Valka paced softly back and forth, her footsteps light. She put together plates she had managed to find while living amongst the dragons, and with the plates she also stacked spoons and forks, all the while taking as much time as possible.
The silence was a bit uncomfortable, not to her son, Hiccup, who sat nearby, scratching his Night Fury Toothless behind the ears. No, the silence was uncomfortable to her, and to her personally. She glanced over her shoulder at Hiccup for just a second; Hiccup was trying to shove Toothless back, and Toothless was licking Hiccup's face incessantly while Hiccup protested, "Toothless, Toothless, I've told you once, and I'll tell you again - gah, Toothless!"
Valka smiled softly, but then, her smile faded, and she busied herself with the plates and silverware again.
Stoick and Gobber had left the Sanctuary only minutes ago with their dragons to hunt for fish to bring back. Stoick, her husband, whom she had just reunited with, had proposed the idea of a feast of celebration over the find of his lost wife and Hiccup's lost mother.
Valka swallowed thickly, glanced over at Hiccup again, and turned her head back just as quickly. Uncomfortable silence to the max.
She finally gathered all the courage she could, wiped her hands on the front of her skirt, and slowly, softly, approached Hiccup and sat beside him on a small wooden bench. Toothless finally ran off to play with Cloudjumper, and Hiccup watched them, smiling.
"Dragons are amazing," Hiccup said, shaking his head, in awe. "I can't wait for you to teach me more. On Berk, we've been going crazy with it - me and a few friends of mine have been working for years to rewrite the book of dragons, and I thought we were almost finished with it, but then, we found your Sanctuary…"
Hiccup smiled, glancing at Toothless and Cloudjumper again. "Yeah," he said. "Just wait until Fishlegs sees it. He's probably about the biggest dragon fan I've ever met. He'll love the Sanctuary."
"I look forward to meeting your friends," said Valka softly, and she smiled fakely. But the fake smile faded quickly. "Hiccup," she said seriously, "can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, sure," said Hiccup, "anything. What's up?"
Valka paused. "Well, son," she said, "I'm your mother, am I not? And...I know I haven't exactly...been there for you for twenty years...I'm no more than a stranger to you as of now...and I know you might...not exactly feel comfortable with this question…"
Hiccup frowned. "I'm a pretty open book," he said.
Valka swallowed and looked down. "Your leg," she said.
Hiccup followed her gaze to his prosthetic. "Oh," he said. "Yeah. Right."
It was the thing that had been gnawing on Valka's mind and heart ever since she first laid eyes on Hiccup, back in the Sanctuary's branching tunnels, before she even knew he was her son.
The first thing that struck her was just how young he was - in the Sanctuary, she had guessed nineteen or twenty, and then knew it was twenty when she discovered she was his mother. Twenty, and his leg was gone.
Gone.
And after that, the shock really set in. Somehow or another, Hiccup had lost his leg, beit in a dragon raid when he was younger, an accident involving dragon traps (Valka knew how dangerous those could be from experience. Half of the dragons in her Sanctuary had been maimed by traps set to kill), or an infection of some sort. Hiccup had lost his leg.
And she hadn't been there.
That really hit her harder than anything.
"Um...well...you know...that's kind of a long story," Hiccup said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "But...if you want to know…"
Valka nodded. She truly wanted to know, even if it broke her heart.
"Well, okay," said Hiccup finally, and he turned towards her, and she turned towards him. "Dragons," said Hiccup, "well, you remember what it was like on Berk before Cloudjumper snatched you, right?"
Valka nodded. "Yes," she said, "I remember it, quite vividly."
"Then I won't have to explain that," said Hiccup. "Basically, I wanted to, you know, prove myself as a worthy heir to the tribe, and I thought the only way to do that was to...um...kill a dragon."
He sounded so uncomfortable, and for a moment, Valka wondered if maybe she should tell him that he didn't have to go on, and that they could talk later, but Hiccup rambled on before she could even open her mouth.
"So I built this bola-shooting type contraption and…" Hiccup swallowed. "...Shot down Toothless," he said lowly, sounding ashamed, "and so I went to the forest to find him, but...well, when I finally found him tied in the ropes of that stupid bola, I couldn't kill him, so…"
"You set him free," said Valka; she knew the feeling. Many times throughout the years, especially when she first came to the Sanctuary, she had cut dozens of dragons free from bolas and ropes.
Hiccup nodded. "Yeah," he said. "And I formed a bond with Toothless eventually, and we became best friends, but...well...eventually my dad found out, and...things kind of went south from there."
He paused for a moment, casting his eyes to the floor.
"Do you know what a Seadragonus Giganticus Maximus is?" he asked.
Valka cringed. "Yes," she said, "I have seen one or two in the past. They're Queens, aren't they?"
"Yes," said Hiccup, "with mind-controlling abilities to everyone in their nest. My dad used Toothless to find his way to the Queen's nest...unfortunately, he wasn't counting on the Queen being, well...giganticus maximus."
Valka nodded, taking it in. "So, what then?" she asked.
"There was a battle," said Hiccup. "I trained the dragons in Berk's Kill Ring, and a few people in dragon training class went with me after the rest of the Berkians. In the end, I found Toothless, we lured the Queen into the sky, and then…"
This is where he paused. He bit his lip, inhaled deeply through his nose, and went on.
"We shot down the Queen," he said, "and I was knocked off Toothless' back out of the sky…" He frowned, looking confused. "I don't actually remember much," he said. "Only what people told me over the years. Toothless tried catching me as we fell to our deaths, but the only thing he could grab was my leg…with his teeth..."
Valka put her hand against her mouth to stifle her gasp. All this had happened...and she hadn't been there…
"Oh Hiccup," she whispered.
"And then it all went up in smoke from there," said Hiccup, mimicking an explosion with his hands. "Infection, bone snapped in about ten pieces, bloodloss...finally they hang it all and amputated...it was either that or the infection killed me...and if the infection didn't the bloodloss would…"
Valka couldn't actually believe it. She was physically unable to. "And...a-and did you feel any of it?" she asked, voice shaking.
"Nah," said Hiccup, "I was out cold for a week. Kinda glad I was, actually. It would've been better than being awake…"
He paused suddenly and looked ahead, thoughtful.
"You know," he said, "it...it still hurts, sometimes. My brain hasn't realized that I lost my leg yet, so that gets annoying sometimes...sometimes I wake up and forget what happened...until I go to stand up…"
He swallowed thickly.
So did Valka.
"...And then I remember," he said. "And it's hard. It's really, really hard, still, even after five years of trying to get used to a prosthetic…"
Five years.
Her son had lost his leg when he was fifteen.
"...but it's one of those things you never really 'get used' to," said Hiccup, voice slowly growing hysteric with every passing word. "You don't just 'get over' something like that. It sticks with you. You can't run from it. You can't hide from it. It's just...just…there, but at the same time, the real problem is what isn't there…"
He swallowed hard once again and looked at her. There was so much hurt in his expression it felt like a knife had been driven through her heart.
"Why didn't you come back, Mom?" he whispered, and his voice cracked.
That was it.
"Oh, Hiccup…" she whispered, and before she could actually rethink her decision, she embraced him tightly, feeling tears sting her eyes. She had cried before, missing her family, but never before had she felt this remorseful. Never before had she felt this horrible about her decision.
Because now, it hurt more than ever. She was paying for her actions through her son's pain.
Hiccup hugged her back fiercely, crying silently against her shoulder, and Valka squeezed him tighter, her own tears falling against her son's scalp.
"I'm sorry, Hiccup," Valka said, voice choked through tears. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...if I could take it back I would...I would…"
She was regretting her decision more than ever before in this moment.
"I missed you," Hiccup said, voice muffled and cracked. "I m-missed you so much, Mom…"
"I know, I know," Valka said, rocking him and herself back and forth, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I'm sorry…shhh..."
No matter how many times she said it, she would never be able to say it enough.
"I love you, Hiccup," Valka whispered, shutting her eyes tightly. "I love you so much...could you ever forgive me…?"
Hiccup swallowed, and then nodded frantically, eyes squeezed shut. "I-I forgive you," he said shakily. "And...and I love you too…"
If the dams hadn't broken before, they certainly broke now, and Hiccup and Valka embraced each other, sobbing, but altogether, in the end, happy, because they were a family again.
Because even though twenty years had already passed, today was the first day of the rest of their lives.
"Please don't leave again," Hiccup begged quietly. "...Please..."
"I won't," Valka promised, hugging him tighter than ever. "I won't, Hiccup. I promise."