OLDER AND WISER

Naruto's older when the Kyuubi breaks free- six years old, when he's suddenly saddled with a younger brother and the Kyuubi's yang chakra. It's a lot of responsibility, but he can handle it ... until his best friend kills her clan and joins a terrorist organization. Five years later, Kakashi loses his genin team and Naruto's saddled with a bunch of brats. Narutoxfem!Itachi

Chapter One: Just a Kid Playing Ninja

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, so this is all for fun, and I'm making no profits, and I thank anyone who owns anything relating to Naruto for letting me write this and blah blah blah disclaimer blah blah blah. I'm just a kid playing author.

On the first academy day of the year, parents and children all gathered in front of the building to say their goodbyes and socialize with others in the same situation. It was a momentous occasion for many, and being late on the first day was a common fear amongst the new students, one they tended to overcompensate for.

One particular blonde haired, blue eyed six year old wasn't worried about being late. Instead, he was impatient; he couldn't wait for his slothful father to get out of bed and take him to the academy. He'd ended up having to wake his father up and pull him out of the house. Or at least he'd gotten his mother to.

She was properly excited and assisted him in motivating his father, greatly speeding up the process. For all his enthusiasm and volume, Naruto wasn't strong enough to drag his dad out of bed. It would have taken forever without his mom. She'd just leaned down and whispered in his father's ear. Whatever she'd said had obviously worked, because his father was up in an instant and out of the house ten minutes later.

As much as Naruto wanted to reach the academy quickly, he'd had to take his mother's pregnancy into consideration and the family of three ended up walking the ten minutes to the academy. As the building came into view, Naruto sighed in relief. There were only two people there before him, one a girl his age and the other obviously her father.

The girl was facing away, which allowed Naruto a moment to assess her. His parents had been on his case about increasing his observational skills lately. Any time he was out of the house, his parents would say things like 'Pay attention to your surroundings Naruto,' and 'What does that man do for a living?' and 'Who's that man?'

To which he'd reply, "I am, he's a farmer, and that man's one of those old crones who think they have power," respectively. And then his father would shush him quickly while his mother giggled at his last answer. Of course, Naruto'd just started a little over a month before and he wasn't that skilled yet.

The girl's black hair fell to just below her shoulders, and she was wearing a black turtleneck and blue shorts, which basically told him she wasn't a Hyuuga. Formal kimonos, yuck. From the fan on the back of her shirt, Naruto realized she was from the Uchiha clan.

She was facing the man, presumably her father, and he at least was someone Naruto recognized. He'd often ensconced himself in his father's office, amusing himself by watching various shinobi report. Occasionally, he'd been kicked out when something really important was said, but for the most part, he'd become a constant to most of the shinobi who bothered to notice him.

Before a year ago he hadn't paid much attention to the various Shinobi who passed through the office because he'd been more focused on completing the difficult assignments his mother created for him. She'd started on chakra control extremely early, because of his Uzumaki reserves. He'd also been forced- with threat of no ramen- to work on history and math as well.

Around a year previously, Naruto had mastered the tree walking exercise to the point where he didn't need to concentrate on it to stay sticking to the wall or walk around. Once he'd done that, he could spend as much time as he wanted on the ceiling, observing the myriad of shinobi that came through the office. This was how he'd been able to recognize Fugaku Uchiha, patriarch of the Uchiha clan.

From what he remembered, the man wasn't nearly as stuck up as the crone council, but he was somewhat arrogant and tended to put business over pleasure. So of course, he was one of those who Naruto deemed boring, and didn't give much more than a cursory glance to. While Naruto was ruminating on Fugaku Uchiha, his father dropped to a knee, lowering himself to the height of the girl.

She'd turned around by then, prompted by her father, and was staring raptly at Naruto's dad. It was one of the problems with having a Hokage in the family. He'd never neglected Naruto, but it was still a little frustrating to see him paying so much attention to the various civilians or shinobi he passed, as they stared back at him in adoration.

"You're Itachi of the Uchiha Clan? Will you be friends with my son, Naruto?" Naruto reddened slightly at hearing his father's blunt question. It wasn't his fault he didn't really have many friends, or any at all for that matter, his age. Most of the kids his age were so . . . so . . . stupid! Ok, maybe stupid wasn't the right word. No, actually, stupid was correct, Naruto thought. Most other children tended to place Naruto on a pedestal, him being the son of the Hokage and all, which made any conversations Naruto had with them mind numbingly dull.

He guessed he was friends with Kakashi-niichan, but the other boy was more of a brother than a friend. There was too much of an age difference for it to be otherwise, with Kakashi-nii eight years older.

After a moment of embarrassment, Naruto raised his head and flashed his widest smile at the girl, holding out his hand to shake. Itachi seemed taken aback for a moment before her lips twitched upwards and she reached out and figuratively sealed the deal- and their friendship- with a handshake.

As Fugaku stepped up beside his daughter, Minato rose from his crouch. "Ah, Fugaku. How are Mikoto and little . . . Sasuke, is it?"

"Sasuke-chan is fine, and Mikoto is as restless as ever," Fugaku said with a wry smile. "She's inherited Kushina's hatred of hospitals."

"As well she should. Those places are terrible! All white, and boring, and white, and boring, and white and . . . you get the idea," Kushina said. "I think I'll visit her later today. No one deserves to be alone in a hospital." She shuddered theatrically.

A little ways off, Naruto and Itachi were making themselves comfortable against the academy wall. The grownups' talk hadn't really interested Naruto, and so he'd dragged Itachi off for proper introductions.

"Hi. I'm Namikaze Naruto. I like ramen, pranks, the color orange, and taking care of my plants. I dislike people who treat me all formal and stuff just 'cause my dad's awesome. I also like my mom, dad, and Kakashi-nii . . . and I guess Ero-sennin too, but he's not around a lot. My dreams for the future . . . hmm . . . I . . . want to become strong enough that people respect me for me. I might become Hokage, I don't know . . . not until mom gets her turn anyways. She always said she wanted to become the first female Hokage, and she's gonna be Godaime! Believe it!"

Noticing Itachi's somewhat blank stare, he prompted her. "Come on, your turn! Kakashi-nii says in a proper introduction you should have who you are, what you like, what you dislike, and your dreams for the future. And Kakashi-nii's super smart and all, so it's gotta be true!

Itachi giggled at his last statement. Naruto was just so self assured and energetic that it was impossible to not feel somewhat brighter for his presence. "Alright then. Let me think . . . Ok. My name's Uchiha Itachi. I like . . . peace, and my new little brother Sasuke. I dislike war and those who cause it. My dream for the future . . . I don't really know."

"That's alright," Naruto said. "You've got time. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted the first time mom asked me. You don't have to think of it right now."

"But anyways," he continued. "I think for now, what I really want is a friend. So, what d'you say? Are we friends now?" Itachi stared at him intently, scrutinizing him; it felt like she was judging him, his character, and his worth as a friend. Then she smiled, not just a turn of the lips, but a real smile.

"We're friends now," she confirmed. Naruto's smile was almost blinding in its intensity.

Naruto was utterly silent as tears streamed down his face. It wasn't fair. Just yesterday, everything was fine. He had a mother, a father and a brother. Now, his mom and dad were dead and he couldn't find Kakashi-nii anywhere. He had a new little brother who he wasn't allowed to see, and that might not even be the worst of it. "I'm a jinchuuriki now," he said as Itachi stepped up beside him. "A human sacrifice. That's what I am now . . . hey, trade your parents for a demon! Great deal! Yeah right . . ."

"Your parents may be gone, Naruto," Itachi said, earning a scowl from the boy in question. "But you have me. I'm your friend. And there's your vaunted Kakashi-nii. And you have a new little brother. It may seem like the world's ending now. And I don't know how it would feel, to lose my family, but I know that they wouldn't want you to change because of them."

"Well, you don't know what they would want," Naruto growled. "I don't know what they would want. Because they're dead now. You weren't there, so you couldn't know . . . but their deaths weren't an accident. Someone orchestrated the whole thing; my parents' deaths, the Kyuubi attack, all planned. I couldn't even see his face 'cause he was wearing some kind of mask, but he had a Sharingan. I don't know who it was, but dad called him Madara."

Naruto was sobbing by that point, tears streaming freely down his face. "And I could do nothing. Nothing! I was helpless. All I could do was sit there, as my little brother was held hostage, as the Kyuubi was released, as my father defended us. I was helpless, helpless to protect my family, to protect myself."

"Then become strong enough," Itachi said. "Become strong enough that you're never that helpless again. The shinobi world is cruel, and the weak are helpless to defend themselves. We're young yet, but we're already far ahead of everyone else. All this stuff in the academy; it's all boring, redundant material, stuff we both know. We have limitless potential, and we just need to take it."

"Konoha is my home," Itachi whispered, so low Naruto had trouble hearing it, before she raised her voice again. "It's also the most peaceful shinobi village, and I never want to see that change. I'll become strong enough to protect it, and to stop anyone who wishes to harm that peace."

Naruto smiled. It wasn't his grin, but it was a hell of a lot brighter than he'd been before. His smile was wistful as he contemplated Itachi's words, coming to a decision.

"Right," he said. "My parents died protecting the people of Konoha from those who wished it harm, and I won't let them down. I'll do everything I can to make sure their sacrifice wasn't in vain."

"We're graduating, we're graduating, we're gonna graduate," Naruto chanted, grinning like a loon. "Finally!"

"Calm down Naruto," Itachi said, smiling as well. "The team assignments are happening in a second, so pay attention."

"Yeah, but the instructor isn't here yet," Naruto said, "so-"

Whatever he was going to say was cut off by the instructor's entrance. "Quiet down, quiet down please. Congratulations to all of you here today! You've managed to survive the Academy." That earned him a few chuckles from the newly minted Shinobi.

"I'm going to read off the team assignments now, so hold any comments until I'm done. Team one is still in circulation, so team two will be Tenma Izumo, Naruto Namikaze, and Itachi Uchiha.

"Oh come on! I'm with the chibis? Uh sensei, can I switch teams?"

"No you can't! Be quiet, Tenma!" Tenma did stop talking, thought not without first grumbling about the unfairness of it all.

"Team three will be Hoshiko Yamaguchi, Yoshimasa Minobe, and Koan Kijimuta . . ."

"All clear, Yuki-sensei," Naruto said, sensing no one foreign in the area.

"Thank you, Naruto. I'll go inform the Daimyo," said Yuki Minazuki, the sensei of team 2. He turned around to do so, but almost immediately stopped in his tracks. All of the civilian guards had been slain where they stood without anyone noticing. Almost afraid of what he would find, he stepped carefully over the bodies to where the Daimyo was, and his worst fears were confirmed. The Daimyo had been gutted, the sword that had done the deed still buried in his stomach.

In front of Naruto, Itachi and Tenma, a man stepped out of the foliage. His choppy black hair framed his spiral mask, and from looking at him, it was obvious he was a shinobi. Itachi and Tenma quickly tensed and prepared for a fight, while Naruto just stood there, frozen. It was the man who'd killed his parents. He'd recognize that spiral mask anywhere. The hair was different, but like the man had grown it out.

Upon seeing Naruto freeze, Tenma stepped up in front of the other two. "Sensei! Sensei, help!" There was no answer to Tenma's shout, at least not from their sensei.

"Don't worry about your sensei, child," the masked man said. "He won't save you . . . what's this? An Uchiha so far from home, and could it be . . . a Namikaze too. I remember your mother and father. Even their last moments were spent protecting their family. I can respect that at least. But you? You're nothing but a child, a little kid playing ninja."

'He's right,' Naruto thought. 'I'm nothing but a little kid. I couldn't protect my family before. But I can't just do nothing; this is the man who killed my parents!'

"I'll stop you!" Tenma shouted, rushing towards the masked man. "I don't know what you want with Naruto, but I won't let you hurt my teammates!"

"No, wait!" But it was too late. Tenma was just an inexperienced genin. The masked man, whoever he was- was evidently far stronger. He'd gone toe to toe with the Yondaime Hokage; Tenma was dead before he could even hear Naruto's warning.

Now it was Itachi's turn to freeze, shocked at Tenma's death. Naruto, meanwhile, felt nothing but rage- burning rage. And with his rage came a red chakra as well. It burned Naruto, but he couldn't stop. He hardly even noticed, as enraged as he was. Chains shot out of his body. Naruto was still a novice at using them, only having learned how to manifest them a few weeks before his parents' deaths. Usually, the most chains he could produce were a dozen for a period of five minutes and he had very little control. Now, empowered by the Kyuubi's chakra, hundreds of chains soared towards the masked man, all converging where he stood.

'I've finally done it,' Naruto thought, as his chains engulfed the man. 'I've gotten revenge for my parents . . ." Naruto trailed off, noticing something off about the 'dead' man. "Wait, where's the blood? There should be blood!"

"Ahahahaha. Perhaps you're not as worthless as I thought, little genin. It's too bad you're last on the list. I'd love to take you now, but alas, you'll have to wait your turn." The man was still standing in the exact same place, unharmed by the chains that should have been piercing his body. But he wasn't a bunshin, Naruto could tell. Illusionary clones dispelled when they were first hit, but the man didn't have a scratch on him.

"You're lucky you're too valuable to kill right now, kid," the masked man finished, vanishing into thin air just as Naruto lunged at him, red chakra flaring up again. Naruto turned towards Itachi, red chakra still coating him, making him look bestial.

"Itachi! Are you ok?" At her nod, he sighed in relief, finally releasing the red chakra and starting to determine their next course of action. His teammate might have just died, but he couldn't let himself and Itachi die as well. In that case, Tenma's sacrifice would have been completely in vain, and Naruto absolutely couldn't allow that.

"Right," he said. "We need to find sensei and see if he's alive. If he is, he'll know what to do. If not . . ." he trailed off for a second, suddenly feeling drowsy. "If not, you're gonna have to carry me, 'cause using that chakra . . . I'm not feeling too . . . good."

"My Jailor has final decided to visit. How nice." The kyuubi sighed, though it came out more like a rumbling growl. "I suppose it could be worse. I could have been sealed into a baby. Or someone even stupider than you."

"I'm only eight, baka kitsune!" Naruto shouted, scowling. "You can't expect me to be as smart as someone like the professor yet! But I'm not here to argue about my intelligence." The fox was huge, and rather intimidating, Naruto had to admit. But if he couldn't face up to the fox now, he never would. So he steeled himself, and stood as straight as he could.

"Then what are you here for, human?"

"Well," Naruto said. "I'm here to introduce myself to you, first of all so . . . Hiya! I'm Namikaze Naruto. I like ramen, sunshine, the color orange- like you- my friends, and taking care of my plants! I dislike people who don't treat me like me. Like, the people who still treat me all respectfully and stuff, and the people who hate me cause o' you! Yeah, I don't like those people. Seriously, how bad can you be? You're orange, which means you can't be all bad, 'cause orange is awesome! I dislike people who abandon their friends and family, and I also dislike people underestimating me 'cause of my age! My goal for the future is to become strong enough to protect all of my friends and family. Maybe I'll get the man in the mask, but I can't let revenge consume me. I just got so mad when I was trying to fight him, and it totally ruined me. I couldn't even think straight. So revenge isn't really a dream of mine. If I get a chance though, I'll kill him. Your turn!"

"You cannot expect me to give away so much personal information to my jailor."

"Aw, c'mon," Naruto said. "I went first. It's your turn now! It's only fair!"

"Very well then," the Kyuubi said, sighing but acquiescing all the same. "My name- is not yours to know. I like to be left alone, and to be respected for my power. I suppose I also like orange; it is a regal color, fitting for a fox. I also like my father, and Asura. I dislike the Uchiha, being controlled and I dislike my siblings. My dream for the future is to escape this cage and to kill the masked man."

"Wait, wait," Naruto said. "What? Why do you want to kill the masked man? I mean, he released you. Shouldn't you be happy with him? Even if you got sealed again right after."

"He controlled me, and I HATE being controlled. He is one of those cursed Uchiha. I hate Uchiha. So I will kill him."

"Oh, so it's just a revenge kick? You shouldn't do that. Revenge is like a disease; it worms its way into your heart and it consumes you. If you hate someone enough that they're controlling your life, you need to break free, and lose the hatred. I was completely consumed by it when I saw the masked man. It wasn't good. I'd been obsessing over him for two years, but meeting him again forced me to reassess my priorities. That's what you should do."

"Hmph. Reassess my priorities? Why should I do that, human? I have nothing else to do here but imagine the many ways I will kill that man."

"Fine then," Naruto said. "If you can't get rid of your hatred, then I'll do it! I'll cure you of your hatred! And if you've got nothing to do, then I'll visit whenever I have free time. I bet you just need a friend. So I'll be back later. Stay calm, try not to hate; maybe you should try meditating. I've heard it's good for the soul!"

Kurama 'the nine-tailed fox' snorted as his jailor left. He supposed it could have been worse. At least this Namikaze Naruto was interesting, and he certainly had more room to move around than in his previous prison. Although, his questionably intelligent jailor had the strangest ideas. Meditation? It might be something worth looking into.

"Anbu, huh? I mean, it's kinda cool. And it's a way to improve for sure . . . but there's gonna be lots of things that won't be so cool. Like assassinations . . . d'you think you can handle it?"

"Hn."

"I mean, I'm not big on the whole killing people either, but . . . just, are you gonna be okay?" Naruto asked.

"Hn."

"Wow," Naruto said. "It's a wild Uchiha out of her natural habitat. If you listen carefully, you can hear the standard Uchiha grunt. I mean, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity here. Oh, wait . . . no it's not. C'mon, 'Tachi, lighten up. We'll probably have a while before we're assigned any immoral missions."

"Hn." Naruto could definitely see a smirk at this point, and knew he'd succeeded in knocking his friend out of her brooding.

"Here." The woman leading them didn't seem much for words, or conversation, or smiling, or showing any emotions. Seriously, was she a robot or something? The nameless Anbu agent left after leading them to their new team. No goodbye or anything. Naruto hoped he wouldn't ever become so boring.

Together, they stepped through the door and into a training ground. It was big, well lit, and well worn. Most people would think it was too big for just half a dozen shinobi, but ninja fights were sometimes very wide in scale and Kage level ninja could change the entire landscape with their attacks.

"Right, newbies." Naruto and Itachi spun around as they heard a voice behind them. "Here's your standard Anbu issue gear." They were each hit with a huge bundle of gear, staggering under its weight. "You're part of Anbu now, and we're a proud organization, so uphold honor and all that. For real though, this isn't for fun. We do all sorts of missions the regular force would blanch at, all of those missions that can't be officially accepted for the sake of Konoha's appearance. Assassinations, blackmail, spying, you name it."

The man was probably going to go on, but Naruto interrupted him. "Kakashi?" At the man's noticeable flinch, Naruto knew he'd gotten it right. The mask could hide his face, but it didn't hide his voice, which hadn't changed all that much from when he was younger.

"It is you!" Naruto shouted, drawing the attention of the two other Anbu in the training grounds. "Ok, don't interrupt me. I need to say this . . . Kakashi . . . you're a dick. I mean, come on. Mom and Dad died, and where were you? Nowhere to be found! I couldn't find you anywhere. I mean, apparently you joined Anbu. Couldn't even say goodbye? You were like a brother to me! Even Jiraiya visits occasionally; the least you could do is visit me on my birthday!" Naruto finished, breathing heavily.

Another Anbu stepped up, this one unmasked, and with purple hair. "Right. While I'm sure you'd love to continue this little family spat, we really do need to get the rules done." She glanced over at Kakashi. "I doubt taichou's up for it now, so I guess it's my turn."

"We're a very serious organization, and that means you need to take it seriously too. The better you are, the higher the chance you'll survive. The better you work with your teammates, the more chance we all have of surviving. So you better not let your problems with taichou mess up our cohesiveness as a unit.

"Seriously," Naruto muttered with a grimace, "It's not my fault Kakashi abandoned me." At the woman's stern glare, he added, "Fine, fine. Fix the problems, got it."

"Hey plant man," Naruto said as he sat down next to Tenzo in the cafeteria. "I need your help."

"That's not my name," Tenzo said, frowning at Naruto.

"Eh, whatever. Anyways, I need you to help me learn Mokuton!"

"Impossible," Tenzo said immediately.

"You never know until you try," Naruto said. "Lots of people have tried, sure, but how many of them have been sensors? I can pretty much feel the flow of your chakra if I'm holding your arm or something while you're molding it. And how many have been me?

I've gotten my water and earth natures pretty strong by now, and I've got tons of clones to work with. Either way, it'll be a good experiment. At least say you'll help me try," Naruto pleaded.

"Fine, Naruto. When do you want to try?" Tenzo acquiesced with a sigh.

"This weekend would be awesome. Thanks, tree guy," Naruto said, standing up.

"That's not my name," Tenzo grumbled as Naruto left.

"Itachi!" Naruto shouted. "What is this!? Why?" He'd sprinted through the Uchiha district, past dead body after dead body, only to find his best friend just in time to watch her kill her parents.

"It was a test of my potential," Itachi said woodenly, tears streaming down her face.

"That's complete bullshit, and you know it! You could better test your potential by facing me, or S-rankers. Not by killing your family in the middle of the night! And you're crying! Tell me the truth, Itachi! Why are you doing this? What's going on?!"

"Naruto, I'm sorry," Itachi said.

Naruto watched her Sharingan activate, eyes turning red. And then they spun again. "What?! Is that . . . Mangekyou?!"

Itachi didn't answer, staring into Naruto's eyes. "Goodbye Naruto. Tsukuyomi."

When Naruto woke up, he was chained to a chair in the middle of what looked like a world of red. "Wha-" he began, before he was interrupted.

"Naruto," Itachi said, walking into view. She was speaking rapidly and almost whispering, as if she were afraid someone else was listening. "I cannot tell you everything. But know this. My family had to die, I had no choice. And . . . beware of Danzo Shimura." Naruto would have normally said something like 'one of those old prunes?,' but he didn't this time, realizing that it was important and it wasn't the time for jokes. The fact that he was chained to a chair and seemed unable to access his chakra might have helped to tip him off.

"The man in the mask," Itachi continued. "He's more powerful than even you know. He could beat both of us without breaking a sweat, even now. Keep that in mind."

Shortly after, Itachi cut the tsukuyomi and Naruto lost consciousness for real.

"Whatcha want, Jiji?" Naruto asked as he hopped in through the window.

"Sit down," Sarutobi said. "This is important."

"Hai, hai Hokage-sama," Naruto drawled, making the third Hokage sigh.

"You've done good work for the past five years in Anbu, and you have a near flawless mission record. You are hereby relieved of your position as Captain-"

"No more Anbu? But normal missions are boring!"

"And I expect you to report in bright and early tomorrow for your new job, Commander," the Hokage finished.

'Wow,' Naruto thought. 'No one's gonna know who I am. I can have some fun with this. Gotta be intimidating, so . . . I'll see if Kurama's willing to help me with some voice modulation.' It'd taken a long time to earn the 'right to know the fearsome and majestical Kyuubi's name,' and he'd promised not to share it with anyone, unless he had express permission from Kurama himself.

"Awesome old man. I'll be there!" he said, already salivating at the thought of the many high level secrets he'd now be privy to. And hopefully awesome, super secret deadly missions as well.

"Your first mission is very important. It may only be an A-rank, but I wouldn't trust it to any other Shinobi," Sarutobi said. "You will be watching my grandson. You must be attentive, as he has a habit of running off. He also hates baths, and if you find him running naked through the hall . . ."

"Naruto," the Hokage said dryly. "When I closed and sealed the window, I meant for you to take the door . . . not figure out how to teleport."

"Eh," Naruto said, "You gotta admit, it's like the best jutsu ever. Dad really knew what he was doing. Took me like a year to get this. But it was so worth it! I'll never have to walk again!"

"I don't think that's quite the point of the Hiraishin," Sarutobi stated dryly.

"Maybe it wasn't," Naruto said, "but maybe it was! Who really knows what dad was thinking? Either way, he was a sealing genius. I'm good and it took me a year to recreate the jutsu with his notes. He did the whole thing in what- eight months? All from scratch."

"Naruto-"

"What's up, boss?"

"You'd know already if you hadn't interrupted!"

"Jeez," Naruto said. "Calm down, old man. All this stress can't be good for you at this age."

"As I was saying," Sarutobi growled, "As of now, you are no longer commander of Konohagakure's Anbu forces."

"Oh, thank god," Naruto sighed. "It's got to be the most boring job ever. Most of the organization is run by the captains. I just assign missions and paychecks. And watch Konohamaru. And I can do all of them with shadow clones. Seriously, there's nothing to do, 'cause I gotta stay at base in case of emergency and all that. Please tell me you have something more exciting for me!"

"Well, Naruto," Sarutobi said, "how would you like to be a jounin sensei?"

"I thought all the teams had sensei already," Naruto said. "So what gives, old man?"

"Kakashi-"

"Of course," Naruto muttered.

"has made a stupid enough decision that the council-

"I thought they'd died already. Seriously, they're practically mummies by now. Mark my words, by next summer, Danzo's gonna be all wrapped up in bandages, head to toe."

"does not believe him capable to lead his team," Sarutobi finished, ignoring Naruto's interruptions. "And I have to say I agree with them here."

"Huh," Naruto said. "What'd he do?"

"Kakashi," Sarutobi said, "decided to continue a mis-ranked mission. It was originally a C-rank but they ran into nuke-nins on the way, out to kill their client. The nuke-nins in question were only C-rank, but it was the demon brothers, and everyone knows they work with Zabuza Momochi."

"Yes, the demon of the mist, stupid title that it is- he's A rank, I think. Kakashi shouldn't have had much trouble with him," Naruto interrupted.

"Normally I'd agree with you, but Zabuza had a jonin level accomplice, a Hyoton user, and Kakashi's been slacking since leaving Anbu. Kakashi defeated him once, but ended up suffering from chakra exhaustion, which allowed the previously unseen Hyoton user to spirit Zabuza away, pretending to be a hunter-nin."

"And Kakashi didn't call for backup?" Naruto asked incredulously.

"He claims that he did, but the communications were intercepted," Sarutobi explained. "A week after his first fight with Zabuza, they fought again, except this time Zabuza's apprentice took on Menma and Sasuke. The two managed to hold off the Hyoton user for a while, mostly because Sasuke activated his Sharingan. Before they could defeat . . . I'm honestly not sure if the hunter-nin was male or female. Both Menma and Sasuke are certain 'she' was female, while Kakashi says 'he' was male."

"Get on with the story, old man," Naruto said. "If need be, just refer to the hunter-nin as it," Naruto finished, grinning.

"To continue, before they could defeat the hunter-nin, she-"

"Ah, two to one majority on the gender, right," Naruto said.

"jumped in front of Kakashi's Chidori when he was about to finish Zabuza. Right after, Gato, Zabuza's employer, showed up with an army of mercenaries and told the weakened Zabuza that he'd been planning to double cross him all along. Of course, Zabuza didn't take kindly to that, and used his remaining strength to massacre Gato and the mercenaries."

"That," Naruto said, "was the best story I've heard in a long time. But yeah, to be serious, I can see why Kakashi's not reliable now. Continuing the mission was a monumentally stupid decision. Why didn't he send a summon for backup? He's got his dogs and they're pretty awesome at stealth, and running! Whatever . . . to sum it up, Kakashi fucked up, and I've got a a genin team now? Yay, I guess."

"Yes, I'm sure you've figured out which team," the Hokage said. "It's rather obvious. Congratulations; you're the jonin sensei for team seven, starting tomorrow."

"Alright, old man, got it," Naruto said. "Kinda sucks that the Hyoton user died though. If what I've heard is true, she might've been the last alive, which means I gotta work out Hyoton from scratch. That's gonna take years!"

"Yes, I'm sure it will," Sarutobi said drily. "As long as there's nothing else, you're dismissed. Use the-" There was slight displacement of air and Naruto was gone. "door," Sarutobi finished, sighing.

Omake: None of this is real. Do I really like girls, or am I into little boys? Let's check!

"Ahahahaha. Perhaps you're not as worthless as I thought, little genin. It's too bad you're last on the list. I'd love to take you now, but alas, you'll have to wait your turn."

"What!" Naruto shouted. "You're not only a murderer, but a pedophile too? You're never going to take me, pedo!"

The masked man sputtered at that declaration, not expecting Naruto's wild assumption. "Wha- no! How the hell did you . . . I don't want to know. I really don't. All I said that you're last on the list. I really don't know how that translated to pedophilia. I'm going to take you prisoner. That's what I meant!"

"Ah, no!" Naruto shrieked, "I'm not into S&M! No thanks! Find someone else!"

"You're not even a teenager yet," the masked man said, exasperated. "You shouldn't be thinking like that at all."

"My mom always told me there are crazy people out there," Naruto explained. "People who will have sex with anything. Children, animals, even inanimate objects. I'm not helping you with your fetish, pedophile!"

"Inanimate objects? I honestly didn't know people did that. I mean, I knew about bestiality and all," the man muttered, "but people really do it with rocks and trees and stuff? Your mother might have made it up. Sounds like something Kushina would do."

"Wait," Naruto said, "You knew my mom? But I didn't know she knew any pedophiles!"

"Quit it already! I'm not a pedophile!"

"Denial's not just a river in Suna!"

"That's it. I'm leaving. I'll be back for you, just you wait." With that, the man faded out of existence.

"He'll be back for me? Definitely a pedophile." Naruto nodded confidently, sure of his interpretation.

Disillusioned with reality, Obito's abducting jinchuuriki(aka stamina freaks) in order to figure out his true sexuality. 'The Eye of the Moon' is just another innuendo!

A/N: Comment, flame, do whatever you want. Any feedback is awesome. If you're enjoying the story and want more, follow and/or favorite!

I tried to make Naruto playful and childish, but smart for his age when he first meets Itachi, while she's already become somewhat disillusioned with the Shinobi world, and is more mature as a consequence. I'm not making Naruto much smarter than he could have been in canon. Maybe they seem too smart, but Kakashi graduated the academy at age 5. In the Shinobi world, geniuses are apparently incredible mature.

Theoretically, in canon, Naruto mostly taught himself how to read and had pretty much no one to help him much until Iruka. The sandaime was pretty much his only friend for the longest time. However, his dad was a genius, and his mom had her own unconventional intelligence. I think that with friends and/or family from the start, Naruto could have been a genius, or at least pretty darn intelligent for his age. Ex. Menma(Evil menma or the ultimate tsukuyomi. Both were essentially Naruto with parents and were both intelligent, evil or not.

Why is Naruto communicating with the Kyuubi so early? In canon, he didn't know about it till he was twelve. Here, he's known since the moment it was sealed inside him, and can ask Jiraiya, who visits every so often, for help. Again, Ex. Menma. Both of them were communing with the Kyuubi from an early age and became 'perfect jinchuuriki' by their early teens.

My most awkward scene is probably where Naruto blows up at Kakashi. But I wanted him on the same team as Itachi, and that meant he had to meet Kakashi, his captain in Anbu, and he's still got a temper, even if it's toned down from what it was in canon. Kakashi was the same age and hid from his problems in canon. I assumed he would do the same here, even with a pseudo little brother.

Right before Itachi uses Tsukuyomi on Naruto, she says, "Goodbye Naruto." Right after, she talks to him in Tsukuyomi. The Goodbye is more for appearance, in case Madara(Tobi) is still lurking around. Inside the Tsukuyomi, it's supposedly private, but Itachi is under the impression that Tobi is Madara at this point. He's the self proclaimed most powerful Uchiha ever, and she has no way of knowing how good he is at the Sharingan techniques. For all she knows, he can hijack someone else's Tsukuyomi. Which is why she's hurrying and almost whispering, even during the 'unbreakable illusion.'

Why is Itachi a girl? I don't know. I wanted to make Naruto older and have him in a rare pairing. I've only seen one completed fiction where Naruto is paired with a female Itachi, and it's not that great, mostly filled with Konoha bashing. I also like having Naruto's romantic interest be of equal strength, which is one of the biggest reasons I'm not into Naruto and Anko pairings. Itachi is an S-ranked shinobi, and presumably even stronger in this story with someone 'her' age who can actually match her, until she leaves Konoha.

Naruto with 'bloodlines?' I've always been of the opinion that having an elemental bloodline just streamlines the process. There's no indication that Mokuton was a Senju bloodline, and I'm inclined to believe it's more of a combination of Earth, Water, and natural energy. Or possibly Earth, Water, and Yang release, because the Rikudou Sennin used Yang release to 'breathe life' into the bijuu after creating their bodies with Yin release. I'm of the opinion that without whatever the third part is, Earth and Water combined just makes mud.

Hashirama was a reincarnation of Asura, who had inherited his father's power, presumably including Creation of All things, which would have made it easier for Hashirama to use Yin-Yang release jutsu, kinda like a bloodline. The Senju clan always had powerful life force, which basically means they had an easy time using Yang chakra. So maybe Hashirama was experimenting with his two equally powerful elements of Earth and Water, and he decided to use Yang release one day. Voila, trees.

Either way, my point is that Naruto shares my theory, especially once he hears Kurama's input, so he's going to test it out, and possibly succeed. This isn't just limited to Mokuton. I'm not big on 'hey, Naruto has like ten bloodlines' fictions, and I much prefer my idea. But I'm biased, obviously. I've read another fic similar to this- except where Itachi's a guy- and Naruto had mokuton. But the author never explained how or why, so I spent the entire time stewing over it.

He's not going to use Mokuton much, because Tenzo doesn't have nearly enough chakra to use Hashirama's biggest jutsu, which means Naruto can only learn a certain amount of Mokuton, and he's not going to waste his time developing new Mokuton when he can work on recreating Hiraishin or his own signature jutsus.

Why didn't I include a 'Naruto meets the toads' scene? Well, it's been done so many times, I couldn't really think of any new way to do it and it's honestly not that important of a scene all in all. He's gonna have toad summons because Jiraiya's his godfather and his dad was a toad summoner too. It's kinda obvious, and I feel no need to have a big scene for it. The same for sage training.

The point of this fic is more character development than power development, and it's an AU. Yes, Naruto's kinda of OP. Yes, Itachi is more powerful than in canon. In turn, Obito will be more powerful, Madara will be more powerful, and Pein will probably be more powerful than in canon. The rest of Akatsuki are cannon fodder against Naruto for the most part. I'll try to cut down on bashing as much as humanly possible, so Sasuke's going to be broody, but open to logic somewhat. Sakura's gonna be an obsessed fangirl . . . for like ten paragraphs, tops, before Naruto starts making her into a real Kunoichi, that kinda of thing. Menma will have his faults, and he'll be a lot like my Naruto, because Naruto was a big influence on him growing up, and he wasn't nearly as starved for attention. He had friends, as well as Naruto and Jiraiya. Maybe even Kakashi after Naruto chewed him out. Though that last part isn't that important to the story, so I'll decide later.

I like explaining everything I'm doing, so I have somewhat long author's notes. I'm not planning on explaining all these little details later in the story, so they're in the Author's Notes. If I do hash out one of these ideas in the actual story, I'll remove it from the AN so it's a surprise for new readers. The Author's notes also has some spoilers, because they snuck in there as I was writing, and I'm just trying to alleviate any concerns people have about the story, as well as draw new readers in. I'm the kind of guy who stews over unexplained powers or illogical actions, so I figured I'd fill in the blanks for others who have the same attitude.

Comment, flame, do whatever you want. Any feedback is awesome. If you're enjoying the story and want more, follow and favorite to let me know. Or make sure I know by leaving a review stating exactly that!