-*-*- ( Chapter 5 - Edward POV. )

"Hey," Ed snaps, jogging to catch up with Harry as he's walking away, looking dejected. The alchemist figures it has something to do with the fact that his best friends have abandoned him, but it might also be the fact that everyone's whispering at Harry. And they're not the good kind of whispers, from what Ed can hear. "I'm rooming with you, don't fucking ditch me here with, like, eleven-year-olds."

Harry laughs at this and appears to cheer up - and if Ed is the sole thing in his life right now that's making him happy, the kid needs to fix his priorities, stat. The blond feels he should comment on this, because he's a nice fucking person, okay.

"Are you down because your lifelong friends just, like, ditched you for eleven-year-olds, or is it something else I should know about?" Ed says shortly, blowing strands of golden hair out of his face. "Because if it's the second, I'll let you know that I didn't sign on for some drama show on your love life, or some shit."

Harry laughs again, what is wrong with these people? "No, it's... er, it's the first one," Harry says, smile soon vanishing. Now, instead of looking plain upset, he looks torn between being upset or confused. Ed decidedly marks that down as progress.

"Well, kind of. Dunno, it'd just be nice to have them right now, with, y'know, everyone staring and whispering. There was this whole... thing that, er, happened last year, people should be over it by now."

Yikes. So, something happened last year that the Ministry helpful failed to tell him about, at all. "Sorry to disappoint, but I was in - er, Germany. I kinda have no idea what you're talking about, but." The alchemist shrugs, strolling along with Harry in silence. Their footsteps thud on the stone floor as they make their way to the Gryffindor tower, lagging far behind the crowd of students. Edward figures Harry does this on purpose to avoid the stares he's been receiving the whole time, poor bastard.

Ed hadn't thought Harry would respond to him, but after a pregnant increasingly awkward pause, he does. "A... friend of mine, uh, died last year, and I was the only other one there, I guess. It was nothing. Er, I'm sure you'll hear about it from others soon enough." Harry scowls, tone bitter, and Ed decides he doesn't want to touch this topic with a ten-fucking-foot-pole.

"Right," the alchemist mutters, sticking his hands in pockets. The two walk in an increasingly awkward silence until Harry suddenly stops before the painting of a really fat woman - and holy shit the painting is moving.

Ed doesn't flinch, thank you, as the woman turns towards them haughtily, golden goblet clutched in painted hand. How does this even work, again? "Password?"

The blond turns to Harry - surely the kid knows the password, he's been at this crazy school for years. But Harry freezes, shifting nervously in place. "Er..."

"No password, no entrance!" the painting lady declares, and isn't that just fantastic.

But then, plot twist, Neville comes racing down the hallway until he reaches them. "Harry!" he pants, bending over. "I-I know it! I know the password!"

The hell? But Harry looks equally grateful and really proud of Neville, so okay.

"Guess what it is? I'm going to remember it, for once - " then Neville starts to wave some plant around, which is probably magical and quasi-murderous, judging by how Ed's day is going so far.

"Mimbuius mimbletonia!"

The portrait swings open, and whoever the fuck is choosing the passwords for this tower, Ed's going to have a really long talk with them.

The three climb in through the portrait, and apparently Neville finally realizes that Ed is there, because he makes some lame as hell excuse and dashes off to the other side of the common room. With a quick glance around, Ed briefly takes in a large, cozy room, but Harry doesn't wait long enough to give him a grand tour.

"C'mon," Harry says quietly as several conversations cut off abruptly when he and Ed step through the room - meaning that the conversations were about them. Or, more specifically, about Potter. The kid storms off the the stairs, climbing them like they lead to the Holy Grail or some shit, and leaves Ed to pretend he's not scrambling after Harry.

By the time he catches up with the dark-haired boy, Potter is slamming open a door and marching inside, presumably entering his dorms. Ed decides to not immediately follow him, since the wizard looks like he needed to blow off steam, like, yesterday.

So when the yelling starts from inside, between Harry and what sounds like a kid yelling to 'leave my mother out of this, Potter!', Edward can't exactly say he's surprised. With a sigh, he rolls his eyes and is about to storm into the room to shut them all up when Harry's friend, the redhead - Don? Ron? Ed's close enough, whatever - comes up behind him. He shoots a questioning look at the blond, which Ed blatantly ignores, before entering the dorm.

Maybe Don will solve the problem, Ed thinks wistfully - he'd like to go to sleep sometime today. But Ed's hopes are ruined as the shouting reaches a literal maximum - wow, great diplomatic skills, Don.

Shortly after the redhead enters, Harry shouts, "That's before she started believing every word the stinking Daily Prophet writes about me!" And no, Ed is not eavesdropping by now, thank you. But teenage angst bullshit is kind of fun to listen to, because. Reasons, okay.

"Yeah?" Don? Ron? snaps from somewhere inside the dorms. "Well, unfortunately for you, Seamus, I'm also a Prefect! So watch your mouth!"

Well, damn. Ed really doesn't want to go in and have to deal with this, but sleep is vital to human survival, apparently. The alchemist lets out a long-suffering sigh before stomping into the room, effectively drawing all eyes away from Harry and onto him. That's one way to do it, he muses, as Neville lets out a squeak.

Harry rounds on Ed the second he enters. "D'you think I'm mad, too?" Harry says demandingly, all bitter and angry-like. But hell, Ed doesn't take it personally.

"Er." Is the only response the blond can think of. Ed doesn't think that 'well, yeah, that's the reason I'm here - to spy on you because you're crazy' would go over too well.

But Harry seems to have been distracted by Neville, who is quick to reassure Potter than he and his grandmother believe him. It seems to boost the kid's mood. But then another kid (seriously, how many people can this room hold?) pipes up with information that Ed doesn't care about, how his parents don't know a thing about 'all the deaths at Hogwarts'.

And, shit, that was a tidbit Ed would have like to known any time before now. The hell, how many people have died here?

Anyway, the final kid in the room, Seamus, glares at them all like it's him against the rest of the world. Ed knows the feeling, but still, there's a time and a place. "You don't know me mum! She'd weas-"

"I don't give a crap," Ed snaps, interrupting him. Crude, maybe, but hey! It works - Seamus shuts up and starts to gape at Edward. Before he can smarten up into arguing again, the alchemist hastily continues. "I get you guys probably have a lot of parent influences. Whatever. I don't care. I just need to go to fucking sleep, so could you argue about this in the goddamn afternoon?"

Harry trades a glance with Ron, and the pair shrug in apparent agreement. Though Potter's expression is still pissy and miserable, yikes. Seamus huffs and glowers at Ed, but he crawls into bed and slams the curtains into place, so. Total win.

Without waiting for anyone else, Ed heads to the final remaining bed. It was probably hastily set up for him, judging by how it's crammed into the corner. Regardless, the alchemist crawls under the covers without bothering to change or undo his braid, too occupied with thoroughly cussing this entire mission. He has to deal with school, bratty teens, and his automail is aching from the shitty weather.

Before he drifts off, Ed's head reminds him that he has way too many reports to give. However, in the blond's impartial opinion, Mustang and Umbridge can go fuck themselves, so.

-*-*- ( Author's Note. )

Umbridge confrontation will have to wait, b/c I didn't fit it in this chapter, in the interest of time. But hey, awkward times with Harry were definitely in here!

Also, I'm sorry this took a while and is relatively short. My homework and projects suddenly just piled up a whole lot, but they seem to be slowing now. So, expect another chapter...soon-ish!

Golden Secrets - Haha, I'm super glad you liked it, and that you think I'm a great writer! Hopefully, you continue to enjoy future chapters. And absolutely, every review definitely fills me with inspiration, and cheer me up as well! So thank you.

Guest - xD you're welcome! Oh wow, that's amazing that you think so - I'm aiming for it to be funny and entertaining but I thought I might be missing a bit, lol. Yep, even Ron's three-letter name isn't safe from Ed's inattention. And lmao! Haggard and Mold is an excellent 70's band name - but it absolutely will!
Yeah, that would have lead to some awkward questions - it's a good thing Hermione actually has social graces. And Ed and Filch, oh dear. That'll be an interesting meeting /confrontation! Especially since Filch, on the other hand, has no social graces.

The Mirror Above the Sink - Of course! And haha, I can't wait to write it. Oh, wow, I'm so happy you liked that! Ed is 100% done with this world and their apparent cereals... ah, and absolutely you can! It's so cool you like it enough for that.
I'm right with you murdering her - and nobody likes her as a teacher, especially Ed when he sees her teaching style. And nope, she won't - Umbitch would like for him to have as much time to observe Harry and Dumbledore, no matter how upset she gets with him. Snape will have been told that Ed is working for the Ministry, but that's all I'm saying about Snape so far! But ha, I really want to write Snape in very, very soon.
Oh, I sure hope not, poor Ed xD! But I totally agree that Hogwarts has been a bit lacking in the male department. And lmao he's perfect, aside from... all that lol shh.

calcu22 - Thank you! I'm glad you like how I write him.

juliettacapuleto21 - Aaah, it makes me super happy you thought this fic was funny, omg. Yeah, I really wanted to give him that type of attitude, and that's just how it sort of happened when I began writing this, lol. Thank you so much, and I'll do my absolutely best to update quickly! It won't ever be abandoned, though.

RoseBadwolf1000 - Thank you so much, I'm excited to write future chapters! And that's one of the best compliments I can get, I hoped they would come across as accurate. Don't worry, Ed's going to take all the opportunities he can to complain to him. Ah, poor Mustang. And I'll just say that they won't for a while, because Dumbledore is clearly avoiding him and none of the Order is keen at all about sharing any information with Harry :(.

betsybugaboo - AAA, I'm glad you like it, thank you!

SpriteBlazer - I'm happy that you do, I definitely enjoyed writing it, lol.

TheCandyChild - Oh jeez, thank you so much! Haha, I love him too, and writing him and his inner dialogue is a blast. And oh yes, Umbridge totally will.
That was one of my favorite parts to write - the Minister being terrified of a teenager is pretty sad for the magical government. Though, Amestris probably wasn't very gentle in their talks with England, so.
Yes, he is going to 'fuck shit up', but in a good and definitely awesome Ed-way. Yeah, the Trio are getting weird vibes from him, but they haven't scratched the surface of Ed - good luck, Trio, lmao. I'm glad you like this fic, and I look forward to writing those bits - Ed with the teachers will hopefully be hilarious!