2004

„Ah, Antonio, meet my son Lovino", Rosario said and put a hand on Lovino's shoulder. "He just turned 13."

Lovino didn't like how the young man smiled at him.

Down at him.

"Thirteen? Isn't that this age where they start to think they're cool?", Antonio said and that was enough for Lovino.

"Fuck you, you arrogant douche!", he yelled and felt his father's hand twitch.

Fernando looked to the young Italian with a disapproving glare but didn't address him: "Rosario, you shouldn't let your son be so rude."

"Lovino, watch your language", Rosario said quietly to him. He shook his shoulder a little: "Mamma wouldn't be proud of you using such words."

"I know …", Lovino muttered. But it was hard to hold his anger back when Antonio began to laugh.

"Antonio!"

"I'm sorry Papá! But it's just …", he snorted again and Fernando grabbed his arm:

"Have some manners! You are embarrassing yourself! And me!"

Lovino looked at his father and caught the exact moment when Rosario was looking at him too.

At least both of them found it awkward. And yet, after sharing this moment, Rosario betrayed Lovino that he wanted to gasp:

"Antonio, you can surely keep Lovino company while me and your father talk."

Lovino gave his dad a look that was the epitome of why, while Antonio grimaced and sucked in air before he leant towards Rosario.

He whispered: "To be honest, Señor Vargas, I am only here because Papá won't let me hit the town with Diego. I mean, your son is funny but eh", he shook his hand, "I am really not in the mood to play babysitter."

"Antonio, you and him might be a few years apart but I am sure you'll get on excellent", Rosario said with a smile.

"That's right son, you should be nicer to your guests and family friends", Fernando added sternly and Antonio rolled his eyes.

"Yes Padré", he said while Lovino looked annoyed at his father.

"Papa …", he said but Rosario only squeezed his shoulder, said "You'll be fine, my big boy" and left with Fernando.

Lovino looked after him until he disappeared into a door. Then he turned to Antonio –

"Let go off me!", he yelled as the Spaniard got him in a headlock.

"Have some chill, you little runt!", Antonio said with a grin and rubbed over his hair.

"I am no runt, you big fucking jerk!", he said and tried to wiggle himself out of the other's hold. Antonio only let go when he almost bit his arm.

"Eww, are you always that gross?!", Antonio laughed and stumbled backwards while Lovino clenched his fists.

He'd never get along with this asshole.

2007

How dared this jerk to show up in such a fashionable suit and make Lovino question his sexuality for the third time this week.

How dared Antonio Carriedo to look this good anyway, even with dark circles under his eyes.

A "Fuck you" wanted to slip from his lips instead of an "I am sorry for your loss."

"I am so sorry for your loss", Rosario said, both hands on Antonio' shoulders. The Spaniard only nodded. " As I heard that Fernando passed … I was shocked and worried about you. It must have been a few hard days for you, Antonio, I can see it."

He smiled faintly: "It's fine. His wife is taking care of the funeral, so that is not my problem."

Rosario looked him very firmly in the eye: "But everything else. Don't worry, though, I'll help you with that." He smiled at him: "We got this."

"Thank you, Rosario", Antonio said and nodded once more. "Yeah, thank you."

"Oh come here, you lost boy", the older man said and pulled him in a hug.

Lovino wanted to roll his eyes so far back that he could see the inside of his head. Even more when his father let go of Antonio: "Stay a little longer, stay as long as you want. Your family was always a friend of ours, every Carriedo is as much of a Vargas as a born one."

Lovino now actually attempted to roll his eyes so far back that he could see the inside of his head.

"Now excuse me, I'll go and make first preparations for what is to come. Lovino, do you want to go home or will you keep Antonio company for a little while?"

"I want to do neither", Lovino replied and Rosario sighed:

"Lovino, please."

Lovino sighed as well: "It's fine, Papa. You do your stuff and I stay here."

"Thank you, Lovi", Rosario said with a smile and went out of the room.

And now Antonio did not only have the nerve to stand around in the same room Lovino was sitting in but to actually walk over to him and sit down on his couch.

"Hey Lovino, you look good", Antonio said and smiled at him.

Lovino glared back. "Don't be a creep and come onto me after your father just died."

The other's smile faded and he turned his head: "I am sorry. I just wanted to make smalltalk."

Silence fell over the room and Lovino didn't thought he could have ever get the urge to talk to Antonio instead of ignoring him. Something was wrong here.

"You look like shit, by the way", he said. "And don't pretend to be someone I'd like to to talk to after you have been nothing but a jerk to me for the last two years. This shit with you being so fucking friendly is going for like half a year now, why are you so nice to me?"

The very pubertal thought to just go along with it and maybe admitting that he was not straight by making out with the hot man beside him ran through his head.

It was drowned out by He is a fucking jerk he is a fucking grown up jerk ew ew ew e w what the fucking hell Lovino within seconds.

"Because maybe I realized what a mean guy I was. I'm sorry Lovino, I'm older than you and shouldn't have acted like that." He squared and Lovino noticed with surprise how his green eyes twinkled in the dim light of the office. "It was time for me to grow up. Please forgive me."

Lovino drew in breath and opened his mouth to answer, but now words came out. It took him a few seconds to find an answer and stop staring at Antonio.

"Don't think I'll forget what a jerk you've been just because of one apology!"

He hadn't expected the other to smile brightly:

"Then I'll apologise a hundred times! A thousand times!"

The Antonio in front of him had nothing in common with the snobby adolescent that had made fun of him whenever he saw him. It had nothing in common with the young, but definitely adult man that had walked into this office.

It reminded him of the childish but happy face Feliciano pulled ever so often.

He still smiled when Lovino was looking for words, pissed off and pleasantly surprised at the same time: "And I don't want you to forget, Lovino. I want you to believe me that I have become a better person. I want you to stop resenting me for who I was and let the person I am now get to know you better. Because Lovino, don't you know that you are a nicer person now already than I have been for the last 20 years?" Lovino couldn't reply, only rerun the very inappropriate thought in his head along with feeling flattered and angry at the same time: "And I want to be there to see the person you will be tomorrow."

"What the everloving hell are you talking about?!" Lovino managed to get out: "You come into my house, you say weird things and you stop being an insufferable jerk! And besides, when did you idiot get this hot?!"

Lovino wanted the couch to eat him up and never return to the light of day this second.

Or that it would turn into a horrible monster that chewed this jerk up when Antonio laughed.

"It's fine, I think we'll have more than enough time to work it out from now on." He cleared his throat before he smiled amused at Lovino: "And we can talk about that last sentence in two years, yeah?"

2010, July

Lovino didn't want to sit in the big comfy office chair like he had used to.

He had loved his father's chair but now it wasn't the one of his father anymore and he couldn't even bear the thought of ever sitting in it again.

Just being in his office now made him want to vomit.

"Signore Vargas." He looked up at the woman standing in the doorframe. Febe Masi pointed over her shoulder: "Carriedo is here. Shall we let him in?"
Lovino swallowed.

He didn't want to see anyone right now, not even his own brother.

He didn't want to be seen like this.

"Let him in", he said. Masi nodded but as she turned around, he noticed a plaster on her arm.

"Signora Masi, what is that plaster?", he asked concerned.

"Hm?" She looked down at her arm before scratching the plaster: "It's a nicotine patch. Rosario hated it when I smoked so I thought I'd give it a go." She shrugged: "But I don't know for how long I'll keep up with it. Not even the thought of how he would have been proud of me can make up for my withdrawals."

Lovino smiled genuinely: "I am proud of you for trying, Signora Masi."

She smiled back: "Thank you, Signore Vargas. I am very proud to serve this family."

After she was gone, Lovino wanted to sit down but at the same time everything inside of him rebelled. His legs hurt, his head ached.

He just wanted to cry, he wanted to go home to his brother and comfort Feliciano so he wouldn't have to think about his father's death himself.

"Lovino!" Antonio stormed into his office and stood before him sooner than the Italian could realize. "Lovino, I am so sorry for your loss", he said a little breathless. "I know I said it on phone already but I had to see in person if everything is alright. How is Feli?" He grabbed Lovino's shoulder and the Italian's legs almost gave in: "How are you?"

"I am …", Lovino started but it was hard to talk. It was hard to stand. It was hard to look into Antonio's worried face.

"Lovino …"

"I'm okay! Don't be worried about me, I'm okay!", he said hastily. "It's all … It is really hard but I am okay. I've got to be okay for Feli, so don't worry." His slight frown grew more intense and he clenched his teeth: "You idiot actually came all this way from Madrid for this! Don't you got better things to do?!"

"No", Antonio said and Lovino felt like someone just punched him in the gut. "I have nothing better to do than to see if you are okay. You know, Rosario said I should look out for you once this day would come. I literally have nothing better … Lovino?"

"I've got to throw up", Lovino whispered. "Oh god, I'm gonna fucking puke."

Antonio let go of his shoulders and immediately grabbed his arm while Lovino already heaved: "Quick, let's get to the bathroom – "

But Lovino shook him off and stumbled to the waste basket.

Antonio knelt down beside him while he was still spilling his breakfast. "Shall I get you a napkin and something to drink, Lovi?", he asked. He even brushed his fringe aside and when his finger touched him, Lovino didn't feel the strength to get up.

"There is no water here", he managed to croak out. "And I am not going to let you idiot run around looking for some."

"Well, then I'll ask someone to fetch you a bottle!", Antonio replied and Lovino rolled his eyes at his easy going tone.

"Antonio, I am not going to let anyone else see me like this!", he snapped at him.

Antonio pouted: "But you need something to drink, Lovi. You surely have heartburn, don't you?"

"I get heartburn when I hear you talking", he replied and Antonio got up with a sigh:

"I'll give you a napkin now and then I will be off, looking for some water."

"My father just died, don't disrespect my wishes like this you little shit", Lovino said half-heartedly and Antonio sighed again while drawing some tissues from a box on the desk:

"I will tell that I got thirsty and that no one should go to your office. I can be pretty convincing, trust me." He knelt down beside Lovino again and smiled hearteningly at him: "Why don't you lie down on the couch for a while?"

Antonio, I can't get up without help, I can't sit down there all alone.

"We'll see", he said instead and grabbed the napkins.

Antonio stood up and made his way to the door. By the time Lovino could get out a "Thanks", he had left the room.

The smell of his own puke stung in his nose and he let go of the basket, leaning against the desk after throwing the napkins away.

"Papa, why did you tell him to look out for me? I can take care of myself. I can take care of Feli, I don't need someone to hold my hand", he complained.

Nobody answered him.

You don't need someone to hold your hand? You wouldn't even be able to stand right now without holding onto him. Wouldn't you like that? Holding and leaning onto somebody?

"Found something!"

Lovino jolted and sat up when Antonio opened the door. The glass, upside down over the bottle neck, clanked quietly whenever they collided. Antonio closed the door and made his way over to him, placing both things on the desk. With a few swift motions, he had put the glass on the desk, unscrewed the bottle and poured Lovino an entire glass of it. "Should I help you to get up or simply give you this?", he asked.

Antonio looked good from the frog perspective but at the same time, Lovino felt stupid as hell for sitting on the floor.

"Don't ask stupid questions and help me get up, you moron", he said and reached for Antonio's hand.

He didn't want to let go even as he was standing already. But as Antonio withdrew his hand and held the glass out, Lovino put one of his on the desk.

His throat hadn't really burnt but the water helped against the headache.

"Let's sit down, okay Lovi? You look really pale."

Lovino didn't protest as the other grabbed his arm.

"Thank you for telling me I look like shit", he snarled as Antonio led him to the couch, but the Spaniard just laughed.

"You are always beautiful, Lovi."

Lovino rolled his eyes and sat down with him. He wished that Antonio would not let go of his arm, but he did and Lovino looked at the spot where his fingers had been just a second ago.

"You see, Lovino, if you want to talk about it, about anything, with someone, I am here." Antonio's voice was deep and serious. And pleasant to hear. "I mean… of course Rosario wasn't my dad but that news hit me pretty hard too. He was my … well, he was kind of my father, leading figure after Fernando died." Lovino frowned but it was all forgotten when Antonio looked at him: "I really think I can attempt to understand your sorrow and lend you a shoulder to cry on, no matter what."

Lovino couldn't remember if it took split seconds or a minute before he let himself fall into Antonio's arms. He hugged him while Lovino pressed his face onto his shoulder and cried. Eventually, one of Antonio's hands found his way into hair and Lovino drew hitched breaths.

"I cannot stand being here alone", he sobbed. "I go insane, I get sick when I am here alone! This is not my office! All the daily things, all the little rituals from this room … Everything with Papa is now nothing but a memory! I can't take his place, Antonio! It's not mine! It's Papa's!"

Antonio squeezed him so hard Lovino gasped but at the same time he wanted that Antonio never loosened his embrace.

He could feel the body warmth through his suit, he could even feel his heartbeat. Antonio's breath was heavy but even and warm when it brushed his skin. He could smell his cologne, something citrusy.

"It's okay, Lovino", he said. "You won't take Rosario's place. You will make it your own place and give your father a new space. It's completely fine."

Lovino felt everything rebel again and couldn't help but cry out of joy.

2010, September

It wasn't some shabby motel in the middle of nowhere. It was a comfy little hotel in a side street of Madrid.

Lovino was still sweaty but the temperature beneath the blankets was perfect and he didn't plan on coming out from there any time soon.

He wished he could just stay there for forever.

Antonio had put on his jeans already again, but nothing else. He sat on the edge of the bed, legs spread and elbows on his knees, face in his hands.

He buried it once in them, ran his hands through it and sighed before he dropped his arms. He looked at Lovino: "What do we do now?"

Lovino's breath sounded strange when his mouth was covered like that: "Do you think I made a plan for this damned evening?"

Antonio chuckled and Lovino rolled his eyes.

"I meant from now on. After this night. After we left this hotel room."

Lovino got annoyed by his own muffled breathing, so he pulled the blankets down and sat up. He stared onto the blanket; Antonio stared onto the floor, hands now folded and beside his face.

"I have no fucking idea." He leant his head back until it met the headboard and closed his eyes: "I have no fucking idea. My whole life became so complicated during the last months, I am thankful when I know in advance what I will do the next day." He opened his eyes and glanced at Antonio. He was looking at Lovino: "You're the guy who has been longer in this shithole of a business."

Antonio nodded but didn't do anything else. His eyes started to wander to the parts of Lovino's body covered by the blanket. The corners of Lovino's mouth twitched into a cynical smile and he thought of pulling the blankets away to reveal his naked body, saying "Want another round?"

Antonio yet managed to look up at him again and no lust clouded his eyes. "But all I know is that it is complicated, too."

"Tsk. Fucking great", Lovino said.

He pulled the blanket up to his chest again, firmly pressing it against it. The fabric felt good on his skin. When Antonio turned to him this time, he put one arm on the bed:

"Hey, imagine if we ran away together. Wouldn't that be cool?"

"Antonio, don't be stupid."

"Nobody knows we're here, not even Diego or Feli. We ran away this night already, Lovino." The green eyes sparkled in the dim light: "Do you want to have this every night, Lovi? We could run away for a thousand nights."

Lovino looked at him for long and swallowed. His hands clenched around the blanket.

"And you would wake up every morning by my side?", he asked.

Antonio shook his head and leant in closer to him that his hand slipped with the blanket: "A thousand mornings."

Only their breath filled the room for a while; every now and then, faint noises like a scooter or people talking, the bark of a dog, the meow of a cat, came from outside.

"How stupid do you think I am?! You promised already that you'd never fucking leave me, so cut the crap! Running away!" He leant forward and looked Antonio straight in the eyes: "Our relationship won't be anything even near half assed! If we are doing this, we are committing to it day and night!"

Antonio put his other hand on the bed as well to lean in to him a little more: "Sí … Sí, Sí, Sí … " He turned his hips around and crawled onto the bed: "Sí, Lovino, Sí. I will be there, no matter what, no matter when." He crawled until he was kneeling over Lovino, cupping his face and kissing him. Lovino responded immediately and eagerly, hands going into Antonio's untamable hear.

"Sleep with me again", he whispered against the Spaniard's lips.

"Of course. Of course …"

Huh, I wrote this in the middle of the night because I got inspired by this amv: www~youtube~com/watch?v=oiT9LwXF06o [replace ~ with periods]

I always liked the headcanon that Antonio was a jerk as teenager who cared much more for his own fun then for the one of other people; including picking on Lovino.
But what do you think about the characterization? I am curious to see what you say! :)