someone outside the dojo. The spontaneous hugs in the hallways are disconcerting at first, but it's what Clarke does, so she never complains. After a while she gets used to it.
Clarke also enjoys giving her friends scalp massages, they are very relaxing. Clake says she likes Lexa's hair the most. Lexa cannot see why. It's a thick mess of boring brown curls. She cut it short once - years ago - and it stood in funny angles no matter what. So she sticks to braiding it in a nerdy but practical hairstyle. But sometimes, more and more often, she takes the braids out and let the curls fall freely on the side of her neck. It makes it easier for Clarke to run her fingers through it.
It's always Clarke who initiates physical contact, Lexa does not know how to.

Clarke's mother is very strict, she refuses to let her live on campus, although Arkadia is a good one hour ride away. But Abby Griffin is a surgeon at Polis hospital, 10 minutes away from campus, so she drops her off in the morning and takes her back in the evening. When their schedules don't match Clarke waits with Lexa in the library.
Sometimes they study. Most often they do fanworks for their favourite games and post them on Livejournal. Lexa writes stories and Clarke draws, she is very talented.
They make up a whole new language only them can speak. It is fun and pretty useful when passing notes.

They have sleepovers too. Always at Clarke's home, because Abby Griffin is not willing to let her daughter out of her sight longer than necessary. Lexa doesn't mind, her own home sucks anyway. They marathon the whole six seasons of Xena the Warrior Princess and binge on skittles. Lexa hates those but Clarke loves them, so she always makes sure to bring some over. Afterwards Clarke draws Lexa in full battle gear, sword and chakram included. Lexa pins it to the wall by her bed.

Lexa has a little brother, step brother, really. She adores him, but he is 8 years younger. Clarke is an only child. It is good to have someone you can talk to about anything, everything. They talk about sex a lot, as a concept, as ideas, never in relation to themselves. Lexa is very gay, she knows that, she's known since she was 14 and had a crush on Angelina Jolie. Clarke not so much. At least Lexa isn't sure. Mostly she doesn't seem interested in dating at all. Clarke does get random celeb crushes, sometimes it's on a man, sometimes on a woman. Lexa doesn't ask. It is the only thing they do not talk about.

They go shopping at the mall together. They are browsing through the cheap jewelry stands when a silver pendant catches Lexa's eye. It has a really unoriginal design, really : an infinity symbol, something a white girl would get tattooed on her neck and regret it a few years later. It reminds her a bit of a show she used to watch in junior school. But on this one a part is missing, as if it were broken, or unfinished, Lexa is not sure. She like the idea of a "broken infinity" although she cannot really say why.

"I like this one." She tells Clarke.
"Mm, oh yeah, looks nice." Clarke says picking the pendant up and turning it around in her hands. "You should get it."
Lexa is not a jewelry girl, she never was. Sure she owns a few trinkets, gifts from people who don't really know her, but jewelry is such a hassle - and a safety hazard for some pieces - she doesn't understand why people even bother. The pendant barely costs ten dollars, but what's the point of spending money on something she knows she isn't going to wear ? Besides, there are a few books she has been meaning to get.
"Nah, I have better things to do with my money." she says. Clarke puts the pendant down and they head for the exit.

On the last day before Chrimas break, without either of them mentioning it beforehand, they exchange gifts in the library. Including the time they spent chatting online they've known each other for a little bit over four months. It is the first time Lexa buys a Christmas present for someone who isn't part of her family, but it feels right to do so. She gets Clarke that Final Fantasy VII t-shirt she had seen her oggling online and Clarke takes off her jumper to put it on. It fits perfectly.
"I have something for you too." Clarke says and hands her a much smaller package. Despite being an accomplished artist, Clarke cannot wrap a gift to save her life. It's a mess of wrapping paper - a "happy birthday" themed one, because it was all she could find - and tape. Inside is the pendant Lexa had been looking at that day at the mall.
"I know you don't wear jewelry, but you seemed to really like this one." Clarke explains. "Also, I didn't have enough money left from my allowance to get a chain, I hope this is okay."
Indeed, instead of a chain, the pendant hangs on a slim off-white ribbon. It looks cheap and silly and so Clarke ! It is the most beautiful things Lexa has ever seen.
"I love it." she says.
"Here, let me" Clarke says taking the necklace from Lexa's hand. She walks behind her and swipe Lexa's curls to the side - running her fingers through them in the process, like she always does - to tie the ribbon around her neck. Clarke's fingers brushing against her skin give Lexa's goosebumps. It is so innocent and so intimate at the same time, Lexa is not sure how she is supposed to feel. So she stays still and puts on the best poker face. She swears she feels Clarke caressing the nape of her neck before letting her hair fall back over it. Clarke hops back around and looks at the way the pendant rests just above the hem of Lexa's V-neck shirt.

"How do I look ?" Lexa asks
Clarke looks into her eyes. "Perfect". she says.
They may look at each other in silence for a little longer than would be appropriate even for best friends, and Lexa may blush a little bit, she will never admit to it though.
"So," Clarke jumps back to her seat and picks up her pen, "who do you think makes more sense with Hinata ? Neji or Sakura ?"

The ribbon gets soggy in the shower when Lexa forgets to take it off, and after two weeks if gets slightly too gray for it to be socially acceptable. So she recycles a stainless steel chain from her own collection of unused trinkets. She keeps the ribbon as a bookmark for her Course in General Structure copy.

At the end of the school year Clarke gets accepted into a nursing school. It is a long way from Linguistics, but she says that in the back of her mind she always knew she would follow in her mother's footsteps somehow. The school is in Tondc, on the directy opposite direction of Polis from Arkadia. Clarke's mother has no choice but to let her get a place of her own there.

Summer passes by both fast and slow. There are late night conversations, all day gaming sessions and a few sleepovers. But Lexa cannot get over the fact that Clarke will not be there in September.

Lexa sits with Clarke's friends for the first week, but she never feels fully included into their group. It is probably her own fault, she never made any real effort to get to know them the year before. So she throws herself completely into her studies. Who needs friends when you can have academic excellence ?
She still goes to the library, but not as often as she used to, and mainly to borrow books. It doesn't make any sense to study there on her own when she can do the very same thing in her own room with her own computer and music playing.
She always logs in on messenger, out of habit.

Lexa misses Clarke like she never though she could ever miss someone. Surely they chat online every night, but it just doesn't feel the same. She misses the random hugs and scalp massages, she misses the way they communicate with a single gaze, she misses Clarke's voice, Clarke's laugh, Clarke's smell. Lexa realizes that along the way she might have - probably, possibly - fallen in love with her best friend. Of course, how original !

Meanwhile Clarke tells her about the new people she meets. There's that girl, Raven, for a while she is the only thing Clarke ever talks about. At first Lexa is glad Clarke is making friends, but she can't help but feel like she is being replaced. The more time Clarke spends with Raven, the more Lexa hates hearing about her. But Raven is important to Clarke, so she lets her gush about how awesome Raven is, about how she has the coolest car, how good she is with technology and how she told a teacher off the other day but got away with it because she has such good grades. This is what friends do.
When Clarke asks her how her day went she answers " same old." It's not easy making new friends.
Then there's that boy, Finn, Clarke never talked about boys before and Lexa wonder if he will be the one Clarke finally choose. The one who finally break her heart. Lexa's, not Clarke's.

Sometimes Lexa imagine going all the way to Tondc to surprise Clarke so that they can spend the day together.
She doesn't have a car, she failed her driver's test three times.
There's no bus connexion, no trains. She's broke.
It doesn't fit in her schedule.
Excuses.

Clarke has a party for her birthday in November, it is a a simple thing, really, just a few friends, drinks and games at her mother's place in Arkadia. Raven and Finn will be there and Lexa is not really sure she wants to go, but it's Clarke, and Octavia will be there too.

Lexa gets along surprisingly well with Raven. They match in terms of intellectual skills, but also of how protective they are of Clarke. They both agree on how precious she is.

Lexa is not really sure about Finn, something is off with him, but maybe she is just wary of all men in general.
Turns out Raven and Finn were together all along, funny, huh ?

After the party all the guests leave, but Lexa stays, mostly because she doesn't have a ride home, but also because it is their thing. They set up Lexa's mattress right next to Clarke's bed and bring all the blankets down so they can snuggle in front of the TV, with their back resting against Clarke's bedframe. Clarke starts a DVD and Lexa opens a bag of skittles.

None of them really pay attention to the movie. It is late and they are tired, and Clarke is pressed against Lexa, running her hands up and down her arms.
"I'm so jealous sometimes ! You're so fit, it's incredible" Clarke says.
"Thank you." Lexa mumbles. She is not used to compliments, no even from Clarke.
"Take off your shirt"
"What ?"
"I want to give you a proper massage, you feel tense, come on." Clarke say tugging on Lexa's shirt.
This how Lexa ends up shirtless in her best friend's bedroom. She has never been able to say no to Clarke.
"You're beautiful Lexa." Clarke says, running her fingers along Lexa's spine. "You've always been so beautiful."
For a short moment Lexa believes her and it makes her heart swell in her chest. Clarke rubs her hands all over Lexa's back, she knows exactly which muscle to target, how to twist her hand just the right way. She is going to make a fantastic nurse. Lexa puts all she has into not reacting to the touch. There is nothing sexual there, there cannot be. This is a friend thing, this is what Clarke does, what she has always done. Did Clarke just sniff her shoulder?
The movie ends and Clarke gives Lexa her shirt back and offers they go to bed now.

Lexa lies on her back, staring at Clarke's ceiling, wondering how many times she had slept in that exact same spot and if she ever will again. Moonlight filters through the cracks in the blinds and make random shadow patterns on the ceiling She can hear Clarke toss and turn in her own bed. She has always been a fussy sleeper.
"Lexa."
"Hn..."
"I miss you."
"I'm right here, Clarke."
"You know what I mean, it's all different now."
"I know, it's not the same at Polis U either."
Clarke extends her arm over the side of her bed to touch Lexa's hair. Lexa grabs her hand and intertwines their fingers. She sits up in her makeshift bed and stares at Clarke.

Maybe its the buzz from the alcohol, maybe its the darkness, or just the way Clarke looks back at her, but somehow Lexa thinks she has a chance.
So she kisses her. At first it's is just a small touch and Clarke barely reacts. Then Lexa presses her lips more firmly against Clarke's, bumping their noses in the process. Lexa snakes an arm around Clarke's waist. Clarke responds to the kiss and brings her hand to rest on Lexa's side. It is also Clarke who ends the kiss, for a second Lexa chases her mouth with her own, but Clarke pulls back completely and sighs.
"I'm sorry" she says. "I don't... I don't think I'm ready to be with anyone. Not yet."
Lexa nods. She understands. Clarke has never shown any interest in dating, it's not about her. That doesn't mean her heart doesn't break just a little bit, though.
"Lexa..." Clarke calls after a moment of silence.
Lexa doesn't answer, she lies back down in her bed and turns around. She hears Clarke sigh again before falling asleep.

They do not talk about it in the morning. Clarke's attitude doesn't change, she still jokes and touches her as if nothing happened. They do not talk about it the day after either, nor the day after that. Lexa is not sure how to breach the subject. Days turn into weeks and Lexa pushes that kiss to the back of her mind, to the back of her heart. She gets very good at pretending it never happened too, so good that sometimes she wonders if really it wasn't just something she dreamt.

Clarke moves away across the country. Lexa does too, but on the oposite side. She spends two years living with her cousin Anya, training and building up a bit of self-confidence. She still chats with Clarke online sometimes, but the conversation soon dwindles down to common small talk and dies. Clarke still talks about her RPG games, but Lexa has stopped playing them. She doesn't remember when or why, it's just that along the way, she stopped having time for it.

They make new friends, change e-mail adresses, changes phones, don't always keep up. The messaging system they used dies and Facebook takes its place. They do not add each other as friends. Sometimes Lexa toys with the idea of looking Clarke up online, but what's the point ? They stopped having meaningful conversations long before losing touch.

She keeps the pendant, sees it every morning in the mirror.

Lexa moves back home. She finally gets her licence. She gets a job too, in a small town about one hour and a half ride away from Polis. Not too far so she can come back and visit her family from time to time, but far enough that she can be certain to never randomly run into anyone from her past there. She works in a bookstore now. It is a long shot from linguistic research, but she finds out that she likes it. It allows her to have regular human interactions, without having to put too much effort into it, without it really meaning anything. She is perfectly okay with that.

Sometimes Lexa drives past the exit to Arkadia, Clarke's hometown, and wonders if her parents still live there. She never takes that exit.

Sometimes she thinks about sending Clarke and e-mail, surely she must still check her old account from time to time. Something along the lines of "Hey, I drove past Arkadia today, made me think of you. How are you doing after all this time ?"
She never does.
Too little too late.

Lexa signs up in a new dojo, Indra, the trainer is demanding and ruthless, it is perfect. She never takes the pendant off. It's not that she doesn't want to, she just doesn't think about it. It has been there for so long she hardly notices it. But people do : "Why don't you take your necklace off, it could be dangerous ?" "Aren't you afraid of losing it ?" Lexa just shrugs, she's more afraid of breaking her glasses. After a while they stop asking.

From time to time she absent-mindedly slides the pendant back and forth along the chain and brings it to her lips. Not really kissing it, just feeling it, rubbing the little ring that holds the pendant to the chain across her lips. She does that when's she anxious or just thinking. lt 's familiar, comforting, it helps her focus. Last December she had been wearing it for ten years straight. She counted. The chain has been broken and replaced twice.

Some people compliment her on her pendant. When they ask what it means she says "It's a symbol of broken infinity, it means that nothing lasts forever." which makes her sound like a deep, pragmatic philosopher. What she doesn't say is "It was given to me by someone really important to me and I am scared that if I take it off, that statement will come true."

Octavia visits her from time to time. Sometimes she brings Raven along, they are together now. Turned out Finn really was an ass. They never mention Clarke, they too have lost touch.

She meets new people, has a few girlfriends : all of them are dark, skinny brunettes. None of them really mean anything.
Costia is the one who stays the longest. They start off as friends who occasionnaly sleep together, because, hey, it's nice. After a while Costia moves in, out of habit. They are good together, it's simple, safe. For a while Lexa thinks that it is enough. Then Costia meets someone else, Niylah makes her feel things that Lexa never did. It is powerful and scary. "It's okay" Lexa says. She wants her to be happy. There is no drama, they remain the best of friends. When Costia and and Niylah have their first fight, Lexa takes her back in, wraps her in a blanket and feeds her ice cream. This is what friends do.
A few months later Niylah moves back North and Costia follows. She's happy.

Lexa doesn't keep anything that belonged to her.

Lexa has a job she adores, she lives in a good place, has a few good friend and is well on her way to second Dan. So what if she's on her own ? Life is good, she's happy too.

Lexa is printing price stickers for a stack of Post Apocalyptic YA novels when a blond woman walks into the store and goes straight to Lexa's counter. She is wearing a black blazer and a rather short skit. She is beautiful, and somehow familiar.
"Excuse me, i'm looking for the third book in the Ender's Game series, do you known where I can find it ? "
The voice is low an raspy and triggers something in Lexa's that she can't really pinpoint, something like a distant memory resting on the back of her mind.
"You okay ?"
Lexa realizes she has spaced out. She shrugs, smiles, and does a quick computer search for the book.
"I'm afraid we don't have it in store, but I could order it for you if you want." she offers automatically. Nine time out of ten people answer that they will order online, but this is still her job.
"Depends, how long will it take?" the blond answers.
"Shouldn't be more than a few days, a week max if the delivery happens to be held back."
"Oh, well, I'm in town for two weeks, so yes please."
Lexa smiles and pushes a few keys, like she's done a hundrer times.
"I'm gonna need a few details, may I have you last name, please ?"
" It's Griffin G-R-I-F-F-I-N".
Lexa grabs her broken infinity pendant with her left hand and brings it to her lips while she hits "enter" with the right. She hasn't heard that name in a very long time, it's not that common and it makes her chest feel warm. She focuses back on her screen. How silly, it's just a name, probably shared by thousands of people across the country.
"First name ?"
"Clarke, with an "e" at the end."
Lexa's head shoot up and she looks into the stanger's eyes.
"Clarke ?" she repeats and drops the pendant back onto her chest.

Clarke Griffin's eyes follow the pendant and she stares at it for a few seconds until recognition dawns on her. She looks back up at the bookstore clerk and a wide smile appears on her face.

" Hi. "