A/N: So this is the companion one shot to the That Girl Has Love series (That Girl Has Love, Someday You Will Be Loved, Keep Love In Your Heart). It's focused on Riley and kind of fills in some of the blanks between the end of Someday and the start of Keep (also known as the high school years I skipped over). The first chapter of Keep Love In Your Heart should have already been posted and this follows (as almost a series of flashbacks) that, touching on some of the things mentioned in that introductory chapter (for Riley, as well as some of the moments for Maya and Lucas, Shawn and Katy). While most of me is all over Riarkle, I'm actually starting to grow a soft spot for Riarlie (it doesn't show as much here, but I've got couple one shots in progress that have a Riarlie spin). Anyway, onward with this long one shot. Enjoy! R&R! Thanks! ~Mac
Disclaimer: I don't own GMW.
Waiting For Love
Riley has spent her whole life wishing and hoping that the legendary love story of Cory and Topanga wasn't a one time thing, never to be replicated. Now she was sure it wasn't just a one off, but it turned out that the second time around wasn't meant for her. Instead, it was her best friend who had found her forever kind of love in middle school and never looked back. While Riley was happy for Maya and Lucas—most of the time, she had had her failings over the years—she had kind of hoped she would have had some inkling of what her love story was going to be by now, even if she wasn't one half of this generation's Cory and Topanga. She was a senior in high school and she had no idea where her love life was headed. Most people would say that was normal, a good thing even, but they didn't have her parents' shadow looming over them. Yes, she had promised herself that she would live her own life and make her own stories, but that had been when she assumed she would have a story to tell. She had nothin' happening. She felt stagnant.
It wasn't that she didn't enjoy being single or that it meant she had her options open. She knew she didn't need to be in a relationship to be validated. She was strong and independent. She could do everything that she could do with a boyfriend on her own—mostly. She knew she would be just fine, even if she was alone. She also knew that she hadn't worried about the future too much when she was with Charlie, even during the in between times when they took breaks, because that was, at least, something.
And that was better than nothing at all.
Time had brought her a little clarity on the whole Charlie thing. Back at the beginning, Riley had seen him as almost a message from the universe. He was her sign that there was something out there for her that wasn't just a misguided clone of her parents' relationship. She had liked him just enough to latch onto that. They hadn't started dating right away after the Semi-Formal. They tried to better establish their friendship while she distanced herself from what she thought she felt for Lucas and tried to catch up with Charlie. It had worked for them, or seemed to. While Maya and Lucas were laughing with each other over dinner, holding hands in movie theaters without any help from the popcorn between them, and sneaking sweet kisses at every opportunity, Riley and Charlie chatted in the halls, studied together sometimes, and grabbed a coffee once or twice. Charlie started joining their group outings around the same time Smackle became a more frequent fixture.
"I gotta find myself a girl," Zay had said, even though Farkle and Smackle weren't official yet and Riley and Charlie were friends. "Don't know how long I can take this gosh darn seventh wheel stuff."
Starting high school had changed things. Charlie had always been overly affectionate and he lingered consistently on Riley's periphery. He wanted to take her out for real, to show her that they could be something, they they should be something. Riley wanted him not to go anywhere, so she accepted. Charlie took her bowling and, in between him steam rolling her through three games, they talked over flat fountain sodas and overly salted and ketchup drenched french fries. She went home with a smile on her face and a million things to tell her best friend. One short text later, Maya was climbing through her window, leaning back out to kiss Lucas goodbye as she called it a night from their date, and then diving under Riley's covers so they could dish about their respective nights out. The next weekend, Charlie took Riley to the movies. After visiting the concession stand to pick up popcorn and licorice, they didn't talk, but he did hold her hand from the first preview all the way through to the end of the credits. Riley started to get a bubbly feeling in her chest every time she saw Charlie, and she figured that was the something he had described for them. Their third date was a double dinner date with Maya and Lucas. Even though all four of them contributed to the conversation, for the first time that she realized, Riley's attention never strayed to Lucas for anything more than to request that he pass the ketchup or an extra napkin. She had let go of her romantic illusions about him long before, but it was that night that she knew with informed certainty that there was absolutely nothing between them but friendship. She was now, without a doubt, ready for the next chapter of her life. That was also the night that Charlie kissed her outside her front door until her Dad came out and chased him off.
Charlie asked Riley to be his girlfriend the same day Farkle announced that he and Smackle made the mutual agreement to make their companionship official. For awhile, it was great, better than, and Riley was giddy over it. She liked being someone's girlfriend, she liked having someone to hold hands with, to hug, to kiss, to walk the halls with while he had his arm slung over her shoulders. She loved that her parents were charmed by him, even though her Dad sent him only slightly stealthy glares when he had his back turned. She liked that every time she called a cutesy romantic ring tone played form his phone. She liked the sweetness and adorable nature of it all. It took them a few months to realize that Riley liked being in a relationship more than she liked the person she was in the relationship with.
"Maybe we rushed into this. Maybe you weren't ready for this the way I was," Charlie had said, even though Riley had been so sure that she was ready for it, even though each word looked painful as they left his mouth. "I think we should take a break until you figure out what you really want."
Riley spent the rest of that evening sitting in the bay window with Maya, reminiscent of how they had ended up the first time Charlie had asked her to the Semi-Formal. That day seemed so long ago, but it was only about a year or more. She was confused over how it had gone wrong from that moment. She thought she was happy; she thought Charlie was happy. How had she been so wrong?
"I don't understand," Riley said. Her brow was furrowed and her face was pinched as she stared off into space.
Unlike last time, Maya chose to respond rather than let Riley struggle to work it out on her own. She kept her voice measured and careful though. "You once admitted to holding onto the idea of Lucas. Do you think, maybe, you might possibly be having the same issue here?"
"No," Riley's frown shifted into a scowl. "Of course not. I waited to get together with Charlie specifically to avoid that problem. We waited, and he still thinks we rushed it. It doesn't make sense."
"Okay, honey," Maya patted Riley's hand softly in an attempt to calm her down. "Let's look at it this way. What do you like about Charlie?"
So, Riley told her everything all the way down to the hand holding, ring tones and her parents' approval. It took awhile, but Maya listened intently through the entire list.
"But what do you like about Charlie?" Maya asked when Riley was done.
"I don't understand," Riley said.
"What I like about Lucas is that he knows me better than anyone—even you sometimes which is mind blowing—that he always knows what I need him to say or do without asking, that he puts up with my Texas inspired teases even though they're ridiculous and he should have asked me to stop a long time ago, that he encourages me to take it even further with the game we play for unfathomable reasons, that he spends and equal amount of time coming up with new ways to make me blush or smile, and that he accepts me, every part of me, even when I don't know how to myself," Maya said. "What I like about us is that we'll go to bat for each other's happiness, that we care about the other's happiness over our own—and it works because there's balance."
"How is that different than what I told you about Charlie?" Riley asked.
"If I replaced Lucas with someone else, none of those things would be true," Maya said. "What you told me could have been about anyone."
"But it wasn't about anyone, it was about Charlie," Riley said.
"Look, jellybean, I'm just trying to give you an idea of where Charlie is coming from," Maya said. "if you say you really like him, I believe you. Maybe he just needs you to show him that you're as in it as he is."
"How do I do that?" Riley said.
"That I can't tell you," Maya replied. "It's between you and Charlie."
"If there is a me and Charlie," Riley sighed and curled into Maya to rest her head on her best friend's shoulder.
Maya wrapped an arm around Riley and stroked a hand through her hair. "I'm here no matter what happens, that's a promise."
What happened was this: Riley missed Charlie. Not the satisfied feeling of being a girlfriend, but Charlie. She missed the way he was always there. She missed the way he looked at her like she was made of starlight. She missed the way he knew all her quirks, even the really weird ones, and liked her all the more for it. She missed having him over for dinner and how he could somehow divide his time between discussion with her parents, playing with Auggie, and being his usual adorable Charlie Gardner self to her without ever making anyone feel neglected. She missed the way he would text her cute little notes exactly when she seemed to need them most with almost freaky accuracy. She missed that silly Charlie Gardner grin that some people would see as excessive, obsessive or creepy, but she understood on a fundamental level. She missed Charlie.
Riley needed that time apart to realize she did like him the way she thought she did. She just hadn't conceptualized the real reasons why she liked him. It wasn't about all the things that came with being a girlfriend. She liked him because he was the only one who could match her enthusiasm over the littlest of things. She liked him because he was just as comfortable with the rare moments of quiet stillness that she wanted. She liked him because, no matter how clumsy she was, he never let her fall when he was around. She liked him because, when she acted on the ridiculous notion of being a cheerleader, he cheered her on even when she was terrible and fussed over her when she hurt herself—and that was before they were dating. She liked him because he put thought and effort into everything that came to her and it made her want to do the same for him. It wasn't a fantasy where everything was easy and fell into place on its own. It was real.
And when she told him all of this, Charlie's smile threatened to stretch right off his face.
Riley and Charlie were back together and seemingly on track when Farkle announced that he and Smackle were breaking up. He claimed that he and Smackle still liked each other very much, but that they were on different paths and wanted different things. It would be more beneficial to both of them to maintain a strong friendship without the addition of the variable of a romantic element. Riley hadn't understood that break up anymore than she had understood the break she and Charlie had taken. Everyone had told her that feelings were confusing, now she was actually starting to believe that they were impossible to understand.
For awhile, things with Charlie were great, but the longer they were together the more hesitant Riley became. With each step forward that Charlie took, she was resistant. It had nothing to do with Charlie; she still liked him as much as she ever had. That was the problem. While what Charlie felt for her seemed only to grow exponentially, what she felt for Charlie didn't grow, didn't develop. It remained the same. It was unfair to him and she tried to be better, but all that ended up happening was they spent a year and a half in an on and off again relationship they couldn't seem to get right.
At first, Riley was okay with that. It wasn't a struck once and never wavered kind of love, but she figured they could be one of those epic couples. Every TV show had one. They were the two people who always seemed to be on different pages. They separated, but always came back around to the other. They had ups and downs, and the audience sat in suspense, afraid the couple would never work it out. But they eventually would, usually right before the final credits rolled. Riley and Charlie didn't make it that far. In their sophomore year, they broke up for the last time because it became clear that they weren't just on different pages, they were in entirely different books. They were never going to be in sync. Charlie was always going to like her more, love her more. Riley realized that she would probably always like him, but she would never love him. When she came to terms with that fact, it broke her heart more than it would have to find out he stopped loving her.
Riley wasn't proud of her behavior following that final break up, but it had left her so off kilter that she had felt like she had little control of herself. It was no excuse, but it was the truth. The ways he acted nearly tore their entire group apart and if she could go back and do it differently she would. Still, she hoped that maybe it was something they needed to go through in order to become better people, or at least something she needed to face so she could become a better person.
For a week after she parted ways with Charlie, Riley was unable to shake the foul mood she had settled into. It was hard to handle Charlie claiming they needed real space to have a clean break before they could ever try to be friends. He assured her it was in their best interests, because he needed to learn how to be without her so he wouldn't try to get back together and start the cycle all over again. He had only ever been honest with her, but she still felt like it might have also been to spite her, just a little, for her inability to give him her whole heart. Without Charlie around, as a boyfriend or at all, Riley spent more time focused on the other people around her, which ended up being more salt in the wound. Maya and Lucas were still the happiest couple around, Farkle had started to casually show interest in a girl in one of his academic clubs, and even Zay had a little something going on in his love life. Riley kept looking at her friends, especially Maya and Lucas, and felt something vaguely new to her: resentment. She didn't want to be alone. She wanted what they had, and she fooled herself into thinking that was she really wanted was Lucas. For a second, she got the crazy idea in her head that she had been wrong when she realized that she didn't like Lucas in a romantic sense, that the reason she couldn't find what she was looking for with Charlie because what she was looking for was Lucas. Although she said and did nothing about these thoughts, they boiled under the surface for days. Maya had sensed something off right away, but had assumed it was about Charlie and wanted nothing more than to help her best friend find happiness again. Maya tried to comfort Riley and Riley lashed out in little ways—with sharp words and petty arguments over non-issues, because in that moment of insanity, Maya was the obstacle between her and happiness. Each time this happened, the friction between the two girls increased tenfold and it seeped out to the others in the group.
At the height of the problem, her father taught them about fault lines and—although Riley only listened with half an ear because she was distracted by Maya's elbow on Lucas's desk and Lucas's hand on Maya's arm and how much she wanted that soft touch and stroking fingers to be soothing her—she knew it was a lesson meant for her. What was the underlying issue that was creating the building tension? Jealousy.
Clarity had returned to Riley, near the end of the week, when they were on the brink of disaster, because Lucas turned up on her doorstep alone. It was the first time in days, maybe weeks or longer, that she had seen him without Maya attached to him somewhere. She was a little delusional when she tried to guess what that meant. She had invited him in and sat with him on the couch, closer that she ever should have been with her best friend's boyfriend, only to have him shift away to stand again, putting distance back where it belonged.
"I don't know why you're acting the way you are," Lucas said, looking down at her still sitting on the couch. "I just wanted you to know that it's really hurting Maya, because she will never admit it herself. She thinks you're angry at her over something she did to you. I can't imagine what you might think she did, but I need you to tell me if you do."
Riley met Lucas's eyes and rose to her feet to stand face to face with him. Yes, Maya had done something. She had won Lucas's heart without even trying. The thought occurred to Riley that if she kissed Lucas right that second, that maybe he would see it the way she saw it. And she considered it for a full second before it hit her how awful that was, how awful she was for thinking it, and then she burst into tears. That wasn't who she was at all. She wasn't capable of that. But for a second, she was, because she had mistaken her wish for love, for something that could make her happy, and ease away her sadness, for a wish to be them and have exactly what they had.
That was her problem. She was always trying to be someone else. She kept trying to shoehorn her life into someone else's. First it was her parents, then it was a slew of fictional characters, and then Maya and Lucas. She had realized this back in eighth grade when she let go of her Lucas fantasy so her friends could be happy, but she obviously never resolved it, because here she was acting that way again and making her friends miserable in the process. That was her thing: she stopped wanting to be Cory and Topanga and started wanting to be Maya and Lucas. She had swapped one already claimed love story for another. It was time for her to be herself and find her own story, whether it be one about love or not.
Riley just didn't know how.
…
The journey to self discovery was not an easy one, in fact, it was darn near impossible. So it was a good thing that Riley had particularly strong faith in impossible things. She had started by considering the things she would most like to have in her life and the things she would most like to be, and from that list she evaluated each item with a scrutinizing eye to determine if she wanted it because it fit into a framework created by someone else or because it was what she actually wanted for other, far more important reasons. She kept the things that were uniquely hers and went from there.
It was a lot of time spent trying to be her own person. Not Cory and Topanga's daughter, not Maya's opposite or a phony knockoff of Maya either, not Charlie Gardner's girlfriend. Not anyone's girlfriend actually. That was another thing that she had tried out and stuck with for some time. Since she was little, she had so much riding on finding the great love of her life. After everything with Charlie had gone sideways, Riley decided that the best thing she could do for herself was to hold off on romance. Once she was the best person she could be while single, then she could think about what she would bring to a relationship as one half of a union. She never stopped believing that was the right choice for her, but it got a little lonely waiting for love—especially when her wait stretched all the way to her senior year. The only thing that made her feel a little less lonely was that Farkle had chosen to put aside romance in his life too. She felt a little guilty that she thought that way, because she cared about him and wanted him to be happy. The good thing was that he seemed happy just as he was, even if that was alone. Riley sometimes wished she could be that content, but she continued to have moments of weakness.
Riley was in the midst of one of those moments, feeling as if she was stalled and going nowhere in her life, love or otherwise, when Farkle climbed through her window and sat beside her. This had started to become more and more frequent as time went on. When Maya was off being couple-y with Lucas, Riley and Farkle would seek each other out. At first it was because their best friends were otherwise occupied and no one else was available, but it soon became obvious that they were kindred spirits in single life and it was easier to be around someone who understood.
"Hey, Riles," Farkle said as he slid into place beside her, his shoulder bumping into hers as his momentum got the better of him for a second.
Riley sent him a weak smile. "Hey Farkle. What brings you here today?"
"The usual," Farkle said. His eyes narrowed for a split second as he looked her over, the ever observant scientist seeing something worth noting before acting like nothing had happened. "I was at Topanga's helping Zay look over his science homework, but Maya and Lucas turned up and they're hard to watch when they're all riled up, so I came here. I don't know how Zay sticks it out."
"He watches them like they're a reality TV show," Riley said. "Also, it's different for him. He's got a girlfriend, even If it is long distance."
"He has always been inexplicably fascinated with them," Farkle said.
"He's happy that they're happy," Riley shrugged.
"And we aren't?" Farkle raised an eyebrow.
"I just think he's far more committed to it than we are," Riley shrugged again. She folded her hands on her lap and focused her eyes on them. There was a small chip in the purple nail polish on one of her fingers and she started to pick at it, a nervous habit of hers.
"Because we want what they have," Farkle said, more to himself than her, with a nod.
"We?" Riley's eyes shot back up to look at Farkle again.
"Hey, I liked being in a relationship as much as anyone, even if it doesn't always seem like it," Farkle said. "Besides, who wouldn't want what they have? They're in love, anyone can see that, even if neither of them have said it yet."
"Do you think we'll ever find that?" Riley asked, her voice small and her eyes back on her hands.
Farkle's gaze on her was so persistent that she could feel it without meeting it. "Of course we will."
"Sometimes I have my doubts," Riley said.
"There is someone out there ready to adore you, Riley," Farkle reached out and tucked a few stands of hair behind Riley's ear. He let his fingers brush down her neck as he pulled his hand back. "You just have to open yourself up to the possibility of it again, like you used to be."
"You think I haven't been open to it?" Riley frowned and reached up to touch her neck where she could still feel Farkle's soft touch. Sure, she had made an effort to remain single for awhile, but she hadn't ruled out romance altogether.
"I think you wanted to avoid another Charlie situation, which is understandable," Farkle said, "but I think you went a little further beyond cautious than you intended."
"Huh," Riley murmured. Her head tilted of it's own volition as she considered the point he had made.
Of course she had never wanted to end up in a situation like what had happened with Charlie again. That was a given. She didn't want to play pretend in someone else's story. And she certainly never wanted to feel like she had been leading someone on because she couldn't get a hold on who she was, what she wanted and how she felt. That was her original inspiration behind enjoying single life for awhile. She had always figured that, eventually, someone would come along to open her eyes to where she was supposed to go. It never occurred to her that she might be the reason no one had showed up yet. It never occurred to her that she had closed herself off and that she could have easily missed chances because she hadn't been looking for them. Farkle was right, such a surprise. That was a stronger possibility than Riley wanted to admit. She needed to really think about that before she talked about it further, so she sat in quiet contemplation until Farkle spoke again.
"So, I have a question," Farkle said, his eyes glancing toward Riley's closed bedroom door. "How come your Dad never chases me out?"
Riley followed his eyes to the door. "He thinks you're harmless."
"Really," Farkle frowned slightly.
"Also you're around all the time," Riley added, "I think your consistent presence has interfered with his Dad senses."
"So we could be doing anything in here and he wouldn't know?" Farkle said.
Riley blushed at the implication, looking down at her lap for an entirely different reason no. "Well, not anything."
"Of course," Farkle nodded. He cleared his throat. "I suppose it should now be safe to return to Topanga's. I believe Zay and I still have some work to do."
Farkle was already out her window before she could protest.
"I'll see you later then," Riley called after him.
"One more thing," Farkle leaned his head back through the window and met Riley's eyes. "You're going to have a love story that's better than everyone else's, because it's yours. Remember that, Riley."
Then he was gone, down the fire escape and back to business as usual.
Back in her room, Riley was left with far too much to think about. Perhaps someone had come along to open her eyes, and that someone was Farkle. He had implored her to open herself up to possibility just in time to see something in his eyes in that last moment before he left. It was something she hadn't seen since Charlie—or that she hadn't allowed herself to see since Charlie. Suddenly, there it was shining in Farkle's eyes and she didn't know what to do. She didn't even know if he had meant for her to see or if he wanted her to see it. Whether he did or not, she had seen and she couldn't forget about it now that she had seen it.
It was unbearable, carrying that knowledge that she alone had. She couldn't put it out of her mind, as hard as she tried for the week that followed. She kept thinking about that moment and how easily she could have missed it. It made her wonder how many other moments like that she might have missed in the past. She had Farkle's eyes imprinted on the backs of her eyelids. They were all she could see. It made her skittish around him for days. Each time he glanced her way, she had to avert her eyes, because she couldn't bear to see that look in them again before she was sure that she was seeing what she thought she was seeing. After everything with Lucas, then Charlie, and now Farkle, Riley was starting to have trouble trusting herself and her instincts. Which meant she needed a second opinion urgently.
'Need you. Bay Window. ASAP. It's URGENT.' Riley texted Maya at the end of the week, unable to stew in her own thoughts any longer.
'How urgent is urgent?' Maya sent back.
'Note the all caps.'
'But is that normal all caps or Riley all caps?'
'I will invoke Ring Power if necessary,' Riley typed out, her way of ending the game of twenty questions before it got any further.
'I'll be there in twenty,' Maya responded after a long minute.
Riley could almost hear the exasperated sigh behind the text, but she needed her best friend. She had done what she had to do to get Maya there. While Maya was obviously reluctant, she was climbing through Riley's window with minutes to spare, only she didn't come through alone.
"I thought we agreed that Friday's were my designated Maya time," Lucas said as Maya settled next to Riley and he dropped down next to her.
Riley poked Maya in the side and whispered, "Why'd you bring him?"
Maya swatted Riley's hand away. "I didn't have much of a choice."
"Ya know I can hear you, right?" Lucas raised an eyebrow.
"Shush, Huckleberry," Maya replied and turned back to Riley. "You called in a nine-one-one during our date night. It was bring him or not come at all."
Riley pursed her lips and leaned around Maya to look directly at Lucas. She blinked at him a few times while he stared back. "I guess I don't mind then."
"Good, because he's not going anywhere," Maya said and patted Lucas on the knee. "So, what's the crisis?"
"I think Farkle likes me," Riley said, her words bumping into each other in her rush to get them out.
"He's always liked you, honey bunch," Maya's brow scrunched up in a frown.
"No, I mean, sure, but this is different," Riley shook her head.
"I don't think so," Maya said.
"No, it is different," Riley insisted. "It's not like when he swore he loved both of us and we agreed to marry him because his mom's ring was sparkly. I think he might really like me."
"Okay, jellybean, I hear what you're saying, but we're talking about the same thing," Maya said. "Farkle does like you, really like you, and he always has. And I only say this now because I honestly thought you already knew that. Didn't we think she already knew that?"
Lucas nodded, "It's been fairly obvious."
"See? Obvious," Maya said. She tilted her head and looked at Riley closely. "Did you really not know?"
"But he dated Smackle," Riley said.
"And he really like Smackle while they were together, but that doesn't mean he stopped liking you," Maya said. "And they broke up a long time ago. He's had more than enough time to grow back into his feelings for you."
"But—" Riley started to protest again, but broke off as her eyes narrowed and she contemplated the information they had provided her with.
"What is this really about, Riles?" Maya asked. "It can't just be about Farkle liking you. If you honestly didn't know, that's big, but it's not this big."
Riley met Maya's eyes. "Have I been single since Charlie because I shut down the part of me looking for something more?"
"Oh, hun," Maya sighed and took a moment to choose her next words. "I think you've been very protective of your heart."
"Too protective?" Riley asked.
Maya winced, but answered honestly, "Possibly."
"And I missed him," Riley said more to herself than either of her friends.
"Farkle?" Maya asked for clarification and Riley absently nodded. "I don't think you've missed him quite yet. Maybe you're a little behind, definitely slow on the uptake, but that train has definitely not left the station, not yet."
"You think?" Riley asked.
"These are things that I know," Maya answered. "The real question is, and by no means do you have to answer it now, do you like Farkle?"
"Well," Riley said. "That is a good question."
…
It was also, unfortunately, not one that anyone else could answer for Riley. If she didn't want a repeat of her previous relationships, she had to figure it out for herself. The longer she turned it over in her head, the more confused she became. She should have been used to that outcome by now. Confusion was practically her primary state of being. She had thought it was hard to live in her head when she had all these conflicting feelings about Charlie and Lucas back in eighth grade. That had been difficult, trying to sort out what was what and which feelings belonged to who and then adding Maya into the equation. It had been a mess, but they had been lucky enough to come out of the situation stronger than ever. This was worse.
There were things about her relationship with Farkle that she knew, things she wasn't quite sure about, and things she felt completely in the dark about. The things she knew: he was dependable, always there when she needed him, he knew her best of anyone save for maybe Maya, and he was the sweetest person alive when it came to caring about his friends and her. These were all attributes she would want in a significant other, but they were also the characteristics of a very best friend as well. And the things that would help her tell which Farkle was meant to be to her were the things she was unsure of and she didn't know how to expel that uncertainty. There were all these moments that sat on the line between special and the everyday, and she couldn't tell which way any of them inclined. Farkle would smile at her and she would warm up inside, which she would have taken as a sign a few years back, but now she couldn't tell if the reaction was because she liked him and the way he looked at her, or was just a symptom of knowing he liked her and what that smile meant from his end. There were times when he would say sweet things that could easily be compliments between friends, but also sounded eerily like the types of things Lucas whispered to Maya that made the blonde light up like a stop light. Although the words made Riley's stomach flip flop, she couldn't tell if it was because she liked compliments or because she liked the way Farkle saw her. And the list went on and on, and on and on. She was no where near an answer for herself or Maya even at the end of it. She needed more time, but she feared she was running out of it.
Their senior year was rolling forward and Riley found that every second not occupied by thoughts of grades, college applications and acceptance letters, and the impending graduation were filled with Farkle. Maybe that was something of an answer in itself. She had been blind for so long that it was still hard to see.
Then came the moment that was impossible to miss.
Prom was looming, the last major event of their high school careers before graduation. Riley had already gone dress shopping with Maya and set up hair appointments, even though she had yet to be asked. She was having flashbacks to their eighth grade semi-formal and all the months leading up to it. Back when she was still head in the clouds over Lucas was the last time her optimism had equated to certainty—and she had still panicked over things not falling into place the way she was so sure they would. Now, she was so scattered that she didn't know how she would even react if someone asked her. Although, it hardly mattered. People still clearly saw her as unavailable, not because she had closed herself off to everyone, but because she was pretty sure she was only available for one person. Not that she would have ever, in a million years, assumed that Farkle might ask her. The longer time went on without any in her face signs of his potential feelings for her, the more Riley began to think that everyone was mistaken about the way he felt. In some sense, she might have thought they would be better off that way. If he didn't like her like that, then they could return to being the friends they were meant to be, no more worries, clean and simple. Of course, lately, every time she got a thought in her head, the opposite happened—and this time was no different.
Riley had just come to accept that she was likely to attend her senior prom alone when she arrived at her locker one morning to find Farkle prepped and ready to ask her, with a small crowd accumulated to witness.
"I figured, even if we went as friends, that you deserved to have a story to go along with it," Farkle had said after asking and receiving an enthusiastic yes from a smiling and laughing Riley. "You just deserved to be asked."
It was no Charlie Gardner proposal and they would be attending the dance as friends, but there were flowers and a balloon and a sign obviously made by Maya. The kicker was that as Farkle stood in that hallway with a heart literally dangling on a string, Riley felt like she was seeing him clearly for the first time. It wasn't like that day in the Bay Window. That day she had seen what he felt for her. This time, she saw him; she saw him through a filter of what she felt for him. It wasn't because he had done something special for her. It was because she had been waiting for this without ever realizing it and when it came to pass, her heart soared right out of her chest. She wanted to hug him and linger in his arms longer than she'd ever allowed herself to before. She wanted to go to the movies with him and to let the way he held her hand make up for the fact that he spoiled all the plot points a few seconds in. She wanted her Dad to chase Farkle out of her room because he was far from harmless, had never been harmless; she had just been too clouded to see all the marks he had been leaving on her heart since day one. She wanted to sneak kisses with him while all their friends pretended not to see and then made kissy faces or fake gagging gestures behind her back. She wanted to drag him under the mistletoe, kiss him at midnight on New Year's, and be his one and only Valentine. There were a lot of things she wanted, but she would start with going to prom with her—so much more than, but for the time being—friend. She would find her way to the rest along the way.
While all of these thoughts suddenly made sense in her head, Riley hesitated to speak them out loud. She wanted the moment to be right, as so many of her moments had been wrong. She would be the first to admit that she had lousy timing. If what she was feeling was finally real, and it felt like the purest and most genuine thing she had ever felt before, then she needed it to be right this time more than anything. She held back and considered the possibility that their moment would be at Prom.
Riley had been to several formal dances since middle school—winter formals, a fancied up Sadie Hawkins back in sophomore year, and her junior prom—but none had ever meant more than this one. And someone in some silly projector movie had said that the Semi-Formal was "the dance that determines the rest of your life." Maybe for Maya and Lucas that was true, but for Riley and Farkle it was going to be Prom. She behaved accordingly. Riley was butterflies in her stomach nervous while she waited to be picked up, not even having Maya by her side waiting for Lucas was able to calm her. Riley was giggly when Farkle said she looked beautiful and when his fingers brushed her skin as he slid her corsage onto her wrist. She ignored all the usual boundaries of personal space when asked to squeeze together for pictures, pressing herself into Farkle's side. She was flirty and fun and she waited for him to catch on, but either she was being too subtle or he wasn't picking up the hints she was dropping everywhere like bread crumbs to lead Hansel and Gretel home.
Riley was not to be detoured though. She kept at it. She spent hours dancing with Farkle, surrounded by their friends and the other couples. During one slow dance, she tried to be a little more direct—by being indirect. She had her arms locked around Farkle's neck and he had his around her waist. As they swayed together, their eyes scanned the rest of the room instead of focusing on each other. Her eyes landed on Maya and Lucas wrapped up in each other a few feet away.
"Will you look at them?" Riley said, a small smile on her face as she watched Lucas lean in to whisper something to Maya. "How do they do it? After all this time, they're still together and as happy as they were in the beginning. It makes no sense..."
"Love defies logic," Farkle replied. "If it could be quantified I would have it figured it out by now."
Riley looked up at him. "Are you saying you don't know what it feels like?"
"No," Farkle said. "I'm saying that feelings don't always make sense; in fact, most of the time they don't. If you're not at least a little uncertain, it's not real. My point is, if all it required were calculations, sums and figures, I would have solved the equation by now. Yet here I am, still waiting."
"Me too," Riley said. "You said I have a love story waiting for me. Do you believe there's one out there for you too?"
Farkle gave a small nod. "Sure, I do."
Riley took a deep breath and mustered up the strength to ask him about the possibility of them being the same love story, but before she could get the words out the song ended and Farkle backed away. He released her and the moment was broken. He cleared his throat and excused himself to get some punch. Then, before he could return, Riley was dragged away by Maya.
"Lucas just told me he loves me," Maya whispered, wide eyed and grinning like a fool. "And I said it back, Riles, I said it. I never thought I would ever say those words, but they came out so easy because they're true. I love Lucas. That darn Huckleberry was right."
After that, Riley knew she couldn't say anything to Farkle at the dance. Nothing was going to top that revelation between Maya and Lucas. She still held out hope that she would be able to tell him when he took her home that night, but a text message from Maya filled with innumerable exclamation points and jumbled mess of heart eyes, diamond rings, bride and groom emoji put a stop to that. This was not their moment. This night already belonged to someone else.
But as Riley hugged Farkle goodnight at her front door, she knew they could have a night of their own at some point, no matter how long she had to wait.
…
In the short time between prom and their graduation, Riley found it next to impossible to get Farkle alone and when she did manage to snag him for a minute there were too many other things to discuss. Farkle would run portions of his speech by her; Riley would hit him up for quick answers while studying for finals. Their senior year coming to a close provided them with plenty of distractions on its own. Then there was the engagement of Shawn and Katy to contend with. There was so much excitement all around her after that proposal—from her parents, from Maya—that it was hard to see how her own little romance wouldn't get lost in the middle of it if she tried to start it up too soon. Things were working against her, but she was the one who kept hope longer than anyone else. If she couldn't hold out, then what chance did anyone else have?
That didn't mean that the lack of progress wasn't getting to her. She was slowly getting frustrated, but she thought she hid it well. Apparently, that assumption was incorrect, because Maya took things into her own hands. Riley knew Maya would never have done it if it wasn't clear that stress was getting the upperhand.
'Picnic in the park, noon, no excuses!' was Maya's mass text.
It had come at the perfect time. Finals were over and with that stress off her shoulders, Riley realized she was still ready to pull her hair out but not over facts and figures. She had been so distracted that she hadn't been able to tell that all that build up was over something else entirely. In the usual fashion, Maya had seen it before Riley and given her a chance to figure out what she needed to do. The picnic was the perfect relaxing outing amongst friends, even though under different circumstances it might have felt like a double date. Riley supposed that might have been Maya's intention.
Maya had set up the whole thing: the blankets, all the food and drinks, including a few of her favorite pastries from Topanga's, and the location. All Riley had to do was show up and sit next to Farkle. It was easy enough, but sometimes even the easiest of things were harder than they seemed. Part of her wanted to just blurt it out, but she held back. Instead, she spent the afternoon watching Maya and Lucas.
By the time an hour had gone by, Maya had curled into Lucas and eventually she had come to lay with her head resting on Lucas's leg. He had his hand playing with her hair absentmindedly while they talked. It was so natural, like they didn't even need to think about it. Certainly, Riley could have the same with Farkle, but not if she forced it. It needed to come into being on its own. When it was right, it would happen. It would be simple, not just the illusion of simple. This was not the moment, but, as Riley glanced over at Farkle to find him watching her with a small smile on his face, she knew it was still a very important moment.
"They said six months," Maya was saying, leaning into Lucas's touch as his fingers twirled through her curls. "So that's, what? November? Does that seem like a long enough time?"
"Uncle Shawn doesn't believe in a long engagement. He thinks if you're ready to propose, you should be ready to be married," Riley replied, her eyes still locked on Farkle's. "He's ready to start a real life with your mom. I think it's romantic."
"That's all well and good. I'm thrilled. Really," Maya said. "But I'm just thinking, logistically, is that enough time to get everything in order?"
"Well, as long as they can lock down a venue for their chosen date, then it should be plenty of time to make all the arrangements," Farkle said.
Lucas shrugged. "If Farkle says so, I think we have to believe him."
"Have you ever had a span of time feel so long and so short at the same time?" Maya mused.
"The future's coming for us," Lucas said.
"Let it," Riley smiled, eyes still on Farkle's.
Farkle winked at her.
It was a step forward and for the time being that was all Riley needed.
…
What Maya had said about time being simultaneously too long and too short began to make more sense to Riley the closer they got to graduation. Every hour felt like eternity, yet seemed to pass by in a second. She thought it might have had something to do with how few they had left. The countdown kept ticking away, anticipation and anxiety both increased exponentially, and then, suddenly and finally, the day was upon them.
The day was such a flurry of activity that Riley was sure her memory of the event was going to be one big blur when she eventually looked back on it. Things she would remember clearly were her parents crying, her grandparents crying, her Uncle Eric crying, everyone crying really. Tears—happy, sad, nostalgic or undefinable—were a fact of the day. She could remember the five full minutes she spent staring at herself in the mirror while in her cap and gown thinking back on all she had been through in the past four years. It would be impossible to forget catching Maya and Lucas kissing no less than a half dozen times as those two revisited their favorite spots before they said goodbye to the high school. She would remember cheering for each of her friends when their names were called to receive their diplomas. But most of all, she would remember how Farkle's eyes had been exclusively on her through his entire valedictorian speech full of inspiring words about the future, the possibilities that awaited them, the dreams they had that had changed or evolved, that had been realized or had yet to come true, and how, together, they would be ready for everything that came next. Sure, it was what everyone wanted to hear, sure, it was full of the usual graduation cliches, but he had spoken every word to her and he had meant it.
After the ceremony was over, as all the other graduates rushed to find their families and friends, Riley was propelled forward with only one person in mind. Her legs and feet and arms operated on their own accord. She had zero control over her direction or momentum. She weaved her way through the crowd with purpose. She was almost there, a few steps away, when a wild Charlie Gardner appeared, blocking her path.
"Charlie," Riley exclaimed as she came to an abrupt stop before she could barrel into him.
"Hey, Riley," Charlie grinned and stretched out a hand to steady her. "Congratulation."
"Same to you," Riley said. She leaned a little to glance around Charlie and instantly felt guilty that she was already trying to come up with ways to blow him off. He was a nice guy. He deserved better. She centered herself back in front of him and decided to give him at least a few minutes of her undivided attention, she owed him at least that much. "Really, Charlie. Congratulations. I heard about your scholarship."
Charlie held up a hand, waving it off. "It's not that big of a deal. I didn't even know word had gotten out."
"Sure it is and I keep an ear out for stuff like that, about you," Riley said and sighed lightly. "I'm sorry things didn't go differently for us, that we never really got back to being friends. All you ever did was care about me and I should have—I should've—"
"Hey, no," Charlie shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Today is a day to celebrate, not to rehash things. Besides, it was a long time ago, even if it feels like yesterday sometimes. You and me? We're good. Have been for awhile."
"Are you sure?" Riley frowned. "We never really talked about it or anything—"
"I always knew that you were waiting for love, but it never came while I was around," Charlie said. "It took me awhile, but I've come to accept the fact that you were waiting for someone else."
"You think so?"
"There's always going to be a soft spot for you, right here, Riley Matthews," Charlie tapped his chest, over his heart, "but because it's there, I know it's for the best that we didn't end up together. I think you know that too."
"I think you're right," Riley smiled.
"You know who it is too, don't you?" Charlie said. "Tell me, it's boy genius isn't it?"
Riley bit her lip, but said nothing.
"I knew it," Charlie exclaimed with short chuckle. "He's always been special, even back then. You kept track of his relationships as closely as you kept track of ours, you remember that?" He raised an eyebrow for a second and then shook his slightly. "Wow. Farkle Minkus and Riley Matthews. Who would have guessed?"
"Not me," Riley said.
"Does he know?" Charlie asked and Riley shook her head. "You've got to tell him. The kid's head is gonna explode."
"I plan to," Riley said, glancing around Charlie once more.
Charlie took the hint. "Well, I'll leave you to it. I gotta find my family anyway. I just wanted to say hello one last time before we embark on the rest of our lives."
"You're gonna meet a girl someday who will love you the way you deserve," Riley took a step closer and leaned up to press a quick kiss to Charlie's cheek. "She's gonna be a lucky girl."
"No one will ever hold a candle to you, Riley Matthews," Charlie said. "But if you believe it, I'm sure it's true."
"I believe it," Riley nodded.
"I'll see you around," Charlie said. With a wave, he was gone, lost in the crowd.
Riley took a deep breath and started on her course again. She figured that as long as her family didn't track her down before she got where she was going, she would be able to make the most of this moment. She had forgotten to consider one important variable.
"Riley!" Maya popped out of nowhere, arms encircling Riley into a hug and stopping her yet again. "We graduated!"
"Yay," Riley said with Maya, even though her enthusiasm was a little lacking.
Maya stepped back, releasing Riley. She had a frown worked over her features. "Alright, Happy Pants, you don't sound very happy. Is this because of Charlie? We saw you talking to him."
It wasn't until Maya backed away that Riley was able to see that Lucas lingered a couple feet away. He had a lipstick kiss mark on one cheek in Maya's shade and an unwavering smile on his face. Riley nodded to him before she turned back to Maya. "It's not about Charlie."
"What were you and Mr. Gardner talking about just now?" Maya asked.
"We were saying goodbye," Riley answered, because that was the truth of it. He had said see you around, but there was a good chance that might be the last time they saw each other and their last opportunity for closure. "Something we probably should have done a long time ago."
"And you're okay?" Maya said.
Riley nodded.
"Then why the tone?"
"I'm trying to do something very important and I keep getting interrupted by well wishers with good intentions," Riley said, her eyes drifting beyond Maya.
"Oh," Maya said once she had followed Riley's gaze. She turned back to her best friend with a wide grin. "Go get 'em, jellybean."
Riley rolled her eyes, but went anyway. She called back to Maya. "I'll find you after."
"Good luck," Maya called back, already wrapped around Lucas once again.
Determined to not be sidetracked further by anyone else, Riley picked up her speed—a little more speed than she probably should have—as she crossed the final distance of her journey across the room. She bobbed around the last few people standing in her way and found herself with a clear path to her target. As she came into sight, Farkle's eyes locked onto her and he started to smile. Riley matched his grin with one of her own. There were only a few steps left between them, but it was in those last steps that she was faced with one last complication.
Maya had told her that the heels were unnecessary.
Riley's increased speed and unobstructed forward momentum coupled with one of her heels catching on practically nothing sent her sprawling, right into Farkle. It took them both down in a tangle of limbs and graduation attire.
"Oomph," Farkle huffed as hitting the floor and Riley landing on top of him knocked the air right out of his lungs.
"I am so sorry," Riley heaved as she too struggled to catch her breath.
"It's alright," Farkle said. "You're obviously excited to see me."
"I am," Riley said. "Excited to see you. I'm always excited to see you."
"I like that," Farkle replied.
"I like you," Riley breathed out.
That was it. That was the moment. It wasn't perfect, probably far from it, but it was as natural as breathing. The words came out with ease, taking on a life of their own once they were released into the world. Riley had been convinced of their sincerity for awhile, but never more so than in the second before they fell from her lips.
"I like you too," Farkle said. "Kinda always have."
"What were you waiting for?" Riley smiled.
"You," Farkle smiled back.
Then there was only one thing left to do. Riley dipped down and kissed Farkle right on the lips. She was only slightly aware that they had a very large audience, and even that inkling escaped her when he started to kiss her back. One of his hands worked into her hair, dislodging her cap from her head. She smiled against his lips and clutched onto his shoulders. She thought she might have heard a wolf whistle sound somewhere behind and above her when the kiss deepened. If she had heard correctly, she would attribute it to Maya, obviously. Either way, she was too far gone, lost in the kiss, to be distracted by anything. Not by anything.
"Riley, where are you?" Cory's voice rang out and he fought his way through the crowd. "Your father wants a picture with his baby girl—"
And then there were two Matthews sprawled out on the floor.
Still, Riley was not distracted from her goal. She was a high school graduate, she was college bound, she had very little figured out about the world—but she was kissing Farkle, finally. She knew without a doubt that she was exactly where she was supposed to be.
They had been waiting for love; now they were ready for each other.
-fin-