Dear Cas,

This was Sam's idea and honestly, I think it's stupid. But he started talking some psychobabble and I thought if I just did it, he might shut up.

So. This is me writing you a letter, which you'll never read because who even writes letters anymore and

Never mind.

I don't know if I can do this.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you feel so worthless, you thought the only thing you were good for was to be a vessel for Lucifer. And I guess if you feel that way, it's my fault. You know me, I'm not good at what Sam calls emotional intelligence. So maybe you feel like I only we only want you here with us because you can be useful and if you're not useful, then we don't want you anymore. It's not true. You're family, Cas. As much as Sam, as much as Bobby and Charlie, Ellen and Jo. Probably more than my actual Dad.

Maybe you will read this one day. When you're back with me, safe and happy and we'll laugh at how stupid this is. But maybe Sam's onto something. I can't say I feel better but I feel like I can say stuff here that I can't always do out loud.

I miss you, man.

I wish I had told you that you are important to us, whether or not you have your angel mojo, or your wings or anything. You're important to me because you're you. We've been through a lot, me and you. Much of it bad. Some of that bad stuff is my fault. Maybe all of it. But I'll always have your back. I'm sorry you didn't believe that. OK, enough chick flick moments, I promise.

If

When you get back we're gonna celebrate. Whatever you wanna do. And you have to promise me you'll never do anything like this again.

I need you. I'm going to save you, Cas. I'm going to get you back, I swear. I always say I can't live without Sam. Truth is, I don't think I can live without you either.

Your friend,

Dean