*coughs*

Um. Yeah.

More at the bottom.

She registered voices, but couldn't hear. Her eyes were open, but she couldn't see. Her mind told her this was familiar, but nothing that told her why or how.

She felt a thrum over her body, and could tell she was moving(being moved?), but her surroundings were just a blur. She could see bright, then dim, then bright, then dim again in front of her, but everything was shades of gray. Sounds were even less distinct, like being deep underwater.

The brightness above her cut off some time later, could have been minutes, could have been hours. The hum around her body stopped, and the world tilted and shifted. She felt something ripple beneath her and the tilting stopped.

The brightness was all around her now, no longer moving. She could feel the rise and fall of her chest, and it took her a moment to remember it was her breathing. She tried to blink the fog from her eyes, but only succeeded in making the brightness slowly flicker a few times.

"Get up."

She started at the harsh, clear command. She knew that voice. But where…?

"Come on, get your shit together and get up."

A few more blinks, these faster. The surface under her, it had some give to it. A bed, or something.

Her movements were slow, clumsy, but she dragged an arm up her side and forced her body up. How strange it was, to feel so heavy, yet also feel like you were floating.

"C'mon, I know you can do better than that. Wake. Up."

Kateri jumped at a loud popping noise, and her senses slammed into her full force, leaving her discombobulated for a moment. Her eyes crossed to see two hands flat against each other less than an inch from her nose. She followed them up to see a smirk and a pair of blue eyes.

"Nice of you to join us, Arrow."

"Abe…? The hell are you doing here?" Her voice was a little more slurred than she would have liked.

"I dunno, you tell me." He plopped down on the cot next to her, and she wished she didn't still get so disappointed when the mattress didn't move. "Have a nice little drug-induced coma?"

"I have a not nice headache, does that help you any?" she asked, rubbing at her temples.

"Not really, but hey, a coherent answer!" He gave a cheerful grin.

"Why the hell are you here?" she asked.

"Ooh, somebody's grumpy. Hey, hey, just an observation!" He raised his hands at the death glare he got. "But yeah, I dunno. Like I said, you tell me."

She sighed. "If I could touch you, I'd knock the shit out of you."

"I'd say just like old times, but it was usually Pyra who knocked the shit out of everyone. You think she still kept count after all this shit?" he asked.

"Knowing her? No doubt." Kateri replied, keeping the heel of one palm pressed to a throbbing temple as she rose on unsteady feet to scope out her new surroundings. It was similar in many ways to the previous room she was being kept in, but also reminded her of a tiny dorm. There was now a space on the wall with several rectangles on it, with small dents that she discovered were handles. Pulling a few open, she found several sets of identical tanks tops, pants and shirts, all black or white, and one drawer holding undergarments that she was past the point of being remotely embarrassed about. The same standard issue "uniform" she wore for years.

Glancing around the small room, she found the handle she was looking for, and pulled open the door before nearly wanting to cry.

"Holy shit, a shower." A tiny, cramped shower that looked like it would barely hold even one person, but she was so beyond caring at this point, she'd take a water hose.

The telltale clank of the door being unlocked stopped her from moving any further, though.

"Whoop, looks like you have company." Abe said, but when she turned, he was gone. Her body tensed as the door began to move.

Clarke entered the room with no preamble, setting down her bag on the cot and turning to face Kateri with her hands behind her back. "I see you're getting acquainted with your new living quarters."

"Nice to have a goddamn shower, do I even get soap?" she asked, voice heavy with sarcasm.

Clarke paid it no heed. "You'll find basic hygiene supplies in the cabinet over the sink. I even brought you a gift." She reached into the pocket of her lab coat, tossing something to Kateri.

She fumbled a bit, but caught it, looking in her hand to see a small package of hair ties.

"Thanks Mom." Kateri said dryly.

"You've always favored your hair in a braid, are your shirt is getting a bit threadbare there." Clarke inclined her head at the hem of Kateri's t-shirt, frayed from where the girl kept pulling lengths of thread from it to keep her hair back. "Anyways, this will be your new room, the other just a temporary. No point in giving you a full dorm if you were just going to break before the modifications began."

Modifications. Kateri suddenly missed the old room. Being dirty wouldn't kill her. But these "modifications" just might.

"Also, you may want to drop your little en suite routine. That is, unless you planning working yourself to death. You're done with the warm-ups, Begay."

Ice filled her veins, and Kateri fought off the urge to shiver. She registered Clarke speaking just enough to step forward and let herself be weighed, measured, and whatever else the checkup entailed.

"...een coming along well, and the actual training phase will begin soon, so it would be wise to spend your time here sleeping." Clarke snapped her fingers in front of Kateri's face. "Are you listening?"

"Yes, I heard you." Kateri snapped. "Can I please shower now?"

Clarke narrowed her eyes at her. "Control that temper if you don't want to suffer the consequences."

Kateri would swear the woman was bipolar. She mumbled an acknowledgement under her breath.

"Clean yourself up. You smell like a corpse."

Kateri grit her teeth, her eyes boring holes in the back of the woman's head until she walked out the door.

Going back to the dresser-thing in the wall, she grabbed a clean set of clothes from them before slipping into the bathroom. Her hand hesitated it it's reach for the cabinet behind the mirror, caught for a moment at the creature reflected in it.

Her hair was stringy and clumped together with oil, and the shadows under her eyes were so deep it was a wonder they hadn't sunk into her skull completely. Her eyes were so dull they looked gray, and her skin had taken on a bleached pallor.

She looked like a wild animal.

Her hand shook a moment and she resisted the urge to punch the mirror, instead just reaching out and opening it like she'd originally intended to do, taking inventory of what was inside.

Shampoo. A bar of soap. A comb. Toothbrush and toothpaste. A couple of other basic items she needed. She tossed the pack of hair ties inside, she grabbed the shampoo and soap from the shelf before letting the door swing shut.

She peeled out of her dirty clothes, unsure of what to do with them, so she just kicked them into a corner. The controls for the shower were pretty straightforward, just an on/off button. The water came out lukewarm, but she was hardly complaining.

It turned her stomach a little to see the water run gray for a minute, but her hands worked quickly with the soap, and it soon ran clear, taking away all the grime from her body. Probably the most satisfying shower she'd ever taken in her life.

A towel had been folded on the sink, where she had to put it back given the tiny room was barren of anything else, but after she had the clean clothes on, her hair combed and tied back, she felt like she had more energy than even before being brought here. Wherever "here" was.

She poked around the room a bit longer, trying to find some kind of camera, or seam, or something to indicate this was anything but a hole in the wall. She came up with exactly the nothing she'd expected to.

She curled up on the cot, equally as thin and uncomfortable as the previous one, and tried to sleep, but she didn't even make it that far before the door opened again.

Just a guard.

"Here." He threw her boots at her, making a soft thump on the ground by the cot. They never let her keep them in the room, but they would give them back when she would train. "Lace 'em up tight, girlie. You remember the arena, don't you?"

(*)

A knife was all they permitted. Which, really, made sense. Why would you give a prisoner a long ranged weapon? Still, Kateri was almost uncomfortable going into what she knew was a combat situation without her quiver pressing into her back and a bow in her hand.

She was required to keep a minimum of ten feet away from anyone around her once the knife was given to her, and at least one gun was trained on her at all times while she possessed it, should she try and throw it.

"So what exactly am I doing?" she asked, stepping into the little room that served as a bridge into the arena.

"You'll have two targets. Kill them." Came the gruff reply, and the door slid down behind her before she could protest.

She faced the identical one in front of her, body tense as she waited for it to move. When it finally did, she was met with darkness, the only light coming from the soft glow strips in the little box she stood in.

She took a breath, letting her eyes slide closed for only a moment, knowing she had little time to spare, and for the first time in a long while, let her mind slip into her combat mode and shutting down the nausea at knowing she was being sent to kill.

She dropped into a crouch, sliding just outside the door with her back pressed to the wall. No sooner than she had, did the door slide closed, cutting off the only thing that could be seen as an escape, and she was left in total darkness.

She held her breath, and let her hearing take over since her eyes were of no use to her. For a moment, the silence rang in her ears. Then…

Pat, pat, pat.

Slowly, she moved down and pressed her palm to the ground, feeling sand. It made it hard to track the sounds of a target, but that also meant it made her hard to track as well.

Flipping the knife around in her hand, she reached up and struck the wall with the handle as high above her head as she could, a sharp ting ringing out. She then dropped into a roll, just as she heard a quick thumping and a metallic screeching of claws on metal, then a hiss.

Gotcha.

Lunging forward towards the sound, she deliberately aimed for where she heard the hiss, her arms wrapping around what she quickly realized was the creature's neck. Sharp spines dug into her torso, but her clothes were reinforced, and the spines were short, so they didn't cut her. She had no doubt she'd have some nasty bruises later, thought.

She wasted no time in lashing out, digging the knife in under where her arm was latched on its neck and yanking as hard as she could. The snarl cut off with a wet choke and the creature collapsed underneath her, twitching violently, but it didn't attempt to get back up. She pressed her body close to the monster's, the coppery tang of blood filling her nose.

She listened carefully but couldn't hear the second creature. Not good.

Moving slowly, she leaned down to press her ear to the sand.

Shhh...shhh…

It was soft, but it was there. Something was moving.

She thought it was some kind of snake, from the lack of actual steps, when she felt a breeze across her face.

Shit.

Slipping her fingers into her mouth, ignoring the grit of dirty sand and copper on her tongue, she let out a loud whistle, the sound echoing around the arena. This time, she heard a more distinct fluttering.

Staying low to the ground, she moved forward a few steps at the noise drew closer. Sand kicked up in her face, and she knew the second monster was near. She heard a short trill from where she had left the other creature. A short pause, and it sounded again, then she felt the breeze draw closer. Maybe it used sound to navigate?

Before she could decide it was a bad idea, Kateri threw the knife as hard as she could at where she'd heard the sound.

The trilling morphed into a sound that reminded her of a bike bell that never stopped, and she heard something touch the ground.

Rolling with the whole "not thinking out bad ideas before I realize they're bad" shtick, she lunged forward and grabbed the first thing she could, which was a wing. Something burned her hands, and she guessed it was blood, so the knife had to be close if there was blood.

Her hand groped blindly, pushing further into the boiling blood. She felt her hand hit the handle, but before she could grab ahold of it, she felt it twist around, and she yanked her hand back just in time to hear teeth snap together just a little closer to her face than she'd have liked.

Fingers back in her mouth, she let out another loud whistle, which caused it to shudder and whip around. She realized it's hearing must be incredibly sensitive, and the whistle was disorienting it.

Before it had a chance to recover, her hand shot back out and ripped the knife free from it's flesh, bringing a spray of the hot blood with it. Grabbing hold of the gaping wound, she hoisted her body up and brought the knife back down again. This strike brought forth a considerable amount of resistance, and a sharp cracking noise, probably the joint. At least it wouldn't be flying anymore, but the pain didn't seem to deter it from bucking like a green horse.

Kateri wrapped her legs around the damaged wing, holding on for dear life, while she tried to squirm upwards to its neck. However, it seemed to take too long, and the creature caught on. It's head whipped around again, and this time she felt teeth graze her arm, definitely breaking skin, but it seemed shallow.

Gritting her teeth, Kateri leaned back and waited a moment, then lunged forward. Her shoulder hit the base of its neck, but the neck was longer than she was anticipating.

The creature reared back and a mass of solid muscle clocked her in the side of the head, jerking her body. Her neck stung where the collar pinched at her skin from the rough handling.

Naturally, the knife flew out of her hand too.

"Alright, bitch, you wanna play hardball?" Kateri hissed, her voice sounding too guttural to be something she recognized as her own.

Reaching up, she grabbed the first thing her fingers would wrap around, maybe feathers? She didn't know. Planting her feet at the joints where its wings were, she almost stood on the monster's neck, and she could feel it breathing right under her.

She wrapped her legs around its neck to keep its head as still as possible before sticking her fingers into the edges of its mouth, feeling her nails scrape teeth. Yanking back, she forced its mouth open, throwing her weight back. She felt it try to back up, but her pulling wasn't enough.

One foot planted at the back of its neck, and she let her fingers slip between its teeth for a split second before shoving as hard as she could.

She'd never forget the way it felt for the bone to give way, a sickening crunch filling the air before the body hit the ground with a muted thump.

Her body rolled limply off the creature as it collapsed to the ground, the shrieking finally stopped. She lay on her back for a moment and stared up at nothing, her chest heaving as the adrenaline ran hot in her body.

Then, her vision whited out and her eyes snapped shut with a jolt, her body rolling to a stand. Blinking a few times, she realized someone turned on the arena lights. Now, she could see the mess of blood around her, too. Some of it was red, from the dark brown creature by the wall lying in a thick pool. What she was mainly splattered in was a dull yellow, and when she wiped some of it from her hands, she could see blisters underneath, where the hot temperature had burned her. She could see sprays of yellow all over her clothes and in the sand around her, getting heavier around the dead creature next to her, the top portion of it's head bent back at a sickening angle. Feathers that were once a bright mix of reds and blues were now dulled by the dirty yellow. She could also see a metal disk that was all too familiar embedded in the back of its neck, and she bet there was one on the other creature too ohmygodthosewerepeoplewhathaveIdone-

She heard a slow clap off to her right, and turned to see Clarke walking forward with a smirk.

"Not bad. You clocked at six minutes and forty eight seconds. Definitely rusty, letting the knife slip was just sloppy, but you've certainly improved since you arrived." she said, stopping a few feet from the girl to pick up the knife she'd dropped, holding gauze around the handle to keep her own hands clean. "We'll hose you down and get you patched up. Don't want you getting too damaged after all."

She waved at Kateri to follow her, this time a door opening to a room that looked to be made of glass. Clarke stepped through to the other side, but held a hand for Kateri to stay. Both doors slid shut and Kateri caught a glimpse of her reflection when the one in front of her closed.

And she thought she looked like a wild animal before.

Not that she had time to dwell on it, before the spray of water came at her from all directions, just like they always had before. She watched yellow tinged water swirl away, a few streaks of red moving with it.

RedlikepeoplethosewerepeopleallIamisakiller-

The water shut off and for a few seconds, all she could hear was dripping, then a powerful fan turned on beneath her, making her clothes ripple and her braid whip against her back. It was only on for a minute or so, enough to keep her from dripping as she walked out.

The second she passed the door, someone grabbed her arms, pinning them behind her back. She didn't bother resisting.

Something was pushed over her head and she was back in darkness again, stumbling as her body was manhandled.

It didn't last long, though. After a few turns and the hum of a couple doors opening and closing, she felt herself shoved down, meeting a cushion instead of the floor.

The cloth over her head was pulled away, and she quickly realized she was in an infirmary. There were a couple of techs moving around, and a curtained off area to her left, but no one seemed to pay her any mind, save for the guard by the door who kept his eyes trained on her. It was incredibly similar to the one from her old training facility, though she highly doubted this was the same place.

"This feels familiar, hm?"

Kateri turned to see Petrov standing behind her, flipping through papers on a clipboard, papers she assumed were on her. Jessup always did work fast.

"This only shows the scrape on your arm and the burns, but I'm guessing from your posture there are a few abdominal contusions as well?" he asked, setting the clipboard down and tugging a rolling cart next to the cot.

"Probably." Kateri replied blankly, already wiggling out of the heavy armored shirt she'd put on before leaving the tiny space she was supposed to live in, leaving the tank top beneath. She fiddled with the clips that ran down the front off to the left of the garment. "I dunno how much good it'll do me to ask now, but those things weren't venomous, right?"

Petrov glanced back at the papers for a moment. "No, not those. They were chosen based on their ability to navigate in the dark."

"Right, I thought one of them was using echolocation." she said, eyes back on the floor as Petrov took hold of her arm and began to swipe at it with alcohol wipes to clear away the blood that had began to seep through after she'd been hosed off. The shirt was standard issue gear, the sleeves only coming to her elbows to keep from inhibiting movement. It stung, but not nearly enough for her to give it any real consideration.

"In a sense, yes. I'll admit, you're clever, whistling like that to disorient it." the man commented. "From someone with all the knowledge beforehand, it would have been easier to take down the flying one first. The grounded creature relied more on sense of smell, and killing the other first would have made it easier to move."

"Sorry, I'll have to brush up on my monster encyclopedia." Kateri replied, nearly flinching when the harsh antiseptic went onto the abrasion. The sharp smell of chemicals hit her nose, and she glanced down to see a thick, clear gel being spread across the cut.

"Sorry." Petrov apologized. "I know it's pretty harsh, but I want to make sure you don't end up with an infection. Obviously, regular antibiotics leave a thing or two to be desired when it comes to EVO bacteria."

"Obviously." Kateri murmured.

Petrov quickly secured a length of gauze around the cut. "If you don't mind rolling up your shirt so I can see the bruises?"

If you don't mind. Kateri could laugh. Jessup didn't give a single flying fuck if she minded or not. Petrov was a little softer around the edges than the lab techs, though. Fuzzy memories nudged at her attention, and she remembered that he'd been like that before, always asking first, even though it wasn't really a choice, and preserving her dignity when he could.

Dignity. Also something that could make her laugh at this point.

But she complied, tucking up her tank top with stinging fingers until it came to just under her bust, and for the first time she saw the nasty bruises blooming over her stomach and side, still red. They would definitely look and feel worse tomorrow.

"You've always had a talent for doing a number on yourself, Kateri." Petrov commented, cracking the pellets in two instant ice packs and rolled them around a bit to let them chill before setting them down firmly on her stomach. The cold was sharp enough to make her breath fall short. "Hold your hands up for me?"

Her fingers were bright red, and in a couple places where she remembered sticking her hands right into the flow of blood, she saw a couple blisters, but for the most part, the burns weren't too bad.

Petrov dipped one of her hands in a bowl of cool water, and she felt a muted sting from this as well, but it faded quickly. After carefully patting it dry and spreading a bit of the antibiotic gel over the blisters, he wrapped it, before repeating the motions with her other hand.

"I'll give you a compress for the bruises to wear when you sleep, it should help them heal a little bit faster. Your hands should take about two weeks for the blistered areas, as long as you don't pop them, and the other burns should clear up in a few days." he informed her. "I can give you some painkillers now, to help you sleep, but this is the only time I'll be able to."

"Don't bother. I've lived through worse, remember?" she said.

Petrov made a noncommittal noise, ruffling through the supplies on the rolling cart. A penlight came into her field of vision and he shined the light into each of her eyes, before making a few notes on the clipboard. "Any more injuries I should know about?"

"I'm guessing your talking about the ones on the outside." Kateri said dryly.

Petrov's writing paused a second before resuming. "You know, you've shown quite a few signs of PTSD since I first met you, and even now, you're just a mess of red flags. For what it's worth, back when your were fourteen and I was your physician, I did try to push for you getting therapy. We have a couple within the staff, but given your circumstances, and the 'terms of your contract' I was shut down."

What Kateri heard was since you're here against your will, they don't give a shit if you're messed up in the head as long as you keep taking orders. "For what it's worth, I don't know that it would have made a difference."

"Fair enough." Petrov began to remove the ice packs, then placed a hand between her shoulder blades to help her sit up to try and keep from aggravating the bruises. He then handed her something that looked like a neoprene waist trainer. "Keep this on when you're not going to be moving too much, not too tight. It should help a bit with the pain, too. Your right hand made it out a little better than your left, so if you're going to make things worse, it'll save you a little trouble down the road if you favor it."

Makes sense, she was right-handed, so she held on with her left. If she was a little more optimistic, she would take it as a good thing her dominant hand was in slightly better shape. "Ten four."

"Meal rotation is soon, so I'll let you go."

"Hey, Petrov?" Kateri asked, struck with a bout of curiosity. "How long have I been here?"

He tried to keep a neutral expression, but she could see a bit of sympathy(pity?) shining through.

"Seventeen days."

(*)

She was wrong again. If the modifications didn't kill her, boredom just might. Petrov told her that her "training" was over for the day, to give her injuries a chance to heal up just a bit before throwing her back in the lion's den.

After all, Clarke didn't like damaged specimens.

She did her best to shower around the bandages, figuring out pretty quickly washing anything was hard with mitten hands. The gauze didn't seem to soak up water, but without use of her fingers, it didn't take her long to give up on things like actually using soap to wash her hair, or braiding it afterwards.

Of all her injuries, the burns were the most obnoxious. Bruises, honestly, weren't that bad. Yeah, she was pretty sore, but she'd been sore plenty of times before and pushed through it. Burns though, would sting from air alone, and they itched like hell under the gauze.

At least when Rex locked her in a closet seven-some months ago, she found the little red ball. Despite her exhausted her body was, her mind refused to let her sleep. She lay curled on her unbruised side, her eyes half lidded as she started at the wrinkles in the sheets of the cot beneath her.

Those were people I killed.

She'd known it before, the moment she saw those softball sized plates on their necks. Those creatures, they used to be people.

People just like Willow, and Jordan, and Charlie. People like Alice, and Kira. Like Aarin and Rev, like Damorian and Jared. Like Diane and Timothy. And they're just the ones at Providence. There's five other people with all kinds of trauma, back out in the real world. What would have happened to them if we hadn't gotten them out? Would they have just been more pieces in some sick game, getting tossed in the arena for training dummies, just to get killed?

She knew Willow had. The girl's body was littered with scars from time in the arena, but she had been fast enough, clever enough, smart enough to stay alive. Surely Kateri could do the same, right? She'd been trained for years for situations just like this, training in almost these exact same conditions. She'd been conditioned to fight for her life, and Willow hadn't, surviving anyways.

Life wasn't fair. Kateri had long since come to terms with this fact. Life wasn't fair, and sometimes you just got dealt a shitty hand, but you learned to live with it. You learned to work around it and make the best of the situations handed to you, since you didn't exactly get a reset button. She'd been doing it since she was eleven.

The past six or so years of her life began to flit through her mind. It was the furthest from ideal a child's life could get, but she couldn't ignore the fact she'd gotten some good things from it, too.

She'd met Ema, Salem and Abe when she was fifteen, not long before her first hit mission. If it weren't for the group of oddballs, she wasn't entirely sure she would have been able to hold it together. She was almost certain that some part of her mind would have been irreparably broken, something fundamental in her damaged to the core. But it wasn't. Not completely. Certainly worse for wear, but deep down, intact.

There was also Briony. They'd been paired up once, and Kateri learned, a bit on accident, that the conditions under which they were there, were much the same. They shared a small, but deep bond, and a silent agreement of steadfast loyalty between them was quickly made.

And then...there was Rex.

Honestly, that one was a hard pill to swallow.

Kateri was a little too aware that she'd let herself become mentally dependant on him, and now she could only muster the energy to be irritated with herself for putting that kind of pressure on him. It was not Rex's problem to keep her mentally stable(regardless of how willing he was to take on the task).

Though she didn't have high hopes, if she ever saw Rex again, she swore she'd never let him carry her weight again. She had two legs, it was about goddamn time she started using them.

She finally managed to drift to sleep, images of the few people she had left to fight for dancing in her head.

I don't have any excuses. It's almost been a year. Like, yeah, shit happened, but not for that long.

So, I moved and switched jobs in the same month, but said job is lower stress and living situation has taken away basically all financial stress, so on paper, it's been a little easier. I'm still clawing my way through this, and I've (mostly) finalized how the end of this story is supposed to go. One way or another, it'll get there, I'm just not keeping up pretenses of a timeline anymore.

Also, I do want to say something to the people who reach out to me, there's a couple of you and you know who you are, who check up on me pretty regularly. I appreciate you. I'm...not good at showing it. I'm socially inept at best and maintaining conversations mentally exhausts me way too fast. I'm not good at responding to basically anything, but I want you guys to know that I do see them, and I really do appreciate you just...checking up, asking if I'm okay.

I have a couple outlines written out to go off of, and I think I have my chapters broken up, but I need to nail a few more things down before I release any details about chapter counts or anything.

ALSO, I wanted to ask, since this is the last arc major arc of the story, if there was anything you guys were hoping to see in the story/questions answered. I may have asked this before, but let's be honest, it's been so long I don't remember. At this stage, I'm pretty confident that if they're story-related, I can work them in. I've left myself a couple windows unlocked for that.

I know I'm a broken record with this, but thank you guys so much for sticking around for so long. I started Arrow of Trust in 2013. I've been clawing through these for five and a half years. Long enough that I haven't gone back and re-read anything from AOT in years, because the writing is horribly outdated. Someday, I'd like to update them. It's a nice idea, though I should probably finish this first.

Anyways, I'm getting sappy and ramble-y.

Thank you.

~Lumi