Part I

It had been nearly 5 years since she'd lost Lincoln.

Almost half a decade later and the ache was still there.

She would always remember how much it had hurt seeing his lifeless body lying there. It was like somebody had punched a hole in her chest and pulled out her beating heart.

But it hadn't all been bad…

Octavia had been trying to get a few more minutes of rest before she had to start the day, when she heard the sound of… giggling? She rolled over on the bed and saw her miracle.

Through the pain and the sorrow, there had been one thing that had kept her going - their beautiful daughter, Lily. Octavia had named her after the flower Lincoln had given her when they'd meet in secret.

Though most of pain had subsided and been replaced by the sweetness of the memories of their time together, the pain of losing Lincoln was still present. It was Lily she drew strength from every single day. Still… what she wouldn't give to feel his big, strong arms wrap around her one last time, to hear him say that everything would all be alright.

Octavia smiled at her daughter. "What are you doing, my silly girl?"

"Bienor keeps licking me, Mama," she explained, referring to her new dog.

Nyko would visit them at least once a year and the last time he'd visited, two weeks before, he'd brought her the pup and Lily had fallen in love immediately. She had insisted on naming him herself and chose the name of one of the defenders of Troy in the Iliad, the book Octavia's mother had read to her and Bellamy countless times, and that she herself had read to her daughter.

"Oh yeah? That's because he likes you."

Octavia gathered her daughter up in her arms. "I like you, too." And began kissing Lily's face repeatedly. Her baby girl shrieked in delight.

When she pulled away, they laughed.

The sun shone brightly through the window of their small house.

Octavia sighed and tucked a curl behind Lily's ear. "We should get up, baby. Get on with our day."

Her four-year-old didn't seem to like the idea and snuggled closer to her.

"Gavriel's going to be waiting for us," Octavia told her in a sing-song voice, and watched as Lily brightened up immediately, sitting up in bed.

"Let's go, Mama."

Octavia smiled at her daughter's eager response. Lily loved Gavriel like a brother.

"Do you want me to braid your hair today?"

Lily nodded. "Yes, please."

"Okay, get dressed. I'll do your hair in a minute."

As Lily went to get dressed, Octavia did the same. She stripped the shirt she was wearing, his shirt, to put on her own clothes.

Octavia had kept every single one of Lincoln's things that she could find. She still slept in his clothes. Every night, she would take off her shirt and put on one of his. They still smelled of him, and his scent brought her comfort.

She'd resigned herself to the fact she would never be happy again, not truly. She had moments of great joy and contentment with her daughter and with the new family she'd found with the grounders. But she still couldn't help but think about what could have been if Lincoln had lived. They could have raised their daughter together, they could have been happy…

After the war, Octavia had felt lost and had taken refuge with the Trikru in TonDC. That was where she first began to experience the symptoms – the nausea, the fatigue, the headaches, the tenderness in her breasts, the sensitivity to certain smells.

She didn't even know what was happening to her at first; she'd never been around pregnant women. It was the women from the village who clued her in to her condition. "Yu ste fulop*1," one of them had said. Another woman touched her breast lightly, and when Octavia winced at how tender it was, the woman nodded in confirmation.

At first, she had panicked – Pregnant? She hadn't a clue as to how she would do this without Lincoln, but she knew with all her heart that she wanted this baby, that she loved it already.

Her life had seemed dark and bleak without Lincoln. She had felt as though her heart had died with him. And, then, their baby had been like a beacon of hope for her. As she felt Lily grow inside her, felt her kick, she could feel her heart beat back to life.

After Lily's birth, she had remained in TonDC for a time. But when Indra had announced: "I have been summoned back to Polis. The Commander needs me.", Octavia had thought of Polis. The Grounder capital, peaceful and safe. A place where her daughter could grow up free and as far away from danger as she could possibly be. She knew what she should do then, and she had no regrets about her decision.

Gavriel had chosen to come along and follow his mentor. He was fiercely protective of Lily; he was like a big brother to her. At 17 years old, he was now training to be one of the capital's Sentinels. And, even though he received training from the Sentinels' Master, Octavia, as his mentor, still gave him private lessons.

He may not have been her child biologically, but she loved him as such.

Now that she was a mother, she understood perfectly the sacrifices her own mother had made for her children. She would anything for Lily and Gavriel, for her two kids.

Not only had she become a mother, but she was a single mother, like her mother had been. And wasn't it ironic that her new life mirrored her old one so much? The single mother, the older brother, and the little sister.

Lily and Gavriel reminded Octavia so much of Bellamy and herself when they were young. Especially when Gavriel played with Lily, and gave her pony rides. Thinking about Bellamy made her heart weary. To this day, she couldn't bring herself to forgive him for the part he'd played in Lincoln's death.

"Are you going to train Gav today?"

Busy braiding Lily's gorgeous curly hair, Octavia answered an absentminded, "Mmhm."

"Can I watch, Mama? Please?"

"Maybe."

Lily turned to look at her mother, frowning deeply. A sure sign she was about to be stubborn. God knew she could be just as stubborn as Octavia. "I want to watch, Mama."

Octavia sighed. "Okay. Now let me finish your hair, so we can go."

Lily sat with Bienor at her side (the puppy followed her everywhere), watching as her mother and Gavriel trained.

All throughout the session, Octavia had sense that something was wrong with Gavriel. He was a great fighter, but his game was off today.

"Is everything okay? You seem distracted."

Gavriel sighed. He'd tried to be more discreet. He felt like he owed a lot to Octavia. Right from the start, she'd been there for him. She'd saved his life when they first met, helped him become the man he was today. He loved her like a mother, and respected and admired her beyond measure, which is why this was so difficult to talk about. But, also for the respect he had for her, it had to be done.

"I want to leave."

Octavia was stunned. Gavriel continued, "This is not a place for warriors, and I want to be a warrior like my Nomon*2 and Nontu*3, like you."

"Why didn't you say something before?"

"I didn't want to hurt you, Octavia." He glanced over at Lily, but she was distracted playing with the dog. Still, he lowered his voice. "I know you wanted to raise Lily here because it was safer and more peaceful. I love her, too. But we can't protect her forever."

Octavia didn't know what to say, so she just listened.

"I love Polis and its people, but it's not where I belong. It's not where either of us belong." He looked at her, pleadingly. "I want to return to TonDC, to live among warriors, to be a warrior. Being a Sentinel isn't enough for me."

"We'll talk about this later." Octavia needed time to think. "Lily, let's go."

Lily made a bee line to Gavriel, jumped straight into his arms and kissed his cheek. "Leida*4, Gav."

"Leida*4, Lil."

As she and Lily were leaving, Gavriel called out, "Oso laik gonakru, Okteivia*5."

She turned back to look at him.

"Beja*6."

Octavia nodded. "Later."

That night, Octavia mulled over Gavriel's announcement.

Octavia wanted peace and safety for her daughter, but Gavriel was right. She wouldn't be able to protect Lily forever. And they were warriors, Trikru. They should go home.

Gavriel wanted to become a warrior more than anything. She understood that all too well. Wanting to be strong, fearless, not wanting to be a victim anymore. The need to feel strong.

She looked over at her daughter, who was laughing hysterically at the sight of Bienor chasing his own tail. Octavia had set out with the idea that she would raise a happy child, a free child. But she could do that in TonDC, too. And she and Gavriel would always look out for her and protect her as best as they could. Besides, Lily would be closer to Nyko, who had been like a brother to Lincoln. He was family, would always be. In fact, TonDC was filled with Lincoln's family, Lincoln's friends… Lily could learn more about her father there.

When she'd told Indra, earlier that day, her former mentor had agreed with Gavriel. "The boy fights well and could become a great warrior, given the chance." Indra had said. Then, giving Octavia a sly look, added, "I gave you the chance… Okteivia kom Skaikru*7."

Decision made, Octavia went to Gavriel's room.

"Come in," he answered the knock on the door.

Gavriel was sitting on his bed. When he saw Octavia entering his room, he sighed and looked defeated.

Octavia squared her shoulders and announced, "Yu ste ait. Oso laik gonakru*8." His face lit up at her words. Octavia smiled. "Gon gada yu leron op*9."

He was beaming. He looked like a boy again, but he wasn't a boy anymore. He'd turned into such a strong young man. Gavriel stood up and pulled Octavia into a warm hug. "Mochof, Okteivia*10."

When they pulled away, she smiled at him. "Get you things ready. We leave at first light."

He nodded and smiled at her.

The sun was rising, and it was time to go.

Gavriel and Lily were just about ready, the dog circling around them excitedly.

Octavia took one last look around, watching the life in Polis – the merchants beginning the work day, people crowding the streets, the sentinels patrolling… She saw Indra from afar, and they shared a nod of acknowledgment, and farewell.

Octavia sighed, turning to leave with her family. And hoped she was making the right choice.

*1 "You're pregnant."

*2 "Mother."

*3 "Father."

*4 "Goodbye."

*5 "We're warriors, Octavia."

*6 "Please."

*7 "Octavia of the Sky People."

*8 "You're right. We're warriors."

*9 "Go pack your things."

*10 "Thank You, Octavia."

A/N: Part II is a flashback! ;)