Prompt 14: Blind Peeta. [submitted by Annonymous]

Rated: Teen (for now)

Written for the everlarkficexchange on tumblr

by: Abi623(atlalover623)

Navigating the Darkness

Part 1

Peeta

At first, I don't realize that I'm awake. I thought I had opened my eyes, but all I can see is darkness. I can hear muffled voices somewhere to my right and I turn my head slightly to hear them better.

"...if he'll ever be able to see again." The first voice was saying, it's high and nasally, yet still masculine. Unfamiliar.

"Poor kid." The second voice grunted. Haymitch's low pitch was easy to pick out, even through all the haze. "Of all the rotten luck. First his leg and now his sight..."

I try to wrap my head around the situation. Were they talking about me? I start moving my eyelids up and down. I see a difference in the shade of darkness, but nothing else changes as I repeatedly blink. I see no shapes, no colors, nothing. I think there must be something over my eyes. I push away the thought that there's no pressure on my eyes- despite the pounding inside my head. I cling to the slim hope that I'm just blindfolded and not actually… I don't even want to think about.

Slowly, I reach a hand up to my face and choke back a sob when I meet nothing but the skin of my eyelids. I'm blind. I can't see. My world will forever be shrouded in darkness. My mind supplies poor substitutes of things I'll never see or do again. My paintings. My family. A sunset. Katniss. My nasal passages burns and something slides down my cheek. I crying, I realize.

"Hey," A voice says next to me and I jump at the sudden nearness. "Take it easy, kid." Haymitch.

"Haymitch?" I ask even though I know his voice. Without my vision, I'm second guessing everything. "What's going on? What happened?"

A pause. There's really nothing he can say that will shock me. I already lost my eyesight. I hear him take a deep breath before speaking in a low, cautious tone. "What do you remember?"

Good question. What do I remember? Heat. A green jungle. Running. Meeting Katniss' eyes across the lightning tree just after she shot an arrow at something. Then… nothing. Are we in the Capitol? Did everyone else die? I remember killing Brutus. How has everyone else died? A new pain blossoms in my chest. Did I fail Katniss?

"I…" I start, swallow the lump in my throat. But all I can bring myself to say is, "Katniss?"

Haymitch sighs. "Alive. We're in District Thirteen." He takes a shallow breath and continues. "Just tell me what you remember."

I sigh a breath of relief. Katniss is alive. "I remember killing Brutus and running back to the lightning tree. Katniss was there and she shot an arrow at something. That's all I can remember."

I hear shuffling and a scratching noise and it frustrates me that I can't see what he's doing. "There was an explosion. You hit your head pretty hard. Do you remember waking up in the hovercraft on the way here?"

I shake my head. I don't remember anything after Katniss and the arrow. Haymitch continues, "What about the doctor giving you an exam?" Again, I shake my head.

"I don't remember anything after Katniss." I repeat out loud. "Haymitch… I… I'm-"

"I know, kid." He interrupts. "The doc said you hit the part of your head that deals with sight or something like that. He mentioned there might be a way to reverse the damage, but they don't have the facilities to do it here. But they have them in the Capitol."

"So it's permanent." I say, stating a fact rather than asking the question. There's no reason to hope I'll ever see again.

"Maybe." Is all Haymitch says before a nurse comes in and shoos him away. The nurse urges me to rest after telling me she put something in my IV to help with the pain. It's funny really. I've been so distracted by my new predicament that I almost didn't notice the excruciating pain radiating from the back of my skull. Almost.

I tense when I feel her next to me. But I do as she's asks and settle myself back against the pillows. Before I drift off I hear her say, "You're safe now. We're in District Thirteen."

I awake violently. My eyes spring open, but I'm still in the dark. I feel arms around my neck and I stiffen. Am I under attack? No, it feels more like a hug. Who's hugging me? Why are they hugging me? I screw my eyes shut as I just wait. The person, who is practically in my lap, pulls back slightly. I feel my breathing become labored. Something lands on my cheek. It's warm and gentle, slightly familiar.

"Peeta?" Her voice whispers and I feel myself relax against her.

"Katniss?" I ask hesitantly. I hate not being able to confirm things with my eyes. Was that really her voice? I keep my eyes closed. I don't want her to know about my eyes. I want to save her from any pain, even my own.

"I'm here, Peeta. It's me." She says, grazing her thumb along my cheek. Hearing her confirm it takes away all my doubt, and I wrap my arms around her, and breathing a prayer of thanks to whoever is listening. I want nothing more than to see her face, but I settle for burying my head in the crook of her neck. There's a sterile scent to her and beneath that, the earthy scent of Katniss. I know it's her.

In the warmth of our embrace I ask her, "What's going on? No one will tell me anything. They just keep saying that I'm safe and we're in District Thirteen. Is that true?"

She tells me everything she knows. Which includes the destruction of the arena, the Capitol's revenge against our home and finally the death of my family. It takes me by surprise. I really didn't think my life could get much worse, but apparently the Capitol loves to prove me wrong. After hearing the news of my family's deaths, I suddenly think of Katniss' mom and sister.

I've opened my eyes because it feels weird to keep them closed, even if I can't see. But I make sure to keep them pointed away from her. I don't know if she would be able to tell just by looking, but I don't want to take the chance.

"What about your mom and Prim?" I ask, fearing that she has to mourn the person she loves most in the world.

She hesitates just slightly before saying, "They made it. They're here somewhere, I think."

I furrow my eyebrows. "You haven't seen them yet?" Prim was the most important thing in the world to her; why is she here with me?

Katniss leans her forehead against mine and I feel heat course through my veins at the loving gesture. "No, I wanted to make sure you were okay, first… Peeta, I can't tell you how happy I am to know that you're okay. I-"

"I'm not." I suddenly interrupt her. I have to tell her. I have to. "I'm not okay." I admit, my voice wavering slightly.

I can feel her tense beneath my hand. "What do you mean? You look fine to me-"

I grip her hands, tightly, needing to anchor myself to her. "I can't see." I whisper, closing my eyes and letting the tears fall.

She's silent for a moment and I wonder if my grasp is hurting her. She finally asks, "What?"

I take a slow, shaking breath and raise my eyes in the general direction of her voice. I hope I'm looking at her. Maybe she won't notice. Just in case, I add, "Katniss, I'm blind."

"No." She says fiercely after a full minute of deliberation.

I'm confused by the ferocity of her voice. Does she not believe me? Or is she just mad? Again, I feel a bitterness rise in me. I've always been able to read people by studying their expressions. How am I supposed to do that now if I can't see? I start to feel overwhelmed by just how much I'm losing because of my eyes. I remove my hands from Katniss' and ball them into tight fists on my lap. I'm so angry. I've never had problems with my temper, so I'm at a loss on how to control it. Maybe if I sit here long enough, it'll just go away.

I feel something brush over my cheek, and I jerk reflexively. It's hard to know what it is when I can't see it. I hear rustling and the hospital bed moves and dips. Something soft, yet solid is now pressed along my side from shoulder to knee. I know this. I remember the feel of Katniss pressed against me. I recognize the roundness of her shoulder under my arm, the weight of her head on my chest and the solace of her arm wrapped tightly around my middle. She's snuggled herself against me and it dissolves my anger instantly. I wrap my arms around her shoulders as my anger is replaced by despair and loneliness.

My train of thought wanders from the loss of my sight to the loss of my family. I think about how I'll never see any of them again. I feel guilty that I'm not that upset over losing my mother. Of course, I'm sad she's gone- I hurt for all the lives lost in the bombing of my home. Yet… I was never close with my mother, or my brothers, really. I won't mourn them. Not like I mourn my father. I think about all the things he's taught me. How to knead dough. How to decorate a cake. How to treat customers, and people in general, so that they come back to spend more money. I remember his smile and nod of approval when I had done something right. I'm going to miss him the most.

Katniss tightens her hold on me. She must sense my mood. Or she's looking at me and can see it written all over my face. I know I'm an open book. I feel her head move from my chest to rest on my shoulder and feel her lips close to my ear. She's also taken her arm from around me and traces the lines of my face before she slips her fingers into my hair. Her touch is so gentle, so loving. A sob breaks through my resolve and I just cry into her embrace. She whispers comforting words into my ear as she combs her fingers through my hair.

"Shh." She whispers. "It's okay, Peeta. We'll figure this out. We'll face it together."

I'm so touched by her words. I knew Katniss cared, but not this much. I thought I was just there to ward off nightmares and watch her back. To hear her say she's going to stand with me in what will probably be the most difficult situation of my life is more than I had ever hoped to hear. I let all my grief out as I hold her.

"He's gone, Katniss." I sob into her hair. "I'll never see him again."

"I know." She says. Was her voice wavering? "I'm so sorry, Peeta." I think for a moment that she's crying with me.

I don't know how long we stay like that, wrapped in each other's arms. But eventually, my tears run dry and I feel an emotional numbness wash over my body. Our postures relax into something comfortable and I feel myself drifting off to sleep just as a door opens and closes. Footsteps approach us and I feel Katniss' body shake softly.

"Katniss." Haymitch whispers. He's come to wake her up and take her away. I know it. I can feel it. So I tighten my hold on her. Katniss stirs out of her sleep. She makes a confused noise in her throat.

"Haymitch?" She asks, perplexed. "What are you-"

"Come on," He interrupts. "You need to go back to your assigned room. You need to get to rest."

"No." I say. "Katniss, please." I beg her to stay with me. I don't think I could navigate this new world without her.

"I'm not going anywhere." She says and I wonder who she said it to. It doesn't matter. Katniss is staying by my side.

"Come on, Sweetheart." Haymitch urges. "Let the boy get some sleep. He has enough to deal with. Besides, the people here in Thirteen are real strict. They won't like this one bit."

Katniss adjusts her position, but doesn't leave my side. "What's going on, Haymitch? Why are we here?"

Haymitch sighs and takes a moment of what I can only assume is an internal debate on how much to tell us. I wait patiently, knowing I can outlast his. I make sure point my eyes in his general direction. Maybe he'll take pity on me and relent. He does.

He explains how there was a group of rebels working inside Capitol. With the resources of District Thirteen, they were able to devise a plan to break the victors out of the arena. Well, not all the victors. They only needed Katniss and I. Apparently they're ready for a full-scale rebellion and they need a mascot. When Katniss fired her arrow into the forcefield of the arena, she became the symbol of rebellion. That's why the Capitol bombed District Twelve. Besides Katniss and I, they were able to rescue Finnick, Beetee, and Johanna. Beetee is still in critical condition and they think he has been paralyzed from the waist down. Finnick and Johanna are okay, but are sleeping like they're supposed to be. When Haymitch finishes telling us what has been happening, he tries to get Katniss to return to her own room. She immediately refuses.

She argues with not one, not two, but three different doctors before they finally relent and wheel another bed in beside mine. Of course the deal was that if she stayed in the room, she would also have to stay in her own bed. I reassure that I'll be alright if she's nearby and she slowly untangles herself from me.

By the time a nurse comes in to check our vitals, the pain medicine they gave me has worn off. I feel an ache start at the back of my head. The pain's sharp claws have dug themselves into various parts of my skull and by the time the nurse has returned with a dose, I'm gritting my teeth against the pain. The medicine must have sedative properties because not even a minute after she says she's administered the drugs into my IV, I feel myself nodding off.

It takes me two whole weeks from me to stand upright without immediately feeling dizzy. Another week after that before I even try walking. It's nerve wracking. Someone always has to be by my side, guiding me. And even then, I find myself tripping over small uneven surfaces and my own feet. The prosthetic leg makes everything ten times harder. Prim's been assigned to work in the hospital with her mother and has been around a lot. She's an excellent doctor-in-training. Patient, kind, and knowledgeable.

"Okay," Prim says one afternoon as we work on walking. "Tell me what you sense."

I look at her, confused. Usually, for my "physical therapy," a random nurse will come by and walk me around the hallways like a dog. Prim has been assisting both Katniss and I for a few weeks. Yesterday, Katniss was officially cleared for release, but again argued with several people to let her stay in the room until I was also released. Now Prim is focusing her attention on me. I'm standing beside my bed. Prim helped me stand and after the initial vertigo passed, she stepped away from me.

"Prim." I say, letting my agitation seep through. "What are you doing? We're supposed be walking."

"I know." A smile. I can hear it in her high, clear voice. "Just tell me what you can sense around you. I think it can help with your self-dependency."

I frown. Self-dependency? Did they actually expect me to get around this place by myself? I push the thought away and decide to humor her. Her voice sounded far, but not too far. Weeks of laying in the hospital and just listening to everything has given me a sense of distance. Like the number of steps from the door to my bed and how loud their voices are at different intervals. I start slowly.

"I'm standing beside my bed. I can feel the edge against my thigh." I say before sighing. This is pointless. I'm never going to be able to make my way around.

"Good!" Prim praises, ignoring my attitude. "Can you tell how far away I am?"

I think. Her voice sounds like it's three steps from the door, but over to the left, towards Katniss's bed. I've gotten good at pinpointing people's locations. There's a total of eight steps between the door and my bed. If Prim is three steps from the door, then she's five steps away. And if every step is about a foot, Prim is five feet away. Or she should be.

I point in the direction of her voice. "Five feet?" I ask.

"Wow." Prim commends. I hear shuffling. I let my head follow the sound of Prim's soft footsteps. "Now?"

I point at her voice and ask, "Seven feet?"

"That's amazing, Peeta!" Her voice sounds so pleased. "You're doing a lot better than you give yourself credit for."

I give her a tentative smile. "Well, knowing where someone is isn't exactly going to help me with walking. Or getting around."

I hear Prim move towards me. "Can you take a couple steps for me?"

I feel my shoulders slump. But I do as she asks and brace my weight on my left, prosthetic leg. I move my hands out to steady myself and bring my right leg forward. I repeat the process again and curse when my prosthetic foot catches something. I pitch forward, waving my arms around frantically to try and catch myself. Prim grabs hold of my arm and steadies me before I hit the ground.

She makes sure I'm stable on both my feet before stepping back again and humming thoughtfully. "When you stepped with your prosthetic, you swung it out. It caught on the one of the bed wheels."

"Okay…" I say, unsure how that's supposed to help.

"How high does the prosthetic go?" She asks.

"What?"

"Your fake leg. Where does it start? Your knee? Your thigh?" She clarifies.

"Oh." I say. I think back to all the times I've been around Prim. Have I ever shown it to her? Katniss asked to see it during the Victory tour, and I showed my father when I got home from the first Games, but I guess nobody else has really seen it. I tap a place on my thigh, about halfway. "The sleeve starts here, but the actual prosthetic starts here." I bring my hand down a few inches, just above where my knee used to be. The sharp contrast of soft flesh and hard metal brings up some memories, but I push them away.

"So your knee is gone?" She asks. There's no pity, no disgust, not even curiosity. Just professionalism. I nod briskly.

"And I'm guessing there's some kind of mechanical joint that allows you to bend the leg."

"Yeah." I answer, wondering where she's going with this. "The doctors at the Capital said it was state of the art. I don't remember a lot of what they said. But the gist was that there are sensors that sense what I want to do and then the joint accommodates that move… I think."

Prim was silent for a long time. Thinking maybe? I hear her shift her position before speaking. "Does it feel different to you?"

I laugh. "Of course it does. Everything feels different now. Everything sounds different, too."

I don't know how, but I know she rolls her eyes. "I meant, does it feel like it's working properly?"

Oh. I furrow my brows. Does it feel different? I haven't walked on it in weeks. I shift my weight to stand solely on my fake leg. There is something different. I'm wobbling slightly. Before, it was solid. Actually, after getting adjusted to it after the first Games, I barely noticed it was there. I put my weight back on my other leg. "It does feel different. Less… Stable?"

"Maybe we should have someone take a look at it…" Prim muses out loud.

I shrug my shoulders. "Sure." I agree.

Two people take a look at my prosthetic limb. A doctor, and then an engineer of some sort. They both fiddle with it and ask me to take a few steps. There's a bunch of technical terms that sound familiar, but I still have no idea what they're talking about. Between the two of them, they find a broken spring that's preventing the joint from working properly. The engineer removes my leg and the lack of weight feels odd. He promises to have it back by the end of the day and leaves with the doctor. Prim leaves shortly after so she can go to school.

Katniss finds me sitting hunched over on the side of the bed about an hour later. There's a handful of people who visit me often enough that I've recognized the sound of their gait. I think I might have recognized Katniss' before I started paying attention. Others I can now identify before speaking include: Haymitch, Prim, Finnick, Mrs. Everdeen, Dr. Nidman, Nurse Marlene, and unfortunately Gale, who comes to visit Katniss. A lot.

Katniss just walked into the room and I turn towards her and offer her a smile. "Hey, Katniss." She sits beside me. Close enough that our thighs are touching.

"I don't know how you do that…" She muses, nudging me with her elbow. "Where did your leg go?"

I shrug my shoulders. I don't really know where it is. "Some engineer guy came and took away." I fight back a grin. "Something about needing all the Capital technology they can get."

"What?" Katniss asks angrily and I quickly allow my smile to escape to let her know I'm joking. She swats at my arm and mumbles, "You're unbelievable."

I laugh. And it feels good. I have so few opportunities to do so anymore. "Actually, the engineer found a loose spring. He's going to try and fix it. Hopefully he'll have it back to me soon."

"I guess you're just stuck here until then." She teases.

"Like I have anywhere else to go." I reply, leaning against her.

Katniss places her hand on my thigh, the left one. Just above where my leg ends. She grows quiet. I wait for her to say something. Anything. But she remains silent.

"What are you thinking?" I ask nervously. Before, silence was comfortable between us. I could see her face and read the expression there. Now, I have no way to know what she's thinking.

"Why?" She asks lazily. Her tone is gentle.

"If I can't see your face, at least let me know what you're thinking." I explain. "You don't have to tell me every thought that enters your head. I just want to know what you're feeling…"

She sighs and begins to trace patterns on my thigh. "Sad?"

"Are you asking me? Or telling me?" I smile.

"Telling." She states. "It's not fair. Everything you've gone through. It's too much for one person… I'm worried about you."

Her head comes down to rest on my shoulder and I raise my arm to pull her closer. "I'll be fine, Katniss." I assure her.

She shifts and her head lifts from my shoulder. "Really?" I nod.

"I mean," I continue my thought, remembering our conversation from weeks before. "I don't have to go through this alone, right?"

I feel her hair brush my shoulder quickly before retreating. A nod, maybe? "Right." She whispers. Her voice is much closer than it had been a moment ago. "I'm here for you. With you."

I turn my head towards her. It's like instinct, wanting to be near her. I give her a grateful smile. I feel her lips on my cheek. But it's not a kiss. She's smiling. I can feel her lips are turned up and stretched thin. She's "showing" me her smile. The pain in my chest is back. The good kind. The one that shows up anytime Katniss shows me any sort of affection. God, I love this woman. And I want to show her.

I quickly turn my head towards her lips. She pulls back slightly. I follow her and search blindly for the skin that was just on my cheek. My lip make contact with her smooth, dimpled chin. Great. I'm a fumbling idiot. But before I can pull away in my embarrassed state, she lowers her face to brush her lips against mine. Since waking up blind, I've noticed that my other senses have strengthened. Touches feel firmer, warmer. Sounds have a depth I hadn't noticed before. I've even noticed food getting more complex with each bite. This kiss mixes all my heightened senses.

I can feel her soft, wet lips pressing against mine; moving against mine. This is more than just a simple peck. This is a promise. I can feel warmth radiating from her palm and all five fingers on my thigh. I can taste the unique flavor of Katniss, and I smell her earthy scent. I can hear the soft sigh escape her lips when I deepen the kiss.

Unfortunately, I can also hear the door open. I hope whoever entered is enjoying the show. Katniss jerks back as the door slams behind the intruder. They start walking towards us and I have to hide my smirk because I know who it is before Katniss even addresses them.

"Gale!" She says, a hint of shock in her breathy voice.

I like Gale, I really do. He and Katniss have a lot of the same qualities. Strong-willed, courageous, smart. But he's also arrogant at times and I remember the way he looked at her when we got back from the first games. More importantly, and what makes my expression sober, is the memory of how Katniss looked at him after he was lashed. She had feelings for him. Even if she wouldn't ever admit it. A sadness tugs at my heart. I turn my head towards Gale and give him a generic smile.

"Gale." I greet politely.

"Peeta." He replies. Is it just me, or did that sound a little terse?

"What are you doing here?" Katniss asks as she pulls away from me. "I thought you were working on something with Beetee." Ah, yes. Beetee, who miraculously survived his surgery and now gets around in a wheelchair. I furrow my brows. Maybe I should ask for a wheelchair…

"One of the engineers came to him with this and asked for his help." He explains roughly. Although I have no idea what "this" is. He continues. "He had it fixed in five minutes and asked me to bring it up here. I really don't know what to do with it, though."

Katniss gets up and the bed sags without her. "It's your leg, Peeta."

Of course. I grin. "Ah! Thanks." I say reaching out towards them. Before I was blind, I could take this thing on and off in my sleep. I hide my nerves as someone places the limb in my hands. I examine the piece with my hands, determining where the the foot is and then the knee joint. I put it aside and adjust the protective sleeve on my thigh. I feel for the connector and grab the limb to click it into place. There, piece of cake.

"Alright!" I exclaim, clapping my hands together. "Who wants to help me test this out?"

A/N: This prompt was so great! I really enjoyed writing it. Sorry it just kind of cuts off, but it was getting so long! I've already got Part 2 going. Should be finished shortly

Thanks everyone for arranging this very creative, interactive exercise!