Disclaimer: I do not own High School DxD

Chapter One: The Idiot Debuts!

It was a beautiful day at Kuoh. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, the wind was a comfortable breeze, lovers were out on dates, and all was well. It was truly a perfect day.

"Fucking cock sucking whore! Is this some kind of motherfucking joke!?"

Well, almost all was well. The source of this vulgar exclamation was a skinny, coffee-colored, teenager. The irate teenager seemed to be disturbing the peace, and had mothers cover their innocent children's ears and ushered them away from the area as the teenager continued his verbal onslaught on peace and tranquility.

"Mommy, what's happening?"

"Not now Tyrone!"

"This isn't fucking funny you camel fucking sons of bitches! Come fucking get me already!"

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you stop and come with me."

"Oh thank God! It's the police!"

"Officer please help us!" The obviously deranged teenager's eye twitched and he opened his mouth as if to reply.

"Everyone better fucking stop speaking in Japanese before I Nagasaki this shithole!"

"It's a terrorist! Arrest him!" The noble, brave, and courageous officers then proceeded to tackle the psychotic teenager to the ground and as soon as they arrested him, the crowd began to wildly exclaim praise for the police.

"We're saved!"

"Thank you police officers!"

"Iyaa!~ Police Officers-sama are the best!~"

"What the fuck is this shit!?"

_ (~.~) (~.~) _

3 Hours Later in the Kuoh Police Station…

A figure darts from shadow to shadow. No, it would be more apt to say a creature that belonged to the shadows was traversing the hallways. As this otherworldly creature began inching its way to the exit of the police station, a hand shoots out of nowhere and clamps down on its shoulders! Light streams in as the identity of the creature is revealed! With his black wavy hair that was so messy that it appeared curly, suntanned skin, light brown eyes, semi-thick glasses, scrawny build, and face stuck in pure terror it was… the insane teenager from before!

"What are you doing here Mr. I-Caused-a-Mass-Panic? Surely not leaving before apologizing to the world…"

"O-of course not! I was just trying to get some fresh air, you know? The air here is so stale, and I just need a little pick me up!" The teen let out a nervous chuckle.

"Oh you don't need to do that! We have coffee here, you know?" The person who had a firm hold on the teen was a police officer who appeared to be in her early twenties. With long silky dark blue hair, a beautiful face, a body that her uniform can barely restrain, and the the voice of a goddess it's none other than the beautiful police officer Yume Suzuki! With a smile that was meant to be coy, but only looked predatory officer Suzuki lifts the teen by his collar and (while ignoring the strangled noise of his choking) with deceptive ease drapes him on her shoulders.

"C'mon now, don't you want to explain to the world how everything that happened here was completely your fault?" The teen in question gulped.

"L-let's not be unreasonable here-"

"And you still haven't told us your name! At this rate I might just assign you a name and be done with it, you know?"

"Hey, I'm not some experiment!" The unnamed person yelped.

"I kind of like the sound of Slave, what about you?"

"How are you even a police officer!?"

"You can't expect a lady to just give away all her secrets like that, you know?" Suzuki demurred.

"A lady? All I see is some fat, ugly old hag that'll never get married!"

"What'd you say!?"

"Bitch did I stutter!?"

Meanwhile, the rest of the police officers were drinking coffee and casually conversing while watching the show unfolding.

"Man, I can't believe we thought that kid was a terrorist." CRASH

"To be fair, he did threaten to nuke us." BAM

"Oh yeah…" SLURP

"Kind of funny he didn't even know where he was."

"Kids nowadays, falling asleep in one continent and waking up in another continent." One of the officers scoffed.

"Oh hey, she's trying to shoot him."

"Man, that kid is good at running."

"What the hell is wrong with you people!? Some crazy bitch is trying to shoot me and you're just watching!"

"If you stand still it'll all be over!"

"Go to hell hag!"

"You first!" PEWPEWPEWPEWPEW

"What the fuck!? I thought machine guns weren't allowed in Japan!"

"It's fine as long as there's no witness!"

"We should probably do something, shouldn't we?"

"Well… technically it is our job." One officer unsurely replied.

"Oh look. She ran out of ammo."

"Yet again another job well done." The rest of the officers slurped in agreement.

Omake- The Interrogation!

"Wake up!" SMACK

"What the hell was that for!? I was already awake!" SMACK

"Listen here! You will listen to my questions and you will answer them or I will make you suffer, understand?"

"Yes ma'am! …Wait. You know English?" PUNCH

"Did I give you permission to ask me a question!?"

"Jesus Christ I think I lost a tooth!" SUPLEX

"Holy shit my everything hurts! Okay! Stop! I'll cooperate okay! Just please stop hurting me!"

"Good. Now, where are the nukes?"

"…Huh?" TAZER CRACKLES MENACINGLY

"Holy shit! I'm serious here; I have no idea what you're talking about, honestly!"

"…Are you saying you aren't going to nuke this city?"

"Who told you that!?"

"You did."

"…What."

"You said you were going to, and I quote 'Nagasaki this shithole'."

"…I didn't mean I was actually going to do that."

"…What."

"This is kind of embarrassing, but… my temper got the better of me and I said some things I shouldn't have."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Where am I anyways?"

"You're in Japan."

"…What?"

"Yup."

"How?"

"How should I know kid?" Suzuki shrugs.

"…What town am I in?" Our ever so amazing protagonist says.

"Kuoh."

"Kuoh? That sounds familia-"

"Huh? Kid why is your face pale?"

"FUCKING BULLSHIT!"

Author Notes: Hello there! So, as you can see this is a new story. Don't worry; I don't plan on abandoning my other fic. Well, it's not like people care either way *self-depreciating laughter*. It's just writers block and real life kicking me in the balls. Not sure if I made it obvious enough, but this is an SI fic. Except, well, no reincarnation. Oh yeah, it's also a comedy. It's basically me poking fun at a little bit of everything. Oh and just in case you haven't realized it yet, this will have some extremely offensive humor. Like, I'm serious. If you believe in being politically correct 24/7 or whatever, DO NOT READ THIS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Anyways, I want to hear what you guys think. Leave a review, and should I keep doing this or try to squeeze out another chapter of Just Another Reincarnation?