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Boxers or Briefs?

by Suzuki Kawasaki

Chapter One: Clothes Magic

At three-quarters capacity, the guild hall bustled with lunchtime activity. I sat alone at a back corner table with one eye on my meal and the other focused on the front entrance doors. I nearly spilled my drink when Aqua burst in and shouted, "KAZUMA-SAN!" I didn't think she'd get here this early. After last night's bender, I thought she'd stay curled up in her blanket on the hay until 3 P.M. at least.

I set down my drink and rested my head in the pillow of my arms on the table. Damn, this girl was useless. A goddess that excels at doing parlor tricks — and getting drunk. Her intelligence score matched that of a stack of bricks. How in the world did I end up in this situation?

"Kazuma!" Aqua scanned the hall from left to right as she darted down the aisle toward our usual table.

I knew the answer. I got into this situation by asking Aqua to put me here, and I brought this goddess with me. I could have chosen some fantastic power or a weapon with magical properties. Either would have given me a leg up on every other adventurer in this world. Instead I chose the company of this worthless wench.

"Where are you, Kazuma!" Aqua ran toward the Odd Jobs bulletin board behind the stacked tables. Despite my ostrich act, I knew she'd find me any second.

Dropped here with only the clothes on our backs, we started at square one. My registration card pegged me as smart and lucky. Aqua's card reported immense talents paired with rock-bottom levels of intelligence and luck.

I lifted my head a bit and caught a glance of the determined girl heading my way. As usual, that silly outfit hugged her frame. Blue thigh-high boots, white detached sleeves, a tight blue vest with a matching miniskirt, and that ridiculous transparent fringe.

Aqua stopped at my table. "Kazuma Satou," she said with that silly smile, her use of my first name alerting me to impending trouble. "I found you! I'm so glad!" She rested her hand on my back. "You really are a such a cool team leader, you know?"

I looked into her eyes. "Stop wasting my time with your false praise. I know why you're here." As usual, her visage dropped and a tear formed on her cheek. Some things never change.

Aqua bent over the table and grabbed two handfuls of my shirt. "I need money, Kazuma! I ran up a bar tab of 90,000 Eris last night and I don't have it!"

I crossed my arms under her fists. "And why did you do that?"

"I don't know!" she screamed. "I was having so much fun!"

"You bought twenty rounds of beer for everybody in the house. WITH MONEY YOU DON'T HAVE!"

She shook me. "Please, Kazuma, lend me the money! You know I'll pay you back!"

I believed her. I knew from experience that Aqua hated debt. She'd be on the street selling biscuits to raise the money within the hour.

"Your debts are not my concern, you idiot!" I took hold of her wrists. "Get your paws off of me, you scumbag! Learn to be responsible with your coins!"

Again, like clockwork, the water goddess gushed a fountain of tears. "You meanie," she whimpered, falling back onto the the bench opposite me. "You shut-in, otaku NEET! Why are you always so cruel to me?"

How many times had this scenario played out? I'd lost count. Never in my life did I have to deal with someone this frustrating! I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

I opened them. "Why am I so cruel to you, you ask?" I shook my head and looked up at the ceiling. This madness had to end.

"You're a big fat jerk," Aqua grumbled, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "You brute!"

"Why am I so cruel?"

Aqua stood, pounded the table with both fists, and shouted, "GIVE ME THE MONEY!"

I stood, put both of my hands flat on the table, and leaned in toward the irate girl. She met me half way with a defiant glare, our eyes only inches apart.

I couldn't stand it any more. I blurted it out. "I'm this cruel to you because I'm completely in love with you and I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

Aqua's mouth dropped open. Her eyes widened with shock.

"I still don't know why I picked you to come down to this world with me," I continued, "instead of choosing something more useful like a magical sword. But I realize now that it's the best damn decision I've ever made in my life."

The color drained from the stunned goddess's face. I could see the wheels turning in her head, albeit slowly. After a few moments of shocked blinking, she laughed hysterically. Though her mind tried its best to process what I'd told her — and it wasn't doing a very good job — one thing was clear. She had beaten me.

With the smile of a conqueror, Aqua held out her hand.

I gave her the money.

The next few days we acted the way we always did around each other. Nothing changed. True to her word, Aqua took up part-time jobs and paid off her debt quickly, though she complained about the work each day.

Later that week, our party — Aqua, Megumin, Darkness and I — participated in a few simple quests. Back to business as usual.

Okay. I guess I'd be lying if I claimed nothing changed. I started treating Aqua better. Though I'd confessed out of exasperation, I now found it difficult to direct insults at a girl I'd professed my love for.

Aqua never mentioned the event. At first, I think she viewed my confession as a joke. Her demeanor slowly changed, though. Maybe getting this weight off my chest affected affected my perspective and my imagination, but I sensed a different aura about the goddess.

This glow first manifested itself in the glint of her eyes. Other times she'd flash me an offhand smile. Sometimes an unsolicited laugh or giggle came out of nowhere. Her harsh words toward me softened as well, losing their hard edge.

I noticed something else about the girl, too, though I might have imagined this. From the day I'd first met her, I recognized Aqua's uncommon beauty, and I'm not just talking about her gorgeous face, those deep blue eyes, and that long flowing hair. I'm a normal guy and I also noticed this girl owned a goddess's body. Full round breasts that bounced when she walked, long shapely legs, a toned thin waist ...

... and that amazing round bottom ...

... that wasn't covered ...

... because Aqua wore a ridiculously short miniskirt with a see-through underskirt ...

... and no panties!

Damn.

Though Aqua wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, she quickly noticed my preoccupation with her bum. And she didn't scold me — at least not at first. At first she sighed or groaned or grumbled. She never overtly complained.

Aqua didn't pull me aside until Darkness and Megumin caught on to my fascination with her derriere. Though they didn't say a word, their knowing looks and muffled laughter got on the goddess's nerves.

At the end of the day, when we'd returned to our stall at the barn, Aqua laid into me. Facing me with hands on hips, she screamed, "STOP STARING AT MY BUM SO MUCH, YOU IDIOT!"

"But I can't help it!" I protested. "Your bum is amazing!"

"Of course it is. I'm a goddess after all, if you haven't noticed."

I shook my head, flummoxed. "I never noticed it like this. I don't know what's come over me."

Aqua let out the sweetest groan. "Dammit. I knew something like this was going to happen."

"I don't know why I never noticed," I said, "but you're wearing a super short miniskirt and a see-through underskirt - AND YOU'VE GOT NO PANTIES ON!" I bent forward to get a better view. "On top of that you've got the most beautiful round bare bottom I've ever seen in my life. What's happening to me?"

"I knew something like this was going to happen," Aqua sighed. "It's all my fault."

"Huh? What are you talking about? You know what's going on?"

Aqua wrapped her arms under her breasts. "It comes down to personal preference, actually."

"What?"

"Just like you had on Earth."

"WHAT!"

"Back on Earth half the guys wore boxers and the other half wore briefs, right?"

"Sure," I said. "Men have debated boxers versus briefs since the beginning of time."

"Which do you like better?" Aqua asked. "Boxers or briefs?"

"I like boxers. But you know that from doing our laundry."

"And why do you like boxers?"

I thought about it for a minute. "I guess I like the freedom. I don't like to feel constrained. I know some guys like the tighter feeling of briefs so their junk doesn't move around but I'll take the comfort of boxers any day."

"And what choices does a girl have?"

"I never heard of a girl wearing boxers," I said. "As far as I know, you guys wear panties and that's it."

"There isn't a whole lot a girl can do if she craves that same feeling of freedom, is there?" Aqua pointed to her bum. "But I'm a goddess, so I mastered Clothes Magic."

I got on my knees behind her and took a closer look at Aqua's perfect bare behind. She didn't seem to mind my gawking when we were alone. "But you're pretty much naked from the waist down to the top of your boots. How does that work?"

"It's simple. I use Clothes Magic to make it so people don't notice."

I stood and faced her. "Huh?"

"Suppose somebody brought a blue elephant into the city," she said. "The first day that elephant showed up, you would notice it, right?"

"Yeah. Everyone would notice something like that."

"And you'd probably notice that elephant on the second day, too, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose."

"After two weeks, do you think you'd notice him?"

"No. After two weeks the novelty would have worn off. The elephant would have blended into the background by then."

"That's how my Clothes Magic works! Everyone sees my bum, but nobody notices it. It blends into the background like that elephant. The magic makes people think it's nothing special so they ignore it." She wiggled her bottom with a wide smile. "And that's how I get to wear my boxers!"

I put my finger to my chin. "Let me get his straight. A beautiful girl who longs for freedom from tight binding clothing casts a spell that keeps the people around her from noticing that she's naked from the waist down." I paused. "Except for that nearly nonexistent miniskirt, of course. Did I get that right?"

"You got it!" A proud smile lit up Aqua's face.

I knelt behind her again. "But I can see it now. And it's perfect!"

Aqua arched her back, bent her knees, and wiggled her hips. "Of course it is."

"So why do I notice it now? Why did the Clothes Magic stop working on me?"

Aqua shot me an aggravated look over her shoulder. "Stop staring so much when we're in public, okay? You can do that, can't you?"

"But why can I —" Then it hit me. "Wait, I get it! It's because you like me, too, isn't it? And when you like someone, your barriers go down. Am I right? Am I right?"

Aqua's face turned bright red. "Just stop staring so much, okay! It's your basic bare bum. Pretend it's like that elephant!"

I'd nailed it! Aqua liked me, too!

Something told me not to push my luck, though, so I changed the subject. "It's not a normal bum. It's perfect. Along with everything else down here."

Aqua straightened and grumbled.

"I'm sorry," I said, standing. "I'll try not to stare anymore. I promise."

"Stupid neet."

I tried my best not to stare. I really did. But Aqua didn't make things easy. I couldn't win. She'd frown when she caught me staring, but when I didn't look she got mad, too. Then she'd do things to get my attention.

The better I controlled my eyes, the more difficult she made my life. For example, after an extended period of visual self control, she'd drop something on the ground — accidentally, of course — and bend over right in front of me to pick it up.

Who knows? She might have done this hundreds of times in the past and I never noticed. Now I noticed!

At the guild hall she made a point of walking in front of me, then bending forward over tables when greeting friends, exposing all her feminine wonder to my view. She also seemed to twirl about more than usual, flaring out her skirt and treating me to another eyeful of bottomless perfection.

Maybe Aqua did these things all the time and I never took note. When I looked around, no one else seemed to sense anything out of order. On one level, I considered this a blessing. If the townsfolk knew the reason behind the tension between us, they'd consider us idiots.

It's like this. I'm a normal human male in my prime. But I admit that I'm not the most experienced guy in the world when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. I didn't date much in my previous life. Yeah, okay, I never went on a single date. And Aqua probably rowed in that same boat. Her goddess duties, directing humans to their various afterlife landing spots, no doubt kept her busy. I think these crazy feelings confused her as well.

Despite my inexperience, I sensed our relationship steaming toward a major train wreck. I had to do something to avert a catastrophe.

As my luck would have it, once I made my decision to act, an opportunity presented itself.

The following day, Aqua and I planned to meet our partners Megumin and Darkness at the guild hall and we got there a few minutes early.

"I'm going to check the Odd Jobs board," Aqua said. The Odd Jobs bulletin board rarely offered anything interesting, but Aqua often managed to find part-time work there. Since the board lacked the glamour of the more prominent Quest Request board at the front entrance, management relegated it to the back corner of the hall, hidden from the rest of the venue behind stacks of unused tables and extra chairs.

I followed Aqua to the board as she gaily skipped toward her goal, her skirt bouncing up and down the entire way. When she arrived at the board, she pretended to study the two cards posted to it in earnest. When she pulled the pin holding one of the cards to the cork board, the loose page toppled down toward the ground.

Aqua bent forward at the waist to retrieve the card. Instead of picking it up and tacking it back to the board, the girl turned the card so she could read it as it lay flat on the tile floor. With legs straight, torso down, her bare bottom high in the air, the flexible goddess remarked, "This doesn't look too bad."

From my perspective, she'd uttered an understatement. I knelt behind her and gently kneaded her firm smooth cheeks. "No, it doesn't look too bad at all. But didn't we already determine it was perfect?"

"Yes, we did," she said, giggling. She wiggled her bum as I separated and closed the globes of her gorgeous round derriere. Aqua didn't alter her fully bent-over position the slightest.

"Is that a good job?" I asked, thoroughly enjoying myself.

"You better hope nobody comes back here," Aqua replied. "Or you're going to get it." But she didn't change her position. Somehow I knew she wasn't going to move until I stopped playing with her.

Our companions would arrive any moment, so I lifted my hands from her bottom, reached around her boot, and took hold of the left hand now hovering near her left ankle. We stood up together and faced each other.

"I love you, Aqua," I said. "My registration card says I'm a very lucky guy, and getting stuck with you is the luckiest thing that's ever happened to me."

Aqua's visage melted. I put my hands on her waist and pulled her close. As we held each other, a tear formed in the goddess's eye. "I love you, too, Satou. Thank you for choosing me."

Our first kiss was sublime. I didn't know anything could feel that great. When our lips parted, I lost myself in her wonderful eyes.

So it took me a few moments to realize that my arms were now holding a totally naked girl!

"Please kiss me again," she said, oblivious to her nudity, or not caring.

So I did. Our second kiss surpassed the first. When our lips parted a second time, I released her and stepped back.

"So none of your clothes are real," I said, now realizing the extent to which Aqua loved her freedom from fabric. "Everything you wear is a vision produced by your Clothes Magic. No wonder I never saw your outfit hanging from the clothesline." I inspected Aqua's glowing form, then reached forward and cupped her full perfect breasts.

After shrugging her shoulders, the blushing nude girl clasped her hands over her bum, arched her back, and leaned her chest toward me.

"You are the most beautiful goddess in the universe," I added with sincere awe.

"KAZUMA! AQUA!" We jumped when our party-mate Darkness called out for us. "Kazuma! Aqua!" I released the goddess's breasts just as Darkness and Megumin rushed around the corner. "Oh, there you are! We've been looking everywhere for you two! We have a meeting, remember?"

As a normal young human male in the presence of an incomparably gorgeous, fully nude woman — though neither Darkness or Megumin could tell — I had trouble talking.

Fortunately Aqua didn't.

"I was checking out the Odd Jobs board for something interesting to do," the naked beauty said as she picked the card up from the ground and tacked it back to the cork board. "And Kazuma came back here to insult me." Aqua punched me in the chest. "There's nothing wrong with milking cattle, you big stupid jerk!"

"I was wondering what's been going on with you two," Darkness said. "I'm glad to see things are getting back to normal."

"Come on, you guys." Megumin said. "Let's get started already. We don't have all day."

"Stupid shut-in NEET," Aqua grumbled with an sullen glare, trying her best to focus. She closed her eyes and took a few breaths, working up more anger with each exhalation. The blue outfit slowly materialized over her body.

Thank the heavens!

I broke out of my stupor. The four of us sat at our table and planned our next quest over food and drink. As usual, Aqua and I sat on the bench on one side of the table, Darkness and Megumin the other side.

The discussion went well. Except for the few times Aqua reached forward and exposed herself. And I'd stealthily fondle her bare bum. And her clothes would fade away. After a few grumbles and a couple sharp kicks to my shin, her outfit reappeared.

We walked home later that evening — hand in hand once we were clear of the city. A young adventurer and his totally nude girlfriend enjoying a stroll through the cool night air. When the stables came into view, we ran to our stall.

Where we rolled around in the hay.

Neither one of us wearing any clothing.

And Aqua and I shed our inexperience together.

Aqua often wears work clothes made of real fabric when she's selling produce, laying bricks, or doing some other part-time job, but I know the freedom-loving goddess doesn't feel comfortable that way. I don't tell her this, but seeing her with clothes on now and then improves my sanity. Going on quests with an incomparably gorgeous naked female companion creates problems, especially when I'm the only one immune to her Clothes Magic. Directing a successful questing party requires a leader's full concentration and it's hard to concentrate when that leader can't keep his eyes off a party-mate's beautiful bouncing breasts.

We still get into our little fights and I have those moments where I can't help but spout verbal abuse at this useless goddess and her unprofitable parlor tricks. And it pisses her off. I can tell because her thigh-highs, sleeves, miniskirt and vest all reappear for a while. I guess that'll always be a part of our relationship.

But Aqua always keeps her bum bare for me, and always grants me access to it before the day is through.

Making up usually involves me kissing her magical cheeks. Which leads to me kissing other nearby regions. Which leads to other things, the first being the disappearance of her outfit. When I'm laying on the hay, holding this amazing girl in my arms, I'm reminded of something.

I really am the luckiest guy in the world.

Author's Notes: A friend suggested I check out Konosuba last week so I sat down and watched the first episode. As soon as I saw the goddess Aqua sitting on her throne with her legs crossed, eating from a bag of potato chips, I fell in love. "Hey, hurry it up," she says. "Nobody's expecting much from a shut-in game otaku anyway." I couldn't stop laughing.

As the anime progressed I noticed something unique about Aqua's wardrobe and decided to write about it. I love Kazuma and Aqua's relationship, especially their grumbling reliance on each other, and thought it might be fun to use this wardrobe quirk as a vehicle to bring these two together. Let me know what you think, dear readers! - S.K.