©DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BLUE EXORCIST! IT IS OWNED BY KAZUE KATO!

ONE-SHOT

Rin knew what it felt like to be betrayed and he was used to it by now, he just wasn't used to it hurting this much—why did it have to hurt so much?

Ever since his flames had been unleashed, his life just continued to spiral downwards. First the old man, then Yukio, and now his friends? Just how much was he going to be stripped of? His life no longer seemed to be his own and he felt like a piece just being tossed about in an elaborate scheme; in a huge, complicated game.

Like chess kind of.

He was just a piece continuously being used and moved and played with, screwing him over when he had thought he had found solace.

Damn it.

Just damn it all.

Okumura Rin laid in his bed, with his arms folded behind his head, staring up blankly at the ceiling of his dorm room feeling low. These thoughts that traveled through his mind seemed to be coming around more and more often and it was starting to become a bit harder to stay optimistic. How could he? Every attempt he tried to salvage his relationship with his friends was snuffed the hell out and his relationship with his brother seemed to continue to grow distant, a large gap between them that was quickly expanding.

Things were starting to look dimmer and dimmer.

His training with Shura to control his flames seem to be a complete bust. But he had to learn to control the flames! He absolutely had to! Because perhaps if he did then maybe the others would befriend him again…

Rin blinked in surprise at the doubt in his thoughts; since when had that started? Wasn't it; he will learn to control his flame so that the others would befriend him again? When had that changed to 'if' and 'maybe'?

A weary sigh left the boy as he let his eyes fall closed, his exhaustion getting the better of him. Though he didn't dare fall asleep because for the last couple of weeks, nightmares have been coming at random; leaving him waking up in a panicked frenzy. Fear and insecurity suffocating him in the aftereffects. Some dreams were just manifestations of his worrying and stress induced, other dreams however, weren't even real dreams. Just recurring memories from the camping trip meshed up and torturing him in his sleep until he woke up.

A shiver shot up his spine as some of the memories flashed across his mind, chest tightening as the voices echoed in his head,

"Why the hell…"

He grit his teeth as he heard Ryuji's voice start in his head; surprisingly, his reaction had hit Rin the hardest. Crushing the younger teen when he saw the frightened, upset look on his wounded face.

"...is Satan's kid at the academy!?"

The black haired boy's jaw began to ache but the pressure in his mouth was relentless as he lifted his arms before crossing them over his closed eyes, feeling his nails dig into the tender skin of his biceps as Shiemi's voice sounded.

"Why…why are you laughing…"

Oh how dumb a move that was on his part. He didn't mean to laugh but he didn't know what else to do! He was so nervous, so scared—he wasn't thinking and began spouting off things from the top of his head.

"...as if there's nothing strange about it!?"

Strange.

She used the term 'strange' to describe everything that was happening at the time. It hurt, for her to say that and to see the tears rolling down her cheeks. He saw many things when he looked into her green irises; hurt, betrayal, confusion, fear. But why had she been crying? Was she crying because she was scared of him? Or…

Was she crying because he had hurt her? Had lied to her? Had kept secrets from her?

Had betrayed her?

He betrayed her trust.

How would he ever be able earn it back?

Rin was gritting his teeth so hard, he felt his jaw was cracking. He could feel pain spiking from the spots were his nails were biting into his skin but he didn't let up. He deserved the pain. He deserved a thousand times more than this but for now this would have to do. It was the only thing that he could do to bare it, to keep himself grounded as he became lost in the frightening, painful memories.

"Just die, please."

Rin felt like throwing up; he couldn't stand that memory. He hated it with a passion. To have your own family—your only family—tell you to die? What a wound that left. It hurt more than any physical blow he ever took and he remembered everything clear and vivid.

"You, brother…"

His breathing hitched, throat clogging up and tightening,

"…were the one who killed father."

Rin practically jumped off from his bed and stood on shaking legs before he fell to his knees, pulling the trashcan next to his bed closer to him and hugging it to his chest as his stomach lurched. He gagged, trembling and coughing as nothing came up before it happened once more and this time, a warm putrid feeling rose up his throat with an acidy bitter taste filling all of his mouth and bile spewed into the trashcan, hitting the plastic bag inside with a wet noise. A tingling and almost burning sensation was left in his throat and mouth after a choking feeling and Rin let his stomach continue to empty itself again and again until he was left dry-heaving.

The teenager sat still after some minutes before lifting his head up and setting the trashcan on the floor with quivering arms. His posture was slouched and he felt weak, both physically and mentally. Rin wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, too spent to give a damn at the unsanitary act. He spit into the can before pushing it away slightly and began unbuttoning his shirt, slipping it off and wiping his hands before tying up the bag in the trashcan. Rin left the balled up shirt on the floor as he slowly rose to his feet, shaking terribly, using the edge of the bed as support.

"T-that…t-this…" He stuttered, his voice rasping slightly, "…this wasn't—I'm sorry." Rin apologized aloud as he sat on the bed, his elbows resting on his knees and his right hand holding his face, palm covering his eyes.

"I'm so sorry everyone, this wasn't supposed to happen."

His voice was barely above a whisper and a tear could be seen rolling down his cheek from beneath his hand, quickly followed by another and more and more.

Rin really wanted the others to trust him. Rin wanted for his brother to trust him. He did, he honestly did. He was trying so hard! But despite the fact that it hurt, despite the fact that he felt betrayed, he knew that their reactions were only natural.

He was the son of Satan after all.

Satan. The king of all demons, the bastard who destroyed his friends lives, and killed hundreds—thousands—of people.

Sometimes, nowadays, Rin finds himself resenting Yukio a little. He was his bother and yet they could not be any more different; inheriting these blue flames was just another difference that separated them. Yukio is logical, he's practical, he doesn't jump into things, and he doesn't cause so much unnecessary trouble. His twin is kind and friendly, and intelligent as hell. Rin would be lying if he said was wasn't proud of his baby bother because he was definitely damn proud. And yet, Rin found himself indigent toward him recently and he felt ashamed as to why;

Yukio is human. His twin brother, the person born out of the same womb with him, his own flesh and blood—was human.

And that hurt. It hurt so much.

For Yukio, it was believable when people found out he was Fujimoto's son. For Rin, it was just becoming a huge clutter of uncertainty. He didn't feel like his son anymore. He felt…different. He felt unwanted, unneeded. Like he didn't fit, like he didn't belong.

For Yukio, it wasn't like that at all. People seem to think of him and Yukio as two separate people instead of two separate brothers. Like it was only Rin that was the son of Satan. Like Yukio wasn't his brother, his twin, and that they weren't related. Just because of how different they are.

It sucked.

It sucked a lot and Rin couldn't help but hate himself. Honestly, how could he not? More and more bad come and outweigh the good of him and his self-hate just continues to grow. Of course he would never let anyone know that he had such negative feelings for himself—instead he buried those feelings away in the back of his mind and just tried focusing on making people like him, to make people see the good inside of him. But he keeps screwing it up! Just when he thought that he finally had friends—that he finally found his god damn place in everything—he went and screwed it up; and now that his mental walls were no longer up to keep it at bay, the hate flooded through.

Rin began to cry harder, sobs leaving his lips and his hands moved up into his hair as his eyes squeezed shut. He laid down on the bed, curling on his side into fetal position and feeling overwhelmed by the crushing emotions and thoughts running through him.

"Why can't I just be normal?" He sobbed, his voice akin to a whisper.

*.*.*

Rin stared at the classroom door. He had just finished with regular school and had now arrived to cram class. Yet, he found himself unable to open the door. A passing thought of skipping class flew through his mind but Rin chose to ignore it. It didn't matter if he skipped class today or not because he would have to just come back here tomorrow right? If not tomorrow then eventually. The confrontation with everyone was inevitable…

But then why was he shaking so badly?

Rin could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his palms become sweaty and his legs turn into lead. He knew how they were going to act, what was going to happen when he saw them. But he already knew that so why was he suddenly so anxious?

"I have to try…" He whispered hoarsely, "…please let me try…"

But Rin could not summon the strength to open the door. Instead he found himself taking a step back.

"Please no, oh please no." He begged as the memories resurfaced. He lifted a hand to his face and held his head in it, forcing himself to take even deep breaths and calm his mind. "It's just stress. Calm down Rin." He muttered to himself before taking one final breath.

"What are you doing?"

"Shit!" Rin swore loudly as he visibly jumped before whipping around. There standing before him was Kamiki Izumo, looking curiously bored. Rin felt his throat close up, "K-Kamiki, hey…" He greeted weakly.

A small eyebrow raised, "What are you doing standing outside the classroom for? Go inside already and stop loitering around."

"I wasn't…never mind." Rin sighed and stepped aside as Izumo opened the door and walked in, catching it before it closed shut all the way. One last exhale escaped him as he pushed it open, walking into the classroom.

Almost immediately he was wishing that he hadn't.

He saw the way Miwa had glance over in his direction when he heard the door open before a fearful look entered his eyes and they snapped to the front of the room. He saw the panicked expression on Renzou's face as he looked over to Ryuji, who tossed a dark look in Rin's direction before redirecting his eyes to the front.

An ache settled in Rin's chest as he let go of the knob, hearing the door click shut behind him and confining him inside.

He directed his eyes downwards to stare at the floor as he walked over to his desk. Once he sat down, he tried to ignore the way Shiemi jumped, and began pulling out his books.

"Hey Shiemi." Rin greeted quietly, looking over to her once he was situated. The blonde's face flushed lightly, her green eyes widening as an uneasy look came over her features while she quickly stuttered out a response.

"H-Hello, Rin!"

'She looks so uncomfortable.' Rin thought sadly and looked away from her. He rested his head in his hand with his elbow on the desk and soon began doodling in the margin of his notebook, drawing little poor sketches of whatever he could.

"Listen up runts."

Blue eyes looked up from beneath messy bangs as Shura's voice sounded. He spotted his trainer standing in the front of the room with a manila folder tucked underneath her arm.

"There has been a change of plans. Your normal schedule has been completely rearranged for today." Questions arose, Renzou being the first to voice them,

"Why is that Ms. Kirigakure?" He asked, "Did something happen?"

Shura sighed loosely, "Mephisto's orders. I just received the update not too long before I came here." She looked over the class in front of her, eyes narrowing slightly, "We're going to head down to the training arena."

About ten minutes later or so, the group of students had arrived to the training arena where they usually tamed demons. There was a large demon seated in the middle of the room, resembling a large lizard with two tails with a chain hooked around its neck. It lay still on the ground, watching the group with unblinking blood colored eyes.

"This here is called a Hirrus." Shura explained, "They're pretty passive most of the time but they do cause trouble here and there. They have the ability to camouflage, much like a Chameleon, and have incredible endurance as well as strength and speed. They also regurgitate spit that quickly hardens and traps their prey."

"Ew…" Renzou spoke as a look of disgust took over his face. The other students shared similar looks and thoughts.

"Alright then, now that you're all updated, I'll leave ya be!" The curvaceous woman gave them a two finger salute with a grin before quickly scurrying off.

Rin stared at the demon, an uneasy feeling creeping into him. He tried to ignore it and took a step forward only to have his arm tugged back suddenly. He squeaked in surprise and turned around to face his attacker, finding rose colored eyes staring into his blue ones seriously.

"Rin, you're gonna have to stick this one out."

Rin blinked. Then blinked again. A sigh left him before he spoke, "Yeah, okay." He agreed quietly and Shura raised an eyebrow slightly but nonetheless dragged Rin over to the side lines. Once the boy sat down, Shura decided to speak,

"Hey."

Rin looked at her with a knitted expression, "Hm?" He hummed.

"You…" The woman trailed off as she took in Rin's features for the first time that day. The boy looked rugged and worn, dark circles beginning to form underneath his eyes and his hair was slightly tousled, no doubt from running his hand through multiple times. The signs of stress showing on his overall appearance.

"You look terrible." She finished, "What the hell happened to you?"

Rin's brows rose in surprise, as he had not been expecting that at all. "Nothing happened. I'm just a little tired." He gave her a funny look, "I think you're just over exaggerating."

Shura gave him a pointed look, "Oh no, Rin you look more than a 'little' tired. You look damn right exhausted. Have you been sleeping?"

Rin glance down briefly, his hands coming together in his lap. "Yeah."

"Sorry, that was the wrong question to ask; what I mean is, how much have you been sleeping?"

Rin didn't answer immediately and Shura frowned, "See? Rin, why aren't you sleeping? Are you staying up late fooling around?"

Rin hid a wince and directed his eyes down at his hands. Of course Shura would think he was goofing off. Being irresponsible. Typical Rin.

She couldn't think that he was just having sleeping problems?

No. Of course not.

"No. I just had a little trouble sleeping this week. It's no big deal Shura, don't sweat over it."

The woman stared at Rin for a moment before giving a half shrug, "Alright, if you say so." She finally spoke. "I'm gonna go head out and snatch a couple of beers from one of the breakrooms. I'm leaving you in charge. Make sure they don't do anything stupid." Shura then turned heel and walked to the exit. Rin didn't bother to question why the breakroom would have alcohol, figuring that Shura must have put it in there to keep it close and accessible.

Yet five minutes passed and Shura had still not returned.

When it was breeching ten minutes, Rin was starting to think that she had already gotten drunk while on her way back.

The minutes continued to tick by as he occupied himself by watching the others try to tame the demon that was now acting lively. It wasn't before long that Rin once again felt that uneasy feeling creep into his system. His blue eyes were focused intently on his fellow Exwires when he noticed the demon, who had been still due to Ryuji and Miwa chanting, suddenly move and swipe at Miwa thus causing him to lose place in his chanting with a noise of startle. This caused Ryuji to stutter in shock, his words skipping over each other and the beast was free as the chant dropped. It swiped its claws through its chain, now thoroughly angered and let out a screech. Suddenly it vanished.

'Shit!' Rin thought as he sat forward, his eyes scanning frantically, 'Didn't Shura say that thing can turn invisible?!'

He receive his answer when Renzou and Miwa were picked up and tossed about; hitting the wall and falling to the ground. Ryuji had been about to check on them when he was thrown back, slamming against the bleachers as he was stuck with the demon's spit.

"Damn it!" He cursed loudly struggling, "Shima! Koneko!" But the two remained still, a trail of blood coming from Miwa respectively Rin noticed. His heart was thudding against his ribcage before he heard a familiar scream,

Shiemi!

"Nee!" She shouted as her contract was torn and her Greenman disappeared into nothing. She screamed as she was suddenly grabbed by the waist and lifted before smashed into the ground. As she was lifted into the air, she was shown to be unconscious and a trail of blood was running down her face; she was held upside down by one of the tails of the creature who had now turned visible.

"Uke!" Izumo ordered, "Mike! Help Moriyama!"

The Byakko charged at the demon but were wiped out within less than a minute. Izumo stared unblinkingly in shock, watching as her familiar were shouting in pain as they disappeared.

"B-But how…no way…" She stuttered as she backed up. The demon screeched once more and jumped at her, missing her as she just barely dodged, then spat at her. Izumo ran as quickly as she could, avoiding the spit the best that she could. As she tried to find another summoning contract, she tripped and fell to the ground, letting out a pained sound.

"Kamiki!" Ryuji shouted as he watched her fall. He looked at Shiemi, who had been dropped on the ground, to find her still out cold, along with the others. He struggled against his bounds even more, hating the feeling of being so powerless. Of being forced to watch this chaos transpire.

Izumo forced herself up, stumbling a bit before trying to break out into a run again but was stopped short by the spit that now held her feet hostage. Panic flooded through her—she tried to free herself but found it futile to do so. The beast was charging at her and her ruby eyes were wide, her entire being frozen by fear, her thoughts screaming at her—

'What should I do?!'

"KAMAKI!"

In the blink of an eye, Izumo found herself staring at something white. 'What? White? What is…' However, that white was quickly becoming dyed with red.

A horrified gasp left the small female and her hands flew up to cover her mouth.

Standing before her, stock still, was Rin.

In the jaws of the demon.

Bleeding.

At the last second, before the demon could even touch her, Rin had bolted over towards Izumo and shielded her, letting the jaws on the demon snap shut around his midsection with a sickening crunch noise. Pain exploded almost instantly and Rin was breathless, going completely still from the shock of it; his blue irises shrunken as his eyes shot wide. His hands had gripped onto the demon's jaw on either side of him, his arms shaking terribly and fingers holding tightly.

'Oh…my…god.' The sheer agony that Rin felt was excruciatingly overwhelming; he felt his powers trying to heal him but he had yet to free himself. His lower ribs were crushed as well as his spine and his insides felt like they were punctured and shredded to pieces. Anything from the waist down felt almost completely numb. A sudden contraction in his stomach hit him so violently that Rin had no time to prepare; warm, thick fluid rising up his throat before he found himself gagging. Blood splattered onto the demon out in front of Rin.

Ryuji watched everything with wide eyes, his voice lost in his throat the moment he saw Rin get bitten.

Izumo watched as Rin coughed up blood before letting out a small sound of pain.

"Get off." Rin growled, his voice straining. He looked down and directly into the eye of the demon, he glared fiercely, red tinting his pupil.

"I said, get the hell off of me."

The Hirrus sensed an overwhelming power arise and felt fear pierce through him deeply. It opened its mouth and released the Exwire, backing up slightly before laying down. Rin didn't move for a few moments and both of his classmates waited, staring at the blood flowing from the open wounds and soaking his uniform.

"Are you okay?"

Rin's quiet voice startled Izumo out of her shock, watching as Rin turned slightly in her direction, a tired blue eye looking at her intently. She was at lost for words, only managing a nod in reply. "Good…" Rin gasped before falling to his knees, his arms going out forward to stop himself from falling further and propping him up on his hands. Tremors wracked through Rin's body as he gasped out, feeling his insides shift and move, steadily regenerating.

Shit, this hurt.

"Okumura!"

Rin could've sworn that he heard his name called out in harmony but was unsure do to how foggy his mind was at the moment. Footsteps were suddenly heard, their pace quick.

"What the hell!?"

'Ugh.' Rin thought as he recognized that voice. He soon felt firm, strong hands grip onto his biceps in a steady hold as Shura looked him over.

God, there was so much blood.

"What happened? Hey! Are you listening?! Rin."

Rin groaned in reply and lifted his head to look into frantic rose colored eyes. "I'll be fine." He murmured out hoarsely which caused Shura to stare incredulously, "Just take care of the others. Suguro's stuck and so is Kamiki. Konekomaru, Shima, and Shiemi were all knocked out but both Shiemi and Konekomaru are injured. I'm not sure about Shima. They need your help."

Shura stared at the young teen before closing her eyes, "Damn you…." She whispered out roughly, then opened her eyes as she stood before summoning her sword. She slashed at Izumo's feet and the spit confining her shattered. The small girl stepped away from the remains and tossed a worried glance at the boy still on the ground near her. However, her attention was dragged away from him by Shura as she barked the order, "Get the medical crew here stat."

Izumo nodded and bolted off to the exit, Shura quickly moving to Ryuji before freeing him as well. Shura ordered him to Renzou and Miwa and he dashed over to his friends as she went over to Shiemi and picked her up in her arms.

Rin could hear the sounds all around him begin to blur together and he knew something was wrong. It seemed that the trauma inflicted upon him wasn't healing.

No.

It was healing but very, very slowly.

"Damn it." He whispered as his arms caved in from under him and he fell onto his side, feeling a hot burning pain shoot through him and he let out a choked scream. It fell on deaf ears as the medical team rushed in and Rin could feel his vision begin to blur as noises faded into a muffled sound. Everything tilted in all directions and Rin could feel breathing become difficult as he struggled with each breath through the searing pain that just did not want to stop. His blue eyes grew dull, vision blacking out until they eventually slid shut as he slipped into the welcomed world of darkness.

*.*.*

His eyelids were heavy as blue irises peeked through; though they slid shut again as the bright light overhead and the pungent smell of anti-bacterial assaulted his senses.

"Hey, wake up."

His eyes cracked opened once more as a quiet groan slipped from his throat. Disoriented and confused, Rin moved to sit up a bit in the bed he was in and lifted a heavy hand to his throbbing head.

"You okay?"

Rin looked over to his left, finding his busty trainer sitting backwards in a chair, staring at him with serious eyes. Rin noticed the medical bandage on her cheek and another small piece above one of her brows but didn't comment on them.

Rin remained quiet for a few moments as he rubbed his hand through his hair and croaked out a quiet response, "I'm alright."

"I heard what you did." Shura started as she reached over to the chair next to her and grabbed a bottle of water before handing it to Rin. "That was really brash of you."

"I didn't know what else to do." Rin replied honestly, "She was going to get killed if I didn't do something quickly."

"But you got hurt instead." Shura pointed out, "The Hirrus is a demon that has a bite that can kill not only humans but other demons as well."

"What?"

"When a demon is bitten, it releases a venom that renders their regeneration ability useless. You were lucky as hell to have regenerative abilities as strong as you do because if you didn't we wouldn't have noticed in time that you weren't healing properly. You nearly died back there Rin because you did something so reckless." She confessed softly. Rin was quiet as he took in the information given. He squeezed the bottle in his hands, fingering interlocking and thumbs crushing the plastic steadily. His eyes glossing over a bit as he bowed his head. "That's an issue?" He whispered. The words left his lips before he realized it and he tensed once he did.

Shura's eyes practically bugged out of her head, flabbergasted by the mere suggestion. "Of course you idiot!" She exclaimed heatedly. Rin remained quiet and Shura closed her eyes momentarily whilst letting out a soft sigh, "Rin…"

"What happened after I collapsed?" Rin questioned curtly. Shura blinked, taken aback by the abrupt change as well as his tone, but responded nonetheless, "The other Exwire's were taken to be treated." She explained.

"I see." Rin mused softly, "Are they alright?"

"Konekomaru and Moriyama both have minor concussions and Shima had a dislocated shoulder. They'll be fine. You took the worst hit out of everyone."

"Mind giving me a recap?" Rin looked over at her as he asked. Shura shook her head, her two toned colored bangs dancing about in her face as she did so, while a grimace formed upon her lips. "You were completely unresponsive." She started, "Heavy bleeding and loss of limb functions due to nerve damage. We had to clear the venom out of your system as quickly as we could and Mephisto came to your rescue. He removed it; it took an hour but you were able to heal yourself. But despite all that, you still didn't wake up. The medics said it was due to the trauma you faced and your body was coping. Mentally and physically."

Rin's brows furrowed, "How long have I been here?"

"Almost a day now." Shura replied.

"Time?"

"Noon."

"Ah." Rin let out, "So I've been here all night." Shura nodded.

Rin sat up, "Well I'm all healed up and awake so I'm ready to leave." Shura got up from the chair and stretched, "I'm gonna let them know so they can release you." She turned and walked to the door but Rin saw her pause for just a moment before she stepped through the doorway and disappeared. He pulled the blankets back and placed his feet on the floor before standing. Despite being unconscious for the night, Rin felt far from rested. He did a couple stretches to test himself—he found everything to feel pretty normal and he let out a sigh as he cupped his hands behind his head. Noon, huh?

That meant that school was going to end soon.

Rin closed his eyes as he thought back to the incident, remembering the feeling of his body being crushed caused a shiver to shoot through him.

"God that hurt." He muttered as he shook himself. Rin sat on the bed and waited for Shura to come back. When the woman finally did return, she announced his leaving and the teen was more than happy to do so. He headed to his dorm and showered, feeling refreshed as he entered his room with a towel around his waist. Kuro greeted him happily, having heard what happened to his master and was relieved to see him on his feet. Rin pet the demon then got dressed in a pair of black sweats and a matching colored long-sleeved shirt. After pulling on his runners Rin left the room to go find something to eat. As he walked to the kitchen, Rin was lost in his thoughts. Most of them consisting of stuff from the day before such as his actions. Directing his eyes downward, Rin frowned. To be honest, Rin didn't know how to feel. He had been so close to death without even knowing it and the thought didn't really bother him.

'I mean,' Rin thought, 'wouldn't it be better if I just died?'

Everyone would benefit—it seemed like such an easy solution. One that he could never really consider because of his healing powers but now it was like that didn't matter anymore.

Rin didn't stop walking as he felt the tears come; he also did nothing to stop them from falling. The heavy ache in his chest wouldn't seize even if he did. He was sick of feeling this way, sick of thinking this way.

A quiet sob slipped past his lips. His arms folded over his chest and his fingers dug into his ribs. Tremors slowly conquered his body as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying (and failing) to keep it together. 'What's the point?' He thought, 'What's the freaking point anymore?'

He could feel himself crumble, his resolve finally falling. No amount of optimism could be summoned right now as the teen cried.

Why did everything seem to be falling apart? Why couldn't he do anything to stop it? Did he even want to try and stop it anymore? God he was so tired of all this disappointment, of all this pain, of all this freaking bullshit. Why was he even still here?

"You have two options remaining to you."

Rin's hands slid into his hair, gripping tightly at it as he heard Mephisto's voice in his head.

"Allow yourself to be killed by us…"

'Shut up.' Rin pleaded weakly, his own thought barely heard by himself. His heart was drumming in his ears, erratic and panicked.

"There's also the option of suicide. Which will it be?"

'SHUT UP!'

Rin slowed down, his pace stopping once he walked into a wall. The young teen leaned against it as he pulled at his hair, his breathing harsh and uneven through his crying. Why wouldn't the voices just shut up?! He didn't want to think anymore! He didn't want to hear anyone anymore!

"Shut…up!" Rin choked out as he slid down the wall, his legs losing their strength, and he sat on the floor with his knees pulled to his chest and buried his head in them, curling into himself. He held onto his dark strands, tugging relentlessly, his body outright shaking now as he reached his limit. The boy sat there, crying and gasping, his head pounding and feeling as if he was losing his sanity.

He didn't know what to do anymore.

*.*.*

"Okumura?"

Izumo squinted as she spotted the figure huddled against the wall on the hallway floor. Hearing that Rin had been released, she had come to Rin's dorm to find him and thank him properly for saving her life. However, when she got to the room she hadn't seen the boy. So she left to go see if he was still in the building, opting to go look in the kitchen for her first choice. But about ten minutes into her walk on her way there, she found him sitting in the middle of the hallway.

Izumo frowned when Rin failed to respond to her and as she walked closer, she took notice of his distressed state as she heard the sobs. Shock steeled her in place for a moment as her face contorted into surprised worry, "What the…?"

The small girl found herself walking over to him, kneeling at distance and reaching a hand to touch his shoulder. "Okumura?" She called out hesitantly, but she failed to receive any indication that he heard her. She gave his shoulder a firm shake. "Okumura? Okumura? Hey, listen!"

How long had he been like this?

"Okumura!"

Rin was startled into awareness by the shaking of his shoulder, accompanied by the calling of his name. His head shot up and he found himself staring into red colored irises. His own eyes widened dramatically as he sucked in a breath of surprise.

Izumo was shocked into silence once she caught sight Rin; his skin was blotchy and flushed, his face was glistening from the tears and his eyes were bloodshot. Quick puffs of air left through his parted lips. Neither of them said a word, both frozen into silence for a few moments, just taking in one another. Eventually the silence was broken once Izumo tentatively called out him, "Okumura?"

Rin blinked, taken aback by her tone. Lifting a hand up, he rubbed at his face to clear the mess of tears. "Sorry." He replied hoarsely, "Sorry. You shouldn't have seen me like this."

"Okumura, you're crying." From the whole time she had known Rin, Izumo could honestly say that she had never seen Rin cry nor had she ever thought that she would. He was usually bouncing about and like a happy puppy. Sometimes he was a little down here and there but he usually reverted back to his normal self. She's seen him upset and pissed off but never even close to the sniveling, shaking, crying mess in front of her right now. He looked awful.

Rin fought for words, unable to come up with any as he stared into her ruby eyes. Eventually, he just closed his mouth without anything more than some quiet incoherent noises leaving it. Izumo stared at him, taking in his overall appearance with her thoughts racing. The main one being repeated over and over, until she voiced it,

"What's wrong?" She inquired.

Rin was quiet, his arms crossing and holding each other. His blue eyes fell down, messy bangs shrouding them as his head bowed, failing to speak yet again.

Izumo watched the boy sitting before her, a starting bulb of sympathy blooming inside her. 'He seems so…sad.' She thought.

"I…I can't…" Her small brows rose slightly at his response. She listened as his voice began cracking lightly in areas, "I can't do this. Everything just…I can't keep doing this…"

His words troubled her. "Doing what?" She questioned, her voice hesitant and confused.

"Staying optimistic. It's become too much. Why do I keep screwing up?" Rin whispered.

Izumo gazed at him silently for a few moments, then exhaling silently before moving to sit next to him on the floor. Rin looked up at her in confusion. Yet Izumo only folded her legs under her and leaned against the wall; she sat next to him silently for a while. While she chose to keep her gaze forward, Rin stared at her with blatant bemusement, trying to figure out why she sitting there—sitting next to him. The Exwire soon found himself steadily growing anxious as the silence stretched on.

'Come on, say something!'

"Fools."

Rin flinched in startle but quickly processed her words and furrowed his brows in surprise and perplex. He stared at her features and upon closer inspection, he saw her expression had turned sour—a glare shooting daggers at whatever she seemed to be staring at. Rin looked to see where but just found nothing more than a wall across from them.

"Fools."

He blinked as Izumo repeated herself. He watched as she lowered her gaze while muttering, "They're all fools."

Rin remained silent. He didn't know how to refute. He didn't know what she meant. But he found himself wanting to know. He watched as Izumo gave her head a small shake, "Nothing's changed and yet so much did at the same time." Rin's brows furrowed slightly, "Huh? What…what do you mean?"

"I didn't think they'd spout such pretty words only to immediately go back on them. They're nothing but fools, nothing but cowards—the only thing that's change is that we know now. You, yourself haven't changed one bit."

Catching on, blue eyes widened before quickly lowering as a familiar ache settled deep within and Rin rested his head against the wall behind him. "Yeah, okay. Tell that to everyone else."

"I shouldn't have to. It's ridiculous for people to be scared of you to be honest." Izumo said with a quiet scoff. Rin's brows furrowed, "I'm a spawn from hell. I'm dangerous."

Izumo snorted at the absurdity of his words. "Now that's just ridiculous. You are far from being dangerous and it's not like there aren't tons of other people related to demons by blood."

Rin's eyes widened in shock once he heard those words, his head whipping to the side as he stared at her. "R-Really?" It sounded too good to be true. There were more people like…him?

"Well yeah," The female replied as she looked over at him, "it's common knowledge. In fact, there are many of them who are Exorcists." Rin sputtered for a moment, taken aback, but soon after did he close his eyes with a withered sigh. He leaned back against the wall as the ache in his chest grew a little. His hands curled into fists and his nails pinched into his palms. His blue eyes were once more hidden by his dark hair as he lowered his head. "Yeah but there's one little detail you're forgetting: I'm the son of Satan. Apparently being in relation to demons isn't so important but being in relation to the king of demons is. I'm not the average person or demon." Rin felt his throat tighten as he choked out, "I'm a monster."

Izumo's ruby colored irises shrunk as her eyes widened once she heard those words pass Rin's lips, shock freezing her into immobility momentarily. "A mon—you're not—is that what you really think?" She sputtered. Rin didn't answer and she watched a tear suddenly slide down his face before being followed another, and another; dripping off of his chin in silent trails. Izumo's gaze turned sullen as she watched Rin cry. She could only endure that for mere seconds before Izumo couldn't take it anymore.

"You're not bad Okumura." Izumo spoke, her voice clear and audible. Rin opened his eyes and turned his head, only to find her staring back as their gaze locked, "I'm not afraid of you." She whispered and Rin's eyes widened. "You're not evil. You're not a monster." She continued. "You may think you're so bad but you're really not." A subtle softness entered her eyes,

"You saved my life yesterday."

Rin's breathing evened out, tears slowing down as he listened to the Exwire speak.

"Thank you." Izumo spoke, "I came to find you and thank you. Even while you were heavily injured…" She receive a flashback of Rin asking her, bleeding and barely standing, if she was alright. "…you made sure that I was okay. You nearly died yourself for saving me. For doing something like that, how can I possibly think of you as an evil being? As a monster?"

Rin stared at her with wide eyes, a look of startle covering his features whilst astonishment rendered speechless. It was moments after that he felt a tugging warmth in his chest, gratitude blooming inside and a small smile cracked on his face. "Thank you, Izumo."

She blinked in surprise, flushing slightly at the use of her first name. "Hey! D-Don't just address me so casually!" Rin's gaze softened a bit in response yet the smile remained which in turn caused Izumo to become a shade a tad darker. She looked down and around for a minute, "Yeah well—you're welcome!" She huffed in embarrassment. The smile grew slightly, Rin leaning down and resting his head on her shoulder. "Really, thanks…" He murmured.

Izumo stared at him, smiling slightly before frowning, "I can't speak for the others…but just give it time Okumura. There are reasons, I'm sure." She spoke quietly. Rin didn't move from his spot and he hummed lightly. "Yeah, I guess you're right. May those reasons be good or bad or whatever, I'll try to handle it."

"Good." Izumo responded. "No one can blame you for not being able to, though. You're human too."

The smile grew larger, teeth peeking as it became a grin. He nodded into her shoulder.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Welp. That's the end. This was a bit difficult to write. I haven't been writing anything for MONTHS and I became sloppy. This took some months to complete because I kept putting it off but then I picked it up again and started finishing it and now it's finally done. *sighs in relief* Great.

Anyway, now for some notes on the story. This is a one-shot but I can make it into multi-chapter story if people request for it. I know it's cliché for people to right about Rin becoming depressed during the Camping Trip Arc but I wanted to try something a little different. Most people end up writing Rin out of character anyway and I really wanted to try keeping that as close as I could. I also used multiple references from the anime/manga to help me shape this. While doing so, I noticed that Rin chose to stay optimistic when things got rough but later on in the story we got to see his actual inner thoughts as he broke down. So that's how I see Rin handling stress; he stays optimistic until his limit is breached before he snaps and breaks down. Thus, explaining my choice for the title. Alright, that's all.

Peace, Love, Ecstasy,

~Ro Noble