"The little cranny between the girls' and boys' bathroom," Rin says thoughtfully. "I used to hide in there all the time back in first year." She laughs. "I tried going in just the other week. I barely fit now."

"Wait," Len says, brow furrowed, "I'm probably wrong, but didn't we both fit in there, first year? I vaguely recall us both hiding together… Dunno how that'd be possible, but…" He puts his fingers to his lips and visualizes the space, tries to recall his and Rin's little fifteen-year-old frames fitting without squashing each other to play-dough, but no, that was just impossible.

But Rin hides a flutter of a smile behind her fingers and says, "Yeah, I remember that too. I don't remember what we were doing in there, though… Were we playing manhunt?"

Oh, yeah, he'd completely forgotten. Manhunt during lunch. The whole grade used to participate in the beginning of first year, but eventually interest tapered off and by second year, no one played at all; it was like they'd suddenly thought themselves too old for games. Now, though, having finished high school, Len would've given a lot to be able to play manhunt with Rin and everyone one last time. "That's the most plausible explanation, I guess," he muses aloud. "But I still can't believe we both fit in there. It must've been really tight, no?"

"You were smaller than you remember, you know." Rin glances at her shadow, elongating ahead of her in the sunset. "You underestimate how much you've grown the past three years."

He laughs despite himself, or maybe because he's himself.

"Well, Rin, just so you know, you haven't grown at all. I doubt you ever will."

Ordinarily, she would've chided him, but she can't even play at anger with him today. She just keeps walking, slightly ahead of him. "You know, I'd be fine with that. I like being short."

He smiles at her back, her narrow frame that was too small for her big dreams. "So what else, then… What else will I miss… Mm, Megurine-sensei's piano playing during breaktimes?"

Rin nods. "I'll miss her piano, and her."

"We could always go back and visit."

"Of course! That's what I was planning on doing."

Today is their graduation day. They walk home from school together, for the last time. The spring weather ruffles their hair, but there's a weight in both of their chests.

"You know," Rin says, "just because our daily lives are changing doesn't mean we have to change ourselves, you know? If you look at a first-year college student and a third-year high school student, you tend to see this huge difference between them, but really, they're actually pretty much the same, right?" She's still walking slightly ahead of him, setting the pace; slightly brisk but still relaxed as ever. "That's why I'm excited for the future. I mean, I understand why everyone was crying today. It's normal. But I'm happy today. Everything around me is changing, but I'll still always be the same, and that's why I'm not scared of anything."

She stands still for a moment as he catches up to her, then hooks her arm around his. "And that's why there's no need to be sad. Because everything about your high school life that's worth cherishing is already safely stored inside you."

The both of them hold the silence for a moment, and then, simultaneously, let out their breath and their laughter.

When they reach Rin's house, she hugs him, which is unusual for both of them (usually it's him who hugs her), but Len can't find it in himself to tease her, not today. He takes her in his own arms and feels her existence, really feels it, because even though he knows they'll be seeing each other again, today just seems like the perfect day for goodbyes.

"You know, Len?" she murmurs as she lets go. "When I first met you, I thought you were a dweeb. You weren't that good at conversation, and you were kind of… bumbling. Thinking back, maybe I thought that was endearing."

His eyes widen slightly, but he's smiling as usual.

"But you're a bit different now. You've always been kinda like… that. You've been like that since the beginning. But over these past three years, you've gotten a lot… more. More more. You know?"

No, he doesn't know, and he'll probably never find out. But that's okay. He liked that about her, how he couldn't always figure her out.

"Well, what I'm trying to say is…" Rin says, gesturing with her hands as if he'll understand her from just that. She's always been the type to trail off like that, but he tends to be patient and let her search for the words she wants to say. "You've stuck around me long enough for me notice you change. So… thank you."

He looks at her curiously, but all she's communicating with her eyes is a repetition of what she's already said. "Man," he says in an exhale. "What am I supposed to say to that?"

She frowns. "You're supposed to say something about how I've changed, too, and that you're also grateful that I haven't kicked your butt to the moon yet."

He brings up a smile at that. "Okay, okay. Well, when I first met you, I thought you were a little cold."

She raises a brow. "Really?"

"Yeah. It's hard to imagine now. I've gotten too used to you being… not cold."

"Huh." She crosses her arms, wondering whether he's serious. He probably is.

Len claps a hand on her shoulder, reassuring. "No, but, yeah. I'm grateful for you too, Rin. Thank you."

Rin rolls her eyes, but takes that as an invitation to hug him again.

"Bye, Len."

He pulls out of the hug and holds her at arm's length for a moment, before letting his fingers slide off her shoulders and back down to his sides. "I'll see you, Rin."

But what he doesn't know as he walks away is that he never will see her again.

He'd only cried in front of her once. That was the only time he'd ever cried in front of another person after the age of five.

When Rin was met with the sight of Len, eyes wet and heart open, the surprise hardly lasted a second, because it'd been flooded over by compassion almost immediately. "It's okay, Len. I'm here." She normally found it so hard to comfort people, but it was surprisingly easy this time, because she meant it.

"I love her," he almost whimpered, "I do, but…"

"Don't doubt yourself, Len," she whispered. "It's okay to be upset with her. If you never have your disagreements, then what kind of love would that be?"

"It's more than a disagreement, though. I just can't get through to her… I tell her, I keep telling her that she has to let go of me sometimes, she has to find a life besides just me, but it's like… she's already given up. And if she has, I can't do anything to help her."

She hesitates, then threads her fingers into his hair. "It's okay, Len. You love her, and she loves you. I'm sure that's enough. You'll find an answer soon."

"I don't—I don't want to just leave her. Sometimes I think that to myself, you know, I think that maybe it'd be best if we just not see each other again, but then I realize, that's the worst. I'm horrible to think that, because even if I'm trying to grow up and be my own person, she's in a bad spot, and she needs me."

"I know, Len, I know."

"So what am I supposed to do? I want to be with her, she's done so much for me, but she's… she's suffocating."

He'd never broken down like this before. This had been an issue of Len's for a long time now, but it was the first time he'd been at such a loss for what to do.

He'd always assured himself that he was young, he had time, he could put off thinking about the problems at the core of their relationship, continue living everyday life while turning away from the figurative tumor that was growing bigger… and bigger… until he simply couldn't ignore it anymore.

He didn't expect Rin to give him advice, or help him fix things, or anything. He just wanted to get it all out. At that moment, he was really grateful for her, for her soft voice and her fingers in his hair.

"It'll be okay, Len. Y-You know what I think would be best? If you just back away for a while. Just a bit. Just try… not talking to her, for a few days, a week maybe. And then I think you'll be able to see more clearly."

He nodded slowly. "You're right. You're right. Thanks, Rin." And then, weakly, again, as if to make it clear, "I love her."

"Of course you do," Rin murmured. "She's your mom, after all."

Rin cried in front of him a good few times. She wasn't much the type to let others in on her emotions, but if it was Len, it was okay. And Len liked being her pillar of support; it made him feel strong.

So when Rin came to him one day, just barely holding in her tears, he pulled her to him.

"It's your mom again, isn't it?"

"Mhm." Her voice was little more than imperceptible vibrations in his shirt. "I tried talking to her again. But she didn't even acknowledge I was there. She wouldn't even look at me. I-I just wonder sometimes… I know it's stupid, but I wonder if she won't look at me because she… regrets me."

"That is stupid," Len said, completely seriously. "Don't think that way, Rin, you know it's not true."

"I know. Sorry. I just can't help but wonder, you know? Because she never gives me any answers. All I can do is guess."

He held a little tighter. "If anything, Rin, you're the one who should be regretting. Regretting that you have to take care of her like this. Bringing her meals up and doing her laundry and all the things she should be doing for herself. It's almost like you're the mother here. It's really wrong." But before she could object like he knew she wanted to, he continued. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. In any case, though, I really admire how you handle it all. I'd never be able to endure like you can."

She sighed deeply, cathartically, and he could feel her breath warm over his shirt. "I was having a good day. It felt like luck might actually be on my side today. But that was stupid of me. It should've been obvious that all talking to her would do is ruin my day. And possibly my week."

He pulled her in a bit tighter. "You think that now, but trust me. You'll pick yourself up much sooner than that."

"How would you know?"

"I know because you're you, and I know you."

"Idiot." He couldn't see her smile, but he could feel it. "You don't know as much about me as you think."

"Try me. Tell me something about you I don't know."

She just shook her head, though her smile was now edging on playful. "There are some things I'll never tell you."

It all started because his house was right next to hers. They met the morning of the first day of high school; Len stepped out of his house, and Rin hers, and Rin looked to the left and Len looked to the right, and they met eyes for the first time. Recognizing each others' school uniforms, they realized that they were schoolmates, and neighbours, and that meant that whether they liked it or not, they were probably going to become friends.

Rin was a little shy. Len wasn't the most open, either. It took a while to get a conversation going, that first day they walked to school together. They were both young, and new, and nervous. But they found common ground in that nervousness, and eventually they melted into a sort of comfort around each other.

Neither was in the friend circle of the other, so the majority of the times they spoke were to and from school, alone. When they were together, it was always alone. Len once thought about starting a relationship with her, but dismissed the idea about as fast as it came. They weren't like that. She wasn't that kind of special. And he was fairly sure she felt the same way about him.

There was something quietly intimate, though, about the three years they spent together: from the first time he touched her arm lightly, to the last time she hugged him. From the tentative teasing to the eventual exasperating insults. The first time she cooked for him, the last time she helped him cheat on a math test; the first time he did her music homework for her, the last time he let her ride on the back of his bike because it'd be rude to leave her to walk home by herself. The time she let him sleep over because he couldn't stand his mom, and the time he let her sleep over because she didn't want to think of hers. The time they squeezed into the cranny between the girls' and boys' bathrooms, embarrassing themselves and giving up their dignity all in the name of manhunt; and then the time they pretended to be a couple to get free movie tickets, and they weren't embarrassed at all. The initial hesitance to the final, mutually certain tenderness. It started slow, but it remained strong.

If you asked Len, he'd say with certainty that the times he spent with her were very, very close to his heart. He did love her, he did.

So what went wrong?

Time changes people.

52 Blue

prologue—

she never told him she liked him.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

BWAHAHAHAHA

and so it begins. the player!Len fic I have been waiting my whole life to write. :D

you must be wondering "yo novaki, how the heck is this a player!Len fic? I don't understand! D:" and all I can say is that time will tell. if you're confused, please wait for the next chapter! I promise it'll make sense ^^;; this is just the prologue, after all.

I actually have this mostly planned out. I know how it's going to end. (Generally.) So hopefully I can update regularly and not fall into a rut like I did with SWB :')

wellll I cannot guarantee any updates any time soon, in fact tomorrow is my PHYSICS HELL DAY sobs into handkerchief aaaand this time before midterms is really packed (I'm so SAD) but after midterms, I'll be a bit more relaxed about keeping my grades up soooo after April 27, you may hope for regular updates of some kind!

hope you enjoyed this weird prologue thing. I hope I've succeeded in my goal of hooking you? ; u ; I'd really appreciate if you review with your thoughts! I'd like to hear your speculations, especially. ^o^

cover image: lyrah, pixiv id 20109240 (though the original is deleted, I found it on an imageboard orz;;)