AN: Just a bit of tragic angst to brighten up your day.

"Alright, Merlin," Gaius called. "I'll be back soon. Just off to deliver a fresh supply of feverfew and comfrey to The Rising Sun."

Just as he turned to leave, he heard footsteps clattering down the small staircase outside Merlin's room. "In this weather?! At your age?! Gaius, you can't be serious!"

Bemused, the physician shook his head at his wide-eyed ward. "I don't know exactly how old and frail you think I am, Merlin, but I daresay I can cope with a splash of rain every now and again."

Snatching the bottles out of his hands, Merlin snapped, "You're old enough to die from a common cold, let alone pneumonia! I'll take them, and we'll have no more to say about it."

Sighing as the door slammed behind him, Gaius went to sit back down at his workbench.

The heavy drops rolled off his worn leather coat as if it were marble. He walked straight and tall, having no need to duck and weave through abandoned streets. As he approached the tavern, his eyes strayed to the patch of cobbles which had once held a bounty-hunter's cage. Shaking himself a little, he went to deliver the tinctures.

Gwaine couldn't understand what was wrong with his oldest friend.

No sane human being could possibly enjoy such god-awful rain. He, sensible man that he was, had taken refuge in the most logical hole to crawl into when one was to be trapped for hours; The Rising Sun was warm and solid, with a hearty fire and heartier alcohol. Taking a swig of said alcohol, the knight waved Merlin over.

"C'mon, man! Stay in here, have a drink - have a bit of a laugh, even. God knows you need one, what with all the brooding you've been doing lately."

Smiling slightly, Merlin shook his head. "Sorry, mate. It's getting late, and Gaius is expecting me back. Really, you should come too - see if the rain doesn't sober you up."

Gwaine laughed and made the sign against evil. "I don't think so! But," he grew serious, "Take better care on the way back, alright? You already look like a drowned rat, which you wouldn't do if you'd been under the little tent thingies."

"Awnings," Merlin supplied. "I'll be fine, Gwaine. See you."

Rolling his eyes, Gwaine replied in kind and waved him away.

Gaius was startled out of a doze when he heard the knocks at the door. Attempting to rise, then deciding it wasn't worth the effort, he called, "Come in."

"Afternoon, Gaius."

"My lady! I ought to have met you at the door - can you forgive an old man?"

Gwen laughed. "I'd rather forgive an old friend, Gaius. I've told you before, if you won't abandon protocol in public, you must at least treat me as you used to in private."

Gaius smiled ruefully. "Well... If you insist, m- Gwen. Please, take a seat." She did so, choosing to sit opposite him on the other side of the bench. "What brings you to my door?"

"Oh, nothing much," she sighed. "Really, I've just been waiting for an opportunity. Lo and behold, Arthur's caught up with paperwork, it's raining outside and I happen to have a clear schedule. Why shouldn't I take the chance to visit old friends?" They exchanged smiles. "Speaking of whom, where's Merlin got to?"

"Ah, well," Gaius made a face. "He's taking tinctures of comfrey and feverfew to The Rising Sun, if you must know."

"What, in this weather?" Gwen exclaimed.

"He assured me he would be fine." Gaius grimaced. "Actually, I was going to go myself, before he took the bottles and insisted that I was too old to cope."

Gwen chuckled. "That does sound like him," she admitted. "Hang on - Gaius, is that a spellbook?!"

Panicking slightly, he looked at the tome. "It, erm, would certainly seem so."

Turning narrowed eyes onto him, Gwen asked, "And what, pray tell, is it doing here?"

Gaius swallowed. Foolish boy! "I am getting older, Gwen, no matter how much I dislike the idea. My mind cannot function as well as it once did, and as I am so often treated as an authority on all things magical, it seemed foolish to waste what little resources still remain."

She nodded. "Of course I can see the practicality in such a move. What puzzles me, Gaius, is where exactly you managed to find such a... resource? To my knowledge, all such artifacts are either in the vaults or illegally harboured in the homes of sorcerers."

Wincing, he answered, "It - I - well, it was in the vaults."

Her expression remained impassive. "Go on."

Oh, dear. "Well, when I - expressed a desire to read such a tome..."

"Yes?"

"... The very next day, I received one. From Merlin." A beat.

"Gaius," The queen said slowly, brows drawing together. "Do you mean to tell me that Merlin, of all people, has successfully broken into the most dangerous and best-protected vault in Camelot, removed a valuable magic book and escaped unnoticed?"

In for a copper. "... Not just one."

Gwen shut her eyes and took a few calming breaths. "Why didn't you just ask?"

"This was under Uther's rule. We could hardly mention magic then unless he demanded it of us."

She stared at him, aghast. "He did this under Uther's reign?! Gaius, he could have been killed!"

He patted one of her clenched fists. "But he wasn't killed, and we have the books, and they've saved all our lives more times than I can count."

Sighing, she forced herself to relax. "Alright." She rubbed her eyes, then opened them. "Though goodness knows how you managed to hide them during inspections."

Gaius smirked. "The common-or-garden knight of Camelot knows little about books in general, let alone the difference between real spellbooks and mere academic studies of magic. I hid them in plain sight, my dear."

Gwen shook her head in disbelief. "All this time... May I see?"

Caught off guard, Gaius could only watch as she reached for the nearest grimoire. "Um..."

"Is this Merlin's handwriting?" She pointed to the margins of the page, in which there were notes in Merlin's untidy scrawl, made with charcoal. "I only ask because I can't read a word of it. What is that?"

"I - Merlin's writing is incomprehensible to us all, I'm afraid." Especially when in the shorthand of the Old Tongue. Chuckling, the queen resumed flicking through the pages. This is going to be a very trying day.

Merlin wove his way through the trees with practiced ease as the sky darkened. The pines were thick enough that the rain barely reached the ground. He was still wet from his earlier sojourn, but it didn't phase him. His goal mattered more than any cold or damp.

Sliding the magic book over from where the young warlock had carelessly dropped it, Gwen cracked it open to find a small piece of parchment tucked inside. "What's this?"

Frowning, Gaius gestured for her to hand it over. He sucked in a breath.

"Gaius?" It was a crude drawing, done in charcoal. "Who is she?" The bold, angular style had somehow managed to capture the contours of the woman's face perfectly. The drawing was choppy and messy, but clearly done with love. "Gaius? Did Merlin draw this?" His eyes slid to the abandoned bestiary. The open page showed a black cat with wings.

The lake was just as he remembered it. The clear water, the clay soil edging it, the mountains reaching so high it almost took his breath away. Almost.

"Merlin!" Arthur barged into the physician's chambers just in time for Gaius to avoid answering Gwen on the subject of the drawing. "Oh, sorry," he said, taking in the scene. "Didn't mean to interrupt. You wouldn't happen to know where Merlin is, would you?"

They shook their heads. "He's taking tinctures of feverfew and comfrey to The Rising Sun."

Arthur frowned. "No, he's not. Gwaine just got back. He says Merlin left hours ago." Gwen and Gaius exchanged worried looks. Glancing out of the window, Gaius was startled to discover that the sky had quite darkened. "Are you sure he hasn't been back?"

"Quite certain, sire." Even Arthur wore a troubled expression now.

"Well - where can he be?" Gaius glanced down at the drawing in his hands, then outside. It was no longer raining, but the water remained. He remembered another night, so long ago now. He thought of the fresh drawing he held, and the heartbreak he had once assumed was a childish crush to be overcome with time.

"I might have an idea, sire."

She suited the night, he thought. Her brown hair, made black by the water soaking it, contrasted perfectly with her skin, deathly pale and glowing. Just as his was. She no longer wore Morgana's old dress, but a black gown that fitted her more perfectly than any other could. Her eyes full of love and pain and all his memories, she smiled at him, and he reached out a hand. She raised a hand of her own to meet his, and they inched towards each other for the first time in years.

Arthur wasn't panicking. Really, he wasn't. Just because Merlin wasn't in the citadel, or the lower town, or the catacombs, or the caves, or the dungeons, or anywhere in Camelot didn't mean that he was in danger. It didn't.

Honestly, he was only riding out (in the cold, the dark, the wet) because he was bored. Bored half to death by all the paperwork he'd been forced to go through. And he was bringing the others (the finest knights under his command) because the king had to have a bodyguard with him, at all times. (And Merlin wasn't there to fill in.)

And he was only riding to the lake Gaius had talked about because it sounded like it would be a lovely place for a picnic with Gwen one of these days.

She screamed as the barrier flung her back into the lake. It hadn't been there even a second before - it had only sprung into existence when the living and the dead tried to touch. Floundering, she found her way back to the surface. He was there, banging on the silvery web as if human hands could break through. As she stared into his eyes, she saw the mirror of her own despair.

"Faster!" Arthur muttered and he spurred the horse on. "Come on!" Please don't let it be too late.

"It's the only way," he murmured through the wall. "If we wait, I'll have to take my place. Become Emrys-immortal. Then, we might not get another chance for thousands of years."

Tears streaming down her cheeks, she whispered, "I left before so that you could fulfil your destiny. I won't have you give it up now, not when you're so close."

He stared at her. "Thousands of years, Freya. I already suffer enough going through every day without you."

She reached for him, snatching her hand back just in time as she remembered. "As do I, Merlin. As do I." She took a shuddering breath. "But the wheels of destiny are turning, and the final battle is almost upon us. We... we must think of the greater good. This... it's - it's selfish, and -"

"Why?" He cried. "Why is it so wrong to love and be loved? No, if this is selfish - and I don't care if it is - then it'll be the first time I put myself before my destiny."

She shook her head. "It's hardly a little thing, Merlin, and it wouldn't be the first time. You've put others first before, but - when we first met, you were going to run. Why do you think I was killed?"

His eyes filled with horror. "'Destiny is all.'"

"Where is he?"

"If he's here at all," Gwaine muttered, ever the optimist.

They had been forced to abandon the horses when they struck the brush surrounding the clearing.

"Wait!" Everyone stilled at Percival's command. "Voices," he whispered. "Over there. I don't know how far."

"They're coming," he breathed. "We have to choose."

She released a sob. "I love you."

"Hurry up!" Their swords were not made to scythe through bracken, and it was slow work. "Merlin? Merlin?!"

"I choose you," he gasped. "Always you."

"Merlin?" They shoved their way through the brambles at last. "Merlin?" There was a shadow on the ground, half covered by the water. "Merlin!"

Yeah, yeah. Not as good as it could be, not by a long shot. But still. If anyone's unclear on what happened there and wants to know, review and I'll PM you. Yes, I really am that cruel/lazy.

Feel free to review anyway, actually. I love me some reviews in the mornin'.

VVxxxx