Authors note: Wow! I haven't uploaded anything in months, sorry I haven't been doing much but life has been getting in the way lately with jobs and family and all that. This chapter is made by my coauthor of NNC so hopefully you guys enjoy the little short chapter made.

Interlewd: Missed Messages

O-O-O

Penn let out a bored sign as he sat at his group's regular table at the bar. He was alone and had no idea where his friends were, nor did he know where his girlfriend was for that matter. He pulled out his phone and checked his phone to see if anyone had called, which to his surprised, people did call him—like a lot. He wondered as to why he didn't hear the phone ringing earlier, but then the part time hero remembered that he was in the back of the bar getting high as giraffe pussy on some good shit he bought off of Vlad, who had been forced to Walter White his life after he started to get behind on his payments for his trailer.

"Well, might as well listen to them" he mused to himself before playing his messages

You have eight new messages

Message One

"Hey man its Dipper. Listen, I don't think I'm going to make to the bar tonight. I just got pulled over for doing a ninety-five in a forty-five—and before you ask, yes, I'm high as a fucking kite right now. But that's not the worst of it, I've got a big bag of meth in the glovebox, a crack pipe under the seat and unregistered gun on the dashboard. But I ain't go'in like no bitch though, if these pigs wanna fight, I got my NWA CD all ready to go for a throw down!"

"Sir, can I see your license and registration?"

"Fuck the police!"

"He's got a gun!"

*Blam Blam Blam*

Message Deleted

Message Two.

"Hey Penn, it's Star. I don't think Marco and I are gonna be at the bar tonight. I just found out I'm pregnant, but I don't know who the farther is. I mean I fuck Marco all the time, but I did get really wasted at the New Year's Eve party and bang Tom while Marco was passed out. They keep trying to kill each other over this, so I decided that we're going to settle this with the help of a credible source.

"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"

"Oops, that's my que—gotta go!"

Message Deleted

Message Three

"Hey Penn, its Marco. I don't know if Star already told you or not, but she's pregnant and we're trying to figure out who the father is. So, we can't make to the bar tonight. Tell everyone that we're sorry we can't be there for karaoke night."

"Please, you sing as good as you pleasure your girlfriend, Diaz!"

"I'mma rip your goddam throat out, you three-eyed cock-sucker!"

Message Deleted

Message Four

"Penn, its Wendy. Listen, I can't make it to the bar tonight. Dipper and I we're doing some magic coke we got from Mewni at my house and he flipped the fuck out, stole my car and took off to who knows where. Mabel and I are gonna go look for him, so it might take us all night to find him, so I don't think we'll be able to make it tonight. But if he does show up there, give me a call and don't try to approach him, he thinks he's a gangster and he's got my dad's gun"

Message Deleted

Message Five

"Hello Penn, this is Toffee. If you're wondering why I'm calling you, it's because I may have accidently sent several dick pics to your phone instead of Dominator's. You and she have almost identical numbers. If you wish to delete them you may, I honestly don't care. You could even forward them to everyone in the bar. I just want to give you and everyone else the option not to feel small."

Message Saved

Message Six

"Hey twerp, it's Dominator. Listen, Toffee may or may not have sent some pictures of his dong to you by accident. So, if you could just email those pictures to me then I won't have to strangle you with your own intestines— 'kay bye!"

Message Deleted

Message Seven

"Penn! It's Claptrap, I need you to listen to me. I've been kidnapped by these guys who say Mr. Pines owes them a lot of money. I need you to tell Mr. Pines that they need to pay them the fifty grand he owes them tonight or they're gonna cut my arms off and shove them up my exhaust port!"

Message Deleted

Message Eight

"Penn, its Sashi…I'm fucking your mom."

Message Deleted

You have no new messages

"Well, it looks like I'm going be flying solo tonight" Penn surmised "Wait, what was that last one?"

O-O-O

Disclaimer: Blah blah, lawsuit bad. Don't own these guys, plz no suing.