Author's Note: Okay, so this is a first, for me. Ultimately, I'm looking to explore a little Dom/sub play, here, and I'm nervous to see how it plays out, so please bear with me. I wanted to imagine how a relationship like that could grow between two people who aren't already informed about (or somehow invested in) that kind of lifestyle, and I think Chloe and Beca are sort of perfect for it, but I'll let you decide what you think. Be easy on me, please, though, and let me know if – at any point – I write something between our girls that's offensive or inaccurate, within this context.

Also, for those of you reading Burn the Day – don't worry! I'm working on the next chapter right now. Thanks, and shoot me a review to let me know how I'm doing. Remember I'm new to this kind of thing; any comments, suggestions, or advice would be greatly appreciated.

It doesn't happen all at once; it isn't love at first sight, or anything like that at all.

Chloe is beautiful, even from a distance, and her lighthearted nature is sweet and maybe a little captivating, upon discovery, but that's basically it. Beca isn't instantly floored; she doesn't fall to the ground at the pretty redhead's feet, and she isn't suddenly struck by some desperate desire to maul the girl with her mouth.

At first, it's just an interest.

It becomes a pretty strong interest after the second time that they meet, Beca will admit – but after witnessing the sinful glory of Chloe Beale, nude and wet all over from head to pretty, painted toes, cheeks flushed and blue eyes sparkling in the ugly yellow light of her shower stall, Beca really doesn't even blame herself. Chloe is gorgeous, and Beca's interest is natural – but there really isn't much more to it than that.

Not at first.

The rest takes time. Beca is guarded and waspish and slow to trust, but Chloe is persistent and open and happy to persevere; Chloe will dance all the way around the perimeter of Beca's mountainous, protective walls until she reaches the front gate all over again, where she calls out with a patient smile and a cute little wave, and waits for a few minutes to see if Beca's decided to let her through, yet.

Sometimes Beca does; sometimes she lets Chloe pass with no trouble at all, only for the redhead to begin her dance all over again, blithely trotting through to the next layer of Beca's defenses. Sometimes Beca resists, but Chloe only frowns, shrugs, and starts from the beginning like it's a brand new approach, only she does it the exact same way, and it- still sort of works.

It's a little bit weird, for Beca, but it's also sort of nice, so she doesn't fight it as hard as she normally might.

Chloe tries so hard to know her, and that's not something that Beca is used to. As a general rule, people don't care about Beca; she knows her parents love her, at least a little, but they've never loved Beca most, and everything else somehow always seems to rank above her. Warren Mitchell has more love for his new family than his old one, and Beca's mother is so drug-addled that Beca thinks most of the time she forgets she even has a daughter, until her high wears off all over again.

But Chloe tries.

She brings a latte to Beca's dorm room in October, when the DJ is lost in a musical coma and hasn't slept in two straight days, and that's- really just the kind of thing that people typically don't do, for Beca. It's caramel flavored – her favorite – and she'd told Chloe about it just three weeks before, but Beca is surprised that she remembers.

It's confusing, and she really doesn't understand why Chloe even cares enough to bother, but- Beca feels a little fluttering sort of sensation stirring in her chest, anyway, and she's grateful for Chloe's concern, even if Beca doesn't actually think that she needs it.

She's been taking care of herself for a very long time, and Beca doesn't need help.

Still, it's sort of nice to have it.

She sets the cardboard cup at the edge of her desk – far out of the splash-zone from her computer, just in case – and she looks up at Chloe with an appreciatively bemused, lopsided smile. Beca stands up from her desk, awkwardly fumbling around the cord of her headphones as they briefly tangle around her neck, before she settles her palms over Chloe's hips.

She doesn't hug her, really. Beca doesn't hug.

It isn't that she's opposed to them; Beca just doesn't really have anyone left to hug, anymore, and she hasn't been hugged in a very long time – at least, not outside of the bedroom. It's something she remembers from when she was young, before her parents split and practically forgot that affection is something a developing child needs, but the last real hug Beca remembers came from her grandmother, the day before she died.

Beca was twelve.

Chloe pets her, though, sometimes. She flicks long, slim fingers occasionally through Beca's hair, usually just once, before Beca grows uncomfortable; traces her fingertips across the outline of the tattoo printed into Beca's shoulder, but never lingers long enough to pattern out the details; maps the lines in Beca's palms, but never holds her hand or links their fingers.

Beca likes it. It feels sort of nice, and Chloe is careful to mind her limits.

Even a small, simple touch is something intimate, for Beca; it's something she doesn't do often, because that's something that Beca thinks is personal – but Chloe is trying so hard to know her, and Beca rewards that loyal determination by granting Chloe privileges with her body that no one else has.

It sounds dirtier than it is, honestly, but it's still important.

And every time Beca allows it, Chloe tows her bottom lip between her teeth, suddenly and uncharacteristically bashful, as a radiantly pink flush lights the color of her cheeks.

Beca is particularly flattered by this gesture, though. She's flattered that Chloe would even think to stop by to check on her, in the first place; she's flattered that Chloe brought her something; she's flattered that Chloe brought Beca her favorite kind of that something, and that Chloe even remembered it, to begin with. So she rewards Chloe with something bigger.

Beca initiates the touch.

Her palms land deliberately over the swell of Chloe's waist, and Beca doesn't hug her, exactly, but she squeezes. It's soft, and gentle, and barely anything, if she's being realistic, but- it's sort of everything, to Beca, and she wants Chloe to understand that.

She swipes her tongue across her lips, thoughtful and solemn, but she meets the curious blue of Chloe's eyes with her own and tells her earnestly, "This was really nice of you. Thanks, Chloe."

Only, the redhead blinks vacantly at Beca's gratitude, for a moment, brow knotted in heartfelt confusion like she doesn't even understand what it means, before Chloe's entire face lights up like the actual sun is beaming out from behind the glowing line of her teeth.

It's a little bit of an exaggerated reaction to a simple 'thank you,' no matter how sincere it might be, and Beca notices – but Chloe only nods frantically and tremblingly whispers back, "You're welcome."

The redhead's fingers clasp briefly over Beca's wrists, stroking tenderly along the pulsing vein beneath, just for a second, before Chloe's smile turns shy all over again, and she ducks her head away as her hands fall back to her sides.

Beca chuckles, because Chloe is pretty as fuck, but she's also a little weird. Beca doesn't understand her, sometimes, but she wants to understand her better, at least, so she vows to try, since Chloe is trying, too.

Chloe is generous.

Beca thinks that Chloe is probably a little bit too generous, really.

The redhead goes out of her way to make people happy. She's practically an on-site therapist for the Bellas, and she brings fucking party bags to Saturday night sleepovers; she moderates Aubrey's impatience with the group until it's something that Beca can at least tolerate, most days, and she is the most overall helpful person Beca's ever even met, particularly when it comes to teaching the Bellas.

And Chloe does most of that with little or no reward.

People rarely say 'thank you' to Chloe, Beca's noticed; they accept her gifts and her help and her love, and they're usually very happy to take all of that, from Chloe – but they're rarely appreciative of the thought or effort or affection she devotes to it.

It's kind of unfair. Beca thinks that the girls take advantage of Chloe, sometimes, even without meaning to; they treat the things she does for them like it's just par for the course, among friends, even if they don't treat Chloe the same way in return, and Beca really hates it.

It honestly starts to grate on her nerves, but it doesn't truly culminate until December, after her arrest at regionals.

She's pissed at Aubrey for failing to respect Beca's opinion – she's a member of the group, too, and her ideas should at least be heard, Beca thinks – but the blonde won't give an inch, no matter how hard Beca pushes. Still, Chloe tries to nudge Aubrey into giving Beca a shot, too, and the DJ's heart triples in pace instantly, in answer.

People don't fight for Beca. She's always been on her own team, and she's always stood alone. Granted, the lack of support is sometimes overwhelmingly disappointing, but Beca is pretty used to that, at this point.

Except that now Chloe is standing with her, and Beca has to swallow to contain her rage when Aubrey ruins that by knocking Chloe down.

The redhead completely deflates in the immediate wake of Aubrey's rejection, arms tucking defensively across her chest and shoulders sinking inward. She looks to the floor in self-disappointment, devastated blue eyes catching only briefly with Beca's on the way down, almost like she's been shamed, somehow, and Beca righteously feels furious.

Chloe is a co-captain. She is a senior, and has devoted three years and some change to this group, just like Aubrey has; even if Beca hasn't earned the right to an opinion on the Bellas' set list, Chloe definitely has – and it's really shitty that the redhead's best friend can't even appreciate her input.

Beca knows what Chloe did for her, though, so when the Bellas finally leave, Beca asks for Chloe to stay. She doesn't make a habit out of inviting Chloe to her room – the redhead sort of just- shows up, whenever she wants, which is mostly fine with Beca, as strange as that is – but the invitation makes Chloe light up like Christmas morning, and Beca proudly smiles back.

She's glad that she can cheer Chloe up with something so small and basic.

Still, the invitation for Chloe to stay doesn't quite measure up in value to Chloe's blindly offered support, and Beca needs to reward that with more; Chloe defended Beca's music without ever even hearing what she can do with it, to begin with, and Beca knows that isn't right.

After a short, contemplative moment, Beca lifts her headphones from the desk, spinning in her office chair to face Chloe, still standing behind her, and the DJ's eyes fall even with Chloe's hips. She presses one of the cups of her headphones against the back of Chloe's hand, near her thigh, but Chloe doesn't understand right away what Beca is trying to do, so she takes the redhead's palm and curls Chloe's fingers around the band of the headset. Beca becomes a little insistent when Chloe doesn't grab it properly, but eventually the redhead's hand twitches in eager realization.

Slowly, Chloe accepts the offering, and Beca raises her gaze from Chloe's hips. "Listen," Beca tells her simply, and turns around to queue up a mix.

Beca's been toying with 'Titanium' and 'Bulletproof' for months, now, and the track really isn't even finished, yet – but most of it was put together with the redhead somewhere in mind, and she thinks Chloe will appreciate it.

She watches when Chloe's eyes widen at the shift to the familiar David Guetta lyrics, and she laughs outright when Chloe uncomfortably shuffles her weight across her hips and feet, but- Beca really isn't as nervous as she might have expected.

It's sort of nice, watching Chloe react to her music. It's also sort of hot, Beca considers – probably because she knows what Chloe does to herself with this particular song, and probably also because Beca's imagined what that scene might look like more times than she'd honestly like to count – but that really isn't the most important part.

The most important part comes when Chloe's eyes rest to a close at the finish of the track, a soft hum tumbling from between her lips, and she looks at Beca with the most adoring, worshipful stare that Beca's ever seen.

Chloe is looking at her like Beca just handed her the world, strapped with a pretty bow around it like a gift, all for Chloe to have.

"You made this?" Chloe whispers, delicately tugging the headphones from around her ears and setting them gently over Beca's desk.

Beca shrugs, then nods, because she can't think of what else she's meant to say to that.

"Wow," Chloe breathes with a winded laugh. "You're, um- You're kind of insanely talented, you know that?"

And it's kind of crazy, the way that Beca's heart shakes behind her ribs like the organ is independently seizing inside of her chest.

It's also sort of nice, though, and Beca wants to be sure that Chloe knows how she is grateful.

"Thanks," Beca murmurs gently, and she stretches her palm outward to sweep fleetingly along Chloe's knee, all the way up her thigh, just for a second; just until Chloe trembles all over and looks down at the brunette like Beca's appreciation is just a baffling thing to her, altogether. "For what you said," Beca tries to explain. "I mean, for what you said to Aubrey, and- also for just now," she shrugs with a warm, tiny smile. "No one's ever done anything like that for me before, and it- it really means a lot to me, Chloe."

"I, um- You're welcome," Chloe pants softly in answer, eyes glittering with quiet, unrestrained joy and her smile stretching practically all the way up to her ears.

Beca doesn't really understand why she's so pleased, in the first place. She still doesn't understand a lot of things about Chloe, but Beca is working on it.

"It's not your job to decide what we do, and how we do it," Aubrey snaps viciously after semis, hands firmly planted over her hips as green eyes bear down on Beca with evident hatred and disgust. "Why don't you ask the rest of the group how they felt about your little improvisation?"

Beca knows it would've been better all-around if she'd been able to prepare the girls in advance, but it's not like Beca planned it; the crowd had been bored and uninterested, and she'd tried to save their asses in the only way that she'd known how. Beca knows that her impromptu addition to their performance had been surprising, but it had still gone over pretty well, considering, and- she really can't believe that Aubrey is actually accusing her of trying to screw them up.

Beca had only been trying to help.

She knows how badly Chloe wanted this, and it is her final year at Barden; this was Chloe's only shot at a win, and Beca hadn't been able to watch that chance sink down the drain, for her. Chloe deserves a real opportunity to succeed, with the Bellas, and it isn't fair that Aubrey has been stripping that away from her since the very beginning of the school year, one degradation at a time.

Beca had tried to do something good, for Chloe – something meaningful and important and big – and it had honestly been selfless, too. As much as Beca is growing to care about these girls, she isn't all that competitive, really, and she doesn't actually care how far the Bellas make it in the race to finals.

None of Beca's effort ultimately even matters, though, because Chloe won't even glance over to meet with Beca's gaze, and Beca stops looking over to check pretty quickly; it's too disappointing and it hurts, and when Beca asks Amy for her thoughts on the performance, instead, even the outlandish Tasmanian won't stand up to Aubrey's fury.

"I told you she wasn't a Bella," Aubrey tells Chloe haughtily.

"Aubrey, don't," the redhead argues weakly – but that's as far as Chloe goes, and it's too little, far too late.

Beca only even did all of this for Chloe – chose 'Bulletproof' for Chloe – and that's probably enough to justify why it hurts so deeply when Chloe- doesn't stand with her.

"No, that's okay. You don't have to pretend you're allowed to have a say in the group, right?" Beca tells her through a plastic smile that pulls too sharply around her teeth.

Chloe flinches violently and tucks every limb of her body as tightly together as possible, like she's building up some kind of shield to protect herself from Beca's evidently near-tangible pain, and that really only causes Beca to scoff.

She's used to being on her own team, and she's used to standing alone – but she knows what it feels like, now, to have Chloe in her corner, and it burns Beca all over to realize that she can't actually rely on Chloe to be there.

It's fine, she tells herself. People don't care about Beca – never enough to put her first, anyway – and that's just the way it is.

That's the way it always has been, and Beca was stupid to let herself believe, even for a second, that Chloe might be different – because Chloe is generous and helpful and kind, but Chloe also goes out of her way to make people happy, and Beca is the outlier, right now; the group is more important, because that's more people for Chloe to disappoint if she chooses Beca, instead.

"If this is what I get for trying…" Beca laughs bitterly and shrugs, shaking her head as she turns away, leaving the sentence to trail stagnantly through the air in the wake of her departure.

They don't want her, Beca thinks. And that's fine.

No one ever does.

Chloe texts her.

It takes three days, and all it says is, "I'm sorry," but Beca doesn't answer it right away. She's tired and wounded, and that's taking her more time to process than she'd like.

Honestly, though, the DJ doesn't really know how to process it at all. Beca just feels like she's been profoundly betrayed, and she basically was.

Chloe had tried so hard to know her, and Beca had genuinely tried to let Chloe know her, but she should probably have known how that could never be enough; things tend to work out best for Beca when no one actually cares who she is.

Beca misses her, though. She misses the near-constant caramel latte that used to sit at the edge of her desk, and she misses Chloe dropping by unexpectedly just to study on Beca's bed. She misses Chloe's smile and the flare of her red hair, and the deep, sparkling ocean blue of her eyes. She misses Chloe's touch, warmly breezing across her skin just long enough for gooseflesh to prickle along her arms.

Beca hates that she misses her, but the feeling still rests in the bottom of her stomach with all the weight of a goddamn boulder, and that really isn't nice at all.

Chloe had crashed into Beca's life like fucking Donkey Kong on a barrel roll, and she's nestled herself pretty comfortably inside of it ever since; Beca had let her, though, and she'd even mostly liked it – which only makes it worse, because Beca really does know better. She's learned the lesson enough times, by now, and Beca doesn't know why she still keeps trying to convince herself that she has so far been taught wrong.

Because, ultimately, Chloe had betrayed her just like everyone else, and Beca has to figure out a way deal with that.

It takes some time – three days, to match Chloe's three just on principle, for fuck's sake, and Beca doesn't care if that's petty – but she eventually texts Chloe and tells the redhead to drop by. She isn't sure why, and she doesn't actually know that she's even ready to see Chloe again, in the first place, but she thinks that if Chloe is willing to apologize, she's at least earned the right to an audience.

Chloe appears at Beca's door half an hour later with a caramel latte and a box of Girl Scout snickerdoodles, and they're both Beca's favorites – Chloe knows that – but Beca doesn't accept them. Chloe sets the items on her desk in silent resignation, and stretches her palm outward to try and make contact with Beca's shoulder, but the brunette shies away from her touch, no matter how badly she might want it.

Touch is a reward, for Chloe. It's something that Beca lets her do when Chloe is especially good to her, but Beca doesn't think she's earned it, now, and she feels a perverse, pleased sort of thrill when Chloe's eyes drop to the floor at the same time that her hand drops like lead from the space in between them.

She sort of wants Chloe to feel ashamed, just a little; Beca thinks that maybe she should, because Chloe had made Beca feel like she'd meant nothing, and why should Chloe fairly be allowed to feel any better than Beca does?

She doesn't know what to say, and she thinks that Chloe should probably speak first, but Beca knows that won't happen; Chloe is meek in the face of tension, and, right now, Beca would be lucky if Chloe even glances up from the carpet.

"Look at me," she demands, and her voice is firm, but also soft.

Chloe responds instantly, weakly raising anguished blue eyes to find Beca's the moment the DJ asks it of her, and Beca abruptly finds what she needs to say.

"What the hell, Chloe?" She breathes on a pained whisper. "I trusted you. I tried so hard," she says perplexedly. "I tried for you, Chloe," Beca insists with a frustrated shake of her head. "What the fuck happened?"

And, just like that, the dam breaks – and Chloe falls completely, direly apart.

"I'msorryI'msorryI'msososorry," Chloe chants between sudden, heaving sobs, eyes reddening beneath the irritation of wet, salty tears that streak down Chloe's cheeks and gather at the corners of her trembling lips.

"Jesus," Beca hisses, and stumbles a step backward in immediate confusion.

Chloe garbles out a heated string words that don't even make sense, but, frankly, her sentences are tripping over themselves and over Chloe's sobs, and even if they did make sense, Beca still wouldn't know the difference.

"Look, just sit down, Chloe," she snaps out finally.

And Chloe obeys that instruction instantly, too, dropping into Beca's bed with heavy limbs and a clearly heavy heart.

"You've just- you've been s-so good to me, Bec, and you treat me l-like a princess and I just- I love it so much and I miss you all- all the time," Chloe hiccups frantically. "You're my wh-whole world and I love you and I n-need you and I know I don't deserve a-anything from you, but I'm s-so sorry, Beca, and I need you, please," she cries, palm cupping over her mouth in an effort to calm her breaths. "L-let me be yours, like I was before. P-please, Bec," Chloe begs hysterically. "I need you," she whispers on a rush of dampened breath.

Beca just- needs a second.

Chloe is laying a lot on her at once, and Beca's having enough trouble even deciphering the words, as it is; it's hard to get at their meaning, but Chloe is reacting so violently, right now, and this feels too deep for Beca to reply without first considering what she actually thinks she needs to say.

The silence becomes too much for Chloe, though, and the redhead quickly begins to fill the space between them with sound all over again.

"Please, you can p-punish me if you need to," Chloe sniffles tiredly as her heart exhaustedly begins to calm. "You can- you can do whatever you want to me, Beca, I swear; I d-deserve it," Chloe swallows thickly and pleads. "I do," she promises, "and m-maybe I even need it, but I shouldn't have e-ever abandoned you like that, and I'm so sorry, Beca," she insists between breaths, blue eyes wide and beseeching, and Beca just- blinks.

So many things are beginning to puzzle together, for Beca, and it takes a second for her to work through it.

Chloe likes to please.

She does it without appreciation, and without any kind of reward at all. She just- likes to make people happy, and Chloe is her very happiest when someone tells her that she has made them happy. She religiously reacts to Beca's gratitude like it's something that she's never heard before; like it's something precious and unexpected and special, to Chloe. She beams and smiles and blushes all over, and she literally turns shy, in the face of thanks.

Chloe likes to please, but- Beca's realizing that Chloe also really likes when she receives praise for doing it. And now Chloe's done something to hurt Beca instead of please her – has betrayed Beca instead of cared for her – and Chloe responds to that by telling Beca that she can- punish her?

Beca tries to reach another conclusion, but there's really only one thing she can think of to explain why Chloe's mind might even go there.

"Do you want to be punished, Chloe?" Beca furrows her brows and inquires solemnly. "Is that- Is that what's happening, here?"

"What?" Chloe breathes, swallows, and casts her gaze away all over again. "N-no, I just – "

"Chloe," Beca insists sharply, "don't lie to me," she warns seriously. "I'm asking you a question, and I want a real answer."

"I– " Chloe hesitates, then shrugs. "I don't- It isn't – "

The redhead combs her fingers through her hair in frustration, sweeping her palms across her face to clear the tears away, when she's finished.

"It's okay, Chloe," Beca tells her quietly. "If that's- your thing, or whatever, that's okay," Beca offers honestly. "I'm just– I'm trying to figure out what you need from me, right now, alright?"

Chloe sobs again, just once, and shakes her head, crying softly, "I don't need a-anything from you, Bec. I need to give you what y-you need."

"Chloe, I'm really trying, here," Beca inhales deeply, and does her best to maintain at least a little bit of patience.

Whatever this is, it's bigger than semis, and it's important; that conversation can wait, no matter how deeply Chloe had hurt her, because the redhead is a hardly-coherent wreck, right now, and it seriously rattles Beca to see her this upset.

She'd wanted Chloe to feel badly about what she'd done, sure – but she hadn't wanted to ruin her, for Christ's sake.

Still, Beca is at least partially responsible for this. It might be because of something Beca did, or maybe because of something Beca didn't realize she was supposed to do, but it doesn't matter; either way, Beca needs to fix it.

"I'm trying to understand what you're getting at, but it's a little complicated. There are gaps, Chloe," Beca frowns, shrugging helplessly. "I'm trying to fill them in, but the only thing I'm really coming up with involves some seriously kinky shit, okay?"

Chloe flushes, bright blue eyes darting urgently across the room, and that's pretty much all the confirmation that Beca even needs.

"Okay," she sighs out a long exhale of breath and nods. "Okay, so I have the right idea, then, yeah? That's where we're going with this?"

Weakly, Chloe shrugs. Her mouth splits apart a couple of times to make room for a few words, but, ultimately, Chloe only bites into her bottom lip and nervously shuffles her hands to clip them beneath the weight of her jean-clad thighs.

"Jesus Christ, Chloe, what do you want?" Beca barks out irritably. "Like, do you need me to fucking spank you, or something? Because I need to talk about this – about everything," Beca throws her palms into the air in frustration, "and I need you to be able to have that conversation with me, so tell me what you need," she demands forcefully.

Chloe's head startles upward, and her lower lip is freed instantly from the confinement of her teeth as the redhead's mouth falls open for a series of quiet pants. Her blue eyes are wide and sincere and maybe even hopeful, Beca thinks, before Chloe almost inaudibly pleads, "Would you?"

Beca doesn't choke, but she almost wishes that she did. At least that way she'd have been able to stall for time.

As it is, though, Beca merely blinks, lofts her brows basically into her hair line, and deadpans, "You really want me to spank you, Chloe?"

It's the wrong thing to say, because Chloe lets out this tiny little sound that's almost like a whimper, and her eyes focus on her knees with renewed dedication.

Beca sighs heavily and sinks into a kneel on the floor in front of her, coaxing Chloe's wrists gently from beneath the redhead's thighs, and she knots her fingers through the slots in Chloe's own. It's intimate in a way that Beca isn't sure she's comfortable with, right now, and she still doesn't really think that Chloe's earned it, anyway, but- Beca's pretty sure that Chloe needs it, and that's more important.

She has to think about how to proceed, but this isn't exactly a subject that Beca knows a lot about, and she's clearly not doing very well at making Chloe feel comfortable enough to discuss it.

"Is this something you've done before?" Beca asks quietly. "I mean, the spanking thing? Or, you know, anything else like it?"

Chloe shakes her head almost imperceptibly, red curls swaying lightly along her shoulders.

Beca is a little bit relieved by that, though she really isn't sure why. She's still not even sure if she's actually thinking about doing this for Chloe, in the first place.

"But you do- want it, though?" Beca asks her softly. "I mean, you actually want me to, like- punish you or whatever, right?"

"It's not like that," Chloe insists anxiously, fingers absently pulling harder against Beca's own for support. "Beca," she whispers pleadingly, "you just make me feel so important," Chloe breathes wondrously. "You make me feel good, and happy, and safe. You make me feel trusted, and loved, and- and appreciated," Chloe shakes her head bemusedly, "and all I ever wanted to do was make you feel that way, too. But I didn't, Beca," she whimpers weakly. "I let you down. I betrayed your trust, and I took everything you gave me for granted, just because I was scared.

"I was so afraid to stand up to Aubrey that I chose to forget you, Beca, and that's unforgivable," Chloe swears heatedly. "I know that what I did was wrong," she confesses shamefully and swallows, thankfully stemming the tears before Chloe begins crying all over again. "I know that you were disappointed in me," she says shakily, "but I also know that I deserve worse than that, Beca."

"Why would you think that?" Beca frowns.

Chloe takes her time, fingers intermittently tightening and releasing over Beca's own, but Beca can wait. Chloe is thinking about her answer, and that's good; this conversation needs to be as honest and straightforward as possible, and if Chloe needs to think about it first, then that's fine by Beca.

"You let me touch you, when I'm good," the redhead whispers moments later, a small, fondly adoring smile tilting the very corners of her mouth. "You, um- you touch me, when I'm really good," she grins a little and shrugs shyly, in spite of her present devastation. "And I like it," Chloe tells her softly. "I love it, Bec," she laughs disbelievingly, but sighs deeply toward its end. "But if I get rewarded for doing something good for you," Chloe hesitates and closes her eyes, "then I should also be punished for doing something bad to you."

"I just– I guess I just don't understand why you actually want me to hurt you. Why isn't taking away the reward punishment enough, on its own?" Beca furrows her brow.

Chloe smiles sadly, and her fingers twitch restlessly in Beca's palms, before she earnestly murmurs, "It's not the same. This is– It's more about balance than anything," she confesses quietly. "When I do things to make you happy, I- I feel proud, Beca. I feel proud to be the one who you allow to do that for you. I feel proud just to know how to make you happy. I just feel so proud, and you're- really, really good at validating that feeling," Chloe sighs out softly. "I like how you tell me why you're thanking me, so that I know to do the same things again. I like how you spoil me when I do nice things for you, Beca. I like knowing that you're proud of me, too, and that you're happy with me.

"It makes me feel- valued. Like, treasured, or something; like I'm important," Chloe shrugs uncomfortably, before she frowns and shakes her head. "But when I hurt you, Beca, all I felt was shame, and it hurt me. I didn't stand up for you when I should have, but, more importantly, I didn't stand up for you when you needed me to, and I- I feel like I deserve worse than just a lecture; I deserve worse than just- not being able to touch you for a few days. I deserve worse, Beca. I deserve – "

"Pain?" Beca interjects carefully. "Actual, physical pain, Chloe? Doesn't that seem a little… I dunno, extreme?"

Chloe closes her eyes and shakes her head firmly. "No," she insists swiftly. "It still doesn't even feel like enough. Bec, you need to understand that this is new for me. I never felt this way until you; I never even considered it until I started to understand the way that your reward system works, and then- I started thinking about how that would change if I did something bad. I thought about it a lot, Beca – and I decided that I would want to feel the consequences of hurting you, if I ever did. And now– Beca, I just need to feel every part of how my betrayal affected you, and I caused it, so I deserve that. Do you understand?"

Beca swipes her tongue across her lips in thought, and takes a second.

This is mostly insane, and Beca realizes that, but- she does actually understand what Chloe is trying to say. Beca isn't sure that she agrees with her – at least, not completely – but she thinks she understands. Chloe wants Beca to make her feel as badly as the redhead had made Beca feel.

It's a little bit different, because Chloe's pain would become physical, but Beca gets the concept; Chloe wants balance. She wants to accept her punishment and earn back the privileges Beca had once allowed for her. She wants Beca to show her how she is angry with Chloe, and hurt by what she did.

It's the strangest kind of apology Beca can even fathom, but, if she thinks about it, she's also never heard one so sincere.

Beca is admittedly a little wary, but- Chloe says she needs this.

"Bec, please," Chloe whispers beseechingly. "Just- just make me yours again."

"You keep saying that," Beca frowns instantly in irritation, "but you've never been mine, Chloe. I've wanted you to be," she confesses tiredly, and sweeps her fingers through her hair. "I've imagined it, or whatever; I think about it all the time, Chloe, but you've never actually been mine."

"Then let me be," Chloe pleads on a quiet, apologetic murmur.

"I can't even trust you!" Beca explodes heatedly in answer. "Chloe, if you are mine, then you are mine," she insists furiously. "You support me, and you care for me, and you- you put me first!" She stammers, blinking rapidly to clear frustrated tears from her own vision. "Just once, I want to be first," she breathes resignedly, swiping the back of her knuckles just beneath her nose with a tiny, embarrassing sniffle.

"You will be," Chloe vows on trembling, tender whisper. "Beca, sweetie, you will be. I will put you first, I promise," she swears fervently, squeezing tightly over Beca's shaking hands, and Beca–

Beca might believe her.

She probably knows better, but Chloe's big, blue eyes are warm and sad and sure, and it's sort of really nice, for Beca, to believe that she is being sincere.