Hello everyone! I know it's kinda late for a Lexie and Meredith fiction, but I've just discovered Grey's Anatomy and anyway... I hope you'll like it. Keep in mind that english isn't my first language, so be indulgent :)

(I'm not sure if I will post a second part, or if it'll be a one shot!)

xx Bless xx

I would situe the story at the end of season 4, beginning of season 5, something like that.

What sister feels like

The first time Thatcher laid a hand on Lexie, she understood that not only she had lost her mother, but the dad she used to love and admire was long gone.

Now, it wasn't only about trying to get Meredith to like her. It was about finding something worth believing in. She needed her faith in life back.

Lexie always had a positive attitude. Despite a fragile appearance, she had a quality no one else could dare to list as a strength: she believed in good. Even loosing her mother from the hiccup hadn't been enough for her to give up on hope. She basically changed her life plan overnight, to take care of her dad. That's just who she was: compassionate and caring. Molly didn't even offer to help but Lexie didn't mind. She could take whatever life would throw at her, or so she thought.

As usual after a long day, Lexie was at Joes' bar. Meredith and her friends would be there any minute now. Lexie planned to play it cool for once, just relax while pretend she didn't care. Yeah, she could totally do that!

As soon as Meredith stepped in, her heart began to race though. Lexie was fiddling with her drinking straw, trying not to stare at her big sister but it was so obvious that she was wishing for something to happen. Aware that her red face probably featured how nervous she really was, the brunette decided to offer a hearty smile to great Meredith's presence.

"I hate that you're here. I'm at the hospital and you're here. I'm at the bar, and here you are. You're everywhere!" Meredith hadn't planned on being so cutting.

She could now tolerate to be a few minutes in the same room as Lexie but it's been a long day and she didn't feel like dealing with smiley-poster-sister!

"Yeah, I was..." Lexie kept smiling. Even though her heart ached, even though it wasn't a passionate smile. It still was a smile and it was always better to give someone a polite smile than no smile at all. That's the kind of things her mum used to teach her. To be kind, always.

"You what?" Meredith asked, impatiently. She just didn't get how Lexie could look happy all the time. It was annoying!

"I was just leaving" Lexie finally finished her sentence and disappeared as quickly as she could. "Have a good night!" she shyly articulated.

"Don't!" Meredith added, with a loud sigh.

Lexie was back to back with her sister but she freezed right away. Maybe, just maybe, Meredith was reconsidering the situation, maybe, she would ask her not to leave. Being optimistic was her nature.

" Don't do that!" Meredith finally completed her previous sentence. "Don't play the pity girl! Don't wish me a good evening and please, please, stop expecting something from me! Just stop!" It wasn't supposed to be mean, but Meredith had to take this off her chest for once and for all. "If you want a sister, just chose someone randomly and try and make her like you."

That's when Lexie realised. Meredith wasn't just hard to get through. It wouldn't matter how hard she would try. Meredith didn't want a sister. Meredith didn't want her as a sister, she never would and it was her right.

"Ok." Lexie paused and took a breath. She studied Meredith's face one last time. She wasn't seeking for anything this time, she just needed a second before giving up.

"I'll stop Meredith. In fact, I'm stopping right now." She would never talk about her feelings again so she might as well tell whatever she needed to.

"I am so very sorry I tried to encrust myself into you life. That was a rude thing to do." Her shaking voice and along with the tears running could only tell how candid she was.

Truth was Lexie was ashamed. She never realised until that day, that she was trying to force Meredith to like her. Sharing blood wasn't a justification for taking someone's right to be left alone.

"I won't bother to you again, doctor Gray!" Here it was, Meredith wasn't her sister anymore. Technically, she never acted sisterly, but from now, she would respect it.

Meredith quietly observed the scene, until Lexie disappeared. Of course she did feel bad about it, but she wasn't ready to admit it to herself just yet.

Lexie never wanted Meredith's help. In fact, it's been months now since she moved in with her alcoholic dad but she never even mentioned Thatcher. She just needed to feel considered, to feel like she belonged.

But she would have to keep up living without the security that she is someone's daughter, someone's friend or someone's sister. She would just be no one, and it would be fine.

Every day, Lexie's smile erased itself a little bit more. She just got used to her new routine. During the day, she would focus on being a good surgeon and at night, she would focus on surviving. Sometimes, when Thatcher was really unmanageable, she would wonder why she even kept trying. But it never lasted. No matter how hurtful his words were, no matter how bruising she felt, she never missed a day at work. Working made her feel better. She became bulletproof to Cristina's comments. As a matter of facts, she didn't care about what Cristina, Meredith or anyone thought about her anymore.

It was a new day at Seattle Grace. Lexie usually took a minute outside the hospital to compose herself before entering the building but that day, Derek interrupted her habit.

"Little grey, you're scrubbing in with me this morning!" Derek announced as he placed a hand on Lexie's shoulder.

Lexie, jumped with a start as she hadn't noticed the man approaching her. "Please don't call me that!"

Derek examined her features. "You look tired" He simply stated. But she didn't only look tired, she seemed like she hadn't slept, or even eaten in days.

"I'm fine" Lexie simply retorted. "I'll be ready in an hour".

The brunette spotted Meredith far off and disappeared as quickly as she could. If she had to work with Meredith, than she would act professionally, but if it wasn't work related, than she would just avoid being in her presence. It still hurt, to remember how it was like, when she wished Meredith would be someone special. How stupid was she!

"What's the deal with you sister?" Derek asked as Meredith kissed him.

"I don't know, how would I know?" Meredith shrugged her shoulders. They hadn't talked about Lexie for weeks now. Of course she had noticed Lexie's weird behaviour recently. For example she never ate lunch on the cafeteria.

"What are you gonna do about it?"

"Well, I don't think it's my place to do something." It would be hypocritical pretending to worry about Lexie now, when she did nothing but push her away. "If something's wrong, I'm sure she has lots of perfect happy friends that will always be there for her no matter what." She couldn't help but mock Lexie's happy life, even when she felt like something didn't feel right.

"If my sisters were in some kind of trouble, I would like to know it. That's what family is there for"

"Lexie's not my sister and I am late... I'll see you later!" Meredith's charming voice had the power to enchant Derek. How could he even win an argument when intense blue eyes hypnotized him?

What should initially be a 9 hour procedure turned out to be a 14 hours operation. 14 hours with Derek trying to get Lexie to talk when the girl was focused to just stand on her feet. She couldn't decently pass out when she kept repeating that she was fine. Derek finally cut her some slack after she admitted she was stressed out by the intern exams.

"Get changed! We're giving you a ride home."

"I can drive" Lexie objected. The idea of finding herself in a car with Meredith and Derek was just too much. Lexie struggled to keep calm, but obviously Derek used it as an argument.

"I wasn't asking you. You're in no shape to drive!"

"But.."

"Lexie, it's not up for discussion"

If she survived 14 hours with Derek, than why 10 minutes in a car with him and Meredith felt like and eternity? She didn't know what felt worse. The fact that they were driving her to hell or the idea the person she used to admire was now her worst nightmare? It was harder and harder not to break down. But she could do it, right? She wouldn't crawl, not now, now in front of Meredith. Lexie focused on the landscape, pretending she wasn't there with them. She had become pretty good at pretending.

"Thanks for the lift!" Lexie said as soon as Derek stopped the car. But Derek didn't move. As the perfect gentleman he was, he would wait until Lexie was actually home.

It was hard to tell what was going on inside Meredith's head. Of course she didn't mind giving Lexie a ride, but it was obvious that Lexie was struggling, and she didn't know what to do about it. If, and let's say if, she wanted to help, than how would she do it? What would she say? No... Maybe it just was for the best if she minded her own business. She would just ignore the brunette.

"You can go now" Lexie insisted. The last thing she needed was for them to catch sight of a drunk Thatcher. Meredith would think this was made on purpose.

"Please, just go!" Lexie pleaded so badly that even Meredith glanced at Lexie.

Too late! Thatcher, alarmed by the headlights, made his way out of the house. He was stumbling, which Lexie noticed immediately.

She could still avoid the worse. She could still bring her father back home without a fight and without anyone noticing. That's what she kept repeating herself. "Dad, come on, let's go inside". Shame was all she could feel right now.

"Where is it, you were supposed to buy me scotch, you bitch, where is it?" Thatcher didn't sound like a human. He was on a trance, not even aware that they were in the street and that the whole neighbourhood could hear him.

When Lexie tried to grab his arm, he violently pushed her backward, and yet, she was still resisting.

That scene, as terrifying as it was for Meredith, also was a tilt. All of a sudden, she knew. She just knew what it felt like to have a sister.

You're the one who's hurting when your sister is the one actually in pain, you can't breathe when your sister is struggling for air and you would give anything to make that pain stop.

"Stay away from my sister!" Meredith shouted while she and Derek ran towards Lexie. Thatcher raised his head but couldn't see where the voice was coming from.

"I said stay away from her!" Meredith loudly repeated once she was a step away from Lexie. The brunette was curled up on the floor, hiding her face. This couldn't be happening.

Derek decided to deal with Thatcher while Meredith knelt down, grabbing Lexie's hand.

"Lexie" She gently called. She tried, but the young girl refused to move. "I can't... I can't breathe" she finally admitted in defeat.

"Okay" Meredith acknowledged. "That's okay", she repeated with reassurance, as she gently picked the woman from the yard and placed her on her lap. "I've got you".

Maternal instinct was never something Meredith would imagine she had in her, and yet here she was, drawing circles on Lexie's upper back. "Just focus on me.. You're okay Lex". As she realised what the last few months must have been like for Lexie, she couldn't hold back her own tears.

Fortunately, Lexie couldn't see her face from when she was. So Meredith just hugged her tighter. "Just breathe Lexie, I'm right here, I'm right here with you. You're not alone."

The brunette eventually calmed down. But Meredith didn't move from where she was. She wouldn't let go, not this time. When Lexie would be ready, than they would figure what to do next. But not until Lexie said so.

Derek finally joined the two sisters, but didn't dare to interrupt.

"Oh god! I'm so sorry!" Lexie suddenly sat down, as if realising she had just collapsed on her sister. " You... you sh... you shou... you need to go... I.. I'm sorry"

Meredith quickly put an end to that sudden agitation. "Hey... Hey... Just calm down... You did nothing wrong here!"

"I have to go.." It was too much to handle for the young woman. If she could just disappear, she would.

"Your dad's back home. I promised I would buy him whatever he needs as long as he settles down" Derek affirmed, hoping it would reassure the brunette. But he got no answer. Lexie didn't have any strength left.

"So here's what we gonna do. I'm gonna drive you and Mer home and then I'll take care of Thatcher's groceries"

Lexie's eyes were empty. She had lost her ability to hope and dream. To always face a situation and make the most of it. Now she was sitting in her yard, motionless and unable to speak or even think right.

"All right, let's go then" Meredith confirmed, gesturing Derek for help. They needed to get Lexie on her feet. That's exactly what she would do. Get Lexie back up. Meredith kindly placed her hands on Lexie's frozen cheeks. "Let's go home" She repeated, as to insist that Lexie belonged with her.