**TMNT Universal Fanfiction Competition 2016 Winner - Most In-Character Leonardo (first place) and Most Exciting Action/Adventure (third place)️**

*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.

*Author's Note: Thank you very much for reading. More chapters will be coming soon. I will try to post at least one chapter a week.

Chapter 1 – Late Night Regressions

The beaker filled with the thick, black, porridge-like substance was still sitting atop the metal stand above the Bunsen burner on his desk. The overflow of the failed experiment still stained the surface of his desktop and served as an unpleasant reminder of what had happened, mocking him without repent. Whether the discoloration was permanent or not had yet to be determined, as he had not bothered with any attempts to clean it up yet. Not due to a lack of motivation, but because this was the first time he had sat down at his desk since the whole ordeal had taken place.

Sinking into the worn seat cushion of his blue task chair, Donatello stared wearily ahead at the turquoise-colored liquid contents of the Petri dish on another metal stand just a few inches away from the one holding the beaker and he let out an exasperated sigh.

Tears pricked his eyes when the events of the night replayed in his mind once again. It was a night he would just as soon forget.

Several weeks ago, Donatello's oldest brother, Leonardo, and youngest brother, Michelangelo, had risked their lives by sneaking into their arch enemy, Shredder's lair on a rather bold and extremely foolish mission to acquire one of the Brain Worms from the laboratory of Baxter Stockman – or Stockman-Fly as Michelangelo dubbed him. Donnie had never cared much for the not-so clever nickname Mikey had come up with for the mutant housefly. It certainly wasn't one of Mikey's best naming efforts to date . . . Not that it really mattered right now what they called the guy. Either name Shredder's personal mad scientist went by – be it Stockman or Stockman-Fly – the monster was the one responsible for creating the genetically modified mutant worms and the Mind Control Serum that caused the whole mess.

Shaking his head from side to side a couple of times until he realized the motion was causing him a great deal of discomfort, Donnie then looked down at the open notebook on his desk and glanced at the various sketches and notes he had made while researching the Brain Worm Leo and Mikey had obtained. It was more than slightly unnerving to Donnie to know that Leo and Mikey had deliberately put themselves in harm's way and nearly lost their lives to get Donnie a live sample of a worm just so that he could fail miserably in the end. They all had high expectations that Donnie could develop a cure for Master Splinter's daughter, Miwa (aka Karai), who was under the mind control of a Brain Worm Shredder had implanted in her. For weeks, Donnie worked night and day to synthesize the neurotoxin from the Brain Worm in hopes of reversing the mind controlling effects of the worm, but it was all for naught.

He had failed . . . yet again. He was supposed to be the one that could fix things, but he had failed.

He had failed his brothers.

He had failed his father.

He had failed Karai . . . and now, she may be lost forever. All because he couldn't figure out a solution.

Karai was gone and it was all his fault.

Lately, it seemed as though all he ever did was screw everything up. Why, just over the past few months alone, Donnie could think of a handful of times his incompetence had nearly killed his family and friends. His argument with Leo before the Kraang invasion resulted in Leo getting so badly injured, the oldest turtle was in a coma for three months, all because Donnie had refused to leave and establish a second base before the invasion like Leo had suggested. If it wasn't for Donnie's relentless obstinacy, Leo would have never gotten injured. And while Leo recovered from his many wounds, the four brothers stayed at their closest human friend, April O'Neil's family farmhouse outside of the city where Donnie kept right on botching everything up. In the relatively small timeframe they spent away from the city, Donnie had been ingested by April's mutant pseudo mother and by a mutant car, he had been captured by a mutagen sucking "Creep" and a hunter who called himself "The Finger," he had been courted by Bigfoot, he had been drained of almost all of his life force by a Dream Beaver who wanted to eat him because, apparently, he was salty, and, he had been beaten to a pulp by a gang of mutant frogs. Even worse . . . he had hooked April up to a psychic neuro-transmitter from a Kraang stealth ship which resulted in her psychically connecting with a giant mutant Chimera (aka 'Turducken' per Mikey).

Oh yeah. That was a real crowning achievement . . .

Once the brothers had returned to New York City to take down the Kraang, Donnie's string of not succeeding had continued without skipping a beat. There had been Donnie's failure to create a retro mutagen that could change Karai from her mutated serpent form back to her human form. Because of that epic fail, Karai had attacked April and April just about died because Donnie had been unable to generate an anti-venom to neutralize the poison in April's system from the snake bite she had received. Not to mention, that their other close human friend, Casey Jones, as well as all three of Donnie's brothers, along with Donnie himself, had nearly died from Karai's venom. Most recently, of course, there had been the dumbening process Donnie had endured when he had managed to get splashed with his own experiment. Sure, Mikey shared some portion of the blame on that last one, but Donnie should have known better than to let Mikey anywhere near one of his experiments. After all, Donnie was supposed to be the smart one.

If I'm supposedly so smart, why is it that all I ever do is mess things up? Donnie wondereddejectedly.

Donnie leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees so that he could grasp his head firmly in his hands. The rhythm of his heart was beating like a bass drum inside of his head.

Ba-boom . . . Ba-boom . . . Ba-boom.

The headache he had been battling with over the past few days – maybe even weeks now that he was taking the time to think about it – had blossomed into a full-fledged migraine, complete with spates of blinding light and nausea spells that seemed to be steadily worsening. Upon their return home that evening, Donnie had taken several aspirin to alleviate the pressure building in his head, but they were doing little to subside the unremitting pounding in his brain.

What had happened to him that evening certainly could explain his headache getting worse. Well, at least the parts of the evening he could remember anyway.

Against his better judgment, Donnie started thinking about the events of the night again, remembering back to what had started the unfortunate series of events that had led to them losing Karai . . . possibly for good this time.

The evening had started out like every other evening that week, with Donnie skipping supper, again, so he could continue working in his lab on the serum for Karai. Donnie had been cooped up in his laboratory all day, just like the day before and the day before that . . . and so on and so forth. He had been desperately trying to find a solution to the Brain Worm situation. After supper, Donnie's brothers and father had ventured into the lab to check on his progress . . . or lack thereof. Donnie had come to expect these random visits to his lab and he interpreted them as his family's subtle way of implying 'Aren't you done yet?' Either that, or they had just been checking if he was still alive.

As his family had gathered around him and had waited with bated breath as they had watched Donnie test his work, they had all gotten the honor and privilege of bearing witness to the supposedly genius turtle's latest failed experiment and the even more embarrassing little temper tantrum of Donnie's that followed.

Not one of my finest moments . . . Donnie mentally groaned to himself.

Then, had come the onslaught of emotional abuse, as they all had apparently reached their wit's ends.

Donnie remembered that part of the night all too clearly. He could still hear their words ringing in his head.

At one point, Mikey had been kind enough to say, "Donnie, you tried your best, brah . . . even if it totally sucked."

Despite the pain he knew it would cause, Donnie couldn't stop himself from shaking his head from side to side again at the thought of Mikey's oh-so supportive comment. Mikey's timing had been absolutely impeccable. Just when Donnie had thought he had hit rock bottom, his little brother had been there to kick him when he was already down.

Ah, my brothers. I can always count on them to provide me with words of encouragement.

In the back of his mind, Donnie recalled some of the many motivational speeches his gracious brothers had offered him during his time of need.

"Hurry, Donnie! Faster!"

"Any time now, Donnie!"

"What's taking so long, Donnie?"

"Donnie, we're running out of time!"

There were so many times his brothers had generously imparted their astute guidance and instruction, Donnie couldn't pick which particular one was his favorite. If Donnie was forced to choose one, he would have gone with, "Move your shell, Donnie! Go!"

The three of them are always such a continuing source of inspiration, Donnie thought wryly.

There was wise and valiant Leonardo, the leader of the team. Leo was always ready to lend a helping hand. Well, maybe not so much a helping hand as a helping mouth. When it came to doling out sanctimonious advice and telling someone that they're doing it wrong, Leo was truly selfless and a real master of the craft. Leo went above and beyond the call of duty to conform one's thinking to his own.

Then, there was Raph, with his always sunny disposition and his arsenal of insults. Raph was not inspirational in the traditional sense of the word. Raph liked to inspire others through intimidation tactics and threats of physical violence that he would act out if provoked. Like Leo, Raph did whatever it took to get one to do his bidding, only he went about it in a much more vulgar and unpleasant manner than Leo.

And lastly, there was Mikey. While Mikey was never intentionally cruel, nor was he pushy or bossy, he did have a tendency to speak without thinking which could sometimes cut like a knife. Case in point, telling Donnie that he sucked.

After Mikey's hurtful comment, Donnie had been feeling so overwhelmed by defeat, he had told Master Splinter that he couldn't figure out how to make a cure for Karai, apologizing for his inadequacy and essentially giving up right in front of his audience. Donnie's verbal throwing in of the towel had been followed by Master Splinter's brokenhearted voice saying, "I know how hard you have tried, Donatello. Some things are simply not meant to be. At least I have four wonderful sons."

Now, if that wasn't the ultimate, all-expense paid guilt trip, I don't know what is . . . Donnie groaned to himself, recalling just how low he had felt after his father's words.

It wasn't long after that that holier-than-thou Leo just had to put his two cents in and things quickly went from bad to much, much worse.

"Donnie, you know how much this means to Sensei."

"Leo, I'm trying as hard as I can."

"Well, try harder."

"Try harder? I always have to find the solution! You're leader, Leo! You find the answer! Or what about Raph?"

"I got the answer for ya! Karai's a lost cause!"

"Don't say that, dude!"

The war of the words had then been on. All four brothers had collectively started chewing each other out, letting their pent up frustration pour out of them like someone had turned on a high-pressure faucet on each of them. Donnie had been in the midst of bickering with his brothers – though his anger had been mostly homed in on Leo – when his T-phone had rang out, effectively distracting him. He had used the untimely call as the perfect excuse to walk away from Leo, knowing that his oldest brother hated it when someone walked away during an argument.

The phone call had been April, who had told Donnie that she needed to meet with him alone to talk about something important. Donnie was not about to question the request or seek out further information, for April had just provided him with a legitimate excuse to leave the lair and take a much-needed break from his family.

Master Splinter had come into the main area of the lair just after Donnie had hung up and their father had demanded to know what the problem had been.

Donnie had told his father that it was nothing and he had stormed off towards the Stealth Bike that had been parked just on the other side of the turnstiles leading to the lair. Donnie remembered exactly what was said before he left.

"I'm heading out! April needs me."

"You're needed here now, Donnie!"

"Donnie! . . . Donnie!"

Blinded by his anger, Donnie had ignored Leonardo's pleas for him to stay, speeding away from the lair and his family as fast as the Stealth Bike would take him.

Little had Donnie known, he had just made yet another mistake that would soon put his entire family in danger, and, in due course, it would cause them to lose Karai.

Smart one, my shell . . . he thought bitterly.

Always a sucker for anything that had to do with April because he was 'sadorable' as Raph liked to put it, Donnie had raced off to the alley where April had been waiting for him. She had quickly informed Donnie that the Kraang were back and she then slipped inside a glowing warehouse, out of sight. The whole thing had seemed a little suspicious to Donnie, but instead of listening to his gut and contacting his brothers like he should have, Donnie had followed April into the warehouse . . . only it hadn't been April.

Once inside of the warehouse, Donnie had immediately discovered it was a trap and he had fallen for it hook, line, and sinker. The door to the warehouse had slammed shut, trapping him inside with Tiger Claw, Rahzar, Karai, and several of Baxter Stockman's Mousers. Realizing he was greatly outnumbered and in a whole lot of trouble, Donnie had made a feeble attempt to escape, but Tiger Claw and Rahzar were much larger and much stronger than him. They had launched a swift attack and had easily overpowered him, effectively pummeling him into submission. While Tiger Claw and Rahzar had held him up by the arms and shell, Karai had stepped forward and had injected him with something that had rendered him unconscious. Donnie wasn't sure what exactly she had drugged him with, but it had been powerful enough to take him down within less than a minute. He had lost an unknown period of time after that. The next thing he had remembered was waking up with his arms and legs shackled to a chair and a virtual reality helmet had been strapped to his head. Donnie had soon found out that the helmet had been hooked up to some kind of power source that had been capable of delivering a debilitative amount of voltage to his system. He had been forced to play a game Karai had called "The Brain Boggler," where if he didn't line up the pieces properly on the virtual grid created by the helmet, his body would receive a nasty electrical shock via the helmet for every wrong move he had made. And with every powerful shock that had been sent through him, it had become increasingly difficult for him to function, let alone think, as he had come dangerously closer and closer to getting 'brain fried' as Karai had so compassionately put it.

It was no wonder his head hurt. He hadn't slept or eaten properly in days, he had been knocked out with some unknown substance, and he had received more jolts of electricity than he could shake a bo-staff at. Donnie let go of his head so that he could examine the barely noticeable injection mark on his upper arm. He could see his arms were starting to show bruising from where Tiger Claw and Rahzar had thoughtfully battered him until he stopped resisting them and then gripped him too tight. He also had bruises forming where the shackles had been, presumably from all of the bucking and jerking he had done while being electrocuted. He lifted one hand up, intending to trace his fingertips on the black, purple, and blue contusions now covering his arms, but he was promptly distracted by how much his hand was still shaking. He held both of his hands up in front of him and noticed it looked like he was doing jazz hands, when, in fact, he was trying his darnedest to hold his hands still. Whether the tremors were due to the repeated shock treatments, the disturbing phantom shocks he was still periodically suffering from, the sleep deprivation, the lack of sustenance, or the emotional damage he had incurred, Donnie did not know. Maybe it was from all of the above . . .

Needless to say, it had been a rough night and he wasn't feeling very well. In fact, he felt just plain lousy. Like really lousy. His stomach was rolling, as if to warn him that a toilet or bucket was going to be necessary in the near future. Donnie checked to make sure his waste basket was within a moment's reach, just in case. He felt chilled and overly warm at the same time, which he knew were signs of a fever, but he pressed that thought out of his mind. The last thing he needed right now was to come down with some kind of an illness that would make him look even more inferior in front of his family.

Donnie raked his shaky hands down his face and gazed down at his T-phone to check the time.

It was late. Well, actually, some would call it early. It was all a matter of perspective. Whatever one called it, he probably should have headed off to bed hours ago, but, as tired as he was, he didn't feel much like sleeping. He was too stressed out. That, and the pounding in his head would undoubtedly keep him awake.

His family had been asleep for several hours now. Upon their arrival back at the lair, Master Splinter had gone straight to his room with barely a word. He had been understandably quiet all the way home and he had clearly wanted to be alone after what had happened. Donatello couldn't blame him. Master Splinter had been forced to fight his own daughter in order to save his sons and then he had to watch her get washed down a sewage drain, leaving him to wonder what had become of her or if he would ever see her again.

As the designated family medic, Donnie had gone right to his lab where he had a makeshift infirmary set up for rough nights like this. That was where he had quickly treated Raph for dehydration.

Donnie wasn't the only turtle who had had a rough night . . .

While Donnie was being subjected to Karai's twisted form of electroshock therapy, his brothers had been exposed to other forms of cruelty in Karai's elaborate trap she had designed with the help of Shredder's rabble of mutant henchmen. Karai and her cohorts had managed to capture all four of the turtles and had placed them into specially designed individual traps in order to force Master Splinter out of the lair to rescue them and fight her. Raph had been trapped in a room Karai had named "The Hothead." Donnie had been informed that Karai had exposed Raph to extremely high temperatures which had left him with a moderate case of heat stroke. When they had gotten home, Donnie had made Raph intake a quart of fluid along with a couple of electrolyte tablets before ordering him to get a good night's sleep. Donnie was confident Raph would be fine by morning, although Donnie would make sure that his second oldest brother drank plenty of water over the next twenty-four hours, just to be sure Raph was properly hydrated. Thankfully, Raph had been the only member of the family that had actually required some form of medical treatment from Donnie. Leonardo had been in a trap Karai had referred to as "The Courage Slayer" which Leo had said consisted of a large, descending ball with dozens of katana swords spinning around at alarmingly high speeds. Luckily, Leo had figured out a way to escape before being chopped into teeny-tiny pieces. Leo had been unharmed and he was able to rescue the rest of his brothers. Mikey had been practically unscathed, as well. He had been in a trap Karai had called "The Flush-O-Matic" which Donnie had done his best to avoid getting any further details about. There were some things he was better off not knowing. Donnie did know that Mikey had gotten a pretty good zap of electricity when he had removed the helmet from Donnie's head during his rescue, but other than that, Mikey was perfectly fine, save for being a little down in the dumps about Karai. Before treating Raph, Donnie had given Mikey a grateful bear hug for saving him from his trap and he had sent Mikey to bed so that he could focus on Raph. Donnie was sure that Mikey would be back to his normal self when he woke up. Well, as normal as Mikey could get . . .

After Mikey and Raph had gone off to their rooms, Donnie was left all alone in his lab, which was where he was presently still sitting. Donnie stared down at his failed experiment again and his thoughts turned to Leo. Donnie was not sure what had happened to his oldest brother after they had arrived home. He assumed that Leo had gone to his room, possibly to meditate or just go straight to bed. Donnie could see that Leo was very upset about what had happened to Karai and Leo was caught up in worrying about how it would affect Master Splinter.

A part of Donnie wondered if Leonardo was purposely avoiding him because of what had happened earlier in the evening. Perhaps Leo blamed him for all that had occurred. Donnie assumed that Leo was probably angry with him. For his failure to find a cure for the Brain Worm, for the argument that had broken out between the brothers, for storming out of the lair, for getting himself captured, for losing Karai, for everything . . .

Is there no end to my incompetence?

Donnie buried his face in his quivering hands, partly to hide from the pain and the guilt and partly because he was finding it challenging just to hold his head up anymore. The room was starting to spin and his stomach was threatening to purge what little contents it possessed, which would not be food since he hadn't eaten all day. It would be something far, far more unpleasant that rhymed with pile. He was definitely coming down with something.

With his face concealed in his hands, Donnie didn't notice someone had entered the lab to see him wallowing in his growing misery.

A stern voice from beside Donnie startled the genius turtle out of his thoughts.

"Donnie, why are you still awake?"

Couldn't I ask you the same thing? Was what Donnie thought, but what Donnie actually responded was entirely different and far less confrontational. "I – I had a few things I needed to work on," Donnie said, uncovering his face and straightening up his posture so that he was leaning back rather than forward.

Donnie could see there was irritation burning in Leo's blue eyes and his brother folded his arms across his plastron the way that he always did when he was disgusted about something.

"Donnie, it's only a few hours until sunrise. You need to get some rest," Leo said firmly, in that authoritative tone that Leo liked to use when he didn't want anyone to question his orders. Leo's brothers knew the tone all too well, although Raph had long ago gone tone-deaf to it. That was because Raph had made it a personal goal in life to defy Leo's every order, always striving to be the biggest pain in Leo's shell as turtley possible. It drove Leo crazy.

Peering up at Leo, Donnie bit back another sarcastic comment that wanted to slip out.

Oh, now he cares about me getting rest? Where was all this brotherly concern when he told me I wasn't trying hard enough? Where was the concern when I forewent sleep the past four or five nights to work on the serum that I hadn't worked hard enough on? The one he had chewed me out for?

Again, the actual response was much less hostile than his thoughts. "I will . . . once I clean up the lab a little bit," Donnie said as his eyes once again fell upon his desk. If he didn't clean up the mess that he had made, it would just be there first thing in the morning to pour salt into his wounds once again.

"That can wait until morning. Right now, you need to go to bed. This isn't up for debate, Donatello," Leo said, his voice lacking any warmth or sympathy as he spoke. What Leo had said came out as an icy command, rather than showing any real regard for Donatello's health or feelings. What Leo had said was almost as cold and insensitive as what he had said before Donnie had stomped out of the lair earlier.

Maybe it was from all the distress and fatigue, but something inside of Donnie snapped and he couldn't hold back any longer. He hadn't intended to initiate another quarrel with his oldest brother, but the harsh words poured out of his mouth before his head could filter and edit what he was saying.

Donnie had tried to remain passive aggressive, but Leo had to push him until his scathing sarcasm came out in full-force.

"As a matter of fact, it can't wait until morning. After all, you said it yourself, Leo. I'm not trying hard enough. Why let something as trivial as sleep stop me from working?" Donnie snarled in contempt, feeling a flood of anger suddenly course through him similar to how the electricity from the helmet had. The anger, however, was much more fleeting than the electroshock torture, and, as soon as the acrimonious words had passed his lips, Donnie regretted them and wished he could take them back.

Sometimes, being exhausted, outraged, sharp-witted and highly intelligent was a dangerous combination. It was the verbal equivalent of a Molotov cocktail and someone's feelings were bound to get hurt in the carnage.

Leo stood there dumbfounded for a lingering moment, not expecting that kind of scornful response from the brother with the gentlest disposition. He didn't realize that Donnie was still harboring a grudge over what had transpired earlier in the evening. Leo had mistakenly assumed that all was forgiven.

"Donnie . . . Listen, I should have never said that," Leo said near a whisper, all confidence instantly stripped from his usually unwavering voice. The tenderness and kindness that Donnie had needed to hear earlier from his big brother was finally there, but it came too much, too little, too late. The damage had already been done. Leo could see from the expression on his little brother's face that he had hurt Donnie far worse than he had thought. Leo could see the tears glistening in Donnie's puppy-dog brown eyes and Donnie's bottom lip quivering against his will. It was obvious that Donnie was trying and failing not to breakdown in front of him and just that thought alone was killing Leo inside. Donnie rarely out-and-out cried, but there he was, broken and hurt, fighting against his tears tooth and nail, all because of what Leo had said.

"No . . . you know what, Leo? You had every right to say what you did," Donnie said with so much sorrow, Leo's heart sunk even further into the pit of his stomach than it already had, burning in the acid that was churning in the depths of his gut. As Donnie continued, his shattered voice succeeded in making Leo feel far worse than just a moment ago. "Let's face it. I just keeping messing things up left and right. Some brother I am . . . All I've ever been good for is fixing things, and now, I can't even seem to do that anymore. What good am I to you guys?" Donnie muttered, attempting to stand up, but the effort to do so nearly caused his knees to buckle underneath him. He barely managed to stay upright.

"Donnie, are you okay?" Leo asked, his voice filled with panic. He lunged forward and grabbed Donnie by the arms just as his brother was about to collapse. Donnie let out a small yelp of pain in response to Leo grabbing him.

It was then that Leo noticed the bruises encasing his brother's normally olive-green skin. It was then than Leo noticed the heat radiating off of his brother. It was then that Leo noticed how tired, pale, and emaciated his brother looked.

"Donnie, what did they do to you?" Leo gasped, his eyes widened with fear. He hadn't seen much of Donnie since they had escaped. Only for a few moments after they had freed him from his trap. After Mikey had stepped in and removed the weird helmet that Donnie had been hooked up to, Leo and Raph had removed Donnie's shackles. Donnie had seemed pretty shaken up and unsteady on his feet, but he had insisted that he was okay, as usual. After that, they had gone to help Master Splinter and they had gotten there just in the nick of time to save their father and April from being shot by Tiger Claw. It was at that point they had discovered that Karai was gone, perhaps forever. Leonardo had offered his father words of comfort, but Leo had seen that Master Splinter was still hurting inside. That had been why Leo had focused his concentration on their Sensei all the way home, walking beside him and keeping a close eye on him, trying to offer his father his support and reassurance as much as he could. Once they had returned to the lair, Master Splinter had immediately retired to his room. Leo had opted to do the same. He, too, had been distraught over what had happened and he his body required rest. Leo had assumed the others had also gone to bed, but when he had gotten up to get a glass of water, he had noticed the lights in Donnie's lab were still on. Leo should have known better than to assume that Donnie would go to bed voluntarily.

Leo looked down at Donnie, who was struggling just to stand, and Leo suddenly found himself struggling to keep his composure. His younger brother's arms were riddled with contusions that Leo had not seen earlier. It irritated Leo to discover that his brother was this banged up, plus, he was suffering from a fever, and yet, Donnie had most likely not said a word to anyone about it. But what made Leo even more upset was that he had not noticed that Donnie was hurt until just now. Obviously, he should have checked on his brothers closer before going to bed.

Once Donnie started to regain his sense of balance and he could see reasonably straight again, Donnie realized that Leo was staring at the marks all over his arms. Always the most timid and reserved of the brothers, Donnie was embarrassed by the attention he had garnered from the injuries he had sustained.

Donnie shrugged out of Leo's hold and attempted to cover the bruises up by folding his arms over each other. He pulled his arms tightly against his lower plastron as though he was trying to comfort himself.

"I – I'm fine," Donnie stuttered and his gaze trailed down to the floor, intentionally averting his oldest brother's piercing eyes.

"No! You're not fine, Donnie! You're obviously injured and you're burning up!" Leo howled much crosser than he had meant to, causing Donnie to flinch and step back.

"It's just a side effect of the shocks. I took some aspirin. That should take care of it," Donnie said, blowing it off as though it was nothing.

It was typical Donnie, trying to downplay or hide his condition altogether so as not to bother anyone with his problems. Donnie was constantly fussing and worrying about his entire family like a mother hen, but when it came to treating his own wounds, illnesses, or troubles, he would become detached, negligent and extremely secretive. Donnie had a nasty tendency to keep his feelings bottled up inside, to the point that he was constantly putting his own health at risk because he didn't want to inconvenience anyone.

"Donnie, why didn't you say something?" Leo asked in a much shriller voice than normal.

Donnie hadn't really thought about saying something to anyone until just now when Leo had asked about it. Besides, who would Donnie have said something to? Master Splinter had enough to deal with after what had happened, Leo was mad at him, Raph was not feeling well himself, and Mikey would have just freaked out. Who exactly was Donnie supposed to talk to?

That was one of the main reasons Donnie kept mostly to himself. A lot of times, he didn't feel like he had anybody to talk to anyway. His family had their own share of problems to deal with, so he certainly didn't need to go burdening them with his own insignificant troubles. They all had more important things to do than listen to him. Leo was always busy training and strategizing. Raph was always busy pounding on defenseless objects and purposely avoiding Donnie because he was a 'hopeless nerd.' Mikey was always off in his own little world, and, half of the time, Mikey couldn't understand what Donnie was saying anyway. And Master Splinter . . . well, he and Donnie didn't exactly have a lot in common. Most of their conversations were rather awkward.

More and more frequently, Donnie felt as though he didn't really belong and that nobody wanted him around. There were times he felt more like an unacknowledged handyman than an actual member of the family. On those rare occasions that he did try to open up to his family about something that was on his mind or ask them for any kind of help, it seemed like they were always too caught up in their own things and none of them ever seemed interested in what he had to say. It was almost as though he was invisible. His family would attempt to be polite about ignoring him or not having time for him, with the exception of Raph, who Donnie could always count on to let out an irritated sigh, give him an eye roll, tell him to shut up, and/or call him cruel names.

Donnie would have talked to his family about how he had been feeling lately if he had thought it would do any good, but he didn't want to sound like he was complaining or being ungrateful. He loved his family so very much and the last thing he wanted to do was become a burden to them. So he opted to keep it all locked up inside and tried his best to pretend as though nothing was wrong, but that was turning out to be more of a challenge than he thought it would be. Donnie was starting to feel like he had no one to turn to. He felt so isolated from everyone else, now, more than ever. Even with Leo standing right there next to him, he felt completely alone.

Ironically, Donnie was feeling like he was trapped.

Donnie thought again about Leo's question about why he hadn't told anyone about his condition and he finally knew the answer.

"Nobody would have cared anyway," Donnie said so quietly that Leo had barely heard it. Donnie had not actually meant to say the words out loud and he was unaware that he had done so until he looked up and saw the shocked expression on his oldest brother's face. The realization that Leo had heard what he was thinking made Donnie shrink back slightly, not sure what to do or say at this point.

"That's not true, Donnie. Why would you say something like that?" Leonardo quickly replied. He tried to reach out for his hurting little brother's hand, but Donatello backed away, almost as if he was trying to protect himself from something.

Donnie's eyes were threatening to betray him and let the tears that he was fighting so hard to keep contained fall down his cheeks. He didn't want his oldest brother to see him fall apart like this. He refused to let Leo see him cry like some broken-hearted child. Such an obvious display of weakness would make his brother think even less of him than he already did.

"I . . . I need to go out and get s – some fresh air," Donnie stammered, starting to walk away from his brother, keeping his eyes fixed on the open entrance to his laboratory as he attempted to make his exit.

Just like earlier in the evening, Donnie's response to his grief and the first sign of conflict was to simply walk away from the problem at hand rather than talking to his brother like he should have. Leo wondered if Donnie had learned anything from what had happened.

Why does he have to always shut us out like this? Leo thought, frustrated with his genius brother's endless stubbornness and predictability. He hated that Donnie felt the need to constantly push them away. It was like Donnie would rather suffer with his inner demons than ask someone for help.

"Donnie! It's the middle of the night. You can't just leave again! You're hurt and you're sick. You need to get some sleep or you'll make yourself worse," Leo growled at Donnie's back, hoping to talk some sense into him this time.

Leo watched Donnie stop in his tracks and the genius turtle's shoulders tensed up as though he was angry for just an instant, but they then slackened and hung down in either shame or utter sadness. Whatever the case, Leo could see that his brother was waging some sort of internal battle and the nonverbal signals that Donnie was giving off told Leo that Donnie was not faring well. Leo wished Donnie would let him in. Why won't he let anyone help?

"I won't be gone for too long. I'll be fine. I'm just going to go bring the Stealth Cycle back since I'm the one who took it out and never brought it back. Hey, at least this way, the worthless repairman will be doing something useful for a change," Donnie said not out of anger, but out of sheer dejection, as if he truly believed that he was useless.

"Donnie, stop . . . please. Look at me," Leo pleaded, edging closer to his brother.

Donnie reluctantly turned around and Leo could see the unmistakable pain and torment dulling his little brother's eyes. Those big brown orbs that normally beamed with brilliance and ingenuity were unnervingly hollow and empty. Donnie looked so weary and somehow appeared to be gaunter than earlier. Seeing his little brother so hopeless and depressed made Leo begin to tear up.

"Donnie, please stay. You're upset and not feeling well. Please, don't leave like this," Leo implored, allowing his voice to crack uncharacteristically. He just wanted Donnie to know he meant what he said. Leo desperately wanted him to stay.

There was a moment of hesitation and it looked as though Donnie was reconsidering his decision, but his mind was set.

"Don't wait up," Donnie sighed out, looking at Leo one last time before exiting the lab. Leo could only stand there and watch his brother walk away again, this time, knowing for sure that his brother was leaving because he had hurt him.

To be continued . . .