Chapter 3: Chow Down!

Kasumi resumed her serene manner as she watched the show re-start. She had winced as the cast cleaned the stage of dust and then threw food about it again to make it look as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. "I suppose the show must go on," she mused. She turned her head slightly to look at her husband out of the corner of her eye. "You had something to do with that cannon," she thought. "You didn't react strongly enough and that fiddling with your phone was not a coincidence. You couldn't have set it up to feed on the chaos. You're too far away. This smells like a lesson. One of your gang set that up - the same one who's going to steal it back tonight." The smile became slightly mischievous. "But, I'm your wife. You can't hide from me and I will find out. Then I'll hold on to it until you've forgotten about it. One day, I'll just mention it in passing, just to remind you that you can't fool everyone."

She watched the TV as Akane tried to sweet-talk a stubborn Ranma to sit down at the table. The process involved a lot of eyelash fluttering and the use of cute pouts. Kasumi thought she heard the male half of the audience groan. "Sounds like little sister is still popular despite getting engaged," she reflected. She swore Ranma's eyes flash with jealousy - like he heard the audience as well. A smug thought flashed through her mind even though it never touched her lips: "That's right, boy. Always remember she had other options. You better take good care of her." She promptly scolded herself for the uncharacteristic sentiment, but only a little - this was her sister after all.

Once Akane had persuaded him to his seat, Sayuri was suppose to run in and tie Ranma to the chair, but Ranma caught her eye and waved her off with the glance. Sayuri looked surprised for a moment and then smiled maliciously. Akane looked equally surprised, but continued with the show. Kasumi took all this in and now knew Ranma heard the audience, even if Akane was oblivious. The eldest Tendo sister brought her hands up to hide her mouth.

Kasumi eyed the plate that Akane set in front of Ranma as the camera focused intensely on it. The textures could be called unusual at best. There was no polite word for the colors. It was a masterpiece of horror. Had Akane ever served something like that in the house, Kasumi would have called the local priest for an exorcism of the food, the house, and her little sister. The oddest thing about the plate was that Akane had not created it - Ranma had. He had experimented the last two nights with pasta, tofu, potatoes, applesauce, and lots of food coloring trying to make something that would look horrible, but taste rather bland. He had Daisuke and Hiroshi help him with ideas, but refused Akane's help. When she protested, he told her bluntly: "After everything we been through, I don't want to get up on stage and publically say that food you gave me is horrible - even if it is a lie. I don't want to even pretend that I don't care about your feelings. I looked at my lines carefully - I dodge every time. And on Monday, I'll tell everyone the truth: I made the food - without your help for just that reason." Akane had acted annoyed with him, but Kasumi knew she was also secretly pleased. Akane knew Ranma was trying to be considerate in his own way.

She watched Ranma eat the food and turn various shades of green and purple - courtesy of the stage crew's lighting. There was also music to emphasize the appropriate emotions he was supposedly feeling - such as the whistling tone followed by a 'plop' sound to represent the bottom dropping out of his stomach. Kasumi was impressed by the fireball that shot out of Ranma's mouth at one point (courtesy of Akane's Fire magic), which got a lot of laughs. Akane was well known for a few spicy dishes that were beyond what most mortals could take. For that matter, her specialty, Volcano Curry, was beyond what most immortals could take too. There was only a handful on both sides of the fence that could happily eat it. Ranma was one of them. Tofu's fellow disciple, Shiran - a full-blooded Kitsune - could as well. Their Master, Lord Jakaro, could not. Most of their fellow Kitsunes could not either. Tofu was a hurting puppy if he tried it, so much that he called Akane's Volcano Curry "Meal of a Thousand Nightmares." Volcano Curry had even brought an Earth Giant to his knees. Surprisingly enough, Daran Hawke, a normal human, could eat the dish, despite the fact he did not have a superhuman constitution. Of course, Kasumi couldn't eat it although she admitted getting within two meters of it cleared out her sinuses wonderfully (it wasn't unpleasant to smell - just rather intense). Fortunately, Akane could cook meals for the rest of the population as well.

Finally, on the TV, Ranma collapsed face down on the table into the remainder of his meal. "It's also nice to take a nap after a good meal," Akane said brightly to a lot of laughs. "Could someone help Ranma go lie down?" Hiroshi and Daisuke came out dressed as hospital interns, pushing a hospital bed. Hiroshi came over and lifted Ranma using a fireman carry, much to everyone's surprise. He placed Ranma in the bed and Daisuke made a show of hooking Ranma up to a heart monitor and an IV. The bed was pushed up to the front side of the stage and the two interns walked off-stage. Akane walked forward and the curtains closed behind her, leaving Ranma, his bed, Akane, and the various remains of food visible to the audience. Then Akane announced: "Now, as promised, I'm going to give out the recipe for my famous Volcano Curry. This dish is meant to be served over rice and…"

The color drained from Kasumi's face as she heard that. "OH MY!" she burst out losing her façade. "She can't do that! People will get hurt!"

She jumped up and ran to get the phone. Tofu shrugged his shoulders and responded: "It's a free country after all…"

Kasumi was scolding her silly husband while dialing Akane's number when an alarm sounded from the TV:

*BHANN* *BHANN* *BHANN*

The picture changed to a shot of Police Inspector Ojima sitting behind a desk holding a set of papers. "Attention: In the interest of public safety, Judge Sanu has declared that the manufacture and consumption of Volcano Curry is banned from all public and private places except the Tendo Dojo. Anyone voluntarily eating this substance is required to sign a waiver available only at the Tendo Dojo. Tricking or forcing anyone into eating this substance is punishable by up to three years in prison - for first offense."

Off-screen Ranma was heard to say: "I'm free! I'm free!"

Ojima stopped and looked to the lower left-side of the screen. Then he said: "I have your signature right here, lad." The inspector picked up a piece of paper.

Ranma's voice: "Wait a minute…that's not fair! She sweet-talked me into signing t…"

*BAM* - There was a noise that sounded suspiciously like a mallet striking someone and laughter was heard from the audience again.

Ojima continued: "Instead, Saitou's Café would like to offer the following recipe for their Sweet Chili…"

On the Tendo couch, Tofu looked up at his stunned bride and laughed: "Admit it, she got you!"

Kasumi drop the phone and ran over to dope slap her husband several times - much to Soun's and Nodoka's amusement.

Back in the high school auditorium:

[Inspector Ojima image is projected on a large screen in front of the curtains. He has just completed reciting the Sweet Chili recipe. Then he looks down smugly at Akane Tendo.]

OJIMA: "Don't think for a second that there is any way I'm letting you pass out that recipe - ever."

[Akane glares at the screen with her hands on her hips. Ranma grins at Akane from where he is sitting on the hospital bed. There's a large foam mallet next to him.]

OJIMA: "There's too many people starving on this planet without you wasting good food!"

[Akane sticks her tongue out at him, but Ojima's expression doesn't change. Instead, the large screen rolls back up out-of-sight.]

RANMA: "Sounds like the lawman made his case. What do you have to say for yourself?"

[Akane puts on a haughty expression.]

AKANE: "I do not waste food."

[Ranma indicates the stage which is covered in the remains of her cooking attempts.]

RANMA: "What do you call this mess?"

[Akane looks thoughtful as she walks over to Ranma. She reaches out and helps him up from the bed. The curtain opens and her kitchen is back again - still looking a mess. She leads Ranma over to a pile of flour on the floor. Akane bends down and picks up a handful of white powder off of the stage. She answers him in over-blown tones:]

AKANE: "I call this talcum powder."

[She reaches over a counter and plucks up a mess of green dough.]

AKANE: "This looks like kids' play-dough."

[She picks up a chicken leg off the floor.]

AKANE: "Looks like part of the plastic window display from Saitou's Café."

[Ranma crosses his arms but is still smiling as Akane continues to pick up various props from the stage while still acting haughty.]

AKANE: "And these eggs look like white bean bags…and the rice looks like bits of plastic… and the asparagus looks like a collection of painted sticks.]

[She picks up something that looks like vomit, but it is quite solid.]

AKANE: "And this is looks like one of Daisuke's disgusting jokes."

[Daisuke walks out.]

DAISUKE: "Hey! Have some respect for the classics!"

[The audience starts to laugh again.]

DAISUKE: "Besides, I made some really cool props!"

[Akane drops the 'airs' and gestures grandly at the large cooking pot on the stained stovetop. The cream sauce puppet leaps out of the pot again to the cheers of the audience. It bows extravagantly to the audience's applause and jumps back inside. Akane smiles.]

AKANE: "All right, maybe you did."

[Yuka walks out without the helmet and pillows and faces the audience.]

YUKA: "Actually, none of the 'food' tonight was real. All of it was props donated by our sponsors."

[Sayuri follows Yuka out, also in normal dress.]

SAYURI: "While it might have been cheaper to use real food and we wanted to entertain you, we also wanted to make a point about how precious food really is. It's something we often take for granted."

[Hiroshi walks up from behind everyone.]

HIROSHI: "Inspector Ojima is right - there are too many people in the world starving. Food is an important resource that many of us don't have."

RANMA: "Over 800 million people in this world go to bed hungry. Many of these people are from Latin America, Africa, and large swaths of territory in Asia."

DAISUKE: "But even within the more industrialized nations, significant segments of the population do not have enough to eat."

SAYURI: "The reasons vary across the globe. Some of it is drought, natural disaster, pandemics, war, or even complex economic transitions happening within a society."

YUKA: "Organizations like the UN's World Food Programme, The Hunger Project, and Japan International Food for the Hungry are working to combat this dreadful problem."

[The rest of the cast - another twenty students - enter the stage from the sides and stand behind the six speakers.]

AKANE: "But they need your help! Please consider making a donation to the WFP, THP, or JIFH care of Nerima Access Television Channel. Any amount you can give would help, whether it be 500, 1000, 2000, 5000 yen or more. As an added incentive, Kuno Enterprises has promised to double-match any funds collected within the next 30 minutes. Please call the number on your screen! Please give generously!"

[All move forward to the edge of the stage.]

ALL: "Please help fight world hunger!"

[The audience begins to clap and cheer. After a few minutes of this, Hotaka Kawano steps out on the stage.]

KAWANO: "Let's again hear it for our cast!"

[The audience picks up again and the cast links hands and takes a bow together.]

KAWANO: "I'd also like to thank the students and staff of Furinkan High School for helping us at NATC to kick off our weekend effort to fight world hunger. During the next forty-eight hours, there will be many events across Nerima to help raise money to fight world hunger. Please join us for those events! The next event is the dance marathon at the civic center which starts at 8:30PM. It's hosted by world-famous DJ, Alex Taka! Come and cheer on the contestants by sponsoring them! See you there!"

[One of the cast members wearing a wig, thick glasses, and a lab coat leaves the line up and runs off-stage as the audience continues to applaud. The cast member reappears pushing an okonomiyaki cart and begins speaking in a feminine tone.]

PERSON IN LAB COAT: "NATC would also like to thank our sponsors for their help especially Saitou's Café, Sakai's Sushi, Tai Chi Florist, the Cat Café, the Tendo Dojo, Okada Booksellers, Meada's Produce, the Jouda Dojo, Mori's Meats, and of course…

[The speaker throws off the lab coat, wig, and glasses and reveals herself to be Ukyo dressed in her uniform as she poses for the audience.]

UKYO: "Ucchan's!"

[The audience cheers. No one on stage reacts unusually except Akane who is obviously surprised. Ukyo gestures grandly at the back of the auditorium and the exit doors.]

UKYO: "Outside, you'll find a selection of small treats from many of our sponsors…

[Ukyo reaches into her cart and pulls out two okonomiyaki platters already hot and cut into bite sized pieces.]

UKYO: "Including me!"

VARIOUS PEOPLE ON STAGE: "All right…" "I could use a snack." "Cool…"

RANMA: "Free food? All right!"

[Akane looks slightly exasperated.]

AKANE: "Ranma, I made you okonomiyaki last night. You had me make a triple batch!"

[Ranma points at the okonomiyaki which people are already eating.]

RANMA: "But Akane, you know how much I like pineapple and ham."

[He snatches up a piece and eats it.]

AKANE: "But that's what I made last night…ah…Wait a minute…"

[Everyone on stage stops and watches as Akane comes over and looks at the half a pie still left.]

AKANE: "That's mine!"

[Folks in the audience begin chuckling and Ukyo smirks. Ranma walks behind Akane and places his arms around her waist. The cast is grinning at her and starts laughing as well.]

SAYURI: "Tendo, you were too good a sport about all this. Yuka and I were praying fervently when Mr. Kawano brought this up. We were so worried that we'd have to call an ambulance. Once upon a time, you would have gone through the roof."

YUKA: "Luckily, he never found out how fortunate he was."

[Akane starts to blush fiercely as Ranma holds her firmly. The audience is laughing and cheering again. Ranma is smirking.]

RANMA: "We couldn't leave things stand - we had to show everyone you got better."

[He kisses the top of her head from behind. Akane is glowing from the blood in her face.]

VARIOUS PEOPLE ON STAGE: "It's good." "Yep…" "Settles well too." "Thank heavens." "Oh shut up!" "It does taste good…"

[Ukyo eats a piece.]

UKYO: "Eh…it's passable."

EVERYONE (BUT AKANE): "UKYO!"

[Ukyo eats another piece.]

UKYO: "At least her family won't starve."

[Everyone groans and the audience roars with laughter. Whistling is also heard. Ukyo grins insolently at Akane. The blood fades from Akane's face and her mouth twitches upward into a smile. Ukyo comes over and places an arm around Akane as both of them turn towards the audience. Ranma also turns toward the audience on the other side of Akane while keeping an arm about her waist. The rest of the cast joins them, all linking the same way. Once the chain is complete, Akane yells out.]

AKANE: "Good night, Nerima!"

[Everyone waves and the camera scene fades to black….]

Ranma and Akane left the Civic Center at 11PM. Things were still going strong at the marathon, but the cast party officially ended half an hour ago and Akane had convinced Ranma that she wanted to walk home before she started feeling tired. NATC had bused the show's cast to the Civic Center and treated them to the party as a "Thank you". Strictly speaking, it wasn't necessary to walk as the city was providing shuttles to support the weekend activities, but it was obvious Akane wanted a little privacy and Ranma wasn't about to say 'No.'

Akane looked at Ranma's grin as they left the building. "What are you smiling at?" she asked while laughing.

"I was just thinking about the DJ," Ranma answered. "We haven't seen Alex since our first date back in April." (1)

"That's sort of true," Akane admitted. She dropped her voice and added: "I don't know how he keeps all those identities straight. One doesn't look or even act like any of the others."

"I once joked with him if he knew who the real Daran was," Ranma told her confidentially.

"What did he say?"

"He answered that Daran was a kid from the south side of Chicago - the one with a real birth certificate."

"I suppose there's something to be said for knowing who you are," she stated.

Ranma looked up at the clear sky thoughtfully. "Knowing who you are…" he murmured.

Akane looked at him. "Are you all right?" she asked.

He looked very directly at her and smiled. "Yeah…yeah, I am" he answered.

Then his eyes sparkled and he caught her up and twirled with her in his arms. "Ranma!" she cried half in surprise and half in laughter.

"That's right! I'm Ranma of Nerima, and my fiancé is Akane Tendo," he shouted.

"You're a dummy!" she laughed as he set her down. She was caught somewhere between total delight and total embarrassment.

"That's all right, so long as I'm your dummy and you're my Tomboy," he said with a wicked grin. Akane couldn't resist that grin, so she dodged in and kissed him.

When they stopped, she pulled him into motion toward home. "There's something I wanted to give you before the day ended," she started.

"Is this why you were in the school's kitchens on Monday," he asked. She nodded a little self-consciously. He thought about that for a few moments and followed the training Tofu had hammered into his skull. "O.K.," was all he said, knowing sometimes the shortest answer was the correct one.

Akane blushed and let go of him. She reached into her purse and pulled out at small heart-shaped box. "Here," was all she said.

"Thank you," he answered. Two rival instincts for self-preservation rose up in him - while she had gotten better, new recipes were often trouble. Still she had come a long way, so he chose the instinct that would at least make her happy - he'd heal. He opened the box and scanned the dozen chocolate pieces. The color was right, and so was the smell, so he relaxed and popped a piece in his mouth. "Pretty good," he said honestly. She searched his face, so he added: "Really." Now Akane relaxed. Then he smirked, "Am I allowed to offer you some?"

Akane grinned. "Damn straight," she answered and took a piece. He stole a kiss before she could place it in her mouth and they resumed their walk home.

"Hmmm…" he said after a few minutes. "So I suppose I should get you something for White Day now?"

Akane laughed. "You already gave me an engagement ring," she said.

"Yeah…which makes me want to ask - so why the chocolate?"

"I never made any boy chocolate for Valentine's Day. I wanted to do it for you before we got married," she said with a shrug.

He thought about that for a few minutes. The first time she gave him chocolate had been something she bought - mostly to soothe his ego but also because she cared about him. It was more about friendship, although he also admitted to himself on that day that she did matter to him - a lot (he had returned the gesture on White Day). Their second Valentine's Day together had been run over by the trip to China and the wedding fiasco. The next Valentine's Day would be Ryoga's and Akari's Wedding Day - there would be no time for anything but the wedding. Today was the only Valentine's Day she had to make something special, just for him. Once more, she had put her skills - and her ego - on the line to please him. He unconsciously straightened up at that thought. She glanced at him a little nervously, but he winked at her and she relaxed again. Finally, he decided that he would return the favor in one month's time, but first things first. "Thank you," he said sincerely. "It's perfect. I really appreciate this. And being here with you is perfect too." He stopped and drew her to him. "Happy Valentine's Day, Akane."

Akane looked like she was about to explode with happiness. "Happy Valentine's Day, Ranma."

That kiss went on for a long time…

A/N: Footnotes:

1) Alex the DJ/Daran Hawke first appeared in the story "The Date".

A/N: If you're listed in my profile under "Favorite Authors", chances are I stole something for this story. Consider this an acknowledgement (or an apology - your choice). Take care!