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WARNING! THIS STORY CONTAINS BRIEF DESCRIPTIONS OF A INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN AN ADULT/MINOR, SOME DISIPLINARY SPANKING OF A MINOR, AND A SLIGHTLY OUT OF CHARACTER HOTCH. (DON'T LIKE, DONT READ) (NO SLASH/ NOTHING GRAPHIC)

Disclaimer; I'm not dancing in a night club with AJ Cook or Paget Brewster right now so I guess that can tell you that I own no rights to Criminal Minds or its characters.

So sorry for all the hold up, things have been... least to crazy lately. I've been having some trouble with the whole writing thing. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Also... Love Lost and Bewildered should be updated soon, I've actually been writing bits and peices here and there, so I hope to get it up soon.

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760 days later...

"Hotch." She said quietly as he pulled himself into the passenger's seat.

"Thanks for picking me up." He said, looking back at the compound behind him he was glad he'd never have to see again. Looking at Emily, he could see the dissappointment written across her face as they drove away in silence. Over two years later, and he knew not a single person was any less dissapointed in him, even when he wrote atleast one of them every day he could remeber to, the only replies he ever got back was once or twice from JJ and a few from Reid. He thought about all the horrible things he had done, why he had done them. The reasons why he had never told anyone why, when he figured it out.

As they drove on, Emily finally got the courage to ask the question that'd been racking around in her brain for awhile now. "Why did you do it?"

"I don't know." He lied. He did know why. He should have noticed it back before, when he started the relationship with Alison, couldn't deal with the stress right, had difficulty keeping focused. had trouble making calls with the BAU, and started to get angry about small things. He had let Rossi and Morgan make more decisions because his kept being the wrong kinds. But he didn't know why. He didn't know why until he blew up on another prisoner for something so small and got 30 extra days. He didn't know why until he started to get problems with his vision. When things started to get too complicated to understand. When the headaches started. He had acute brain damage left untreated that had grown to become massive. But it wasn't an excuse, he didn't let his lawyer find out. His lawyer had already gotten him too little time for his liking, 2 years. He didn't deserve two years. He deserved so much more, that was the one thing he was still sure of. He decided then, to wait until he got out to get treatment. If he hadn't, he would have had to request a transfer to another prison that had that kind of treatment, which would alert his lawyer and he'd definately try to get him in some kind of mental treatment facility instead. He didn't want that, he deserved prison.

But Emily was one person who could see right through him. "I know you're lying Hotch."

"Emily.. I really don't know, something was... wrong about me back then. I don't know what." He closed his eyes, hoping that she'd just drop it.

"Was it drugs?" She asked, keeping her face focused on the road.

"What? NO. I'd never do drugs." He looked out the window. Of course she'd think it was drugs, what else would she have to think it was?

"And I thought you'd never have sex with a teenage girl, but I was wrong about that too." She sighed, slumping down in the chair some more. "Hotch, before the whole thing blew up, we were all worried about you. You weren't getting sleep, you barely did anything outside of work, you started to show your emotions, stopped making the big decisions, leaving it up to Rossi or Morgan. You became distant, you stopped having any passion for it. After you left, I think everyone just swept that under the rug.. Or wrote it off as guilt. But I know you. Something was going on. What was it?"

"I had... I have massive brain damage. I have... problems thinking, rationalising, making decisions. It's gotten alot worse. Today... today just happens to be a good day." A tear dropped down his face.

Emily pulled over to the side of the road. "Why didn't you tell anyone?" She said, looking at him, but he still had his head focused on his lap.

"I deserved to go to jail. What I did was wrong, if I had told my lawyer, he would have protested the court to change my sentence to a treatment facility." He said, another two tears escaping.

She looked back at the steering wheel. "If it was one of our unsubs, and we found out they had that kind of brain damage... We would have had them assigned to a mentall facility as well."

"I'm not one of them. I'm worse. I knew what I was doing was wrong, I putting people away or what I was doing,"

"Did you Hotch, did you really understand?" She questioned. Things were starting to fix into place.

"Not in the beginning, Hell, not for awhile. Things were so... confused. I didn't really realise what exactly it was I was doing until, a little over a week before Rossi found out. I was going to breakup with her at the Cabin."

"You need to tell Rossi." She said, queitly. "He deserves to know."

"I don't want him to think I'm trying to make excuses for myself." He broke. It scared Emily, it scared her because she could no longer see Hotch in himself. This wasn't the same person who had hired her.

"He needs to know. He needs to know one of his best friends didn't just... just... do something like that. He needs to know why. After all of this, he of all people should know why." The car got quiet again, and she pulled the car back onto the road. After awhile of driving she asked, "Do you have a place to stay?"

"No, I was going to stop by the bank and get some money out of my account, find a hotel nearby until I can arrange to leave." He sighed. "I'm going to move to New York, my brother owns his own bar now, said I could move in with him if I wanted, once he is back from vacarion with Jessica and Jack." He paused for a little. "There's a good treatment place up there. I could get the help I need, especially for the bad days."

"How bad does it get?" She asked, geniunely curious.

"A guard had to teach me how to tie my shoe the other day." He said, another tear making its way down his cheek. She felt bad for him, something she had never expected to happen.

"You can't be alone right now. I'll see if you can stay with me for a couple days, just until your brother gets back." She paused. That would not be easy to explain to her boyfriend. Boy, would he put up a fit.

"I would really appreciate that, but I don't know, that's a lot to ask from you, too much." He said, not really wanting to take help from his friend, especially after all he had done to dissapoint her.

"I really wouldn't mind. It's the least I could do. I don't know how Derek would feel about it though," She said, biting her lip. She had yet to tell Hotch about their relationship, and the fact they were living together. The two had only talked once in two years, when he called to ask for the ride. Besides the letters she never responded to, there had been no other forms of communication.

"You and Morgan are together?" He asked, as she nodded. "Never saw that one coming." He laughed, ignoring the pain that was starting to form in the side of his head.

"Yeah, for about 11 months. We moved in together about two months ago." She sighed. She really did love him.

"He won't like me staying with you."

"He'll have to deal with it." She looked at him. "If you let me explain why, he will understand."

"I don't want him to know." He looked away from her.

"He'll find out, what if you have a 'bad day'?" Aaron just nodded his head and the rest of the car ride was silent.

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"The extra room is the first door to the left." She said, pointing that way and sitting her purse down and pulling out her phone.

Hey Beautiful, text me when you get home from picking Hotch up.

Hey Baby.

You okay? How'd things go?

Hotch is going to stay with us for a few days. She knew it was better to rip it off like a band-aid, but it still felt weird.

WHAT? That Bastard is NOT staying with us, uh uh.

Listen, when you get home, I'll explain things.

Explain what? I want nothing to do with that man, understand me?

I understand your feelings, but I had no choice. I had too.

That man can be left alone, he's done enough damage.

Hear me out. Then you can say what you want.

Does Rossi know about this?

No, I haven't gotten the chance...

Whatever. He should know, but since I'm here I'll tell him. We'll talk when I get home.

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It felt like forever before Derek walked in. She had checked in on Hotch, but he had fallen asleep. She just sighed. This was not going to go well.

As he walked in, Emily could tell he was absolutely pissed. "Hey Derek." She said as he walked in.

"Don't 'Hey Derek' Me." He said, frustrated. He took off his gun and put it in the safe before returning to his wife at the kitchen bar. "Why on Earth did you let that man into our house?"

"He couldn't be left alone, Derek, he didn't even want to stay with us but... I wasn't going to let him be alone."

"So? He couldn't call Jessica?" He was fuming. That man had violated his trust beyond belief. "And why can't the man be by himself for god's sake? He's a damn Bastard who don't know boundries or trust not a child." He practically yelled, not noticing Hotch, who had just walked into the kitchen.

"Morgan." He said quietly, looking down at the floor, his voice causing Derek to turn around.

"I'm sorry man, but I can't trust you here. I don't trust you anymore at all. What you did was sick."

"I know, and I'm really sorry, and there's no way I can undo what I've done, but Derek, I only need to stay a few days. Then Jess and Sean will be back with Jack from vacation, and I'll go home with them."

"Then get your own damn place." Aaron's head hung down at the floor.

"I should go, he's right, Emily. I shouldn't be here. I'll get a hotel..." He said, leaning on his feet.

"Goddamn Hotch, tell him." She said, knowing he was letting his pride get way too much in the way. Atleast that part of him was still there.

"I have brain damage, probably from an unsub or something. It was fine at first, but my doctors said that it probably spread over the last three years. I.. I can't take care of myself anymore. Today's a good day... but some aren't as great." He kept his eyes on his feet as he confessed.

"What kind of brain damage?" Derek asked, starting to get a knot in his stomache. Was that what happened? Did Hotch not really understand his actions? Was this just some ploy for an excuse? They'd seen it before, but that was with unsubs. Unsubs who were normal people, but just changed because of an accident. Thier thinking became flawed, their emotions became uncontrollable. Like a case they had worked after Hotch left. The man had been in a bike accident, become absolutely angry with women, since one had ran him over. He didn't understand anymore that hurting them was wrong and he couldn't control anger. He didn't see it anymore. He always felt somewhat bad for those unsubs, they weren't always killers, something changed them, and that had to be scary.

"It was just frontal lobe damage... but it spread." His voice hitched. This was not something he had wanted to share.

Morgan was stunned, to say the least. He had been searching for an answer as to why for the last two years, but had settled on the fact that he may never get one. But this explaination... It was too much to bear. Hotch wasn't one of their unsubs. Hotch was Hotch... He had control, not his brain. "Why didn't you tell someone? You needed treatment, a mental facility. Not jail, where you could get in a fight and hit your head again."

"I deserved jail."

"Hotch, you did not. If it was an unsub and it was the same situation, you would be recommending mental facility care too." A different kind of anger crept into himself. The kind that was angry at himself for not seeing it sooner.

They sat and talked for hours about Hotch, all that had happened, about the treatment Hotch was going to recieve. Morgan was not happy with Hotch, what he did was not okay. But Hotch had no real clue what he was doing until shortly before he was caught, in a small period of complete lucidness. Hotch talked about the psychatic ward he was placed in, with a single psychatrist who didn't know what to do with him, and with prisoners who really only had depression or small forms of PTSD. Emily asked him if he was really okay today, and he said other than a small headache he was okay, which prompted her to grab some idroprophen for him.

"Hotch, I'm going to call Rossi. You should tell him the truth." He said, knowing Rossi would need to hear this. He wouldn't be happy that Hotch hadn't told him sooner, and he probably wouldn't take it to well. But he needed to hear it. He needed to know one of his best friends hadn't intentionally just destroyed him and his daughter like that.

"Please, I don't want him to think I'm trying to make excuses. I'm not." He said, his head starting to pain him even more, even with the help of the medicine.

"He won't think that. He needs to hear this, Hotch." Hotch nodded, the pain suddenly becoming to much to bear, he grimmiced and grabbed his head into his hands, immediately worrying the couple infront of him. They helped him into bed, stashing a bottle of water by his bedside.

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Emily sighed as the door bell rang. It was eight a.m. and Rossi had promised to come over before work so Hotch could talk to him. He had been reluctant of course. But Emily had forgotten to wake Hotch up, so Derek ran to go wake him up while she answered the door.

"Hotch." He said, flipping on the lights. Hotch woke up, but was unaware of his surroundings- or the man in front of him. He started freaking out, Derek ran over to comfort him, but he screamed.

"Shh.." Derek soothed. "Hotch, It's me. Derek. Hotch calm down." He said while Hotch screamed 'who are you?' over and over again. Soon, Emily ran in, trying to help calm him down, but niether could help him. Rossi was watching everything from the doorway, completely unaware of anything going on.

It took the two about thirty minutes to explain the surroundings and details to Hotch, who had even forgotten his own name. They got him to go back to bed, then pulled Rossi out to the living room. "What's going on?"

"I drove Hotch back from the prison. I kept asking him why he did it, and I could tell he had an answer but wasn't going to share it. He eventually did, telling me that he'd suffered head trauma, and couldn't make rational decisions or think staight. He's been having a lot of problems due to lack of treatment, since it spread to other areas of his brain."

"When did he suffer this injury? In prison?" Rossi worried. Had that been why he did those things?

"No, about a year before. It must have been on a case." Realisation sat into him. His best friend hadn't betrayed him on purpose. He hadn't hurt his child knowing what he was doing. His emotions and rationales had been out of control.

"He seemed to know what was going on when we caught him."

"He'd been having a long standing lucid moment. His doctor told him that his body had been repairing itself, you know, other parts of the brain taking over those responsibilities, but something must have happened, after he was caught, that caused it to spread again." Morgan looked at his feet. Just a day ago he hated Hotch. Now... now he had no idea what he felt. Don't get him wrong. He was furious at what Hotch did, but the fact that the man didn't know what he was doing was pulling his heart and his brain every which way. "He was going to break up with Alison right before the Cabin trip was over."

"And he wasn't placed in a mental hospital? The man shouldn't have been in a prison, where another injury could have made it worse, which it obviously must have!" Rossi said, now furious for a different reason than he originally had been when entering this place.

"He refused for them to even tell his lawyer, he was insistent on being in prison to pay for his actions. Now, instead of being unaware of what he's doing is wrong, he's the oppisite. Completely unaware of anything except the fact he's done wrong. He doesn't even realise that he needs help, really." Emily now piped up.

"They shouldn't have made him let that damn decision. He can't make rational decisions." Rossi said, his mind fluttering around in a billion different directions. "They should have, in the least, told his lawyer. Hotch needed help, not jail." In a few seconds, all that anger he had once had for Hotch had been replaced upon the shotty prison system that had failed him.

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Okay, so I know that was kind of a twist. I hope that y'all don't think I am trying to downplay what Hotch did. I'm just trying to make him seem like a more realistic Hotch. I apologise for any inconsitentcies, I've done some research on brain injuries, and know that this kind of stuff can happen, but I feel like I'm making Hotch's character kind of inconsistent at parts, hopefully I can straighten him back up some in the next chapter. Thanks for reading please leave a review, it would mean so much to me.