Author's Note: We're just going to pretend that Angelica and Laf were not married to other people and all. Crack-fic for a friend.

"But Angelica, you two would be perfect together! Even Alexander agrees with me on this," Eliza desperately tries to convince her sister.

"Psh, as long as you give him that cute puppy-dog look I'm sure he would agree with you about anything," Angelica retorts. Eliza has been pushing the blind date she set up all week. It was the day of, and Angelica still hadn't consented to go. She had nothing against Lafayette or any of Alexander's other friends. In fact, she quite enjoyed their company whenever she and they came to visit Alex and Eliza. But she just wasn't interested.

Eliza huffed in frustration. "Pleeeeeeaaase, Angelica. Just try. Please. You always seem so lonely, I just want to help."

Angelica was commonly the recipient of her sister's endless kindness, and she rarely could refuse.

"Fine. Just tonight," she sighed, and Eliza squealed with excitement.
"Yes! Okay, now we have to pick out your dress, and I can do your hair and-"

Angelica stood up and put her hands on her sister's shoulders. "Eliza. I can dress myself. It's fine. I can handle it."

"Oh, I know. I just want things to go really well."

Angelica cringed behind her smile.

"Look, Laf, Eliza's really excited about this. Please? Just pretend?" Alex pleaded to his friend. His gay friend who his wife was trying to set up with her sister. "She keeps giving me that look, with the puppy-dog eyes, and you know I can't say no to that." There's a pause before Alex continues. "Or, you could just tell Eliza. I know you're still mostly closeted, but there's a time for everything."

"No! No," Lafayette sighs, defeated. "I will do this for your Eliza, but one exception."

"Anything."

"If Angelica gets attached to me you will seduce her to get her away from this fine, homosexual ass."

"Deal."

They shook on it, and Alex whispered some final advice to Lafayette.

"Just, please, dress a little… milder. Angelica's strong and can handle shit, but not that much shit. Okay?"

Lafayette mumbles a sad "Okay" as he walks out of Alex's office.

The restaurant Eliza had made reservations at was fancy and expensive. It was French, Angelica assumed that was to make Lafayette comfortable. Soft dinner music played in the background, conversations dancing between the dim lights.

Angelica was hesitant to even order a glass of water after looking at the prices on the menu for a half an hour.

Lafayette wasn't late; Eliza had shoved Angelica out the door an hour early.

When he finally arrived, he smiled pleasantly and apologized for keeping her waiting (even though he arrived ten minutes before their arranged meeting time). They exchanged conversation, introducing themselves to each other even though they had already met on several occasions. And then neither of them had much to say.

They sat in a pained silence before the waiter came and took their orders. They both ordered the cheapest salad on the menu and received a disapproving sniff from the waiter before he collected the menus and left them back where they started.

"What a restaurant, huh? They had me pay a toll fee for parking in their lot," Lafayette said, which made Angelica snort. Very romantic, she could practically hear Eliza coaching over her shoulder.

After the laughter had faded, they cast nervous glances around the room, still unsure what to say next.

Several minutes of this went by, before Angelica grew too bored to tolerate it.

"Look!" she shouted, startling Lafayette. "I'm so sorry, I just can't do this. I'm gay. I like women. I like you, too, don't get me wrong you're pretty chill, but I don't like you like that. I'm sorry you had to do this, I just came for my sister. I'm sorry. I should go." She starts to get up before Lafayette stands to stop her.

"No!" he cries, causing everyone near their table to look up at them. They must have thought it was a dramatic break-up. "Please, just sit, I have something to tell you too." Angelica does what he says, slightly confused and embarrassed from her outburst.

After taking a deep breath, Lafayette says, "I'm gay too."

They stare at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter.

Between giggles, Angelica asks, "Eliza doesn't know about you either?"

"Nope!"

Angelica is laughing so hard that her head is aching from the pressure, but neither of them can stop.

Finally, the waiter comes back with their salads. They both quickly put themselves together into a veil of decency as Lafayette says, "Excuse me, sorry, but we will be needing those to go."

He gives them an even more disgusted look than before as they start laughing again.

*6 New Text Messages from The Seester*

The Seester: Angie hows it going

The Seester: Annnnnnnnnggggg

The Seester: did he show up

The Seester: Alex promised me he wouldn't bail

The Seester: Angelica oh my god tell me what's happening

The Seester: I'm going to take your lack of responses as it went well

Me: it went okay

The Seester: EHAT

The Seester: I'm coming over right now

Me: I don't think that's necessary Eliza

The Seester: tOO LATE

When Eliza arrives at Angelica's house she surprised, but smug, to see Lafayette's car there. She debates waiting outside, but curiosity gets the best of her and she uses her spare key to get in.

"AngelicAAAAA! I'm HEEERRE!" Eliza shouts, then freezes in the threshold after she sees the scene in front of her.

Lafayette is standing on top of Angelica's love seat as she's sitting on the floor. Both are violently screaming at Angelica's TV, waving Wii remotes around angrily.

"I PASSED YOU. HA!" Lafayette shouts.

"YOU BASTARD YOU'RE STILL IN NINTH PLACE WHOOPEE BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT," Angelica yells back. She doesn't notice her sister.

"WHAT IS THIS?" Eliza shouts over the Mario Kart music. Both Angelica and Lafayette stop screaming, but their eyes don't waver from the screen.

"Oh, hi Eliza. We're playing Mario Kart-"

"I'M KICKING YOUR SISTER'S ASS AT MARIO KART."

"YOU ASSHOLE SHUT YOUR GODDAMN FACE I SWEAR WHEN THIS RACE IS DONE-"

"ANGELICA."

"SHUT UP FOR A SECOND ELIZA WE'RE IN WARIO'S GOLD MINE I HAVE NO TIME FOR DISTRACTIONS."

No one says anything else until the race is over, Lafayette winning third place to eighth. He jumps from down from the coach and starts doing a victory dance as Angelica stands, brushes off her skirt, and walks over to her flabbergasted sister.

"Come on, honey. I've got to tell you a little thing." Eliza let's herself be lead away by her sister. Lafayette gives her a wink.

After Angelica is done explaining, Eliza's partly surprised, and mostly trying to decide if her blind date was a success or not.