Disclaimer: I don't own Primeval or its characters.

Summery: Becker's lost a lot of people, but Jess has always been able to make him see the light.

Genre: Romance/Tragedy

Rating: T

Shakespearian Love

It was a dark, rainy Saturday, and as Becker drove through the quiet streets his thoughts turned to everything he'd been through over the last few years of his life.

Becker had lost a lot of friends over the course of his career as a soldier. Going into the line of work, he had been aware that it was something he would have to face, and had been prepared to do so. What he hadn't been prepared for was how much each loss would affect him. He had lost a lot of people while stationed overseas, and each time he would spend days reliving how it happened, convinced that he should have been able to save them. Eventually, it got to the point where he wanted to leave the armed forces. But he came from a military family, three generations on his father's side had served, and he knew he would be disappointing them if he quit. So when he had been offered the job at the ARC he had thought it was a good way to remain in service, while losing the parts of the job that were harder to deal with.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

He had lost just as many people in his new job as he had overseas. To make it worse, these people weren't just fellow soldiers, they were his close friends, people he had grown to care about deeply.

First had been Cutter, killed by his psychotic ex-wife just a few months after Becker had started at the ARC. That loss had effected the entire team, shaking them to their very cores. Nick had been the one to begin the project, and it felt weird going into work every day knowing he wasn't going to be there. Next Danny, Connor, and Abby went missing after going through that future anomaly. They went searching for them, but that only resulted in Sarah being killed by predators. Eventually they stopped searching and his teammates were pronounced dead.

Becker had felt each loss like a blow to the chest, and by the time that last tragedy had hit he had fallen deep into depression. He went to stay with family while the ARC was closed for investigation, hoping that being around people who cared about him would help; but if anything it only made it worse. Each day he found it harder to get out of bed and go about his routine. He was showering less frequently and he barely ate anything. Which caused great alarm when he passed out from low blood sugar while shopping with his mother.

After much deliberation it was decided that the ARC would reopen and Becker was offered his job back. But by this point he no longer wanted it, he had reached rock bottom.

Eventually, after endless pestering from Lester, he had agreed to return to the ARC. Which was how he met her; Jessica Parker. She was hired to fill the new field coordinator position within the facility and was responsible for overseeing all missions the team went on. The powers above had thought this the best way to avoid any more disasters.

At first no one had taken her seriously. She was young and they hadn't believed she would be capable of coordinating teams of soldiers. But over the next few weeks she proved what a valuable team member she was, and they were all glad to have her watching over them.

But what was more impressive was her ability to coax Becker back out into the world. Whenever they were together Becker was the man he had been before all the tragedy had befallen them. He was smiling and laughing again, and had started taking better care of himself.

She had walked into his life with her ridiculously high heels, bright clothing, and even brighter disposition, and pulled him out of the darkness that had taken over him.

Jess made him feel alive again, and Becker started spending all his free time with the young and vivacious woman. It didn't take him long to realise he was falling in love with the girl. But Becker knew he was damaged, and she deserved someone who didn't have to spend some days fighting just to get out of bed. She deserved someone who could give her a proper relationship; so he kept his feelings to himself, content to just remain friends with the woman who was quickly becoming the most important person in his life.

But then the incident with the bomb had happened and Becker realised that maybe Jess didn't want someone else. A week later he asked her out.

The date went well and before he knew it they were officially a couple. Though Becker still had days were he felt she deserved someone better, someone who could give her a proper relationship.

###

Becker smiled to himself as he thought about how Jess had changed his life.

As time passed, his doubts had disappeared. Jess had managed to pull him away from the edge he had been balancing on. Allowing him to be the man he once was, something everyone was grateful for. Yes, he still had days where he missed Danny, Connor, Abby, and Sarah, but those days no longer pulled him into the depression they once had.

The past two years with Jess were the happiest years Becker had had since becoming a solider. Which was why he had a ring box in his pocket. He was going to propose to her, and they were going to have a future together.

But apparently he had been too happy; and before he got a chance to ask her to marry him tragedy struck again. They lost another team member.

You would expect—in their line of work—to be taken down in the field. Most of them expected to be eaten by a dinosaur, ripped apart by future predators, or killed by a deranged time traveller. To ARC employees dying any other way seemed next to impossible. Their jobs were so dangerous surly that would be the thing to kill them. None of them really considered a normal cause of death possible, which was what made losing this person all the more shocking. They died in such a mundane way, it was almost laughable. They hadn't been killed out in the field, or by an escaped creature. They had been killed by a driver not paying attention to the road.

The second he had learnt of their death, all the progress Becker had made was undone, and he spiralled back down into depression. He was so far gone he didn't think even Jess would be able to pull him back into the light.

###

Arriving at his destination, Becker grabbed the flowers from the front passenger seat and made his way to where he knew Jess was waiting for him.

As he walked, Becker could feel the cold metal of the gun he always kept on him pressed against his back. He found it oddly comforting.

"It's back Jess," Becker said the moment he reached her, his voice shaking as he spoke. "The depression. Just like when we met. But…but this time…it's so much worse. I'm trying to fight it…I really am. But nothing works. Nothing you had me do last time has any effect."

His eyes welled up as he spoke and soon enough tears were streaming down his face.

Wiping his cheeks he continued, his voice breaking. "I keep replaying that day in my head. All I can think about is that if I'd been the one to step off that curb first, things would've been different. I would've been the one to be hit by that car, and I know you wouldn't want that…but at least I wouldn't be going through this pain again. At least then I wouldn't have failed to protect anyone else."

Feeling like the weight of the world was descending upon him, Becker fell to his knees, breaking down into sobs that shook his entire body.

"W-why? Why would you leave me? Why would they take you away from me? You were the only good thing in my life."

Becker let his tears fall; but crying did nothing to alleviate the dark cloud that was hanging over his head.

Regaining some of his control, Becker pulled the ring box out of his pocket. Opening it, he gazed at the diamond ring nestled inside, so small he doubted it would fit anyone other than the woman it had been bought for.

"I bought this for you a week before the accident. I was going to ask you to marry me the night it happened, while we were at dinner. I love you so much Jess, I can't picture my life without you. My only regret is that I never got to tell you."

Becker placed the ring and flowers on the grave in front of him. He knew the ring would probably be stolen, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He hadn't been able to feel anything besides utter despair since the day that idiot driver had run down the love of his life.

Slowly, his hand moved to grasp the gun at his back.

"I'm sorry Jess, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't able to save you. I'm sorry I wasn't the one to cross the street first. But, most of all, I'm sorry for how this has to end." Becker's voice was thick as he spoke. "I know this isn't what you would want. I know you'd want me to find a way to be happy again, and I tried Jess, I promise I did. I spent the last six months going to counseling, doing everything I could think of to try and recover. All because I knew it was what you would want, and even though you're gone I still want to make you happy."

Becker paused and took a deep breath.

"But I can't do it this time, not without you. This relapse is so much worse than any of the others. Nothing helps, not even the meds. I'm sorry… I just… I can't do it anymore. It's all too hard."

Adjusting his grip on the gun, he took one final look at the picture of Jess mounted on her head stone.

"We'll be together again soon," he muttered as he closed his eyes.

###

Matt pulled into the car park attached to the cemetery. Today marked six months since the accident that had killed Jess, and he wanted to see how Becker was doing. Having already looked for the Captain at his apartment, he decided to try the cemetery next, knowing that it was unlikely the man would be anywhere else.

As he and Emily got out of the car they heard a loud noise reverberate across the cemetery, breaking the silence. The noise sounded suspiciously like a gun shot, and dread settled over the pair. Sharing a look, they took off in the direction of Jess' grave, which was also were the noise seemed to originate from.

They slowed as they reached where Jess was buried, taking in the sight before them. Fresh flowers lay on the grave, as well as what appeared to be a ring box. But that wasn't what gave them pause. What made them stop wasn't what was on the grave, but the man lying beside it, a rifle in his hand and blood seeping into the ground around him.

Matt didn't bother checking for a pulse, he could tell by the position of the entry wound that Becker was dead. No one could survive a shot like that, Becker had known what he was doing.

"Oh God," Emily said pressing a hand to her mouth and turning to bury her face in Matt's chest.

Matt wrapped his arms around her and fought back his own tears. He had known that Becker had been struggling ever since Jess had died, but he hadn't realised the man was in such a bad place.

Wherever you are mate, I hope you and Jess are together, and that you've both found the happiness you deserve.

'For never was a story of more woe,

Than this of Juliette and her Romeo.'

- William Shakespeare