Chapter 1: Rising Action

"Hey, squirt, couldja toss me that weldi-OW!"

"Oops, sorry. A throw from a 'squirt' like me couldn't have hurt that badly, could it?"

"God, kid, didn't mean nothin' by it."

She had passed him the torch, though, so Axton scooped up the much-abused tool and turned back to his turret. If they were gonna be taking on Helios, he wanted all of his gear to be in top condition. He was going to be putting his fate and those of his friends on these guns; he had plenty motivation to be working for mission prep, even if he'd rather be at Moxxxi's. Her booze sucked ass, but the atmosphere more than made up for that. Most of his friends were there right now, in fact. Salvador would probably be drunk off his ass by now. Maya and Zero would be infuriatingly sober. Lilith, Mordecai, and Brick were busy interrogating some ex-Atlas scrooge; he hadn't been invited, and as such, didn't rea-

An explosion rocked the confiscated machine shop, interrupting Axton's train of thought and reminding him he wasn't the only one missing out. Gaige was ducked down behind her robot's thick poly-ferrin plating, while the building's other inhabitant, coated in soot and full of shrapnel, clutched a now thoroughly-dismantled buzz-axe. Krieg laughed, relatively calmly, to himself, a grating, hiccuping sound.

"Hush now, dear, Santa Claws comes tomorrow."

"Gaige, why are we letting the psychopath use our shop full of delicate machinery to duct-tape dynamite to his weapons?"

"Axton, if you'd been paying attention, the dynamite was already there. He was soldering a grenade to it."

"My question stands."

There was actually a distinct lack of drinking going on at Moxxxi's right now, in deference to the possibility of armed spaceflight in the morning. Some were taking it better than others.

"Hey, now that is uncalled-for!"

"Look, señora, all I am saying is that drunken-ness has never made anything I have ever done any harder!"

"Some of us just might Have to disagree with that, It shows when you're drunk."

"¿Y tú, hombre?"

"Yes."

Salvador groaned dramatically, before slumping face-first into what used to be a whole pizza. Maya rolled her eyes and Zero stared vacantly into space.

"So, uh, Zero, why don't you tell us about that thing Moxxi sent you on again?" Maya asked, clearly trying to kill time.

"I arrived swiftly, Slew Bossanova, and left. No sign of Gortys."

Salvador spoke up. "You know, amigo, you are the only one I know who could turn an hours-long raid on a demolition derby against Pandora's own Bass'd God sound so damn boring."

Zero flashed a ;), but remained silent.

About the time other people started filing into the bar for actual fun, Zero stood up. "I feel a good stretch Would not be unwelcome now, Would you not agree?"

Salvador practically leaped to his feet. "Anything, amigo, just get me out of here!" Maya frowned pathetically.

"Come on, am I really such bad company?"

"Maya, no offense, but sitting here watching you read is not fun."

Salvador and Zero walked out of the bar/pizzeria, heading for the open area in front of Scooter's machine shop. The good-natured mechanic had left a few weeks ago to monitor one of his worse-off franchise locations, and wouldn't mind if they trashed the place a bit.

"So, what did you have in mind, Señor Misterio?"

Zero sank into a cross-legged seated position. Salvador watched, looking not at all impressed, and slightly let down. He hesitantly followed suit, even resting his hands palms-up like Zero was. He did not like it much at all. He managed to wait three minutes before speaking up.

"Zero, maybe this works for you, but my legs are knotting up already. Do you not have anything more, no sé, exciting?"

Zero displayed an ellipse, droning out "Patience, Salvador. Excess eagerness can suck, Especially now."

Salvador grumbled a bit. Then he got fed up and got up. He shook his legs out, rolled his shoulders, cracked his neck, and looked back to Zero, who, while sitting, was at eye-level with the stocky midget. A smile lit up his face.

"I have an idea! You only want to do things for training or stretching or whatever, right?"

Zero cocked his head, displaying a question mark. "What's your idea?"

"Well, I know you pride yourself a skilled fighter. Thing is, I think I am pretty badass myself. Maybe we could throw down a little, mano a mano, eh?" His smile became a fierce, ear-to-ear grin.

Zero seemed to think for a minute, before he apparently decided. He displayed a }:), responding "I suppose it wouldn't Upset my daily schedule Too badly, at all." He placed one hand on the ground, flipped up onto it, and threw himself to his feet some distance away. He raised his hands, fingers curled at the tips into hooks. His holo-display shifted to the phrase "Come at me, bro."

Salvador led with a right hook, and...

Axton and Krieg were walking towards Moxxxi's, both finished with their respective mechanical tune-ups. Both of Axton's turrets were oiled where necessary and calibrated. He'd even decided to re-bore the barrels, while he'd had the chance. He'd managed to prevent any more explosions. Gaige had decided to stay behind and tune Deathtrap's AI rather than leave with Axton and Krieg. After the whole wedding disaster, the other Vault Hunters had unanimously voted that she was banned from drinking (though Gaige maintained that Krieg's enthusiastic guffawing was a vote of support).

Axton grunted, spat some machine oil out of his mouth, and leaned back against the rail surrounding the titanic monolith in the center of Sanctuary. He lifted his eyes to the impossibly colossal "H" suspended above Elpis. Grinning halfway, he halfheartedly popped off a finger gun shot at the orbital station. Krieg watched with his one good eye, inscrutable as ever.

It wasn't a comfortable sort of silence. Axton couldn't understand what Krieg said, as a rule, but he liked to think he had the sort of charisma that let him grasp the basics of the psycho's mood. He knew Krieg was never this silent without a reason.

"I don't like this, Krieg. Hyperion's good as gone. Jack was the only thing keeping them here."

Krieg just pointed at Helios. "I know, Krieg, what I'm sayin' is, like, Jack was the one doing the moving and the shaking and the drilling. Him and his goons. Well, Jack and every Hyperion asset to ever set foot on Pandora are dead. The only ones left on that station are the civvies and mall cops. People just, like, doing their slaggin' jobs that just happen to be in Pandora's orbit. And we're gonna be blowing every last one of 'em to bleeding, gasping smithereens." Krieg seemed to struggle with a reply.

"As the sun sets, the moon glows, and the grass grows, so, too, must I dance," he eventually mumbled out.

Axton didn't even bother to translate that. "I mean, I could just not go, but I've… What are you going for?"

The masked man deliberately gripped his axe-blade tightly enough to cover the ground in a pool of sizzling black blood. "I just want a life among the stars. Good God, an autograph isn't so much to ask for," he growled, venomously.

"Yeah, sure thing, big fella. I guess I just don't feel like I get to sit this one out. I've had-"

"Hey, everybody, we're gonna head over to the ship for a toast, and maybe finally christen the damned thing. Get your asses over here!" A voice squawked from both of their ECHOs.

Axton smiled, just a bit giddy. He'd flown on a lot of spaceships, but he'd never been able to name one. "Hell, yeah!" He tapped his ECHO, saying "Lemme grab Gaige, and we'll be right there!"

All of the Hunters had gathered around the annexed Hyperion interplanetary shuttle with their drinks. "Ship" would be too kind; the thing was just barely capable of breaking atmosphere. But that was about all it was needed for. Once they got to Helios, they were sure to find something with FTL. Thus, the shuttle.

"Alright, alright, chill out, guys. We gotta name this thing before we can fly it," Lilith spoke over the gathered warriors from the entrance, reminding them of their ultimate goal here.

"Yeah, hurry up you guys, I wanna have my drink!" Salvador bellowed, blood flying from his split lips.

"Chill out, Sally," Maya replied offhandedly, to Salvador's feigned hurt. "How about… Zeus? In keeping with the whole Greco-Roman gods nomenclature everyone has going?"

"That works, but probably not for an orbital insertion cargo shuttle. This thing ain't regal, it ain't strong, it doesn't even have any weaponry to speak of, definitely not 'Zeus' material," Axton broke in, somewhat smugly. "I'd vote for a name like Roughshod or Leap."

"Gosh, man, thanks for the vote of confidence about our spaceship. Is this thing even void-worthy?" Mordecai banged twice on the thing's window.

"The computer says so. And I still wanna name it the Pandoran Fist!" Brick pulled Mordecai off of the shuttle.

"Like Hell you're namin' it that, Brick," Mordecai responded. "Look, if it's such a shitty ship, how about the Longshot? 'Cause that's what it'd be to get anywhere in this thing."

"I am fond of it," Zero said unsteadily, reminding everyone he was there. His vocal modulator seemed to be malfunctioning.

"I guess I kinda like it, but do we really need to name this throwaway before we fly it?" Gaige saw the mixed expressions of horror and put-upon patience worn by the others, and said "Oof, fine, jeez, sorry. Longshot sounds good."

"Alright, so everyone likes Longshot? Yes? Great, so, uh, I here-"

Maya interrupted Lilith, "Sorry, wait, don't you need a king or bishop or whoever to christen a ship?"

Lilith smiled wryly, "Yes, and I am figure of considerable religious significance," everyone snickered, "Shut up. Anyway, I hereby dub this ship the P.V.S. Longshot."

She smashed a bottle of Sham-Payn on the shuttle's hull. Everyone cheered and drained their glasses. The atmosphere was charging as it only could when nine remorseless mass-murderers were preparing to enact their next tragedy. Then, slowly, everyone became aware of a pressing logistical problem.

Mordecai bit the bullet and broached it. "Hey, uh, does anybody know how to fly a ship like this?"

"Yeah, but it's a two-man job," Axton tossed up a hand and swaggered up the gangway to stand next to Lilith. He turned around. "Anyone else know what they're doing?"

Dead silence. Brick smiled that same dopey smile. Mordecai looked pointedly away from the ship. Maya shrugged. Lilith shifted uncomfortably. Salvador spun the cylinder on his revolver. Gaige shook her head frantically when he looked at her. Krieg raised his hand hesitantly. Zero stood motionless as-

"Krieg? You, uh, know how to fly a shuttle?"

He seemed to grapple internally, before slowly pushing out "The blood trains commute from Hera to Pandora and back." He seemed to get more excited. "Our rails are the best-worn in the galaxy!"

Axton was having a spiritual experience. He was coming to terms with the fact that, unless somebody else somehow knew how to operate a star drive (but not a much simpler vectored-thrust engine?), Krieg might not just be his co-pilot for a ground-space excursion. He might be the captain of an interstellar hop.

He smiled weakly. "W-well, good, then," he drew himself up and put some good old Dahl steel in his voice. "You're gonna be flyin' with me, big fella."

Everyone else was going through the same sort of revelation. Salvador pulled a beaded necklace from his pocket and kissed it. Lilith gulped audibly and tugged the collar of her jacket looser. Brick and Gaige alone seemed undiminished in their excitement.

The overgrown psycho clomped up the gangway, rattling the reinforced platform. He threw two thick arms around Axton and Lilith, pulling each off their feet into enthusiastic one-armed hugs. "Worry not, my SWEET meats! The prince of JUSTICE and GENOCIDE hath decreed the laying of track into the great unknown!" Melodramatic tears glistened in his eye. "Upon a FREIGHT CAR of HATE shall we E-RUPT from this sludge, into a NIMBUS of STARS!" The un-hugged hunters were choking back laughter. The two on the receiving end of his vocal expression of camaraderie were mostly just choking. Eventually, the others couldn't take it. Brick, Gaige, and Salvador burst out laughing at the commando and siren's plight. Maya and Zero at least tried to be subtle. Mordecai subconsciously grabbed at where he would carry a flask.

"Enough chatterboxing! The EMPTY EXPANSE awaits!" Krieg dropped the other Vault Hunters. Axton, after collecting himself, flipped a switch to cycle the airlock and addressed the others.

"Alright, let's get organized, run some pre-flight checks, and take off. We'll deal with… complications as they arrive."

The Hunters began to file up the gangway, preparing themselves mentally to finally rid Pandora of Hyperion influence once and for all.

Then Helios exploded.

A/N: First story, tryna' figure out how to write and stuff. As a side note, as I hope this story is not-so-subtly hinting at, the Vault Hunters are going to find a spaceship. Does anyone have any names they would really like to see? Thanks for reading!