((So, I'm cross posting this monstrosity from Ao3, and tbh I suggest you go look at it there because it's illustrated!

archiveofourown works/5302727/chapters/12242132

This is an Undertale AU that explores what human magic would be like. It's influenced by things like the Dresden Files and Bloodborne. Please, enjoy the read! My tumblr is glitterbark, and it's got fanart for this and various other bits of writing. Check the thaumatale tag!))

When the phone rang, an effervescent bubble of relief filled you - that'd been exactly what you'd been praying for. The day was hot; warm, honey sunlight streamed in relentlessly through window of your little shop, casually illuminating languid clouds of dust motes. The swarm of books coating the shelves around you did little to diffuse the heat; in fact, mixed with the gooey patches of light, the overall effect was a sweltering humdrum. The air-conditioning had broken long ago, and despite your best efforts, it refused to stay fixed. The only thing cooling your little register was the tacky pink box fan mounted on the counter behind you, whose life-giving air you'd been leaning back into while contemplating your utter boredom. Calling the day slow would be an understatement; in fact, you'd only had three customers so far, and they'd all been dreadfully mundane. One had been looking for some object of childish nostalgia, the other had brought a box of books for you pick through and price. The third had gone on and on about the magic cheese he'd brought you, which you'd presumed filled the contents of the rottenly odored paper bag contaminating his person - and... okay, to be fair, it was amusing, but the entire encounter only filled thirty minutes of your day. All a bit peculiar, really, you'd think your line of employment would bring some more entertaining characters into your shop.

To say you worked in a bookstore would be a bit of a… misrepresentation of the truth, but that was really your whole life summed up, wasn't it? Any accurate explanation of your character would be quite long winded indeed, with a lot of interesting pauses and emphatic gestures. Perhaps a few diagrams, a potpourri of metaphors, and, dare I say, the phrase, "Look, don't think about it, it's magic, alright?"

Because that was the crux of the issue - that you were a magician, and a human one, besides, which came with a cartload of metaphysical bullshit. Magic stewed in your soul like a fluttering, golden bird inside the iron cage of your body. Except, sometimes the bird fell asleep, dreaming itself outside of that prison, and, because the bird was gold, its dreams were real. See? Figurative language already. What a lot of garbage.

Monster magic made more sense, and it'd been interesting - to say the least - to encounter beings that didn't need lies and deception and miracles, like you. They lived it, breathed it, used it in their everyday lives, relying on it like humans relied on their cars and their cellphones and their potluck-forsaken air conditioning, dangit. Due to their bodies seeped in magic, they commanded it freely, but, then again, they didn't have the strength of spirit to blatantly cheat like you, either. Pros and cons, but clementines in a cracker barrel, it was the middle of summer and all you wanted was some climate-control like a normal human being. It sucked that technology hated you.

Anyway. Back to business. As with most trappings of the modern word, half the time, phones didn't actually want to cooperate with you, so you didn't bother with things like "smartphones" and "cellphone plans". Instead, you used prepaid flip phones which - okay, yes, everyone thought you were a drug dealer, but it was better than having a really expensive paperweight. This way, you only had a moderately priced paperweight, that - somehow, you didn't want to question it - worked about fifty percent of the time.

Well. Fifty-percent plus static. Mmmn, good old white noise. "First-Story Books, how can I help you?"

"Hey, Two-Bit," an easy voice crackled through the speaker, and you grinned, knowing things were about to get way more interesting. "Got a sec?"

"I've got an entire day, lay it on me and please make it good, I'm dyin' out here, Pete. Dying. Literally."

"Literally. That sounds like a problem."

You spin in your rolly-chair, because why would you not. "It is. Big problem. Also, that's some demonic screaming you got there, buddy, what're you doing - got a curse? A haunting?"

"Neither, interestingly enough. You'll see when you get here. You are coming, right?"

A brief pop of screaming burst through the phone, which you pulled away from your ear with a wince. You take a moment to reply. "Is the current president Jimmy Carter?"

"...Erm, no."

You huff. "Look, quit it with your logic and governmental history, Gertrude, just… Gimmie. This interference is getting wicked bad, it's probably going to drop soon."

They did, and, soon after you'd received the directions, the interference rose to an unsettling crescendo and cut. What a pain.

You grabbed your things and set on your way.

"Hey, Sarah," you called out, lofting an easy hand as you approached. They turned, looking back at you with a pensive expression before turning to contemplate the park. You settled on the sidewalk beside them, glancing at their profile before facing the same direction, and you noticed it almost immediately. "Woah. This is very…"

"...Oppressive?" They supplied, and you shook your head. A short tch sound split through the air, and the world turned grey, for a moment, pooling in certain areas - like all the color had been bled out of everything and condensed into an erratic collection of dots. After a flicker, everything was back to normal, and you rubbed at your eyes.

"Not quite the word I was looking for, but I guess it works. Any casualties?" You looked around, hands firmly in your pockets. You didn't see any blood or viscera - in fact, the park and the surrounding sidewalks were completely devoid of people.

"No. Interestingly enough, no one seems to acknowledge this park's existence. I've been watching it for… oh, two hours, now, and not a single civilian has even looked at it, much less entered. I asked someone about it, and they acted like I'd suddenly started speaking French. In fact… check your map. Look at this area."

You raised your eyebrows but did as requested, reaching into your shoulder-bag to retrieve the paper map. As antiquated as real, physical maps were these days, they were pretty necessary if you ever got lost. Couldn't rely on cell-phone apps, after all. Lightly, you hummed to yourself as you scanned the roads, and then, you paused, squinting.

"It's… not here," you noted, flicking your gaze back and forth across the area, and then glancing over to the green signs marking the intersection for confirmation.

You needn't have bothered, though, as the wizard beside you nods. "Yeah. I'm sure it was labeled there, once, I remember it pretty clearly. But now? It's like... " Another vicious fizzling sound, and your vision seemed to shift a bit in the grey. It was longer now before things righted themselves. "...the entire area doesn't exist anymore."

"Have you been in?"

"Not yet. This is odd enough that I wanted someone else to know about it first."

"Mm. That why you called me?" you ask as the world turned monochrome again. Odd. It messed up sound a little, too, garbling it like your words were being run through a blender. You couldn't see any birds in the park, either, nor any squirrels, or butterflies, or… anything living. Yet, it didn't feel like a place given to the dead. More like... nothing should exist there at all.

"Partially. I also wanted to see if you could see all this, or if I could just because I have memories here. Perhaps magic allows us to resist the effects of this… anomaly."

"Have you seen any monsters pass by?"

It's your "friend's" turn to squint. "Mmn. Good point. I'm uncertain - but our souls are different, anyway, so it might not matter."

"Well," you shift a little in the heat, shielding your eyes and glancing up at the sky. "Okay. I'll go in, I guess."

"Excuse me?"

You grin at your companion. "Awwh, Jebediah, are you worried? Nah, I mean, one of us has to, unless we want to call in some other people… and that'll just end up with us tittering in a circle like some kind of weird cabal. I am not about that life."

Many-Names shifted a dubious look in your direction. "While you do have a point… do you really want to? This is my territory and, technically, my problem."

Tch. The park has gotten greyer, now, as you've been talking. "Exactly why I'd rather go in. Whatever time-space putzup happened, your memories will keep this place far better anchored than mine."

"That is true," they affirmed in a voice that makes it obvious they'd arrived at the same conclusion as you. The token resistance was just a formality - a polite way of asking you to take care of this without really saying as such. Not that you minded; it sounded kind of fun.

"I'll figure out what's going on. Still, though, you'd better take me to eat something nice after, eh?"

"Hah," they let out a short, mirthless laugh, leaning back on the balls of their feet. "Just for you, Two-Bit. Don't try to fix the problem, okay? Just get some information and come back."

"Right," You cracked your knuckles, the world fizzling around you as you stepped forward. "I'll be relying on you, okay?"

They make a short, noncommittal noise, simply crossing their arms and watching.

You stepped onto the grass, your footfalls completely soundless, like the noise had been stolen or just... turned off. Bizarre. The wind made no noise as it brushed through the trees, and you could hear only the ever-growing static as you ventured deeper into the faded expanse. It was a nice park, with a rather expansive playground that felt so wrong to see empty, given how firmly entrenched in Summer the city was. The assembled oaks cast shadows that looked too deep, too dark, like if you stepped into them, you'd fall into the center of the earth. You looked around, wandering across the park with slow, careful steps.

Tcccccch. A long burst of incoherent shifting roiled through the park and, this time, and it made you nauseous. Head pounding, you had to stop, for a moment, and steel yourself against the overwhelming feeling of disconnect. Briefly, you couldn't quite remember why you were here rather than your sweltering bookstore. A glance back at Many-Names righted you, however.

"Two-Bit! What's happening?" Their voice sounded incredibly distant, like you were hearing it from across a chasm - no, more like it was muffled by something. Had you passed some sort of barrier without realizing it?

You called back, resisting the urge to vomit. "I keep having to tell myself why I'm here. Whatever it is, it's trying to make me forget. Uhh, I don't get the feeling it's sentient, though. Not a spirit, or anything."

They paused to mull over this, then suddenly shouted, "Come back!"

"Why?"

"It's getting worse!"

You shrugged, turning to return, but as you strode past the sandbox, something gave you pause. A soft, cheerful chime emerged from your pocket, and you could feel vibrations shuddering against your leg. Considering the complete silence around you, the sound struck you particularly. You shifted, removing the flip-phone from your pocket and eyeing its screen dubiously. Someone was definitely calling, but not only was a number that you didn't recognize, it was a number that made no sense, being comprised only of sixes.

Many-Names was less inclined to deal with this than you. "I'm serious, get back here! Everything's gone completely grey!" Their voice sounded authoritative rather than concerned; you kind of doubted that they cared intimately about your fate.

A glance around you showed that, yes, they're right, but you were far too curious to stop now. "I've got something!" You flipped the phone open with your thumb and brought it to your ear. Fierce static greeted you, along with a strange, high, flickering sound that occasionally pierced the noise. It kind of reminded you of a dial-up connection. "Y'ello?"

You could almost pick out the sound of someone breathing if you listened really, really intently. Just when it seemed like the call would disconnect without anything being said, a voice emerged from the speakers.

Well. Not quite a voice, rather, a series of hums and clicks and dings that, if you squinted and turned your way of processing noise inside out, formed passable words. "Who are you?"

"Complicated question! Most people call me Two-Bit." You looked around as you spoke, trying to note any more changes in your surroundings.

"What are you?" The voice scratched out, and you couldn't keep down a short laugh. What a loaded question.

"A purveyor of miracles. A wizard." You could see Many-Names getting antsy, their mouth moving like they were shouting at you again. However... you couldn't hear anything. Everything had gone quiet except you and the phone. It was like being underwater.

A staticy pause. "Where... are you?"

"Mm. Well, I'm supposed to be in Melbourne Park… but something's gone a little funny with that, you see, it seems to be in the process of ceasing to exist. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?" You spoke with casualness that you didn't quite feel, at the moment. If you let yourself act scared, this situation would get out of control very quickly.

"I'll try to…" A violent crackle cut out some of the words. "...shouldn't be possible..."

You stared at the ground for a moment. Where were you? What day was it? -No, shit! Pay attention!

"Who are you?"

A pause - and you weren't sure if he was going to reply at first. "Doctor W. D. Gaster, former royal scientist." You could discern a strange warmth in the other being's voice, like saying those words just made him so happy.

"What are you?"

"Nonexistent," he replied in a somewhat self-derisive tone. Interesting.

"Where are you?"

"Someplace beyond time and space." Fzz. A sprinkle of colored dots spread across your vision, like you'd been staring straight at the sun before looking away. The call was starting to get incoherently garbled again, and you focused, desperately trying to make out the words. "Ahh, the connection… don't think I..."

"Do you need help?" you asked. There was no reply, so you repeated louder, "Do you need help!"

"...please… forget this happened…"

That sure sounded like I need help to you. And - above all your other traits - you had to admit... that you had a teensy weensy bit of a hero complex.

"Okay! I'm coming for you! Don't do anything, and stay on the line!" You spoke boldly, although you didn't really know what, exactly, you were about to do. That was okay, though; that was basically how magic worked. Okay - time to think. You were in the middle of a time-space anomaly of unknown origins that was currently attempting to remove your location from what you knew as "reality". Easy enough. Stepping into this anomaly allowed someone to contact you, and, given the way this someone spoke, he were likely someone who had also been removed from reality.

So, basically, all you had to do was find him and show him the way home. Great. Easy. Now, how exactly were you going to slip out of reality? You had a really bad feeling about just waiting to disappear naturally. The nebulous it had almost made you forget why you were here a few times, and if you forgot for good, you knew you wouldn't be able to get home again. So. You needed initiative.

What you really needed was to find exactly where this W. D. Gaster was - or, rather, a door that could take you straight there, and then back again. Which, now that you thought about it, was doable.

You did have him on the phone, after all, and this was already the site of a large temporal distortion. You just had to believe really, really hard... and maybe everything would be okay.

"What do you mean? You can't..." Fuzz.

"Keep talking! Tell me about yourself! Indulge me, please!"

"But…"

You had to focus. After taking a deep breath, you said, "Just go with it!"

You could see Many-Names gesticulating quite vibrantly in your direction, and you paused to give them a big grin and a thumbs up to show that, yep, no need to worry, you got this. They looked fervently pissed but hey, not your circus, not your monkeys.

That was a lie. This was your circus. These were your monkeys. You'd probably get yelled at for this.

"What should I... about?"

"Anything!" You chirped, looking around. Okay. You needed a doorway, and you were in the middle of a park that had no buildings whatsoever. Plenty of benches, quite a few lovely trees, a nice, wide open space perfect for frisbee... but you needed a door - "Tell me what you like! Tell me what you're scared of! Tell me who you love! I bet that's cute."

"Y-you... you ... what?"

"Talk!" You demanded, eyes focusing on the slide. Oh my god, you were never going to live this down if it didn't work. You sprinted towards it.

"Uh, I, I enjoy... reading..." Fzzt. "...before..."

"Before?" You heaved yourself up the too-small steps, quickly clambering up to the metal platform.

"Before this happened to me."

"What else do you like?" You sat your butt down on the top of the slide, and then reached into your pocket, pulling out your lighter. Idly, you clicked it open as you listened to Gaster's voice, watching the flame - which, interestingly enough, still retained its color.

Being a magician was like being permanently eight and thinking a magical land awaited you through the closet and under the bridge. It was about doing ridiculous things just because you had the determination to do so. It was about miracles, and…

"Well, ah, I… I like tea, and, ah, my brothers, of course, oh, I… enjoy math - this is all very embarrassing…"

...occasionally, saving cute people from extradimensional torment.

"Keep talking," you murmured as you closed your eyes. Lighter held close to your chest, you began your slide into the dark. "And believe."

"...It's very nice to to speak with someone…"

You focused on the voice. The light went out, then -

- you were somewhere else. -

"After all this time, it's - ah!"

Your legs slid against the floor, and you landed face-first in an abyss of white.