VII.

By the time Barry and Joe have parked in front of S.T.A.R. Labs, Barry has almost let himself go completely. He barely feels it when the car slides jerkily into park, barely hears it when Joe opens his own door and rushes around to open Barry's door. Only when Joe reaches over him and unbuckles his seatbelt does Barry bother to lift his heavy eyelids and observe what is happening.

Joe's mouth is pulled down in that all too familiar frown, the lines of his face creased deeply as he looks upon Barry. Barry blinks blearily at him, not as concerned as he should be about his vision being so blurry, and Joe sighs. "Oh, Barry."

At the moment, Barry knows that he won't be on the receiving end of any "I told you so" from Joe. He knows that nothing about this feels satisfying to either of them.

"C'mon, Barr." Joe says as he spins Barry around in his seat so his legs hang outside of the car. "I'm gonna need some help here."

Barry can't really move properly. His body is shivering too much to be of any use, so he just sits there and suffers and watches his legs dangle. Joe tries to position Barry so he can get out of the car with ease, but Barry just lets his spinning loll around while Joe attempts to solve both of their problems in one go.

The sound of clacking heels and rolling wheels come from over Joe's shoulder. Barry finds his curiosity peaked enough that he actually keeps his eyes open so he can see what's producing the sounds. His eyes must be as wide as an owl's but if he lets his eyelids slip even the tiniest bit, he's afraid that he won't have enough strength to lift them again.

Joe is talking, Barry realizes, and he's doing so without taking his eyes off of Barry's pathetic form, something that's a little creepy. He's saying something about needing help to move Barry, but Barry only starts to really listen to the conversation after he hears his name clearly spoken. If Barry was willing to use up some energy, he would lean his head to the side so he could peer around Joe's broad shoulders and see who he's talking to. But, alas, that sounds too exhausting to him so he resigns himself to sitting limply and waiting for the people to reveal themselves.

Finally, Joe moves off to Barry's right, still keeping a steady hand Barry's knee as a firm display of support. With the wide shoulders out of the way, Barry is happy to find Caitlin and Cisco closing the distance between them fairly quickly, advancing with the same frowns and creases of concern that line Joe's face. Cisco takes control of keeping Barry upright, managing to plaster a smile across his mouth to look more comforting to Barry. Caitlin takes control of keeping Barry awake, as he's already grown immensely tired from having his eyes forced open for so long.

She pats his cheeks and speaks to him in that stern and gentle doctor's voice he's become well-acquainted with since last year. "Hey, Barry, I know you can't really walk right now, so we're going to move you into a wheelchair."

He can't talk well, either, so he just jerks his limp head around a little to show that he understands what she told him. Cisco quickly rushes a few feet away and retrieves the wheelchair they had brought up with them. It's not the one that Doctor Wells used, it's just a foldable one that was probably stored away in a dusty storage closet and will serve its purpose just fine. Together, the three of them support Barry and lift him from his seat. He feels a little guilty that he hasn't really been helping throughout this entire process so he tries to move his legs a little to give them some leverage against the ground. The movement makes the soreness in his lower half extremely obvious, but he pushes onward. By the time he's finally plopped down in the chair and relaxing against its back, all four of them are huffing and puffing from exertion.

Barry leans back and puts his own tired feet on the footrests so someone else won't have to do it for him like he's a child. The car door is slammed behind him and then they're off, Caitlin and Cisco walking in time with the rolling of the wheelchair while Joe pushes Barry.

When they make inside the elevator, Cisco presses the button for their level and Caitlin kneels in front of Barry. That uncomfortable feeling of his unsettled stomach and frazzled brain is back and he wants nothing more than to just space out and let them do what they must, but Caitlin pulls a penlight out of the pocket of her lab coat and flashes it over his eyes, leaving him to blink away the sudden stars that break out across his vision. While he's still recovering from being so disoriented, Caitlin takes his pulse, feels his forehead, and bites her lip just in time for Barry's eyesight to recover.

The elevator dings pleasantly and comes to a slow stop, signaling for Caitlin to rise and clear the path for Barry's wheelchair. As soon as the doors open, Joe is back to pushing Barry down the hall and to the cortex, the footsteps of Cisco and Caitlin rushing quickly behind them. They pull off to the side and into the room Barry had previously occupied. The medical bed is still there, its sheets made and ready for his return. The various monitors are in their original places, their screens turned off and the IV stand sitting still without a bag.

Joe pulls him right up to the bed while Caitlin walks swiftly around the bed so she can start turning the monitors back on. Cisco and Joe help him rise from the wheelchair and lie down on the bed after Cisco pulls back the sheets for him. The motion tugs precariously at the stitches across his flesh, but thanks to Cisco and Joe urging him to move slowly, they do not rip. Once his head hits the shockingly cold pillow, Joe and Cisco take off his jacket and step back so Caitlin can work on him.

Her expression is hard as she leans over him and starts to place various wires on his chest under his shirt. Barry watches as she walks back and forth around his bed, her every move filled with purpose. She orders the two others around, telling Cisco to fetch her a bag of saline and ordering Joe to get her a thermometer. Both of them seem to be inspired by her efficiency as they both return in under a minute. Caitlin thanks them quickly and proceeds to place the thermometer on the bed while she hangs the bag of saline on the IV stand.

Barry finds himself too tired to turn his head away as Caitlin slides the needle into a vein in the crook of Barry's left arm and tapes it down. Usually, even though he's used to being treated for injuries at this point, the sight of a needle in his skin would make him cringe, but he doesn't have enough energy to care. Caitlin waits for a few seconds to make sure the liquid is flowing, then she grabs the thermometer, places it in Barry's mouth, and waits until it beeps. When she pulls it back out to look at the reading, her frown deepens and she shows it to Joe and Cisco. Joe's eyebrows raise dangerously close to his hairline and Cisco lets out a long, impressed whistle.

"Damn Barry!" He says playfully. "You're really going for a new record."

Before Barry can decide whether or not to glare at Cisco or laugh, Caitlin adjusts his shoulders so he's facing the ceiling. At the moment, he can only see Caitlin's pinched expression hovering over him but Joe and Cisco quickly walk a few steps closer to the sides of the bed so Barry can see them again. It's a little disorienting to only be able to see the ceiling and not the rest of the room and Barry starts to feel discomfort and panic creeping into his lungs, tightening his chest until his fevered eyes flicker.

"Barry," Caitlin says, her voice muffled ad not matching up with the movement of her mouth. "Try and get some rest."

He isn't even sure how he can do that while he's so cold and in pain and concerned with his tightened chest but somehow he manages to slip away and let his vision fade to back.

He doesn't know if he falls or sleep or passes out, but he'll take what he can get.

. . .

From then on, things get even stranger for Barry.

He wakes up at random intervals, always disoriented, always confused. Some part of his mind must be comprehending something because he knows that his fever has risen even more, even if he's so out of it he couldn't tell up from down anymore.

The first time he wakes up that he can remember, Barry doesn't even bother to open his eyes. He can feel the light sheets against his skin each time his body trembles with painful chills. Over his forehead lies a cool cloth that leaves a slow trail of water trickling down the side of Barry's face. The room is quiet, but there is still sound. There is the low hush of people speaking the other end of the room and the slow beeping of monitors to Barry's right that remind him where he is.

His head aches and he'd still much rather be asleep, but after a lot of concentration he's able to faintly make out what they're saying.

"He's getting worse." Barry can hear Joe saying with frustration clear in his words. "Isn't there anything we can do?"

He hears a sigh before Caitlin speaks. "I'm treating his symptoms as best as I can, but we'll need a large sample of what he was poisoned with before I can do anything to cure him."

"And we can only get a sample from the meta herself." Joe grumbles.

"I've been working on that." Cisco says softly. "But so far, nothing has popped up. As soon as something does, though, don't worry, we'll hear something about it."

They continue talking but Barry falls asleep before he can hear what they discuss.

He dreams that he's being alternately dipped in a vat of lava and a tub filled with icy water. Every time he comes up for air he can hear his friends screaming for him and he can even feel hands grabbing for him. But before someone can rescue him, an invisible force slams him in the stomach and he can't breathe as he is dragged back down.

When he wakes up again, he manages to peel his eyes open. The trio that had been speaking before has now vanished. When he rolls his head to the side, he finds Iris sitting in her chair. She's leaning forward, he elbows perched gracefully on her knees and her hands clasped tightly together. Her mouth is pressed against her hands, her brow furrowed in the same way her father's is when he is worried. She doesn't seem to notice that Barry is awake, and he feels too weak to speak or move too much, so he settles with twitching his right index finger where it lies on the top of sheets.

At the movement, Iris narrows her eyes for a moment before she moves her gaze to Barry's face. Upon seeing his open eyes, her own eyes widen and she takes her lips away from her hands so Barry can see her smile.

"Hey, Barr." She says kindly, separating her arms so she can grab Barry's hand. Her skin is soft and pleasantly warm so he grips her hand with what little strength she has. Even if it's difficult for him, it's definitely worth it when her smile widens. "How are you feeling?"

Barry wants to talk to her. He wants to sit up and hug her so the sadness goes away from her face. But he can't. He's too tired, too exhausted, he can't even lift anything more than a measly finger. He can do nothing but blink back at her and hope she understands.

Thankfully, she does. Iris gives a little nod and pats his hand carefully. "That's okay, Barry." She tries to notably brighten her smile, but he can tell that she's only doing it for his benefit. "This'll be over soon. Cisco's working on a way to stop the meta. You'll be better before you know it!"

He blinks again and her expression turns more serious. "Just hang on a little longer, Barry."

Her voice starts to fade away and Barry closes his eyes. His skin feels hot again and the horrible fog is being pulled back over his mind.

"Just hang on."

. . .

He wakes up again, but everything is wrong.

He's still sick, that much he is sure of. He can feel the uncomfortable heat in his veins, the pain in his head and the ache in his side. There are light sheets on top of him and he sinks into the stiff mattress beneath him.

But when he opens his eyes, he's back in his room. Not the room he has at Joe's house, but his old room, the one he had before his life became on big mess after the other. There entire room looks blurred like he's seeing it underwater, but he can still make out the fish tank he once owned. Here, he's eleven and home sick from school because of a fever.

Here, his mom is alive.

She's standing over Barry, her smooth hair falling over her shoulders and tickling his nose. Her face is pinched and blurred like the rest of the room and Barry wants to cry.

As his eyes start to tear up, she places a cool hand on his forehead and frowns. "Barry, what's wrong?"

Though he's still exhausted he manages to find his voice. "I'm so sorry."

His mom tilts her head to the side. "What for?"

He gulps down a lump of air and his voice comes out in a pathetic croak. "I killed you. It's my fault you're dead."

His mom looks shocked and she puts her hand back on his forehead. "Barry, what are you talking about?"

A tear trickles down the side of his face and into his hairline. "I'm so sorry. It's my fault, Mom, it's my fault you're dead."

His mom's eyes look watery as she swallows and looks upon him with those soft eyes he misses so much. "Barry, it's okay. It's not your fault."

"But it is," He chokes out. "I could have stopped him, but I didn't. I didn't save you, Mom."

She looks like she's about to cry with him as she bites her lip. Somewhere behind her, he can hear a muffled sob but that doesn't make any sense. They're all alone in his room, and his dad is probably at work. Maybe it came from the hallway?

His bed dips as she sits down and looks behind her with uncertainty. Carefully, she grabs his hand and clutches it tightly in her cold grip. "Barry, listen to me. It's not your fault. You did the right thing. I'm so proud of you."

Barry can't stop the flood of tears at this point. It feels like his throat is being filled with them so he can't reply to her, he can only cry as she does her best to comfort him.

Eventually, when his sobs calm down, she presses a tender kiss to his forehead and smooths down his sweaty hair with a hesitant hand. "Go to sleep, Barry. It's okay. Everything will be better when you wake up."

He doesn't want to leave his mom. The last time he saw her, she bled out in his arms because of his own actions. If he lets go of her now, he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to see her again.

But, he learned a long time ago not to argue with his mom, especially when he's sick and she might have been crying just as much as him. For the moment, he just has to let go of what he wants and listen to his mom one more time.

He nods up at her and lays back in the pillow, finally letting his eyes slip closed. "I miss you." He whispers.

Barry goes to sleep to the sound of her crying.

. . .

Barry finds himself back in his cruel reality.

The monitors beep, his body aches, and shivers run down his spine. Cisco is leaned back in the chair Iris had occupied. His legs are crossed and propped up on Barry's bed. His arms rest casually behind his head but his body is tense and his eyes flit nervously around the room.

"Hey." Barry says, bringing Cisco's attention to him.

His friend's face breaks out in a wide grin. "Hey, man, it's good to see you awake." His expression suddenly turns serious. "You're with me, right?"

Barry narrows his eyes in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Cisco shakes his head and the grin returns like nothing happened. "Never mind, I'll tell you later."

He wants to press him for more answers, but Cisco looks extremely uncomfortable so Barry decides to drop the topic until they're both feeling better. Instead, he moves his head as much as he can to look around the room. "Where is everyone?"

"Caitlin went to a different lab to do some tests. Joe and Iris had to go do something at their jobs, I'm not sure what, so they asked me to watch you until they got back." Cisco informs him.

"Any sign of the meta?"

Cisco shrugs. "Not yet, but I've got some new tech searching for her and I've made something that we should be able to use to stop her."

Barry nods. "Good." He sighs and winces when there's a tug at his stitches. "I feel so useless sitting here and doing nothing."

"Hey, man." Cisco leans forward and pats his leg. "Don't worry about it. We'll take care of this and you just worry about getting better. I'm sure you'll be up and flashing around before you know it!"

"Thanks, Cisco." Barry smirks.

"My pleasure!" Cisco assures him.

They fall into a companionable silence, leaving Barry to think and worry about what's to come.