Summary: "Dick you're crushing me. Let. Go."Oh boy did he ever just love babysitting the golden boy when he was hammered. Part one of Three of the Family Series.

Disclaimer: I do not own batman I just like to write.

Jason fucking knew the brats wanted something when they appeared in front of his bunker. Carrying the golden boy over their shoulders. Good god he hoped they weren't going to ask for what he thought they were. He so did not have time for their bullshit.

It is exactly what he thinks they're going to ask and he has to physically restrain himself from shooting the demon spawn for his flippant comment of, "-Tt- Drake why in the world would Todd of all people be entrusted with Grayson. It's improbable that he even knows how to care for himself over a mediocre level."

Jason is going to kill him first chance he gets. Dick can bitch at him all he wants the brat deserves it.

The replacement is just as close as the twerp to getting shot rattling on and on how Dick is unfit to be in the field tonight and Bruce is not in the most affable moods. Jason snorts since when is the big bad Bat affable?

Sadly, while this whole encounter seems strange it is in fact not the first time Jason has been proposed as the solution to Dick's untimely inhibition and is one of the few times Jason is somewhat considered an ally?

Well, that's what the brats like to think anyway. Damian can continue to glare and puff up like an enraged peacock all he likes. There is very little chance his tantrums will change the arrangement.

Besides, if Dick was even slightly sober and not sounding like a wannabe snake he would be leaping over the fucking moon at seeing most of his family partially getting along.

The brats could just suck on that.

Like always after Damian's holier-than-thou tantrums and all around attitude, Jason was deposited with a clingy older brother that had a penchant for biting when drunk (Which Jason swore the demon spawn got it from). And Jason wondering where the hell he should place himself for the night.

All this led to the current hell he was in. On his couch.

"Dick you're crushing me. Let. Go." Oh boy did he ever just love babysitting the golden boy when he was hammered. "Why the hell are you licking me!? That's disgusting Dick!" Get the hell off me." Just an absolute fucking joy.

Why was it always him?

Out of all his somewhat family members Jason could just barely stand Dick. Sober. Of course he still took shots at the man and just because he missed most of the did not imply that he cared. Dick drunk, however, was a completely different story. Dick when drunk somehow got clingier than when he was sober, had no sense of boundaries and he licked people. Jason really hated watching over his brother. He really was too much of a hassle.

Speaking of the clinging Dick was trying to curl his way around Jason's torso, hands latching into his clothes much like a sloth (Jason is not too sure if his brother thinks he's a snake or is trying to impersonate a sloth. Either way he is not a tree). If the circumstances were just a little different Dick would be clinging for a different reason...

That fantasy was squashed Dick being the ass he is- both sober and intoxicated- leaned up and bit his cheek. His brother was really starting to remind him of an excruciatingly annoying puppy- slobber and all.

"Look, we all know I'm hot, but keep the biting to yourself." Jason said, one hand pressing said unruly pseudo-dogs to his chest as the other was wrapped snugly against Dick's waist. Hell, if he was going to be forcefully spooned he was going to be comfortable dammit! Now if only he could reach the remote.

Dick, of course, just couldn't make things easy on him and kept squirming hands stretching around him as Dick tried- and failed- to get out of Jason's grasp.

"Jay-" God, Dick was trying to talk again.

"No Dickie-Bird you just lay... on me, I guess? And get some sleep." Jason couldn't have said anything else considering the position they were in. But hey, at least they were both warm? Well, Jason didn't really care if Dick was warm, but Jason had a personal heater so it counted.

Dick as always was against everything that spilled out of Jason's mouth. "But 'm n't tired,"

Jason snorted eyeing the -supposedly- grown man currently sprawled out on his chest yawning as he peered up at Jason through long lashes. " Of course you aren't Dickie-Bird," Jason sighed the hand holding his menace at bay slowly twirling stray strands of hair around a finger while his other hand combed through the mass ebony.

Dick hummed into his chest as he almost instantaneously stopped wiggling and breathed in deep and soft now in just a drifting awareness. Jason allowed a tender smile to grace his lips. No one other than him would see and Dick was too drunk to remember anything anyway. Besides, despite how much he may bitch about being Dick's designated babysitter having the man slumped against his chest as comfortable as can be made it worth the struggle to get the man asleep.

After all, neither the replacement or the demon brat have got to see their brother like this.

Other than being incredibly comfortable Jason got something hardly any of them got to themselves.

Glancing at the clock hands still petting his brother Jason yawned. He had a few good hours before the brats came back to pick up their brother. Maybe, just maybe he could get some sleep in? For this thinking Dick just nudged his hand and made a noise in the back of his throat. Jason just looked down at him and smirked. He was going to sleep whether or not Dick wanted him to.

A/N: This is something that's been sitting on my computer for a while, along with part two and some of three. I just really wanted to play around with an idea a good friend of mine gave me. This was what came of it and as usual, I tried to go for humour (I failed as usual), and the whole family/friendship genre's that I adore. I hope you somewhat enjoyed this monstrosity, if not, then oh well, I just have to try harder. If you did the second part will be put up sometime. Probably not soon, but it will be up eventually.