(O.O)

Dr. Grey

It was a rainy Thursday morning but I had to come to work early. It really was not something I would normally do because usually I come in around twelve noon, not seven, but this was a special case, or more specifically a special client that was given a rescheduled appointment because he had missed the one he had last Monday. It is most probably obvious by now who the client I am referring to at the moment is. Yes, it was Spike. My very first vampire client and, by far, the most interesting client I'd had all year.

He was interesting because, as I had said, he was a vampire and from the information I had gathered about this demonic group, I learned that they were not the most civil of demons. And yet my encounter with Spike has put me and all of those books I had read in a ringer because of what an amazing contradiction he was to his kind. But that is not the only the reason why I was always looking forward with my sessions with him, because aside from that fact that I always learn something new from my client when it came to vampire behaviors in each session, I also enjoy the stories he would relate to me pertaining a certain group of individuals, who save the world from destruction on a regular basis. Although the details I hear about these humans are mostly from my client's negative point of view of them, it did not really bother me because, being a psychiatrist, I had the ability to read between the lines.

Anyway, I had arrived at work thirty minutes early to prepare my office a little bit for my session with Spike. Meaning, I was planning to close the blinds in my office to protect him from the sunlight . I walked towards the my receptionist's desk, who was strangely absent at the moment, and picked up his file.

Client no. 2091

Name: William James Pratt aka William the Bloody or Spike

Species: Undead

Class: Vampire

Session 4

Time: (10:30 pm) 7:30 am

Duration: 2 hours and 30minutes.

I read it and changed some minor things in it, like the time and date for today's session, and a few other things that I had written last Monday about him when he failed to show up for my session with him.

Hmm, I guess I was wrong about me intimidating him after all.

My session with him last Friday had been a very productive one in terms of tackling a little bit of his co-dependency issues when it came to his relationships with his lovers. He was not all that thrilled with what we talked about, most of the time he was angry, agitated and emotional to all the things I had revealed to him or informed him of. In fact, I had made him cry a few times during the session, but I knew all those things we talked about were necessary in order for my client to notice his issues without me directly telling him about them. I did it that way because from what I learned of my client, his stubbornness would have resulted in him denying the problem and getting aggravated over being told he had them. So as I usually did with someone of his personality, I goaded and stirred our conversation to where I knew he would realize the problems by himself.

But when he did not show up at our appointment last Monday, I had began to think that perhaps my method was not as perfect for his character as I had thought it would be. I had thought that I had intimidated him when I pointed out the flaws of how he handled his relationship with Drusilla and educated him to what a healthy relationship was. I had been very disappointed and blamed myself when he failed to show up.

I may have gotten him to see that he was following the repetitive pattern of that relationship with his current relationship with Buffy, but if my methods scare my clients away then I was a failure as a counsellor.

Last Monday, I had tried to think back on what I did last Friday and all the things I had said and done in that session, that could have lead the vampire to stop coming to our session. Perhaps it had been because I had directly hit his personality and beliefs in order to get him to realize his misguided way of handling the things about love and relationships.

Spike had believed that love was a primal instinct and that it is what makes people do stupid and crazy things to themselves in the name of love.

Love is love and that's that! There are no other forms of it that could be determined or differentiated by logic or any of those stuff. It's blood. It screams inside of you and tells you what to do and how to do it. You don't think when it comes to love, you let it work you.

Those were his exact words to describe what love was for him. But that sort of thinking was just his way of putting reason to his actions of being a co-dependent. He puts the needs of his partner before himself and, though it is a noble thing to do, it was not a healthy thing to do in a relationship. I had needed him to realize this without telling him directly of his problem, for as I said I wanted to avoid angering him, and that is why I had told him to tell me the reason why he loved the two women in the first place.

This method seemed to work during the session because he was able to realize that in his relationship with Dru, he had been wrong to give too much to the woman when his feelings for her were not as true as he thought them to be.

I had also suggested that he needed to learn to distinguish what kind of love he had for a person before he started relationships with them in order to prevent himself from wasting his time and effort with that particular someone. He had not liked when he heard this and was angry even, but when I used his relationship with Dru against him, he had conceded and thus allowed me to explain what I meant.

I then explained to him what a healthy relationship was, and that it was meant to bring more happiness than stress into ones life. I pointed out to him that although relationships had stress at times, it was not good when both or either members of the relationship had prolonged mental stress that is caused by the relationship itself. It had seemed that he understood this because he had pointed out that his and Buffy's relationship was like this.

I had been so glad back then that Spike had reached that conclusion, because I was able to finally get him to see or at least realize that his relationship with this Buffy was not healthy or good for him because that woman treats him even worse than Drusilla did. At least with Drusilla, he felt an ounce of love but with Buffy, Spike receives nothing but the channeled self-hatred she has for herself. He is clearly abused in that relationship and I know that it is best for him to leave her, but I cannot say such advice out loud so I try to make him see that for himself. Of course after I did just that, he seemed to close off from our discussion. I could tell that he had been saddened and very hurt at the prospect that he and Buffy were not meant for each other. But as I said it was a necessity for him to see this so he can finally be free to be what he can be without the baggage that is Buffy. The session ended but I knew I left him troubled. So I had given him an assignment that I knew would at least help ease the pain of the possibility of ending his relationship with this Buffy. I had told him to list reasons why he loved the woman, this was so he could at the very least find out for himself what his love for this woman was doing to him.

That had been how our previous meeting ended, but I saw no flaw In how I handled things, so now you can see why I had truly been surprised that he did not show up that night.

I finished editing the file and tucked it back inside its folder. I entered my office but had been surprised that the curtains inside were already closed shut.

"Hmm, Aga must have closed them for me," I muttered to myself as I reached towards the switch for the light.

"She did," I voice resounded from beside me.

"Holy Fucking Shit!" I cursed loudly as I pressed the switch and turned on the lights, before turning to glare at the amused look of my vampire patient.

"My, my, my, it seems the good doctor has quite a dirty mouth in such a beautiful early morning," he said with a teasing smile.

I felt a flush form on my cheeks but I chose to ignore it and instead I greeted the vampire. "Spike, it is wonderful to see you come in early on this dreadfully rainy morning," I told him with a tight smile and a hint of sarcasm.

"Your sense of humor is outstanding as always, Doc? Though not as outstanding as that dirty little mouth of yours," he said with a teasing grin. "My dear, do you kiss your parents with that mouth?"

Well, it seems he has no plans of letting that one go.

"Yes, well, my foul mouth only comes forth when I encounter unruly people who enjoy lurking in the dark corners of my office," I told him with a wry smile.

His smile grew wider at that. "I'm a vampire, pet. I was born unruly and enjoy lurking in dark corners." He ran his tongue over the front of his teeth, most likely thinking it was a sexy gesture on his part.

I simply raised one eyebrow at him and let out a short chuckle before shrugging. "And here I thought you were raised to be a gentleman who enjoys writing poetry," I stated as I walked to the direction of my desk, "I wonder what your parents would think of you."

"That's a low blow, Doc," he said, his voice devoid of all the humor he'd had just a few moments earlier. "I thought you weren't gonna use my past against me."

I had been surprised at first because I had garnered such reaction from him in the first place, because from what I had gathered of the vampire in our sessions he seems to take humor real well. I immediately felt guilty for what I had done so I apologized right away for what I had said.

"I am sorry, Spike. I had not-"

"Got you!" the vampire exclaimed happily. "I can't believe you actually fell for that one, Doc! I thought you knew me better than that! I wouldn't have let a little jibe on my William days get to me that easily." He was laughing and smiling. It was quite a sight to see from the vampire this early in the morning.

"True, I am quite surprised that it had happened. Although not as surprised as to how happy you seem to be feeling this morning. Did something happen, Spike over the last few days that we have not seen each other?" I asked him, suddenly feeling really curious as to the reason for the vampire's good mood.

"You can say that, Doc," he told me, with a smirk and an air of mystery, as he plopped onto his favorite chair in my office.

I gathered my notepad and pen and sat on my chair in front of him. "Well, are you planning on telling me about it or not?" I asked.

"Buffy and I are together now," he stated with a wide smile.

"I had never assumed that you were not a couple," I told him.

"No, not in a just-sex kind of way, but in an actual relationship-boyfriend/girlfriend kind of way. We talked last Monday, you know during that apocalypse we averted and the reason why I didn't show up. Anyway, going back, me and her talked, straightened some things out, she apologized to me, I apologized to her and well, she said she'd give us a chance. To be like a real couple. And we did just that starting last Tuesday night, when we had our very first real date at the Bronze, a place where Buffy and her friends love to hang out at. I know its not romantic but-"

I listened with an eager smile on my face as Spike began retelling his date with the Slayer and what had happened that had lead to that sort of progress in their relationship. But deep inside I was really frowning at the situation that had suddenly presented itself to me . In my previous session with the vampire, I had thought I had finally gotten through to him about how unhealthy his relationship with Buffy was for him, but now it had seemed that what I had asked him to do over the weekend, though it gave him the confidence to voice out his afflictions towards the Slayer, seemed to be what had lead the Slayer to also voice out her insecurities and troubles in how she had been dealing with a lot of things, particularly in terms of her maltreatment towards the vampire. Although this behavior of hers seemed to be a positive thing, it actually was not. This behavior was what triggered Spike's innate need to take care of the girl, thus getting him to commit even more to the relationship instead of finding ways to end it.

Spike and Buffy's relationship, as beautiful and romantic as it sounded because of who and what these two were, was not the most logical or most healthy of forms of relationship. Not just because these two were naturally born enemies and their very core nature tangled with one another but because these two, due to their past experiences and circumstances, are both experiencing mental issues that all need to be treated. A relationship with one another or any form of romantic relationship would not lead into an immediate happy ending for the two of them. They both have to resolve their issues first before they commit into any long term relationship otherwise the pair would fall back in to the pattern of what had been their previous relationships. And based on what I am currently hearing from Spike in his story of their date, I can say that I am right in my assumption and premise.

"-She let me hold her hand and allowed me to dance with her!" he stated excited earning another false happy nod from myself.

The fact that it seems he is still relying on Buffy's approval on how the relationship should progress is what I had meant about his returning pattern. Also it seems that, again the only one actively trying in this relationship was Spike, which was the same as it had been before.

"Although, due to some unexpected turn of events, we had to cut the date at the Bronze short, but we did finished it at my crypt. We had hot and amazing sex there and finally at the end of it, we cuddled! Can you believe it?! She actually let me cuddle her! God! It was so amazing," he stated dreamily, before looking back at me with an expectant expression. "Well? What do you think?"

"Hmm?" had been my unintelligent reply.

"What do you think about me and Buffy?" he said slowly as if trying to articulate the question better, which was really unnecessary but I didn't say so.

Instead, I told him how happy I was for them in a quite over enthusiastic tone.

"Well, I am happy for the two of you, Spike."

"But?"

"But what?"

"I sense a but in that sentence, Doc."

Well, he's annoyingly perceptive as usual.

"But-do you not think that you two are rushing things a little?" I stated with a guilty expression.

"Rushing? We just started actually dating after months of having a relationship that she denied existed and was centered only on sex?! How the bloody hell is this rushing?!" he questioned standing up again.

Oh dear, here goes the standing ovation glare.

He stalked towards my direction and glared down at me.

But it did not intimidated me as it had in our previous sessions. It did not make me deter my opinions on the matter.

"Spike, calm down," I told him with a stern tone. "I am not telling you anything bad here. I am here to help you and I cannot do that with you yelling at me every time I say something you do not agree with. We are simply talking about-"

"How much of a big mistake you think my relationship with Buffy is?!" he screamed before he turned away from me and started to pace inside the room. "Don't think I haven't noticed what you've been doing, doctor, since our previous session." He pointed an accusing finger at me. "You're trying to manipulate me in to breaking up with Buffy. What, with you asking me questions on why I loved Dru that got me to realize that I never truly loved her that way and got me to make a list of how awful a partner Buffy was to me! You want, for some unknown reasons, to separate me from her and I say this ends now!" He gave one final glare before walking towards the door. "I'm done with this. I don't need your help anymore. I'll suss out my own shit!"

I was not really surprised with his current behavior nor the fact he was attempting to end our sessions altogether, quite frankly, I have been expecting it. Spike was not an idiot, as I believe most of his human companions thought him to be. On the contrary, he was quite intelligent. Book smart and street wise. He had earned his knowledge from both by studying and by experiencing things. Aside from that the he had a very amazing sense of perception. He has the ability to read people really well. A skill perhaps he learned in both his human and vampire life. The combination of this and his intelligence made it very easy for him to figure out what I have been doing to him and thus his outburst was truly not unexpected.

Had he chosen to, this vampire would make a good psychologist. I paused on that thought. Or maybe a profiler?

I shook my musing as I heard the door open and Spike started exiting my office.

"She is still hiding your relationship, is she not?" I suddenly asked him during his mid-exit.

"How did you-" He stopped and turned back to face me.

I kept a stoic expression, while I internally smiled at the surprised look on his face that he directed my way.

He may be a smart and perceptive one but my training and experience should not be taken lightly too.

I stood up and watched the anger and confusion cross his face as I said my next words. "At your date she came in late and wore a simple shirt and jeans that, if it had been any other day, you knew she would have never worn for such an occasion. And during the entire date you noticed she was not really there with you. Sure, she would nod at what you would say and sometimes respond but overall she seemed distracted, if not, she seemed like she did not want to be there with you, if the distressed look she often gave out from time to time while she thought you were not looking was an indication. But at the time you had shrugged it off as her being nervous about the entire thing. You two danced and ate, held hands like a real couple would but you could tell she was always tensed at each contact and looked like she had to talk herself into doing each and everyone of them. But again you shrugged it off, thinking she was still getting used to the concept of dating you."

The pained look he gave me was enough to tell me that so far my hypothesis on what had happened last night was correct. I did not want to do it this way for I knew this was the more painful method of addressing his issues but I continued anyway. I continued to state out the behavior I knew Buffy had demonstrated to let him know how textbook the young woman was in the role of someone who was not ready to be in a serious relationship, especially to someone as loving, passionate and devoted as Spike. He needed to wake up from the illusion that he and she were good for each other at the moment.

Perhaps if he and she were not in a bad place then this relationship would have worked.

But for now, I knew I had to tell him the painful truth of what it was doing or going to do to the two of them.

"And when her friends entered the establishment, which I believe was the unexpected event you mentioned earlier, you saw the panicked look she gave out and had immediately dragged you away from their line of sight. That night, you had thought it had been the perfect opportunity to let them know of your relationship, but she told you right away that she was not ready. Probably told you she did not want to deal with the conflict she knew would have happened once the relationship was out in the open. So you conceded and probably suggested that at least you two go and hang out with them, pretend you came there separately and such, thinking at the very least her friends' presence would have ease her tense demeanor. But again she shut down the idea and told you to wait for her outside." Spike was now looking at the floor with a defeated appearance, but still I continued. "When she met up with you, you had thought that the date was over, but then she suggested you two finish it at your crypt, which then had brightened your mood. You began thinking of the things you two could do there; like watch television or play cards. But as soon as the two of you entered your home, she immediately initiated the intimacy, and all thoughts of continuing the date left your mind and thought that what happened was better." I walked closer to Spike's standing form until I was standing in front of him. "You two had sex and when it was done, you held each other close. And it was the only time you truly and genuinely felt that she had enjoyed something out of that night. Am I right, Spike?" I asked him softly getting him to look up and allowing me to see the hurt and sad look on his face.

"Why are you telling me this?" he asked in a whisper that I had almost did not hear. "Why are you ruining the best night of my unlife by telling me things I already know but would've rather not really think about? Why are you tormenting me?"

"I do not wish to torment you, Spike. Nor do I wish to cause you any pain. I simply wish to help you."

"By telling me that Buffy doesn't even want to be in this relationship?! How is that even helping me?!" he screamed.

"I never said she does not want to be in a relationship with you, Spike. In fact, I am most certain that she was genuine in her desire to give a relationship with you a shot."

"Then why did she act that way? Why was she acting like what we were doing was such a bother and a pain to her?"

"Because, even though she wants to be in a relationship with you, she is not ready to be in one as of the moment."

Spike had looked like he was taken aback by my statement.

"Wha-what do you mean by she isn't ready to be in one at the moment?"

"Spike, for the lack of an easier and less painful way of informing you of this, I shall tell you the hard truth about what I had so far assessed of this Buffy that you are so in love with and that is that she is very, very ill." He looked like he was about to argue but I did not let him for I immediately explained. "Not ill in a sense that she is physically unwell, but more of a mental or psychological illness. You know personally what that woman has been through, what she is still going through. You know for a fact that what had happened to her, being torn from her Eternal resting place and brought back in to this world of problems and pain, has been putting such a burden on her that it seems she is not who she once was."

"And what does Buffy's mental state have to do with her readiness for a relationship?" he asked looking slightly impatient.

"Her mental state, Spike, is what is preventing her from properly reciprocating or participating in the relationship. Have you not ever wondered why she had been acting the way she has? Ignoring her family and friends? Hurting and abusing you? Hating herself and viewing herself as a monster? Had it never crossed your mind to question why she was behaving this way?"

He was silent as he contemplated on what I said. It took a few moments before he finally said anything.

"So that's why you asked me earlier if Buffy and I were rushing things. It was because you think she's not ready for a serious relationship with me."

"I don't think, Spike. I know that both of you are not ready."

"Me?! What do you mean by I'm not ready?! Stupid chit, this relationship is what I had been wishing for since I first sussed out that I loved the damned bint! How can you even think I am not ready for this relationship?!"

"Because like Buffy, you, Spike, are also suffering from your own psychological issues," I informed him, finally thinking it was time to let him know of my diagnosis. "Because whether you believe it or not, you're friend, Dawn, was right and you do have Codependency Issues, that and a bit of issues of self-esteem or the lack of it for the matter."

"Lack of self-esteem? I do not lack self-esteem! And Bloody hell! For the last time, I do not have codependency issues!" he declared.

"Yes, you do! You are just too stubborn to admit it to yourself!" I told him. But when he looked like he was still gonna argue. I read to him my notes of what I wrote about him in our sessions, informing him beforehand that the following were all seen as characteristics of a Codependent person.

· -He has an extreme need for approval and recognition, as shown by how he regals his sexual exploits with his partner and also on how he tends to over exaggerate his stories.

· -He lets his partner take the lead in the relationship and feels a similar feeling of guilt when he asserts his dominance in his relationship with his partner. Probably retracts his words when he feels his partner's discomfort by what he's said and done.

· -He lacks trust in himself, as he shows in how he tends to downgrade himself or puts himself in the negative spotlight when discussions go to where his partner shows her abusive side. He often makes himself to be the bad guy in most of the discussions.

· -He lacks trust in others.

· -He has a great fear of being abandoned by his partner.

· -He has a difficulty identifying his feelings, although this could be associated with his vampiric nature.

· -He has problems with intimacy/boundaries, although again could be associated with his vampiric nature.

· -Chronic anger. Often loses his temper during sessions, especially when things do not go his way or when I say something he does not agree on.

· -Lying/dishonesty. Could also be a vampiric trait or simply a defensive response.

· -Poor communication. He has a tendency to either over exaggerate his tale or hide and take out parts of the story, more for the benefit of his partner.

· -He has difficulty making decisions or at least deciding for himself. Probably bases his decision on what his partner would do in that situation.

"So? Do you still think you are not codependent?" I asked him. "Oh, and before you ask why I had said that you lacked self-esteem, let me just inform you that most codependents all share such similar traits, but aside from that it was mostly because you have been allowing the abuse towards you to continue even though, you, yourself knows that you are being abused. You do not respect yourself enough Spike to actually stand up for yourself in the relationship, and because of this, I had said that you lack self-esteem or even self-respect."

Spike was silent after that, and he again had that contemplative look on his face only this one was accompanied by a pained and hurt expression.

When nearly a minute has passed and when I was finally about to ask him how he truly felt about what I said, he suddenly spoke and asked.

"Can you really help me?" His tone, pleading. "I-I think I understand now what's wrong with me, and I know now that I really do need help. So can you really help me, doctor?"

"Of course, Spike," I said proudly and with a small smile, "That is why you had hired me, is it not?"

(O.O)

Spike

I needed help.

That, at least, was what I had sussed out after the doc's big reveal of my behavior to prove what a huge codependent I was and of how much I lacked self-esteem. Knowing the problem finally made it easier for me to accept that I needed help, that and the fact that if I did get help first then maybe I can also make things work between Buffy and I. She, Dr. Grey, I mean, had informed me that my relationship with the Slayer won't work out because she and I have issues we have to deal with before we commit to the relationship. So I thought that if I deal with mine first then I could at least focus on helping her from here on out.

The good doctor lead me to my seat again after our discussion by the door. It is obvious that by now I had forgone the thought of leaving. She took a seat on her chair in front of me, picked up her notepad and, again, we started our session.

"Tell me, Spike, how do you see yourself?" she suddenly asked, after she finally settled on her chair.

The question startled me at first for I had not expected to immediately be asked just right after we had that big conversation by her office door. Then after that, the confusion settled in, as I realized I had no idea what she meant by that question.

"I beg your pardon?"

Sh smiled at my stupid reply, which normally would've irritated me but was too confused about the question to feel any kind of emotion. "I had asked how you see yourself," she repeated.

"No-I mean, I heard you-I just don't understand what you meant by that question," I told her.

Or what the point of asking me such a question in the first place.

"The question, Spike, is meant for me to know how you view yourself. I wanted to see what kind of person or demon your think you are," she explained.

"Why would you want to know?" I asked suddenly feeling that I would be manipulated again into something by this question.

"Because I plan to base my next questions on what you shall say to describe what you think of yourself. So perhaps you should stop avoiding the question now and start answering, please."

I sighed. Not really seeing an out to this question, which I still had a feeling was gonna be a way for her to again use that stupid reverse psychology thing on me to manipulate me in some way. But still, I had answered it as best as I could and as truthful as I could muster.

'Cause there's no sense lying to the damned woman when she has the ability to figure out the truth anyway.

"I'm a Master Vampire, who's bagged himself two Slayers in just one century but ended up falling head over heels in love with the best Slayer of them all," I started with the most notable description of myself, hoping it'll ease my tension and discomfort and get me to open up more. "I'm a warrior and fighter. I may love the thrill of the hunt like any other vamp, but it doesn't compare to how much I love to walk in-between the lines of life and death. The idea that the fight would be my last just gives me a rush that invigorates me. It pumps my blood and makes me feel alive."

I paused and smiled nostalgically as I remember how I felt when I fought those Slayers. They were beautiful and our fights were equally amazing and god, how I miss those times.

"The chip took that away from me, you know?" I told her with a somber expression. I had found a sudden urge to stray for a while from our original conversation about describing how I see myself to the conversation regarding my chip. "It's what had stopped me from doing one of the best activities in my unlife. Fighting Slayers was the only thing that I knew I really did for myself and not to prove anything to anyone. Well, okay, it started as such, because really back then Angelus had just returned to our nifty little group and I had wanted to show the wanker how much I had grown by bagging myself a bloody Slayer all by myself. But every other Slayer I fought afterwards, I fought for myself," I confessed hurriedly.

I then saw a confused look cross the good doctor's features, which told me she didn't know about the other Slayers I fought against .

Well, can't really blame her, it's not like my fights with those other girls were widely broadcasts after I fought them. Afterall, what kind of Watcher would tell anyone that their Slayer fought a vampire, got beaten up and was left there alive because the said vamp thought they weren't worth killing.

"I fought a few more Slayers before I met Nikki Woods in New York, around the seventies. It just wasn't recorded probably because it was an embarrassment for the Slayer and her Watcher that they lost to me and I had spared them out of pity or more specifically because they just sucked as a Slayers." I remembered my disappointment as I fought two other Slayers after the Slayer I killed in China. It was a good fight at first before the Slayers began to bore me with their battle skills that obviously lacked originality and creativity. "Mindless automations, those other Slayers were," I told the doctor with a hint of contempt. "They fought methodically and they didn't even show creativity as they fought me. They had a goal and that was to slay a vamp, nothing else. They didn't show any passion in their scared duty, just that it was a duty and they were simply following orders. They were boring and had no fire at all. They just fought me like they would fight ordinary vamps, which had been insulting by the way. I mean, I may look like every other vampire when I let my demon out, but I am more than a vicious demon, you know? Those bloody Watchers should know better than to teach their Slayer that vampires are just mindless monsters. I mean, what did they think happened to the human part of the body once the demon enters? They should know that vampires keep their host's knowledge and memories, so that means we were more than animals because whatever intelligence we had back from our human days stayed with us, and yet they always teach the Slayers how a vampire only cares for the blood and the kill. But that is so wrong. I mean, sure, that way of thinking may work for a fledgling but for an older vampire? It's just stupidity!" I knew I was ranting; or whining was more accurate. But I didn't care about that, I had been keeping this resentment regarding the subject for a while now, and since Rupert and Buffy hadn't wanted my input about it when I had tried to tell them about how they should try to change how Watcher's view vampires, who else was I gonna tell about it other than my therapist, who I was paying to listen to me.

"Why do you not try to get their facts straightened then?" she asked. "I mean, you do work with a Slayer and a Watcher now? Perhaps you can inform them about it."

"Naw, I ain't like Dracula. I don't kiss and tell, luv," I answered with a lie. I didn't really want her to find out that I already tried to tell the Watcher and the Slayer about such stuff and only to have my ideas shut down painfully with a punch and an insult.

Of course, the damned shrink didn't believe me and immediately sussed out the truth without me telling her about it.

"They had shut you down," she said while giving me a sad and sympathetic look that I really hate when it was directed my way.

I looked away from her gaze. It was hurting me even more that someone I had just met and haven't even tried to save was showing me more kindness than the Scoobies ever did despite all the times I fought by their side.

"It doesn't matter anyway. I don't hunt Slayers anymore, I'm more of the falling in love with them and protecting their family and friends kind of vamp these days," I told her with a shrug.

"Of course it matters, Spike. Not because the Slayers of the future would really use such knowledge to help them survive, which I am sure had not been your motivation when you first told the Watcher and the Slayer regarding the subject, but because your opinions should never be disregarded that easily."

I snorted at this. "Tell that to the Slayer and her friends."

"I cannot do that because I do not know them. But you do," she pointed out while gaving me one of those piercing gazes. "You know these people, Spike, and, as you said, you have been fighting at their side for a while now. You should not stand by the sidelines and just let them disregard your opinions like that. You should fight for your right to speak your mind, and shut down those who wish to stop you. Prove to them that you are more than their doormat. Prove to them that you have feelings too and a mind that wishes to add his two cents into the conversation. Show them that you deserve their respect as much as they do with yours."

"And how do you suggest I do that, huh, Doc? I just tell them that they should listen to me because I have saved their arses a bunch of times and the least they could do is listen to me when I try to contribute into the conversation?"

It was meant to be a sarcastic reply to what she said but suddenly the good doctor agreed with what I just said and that kind of surprised me.

"That is not actually a bad idea, Spike. I believe that if you say those words then you are bound to at last be heard."

I gave her an incredelous look.

"You're daft! I am not gonna go and whine to them about how they treat me and beg them to listen to me! I got more pride than that, you know!"

"Spike, you are again misinterpreting my message here. That is so not what I meant when I had asked you to say those words. When you tell people that you're opinions matter and you fight to be heard, you are not whining, you are standing up for yourself because you believe that you deserve to be respected, and from my point of view, you do deserve at least an ounce of their respect and trust, even from these people."

"I tried to kill them before, I doubt they'd trust and respect me after that."

"And how many times have you saved their lives?" She raised an eyebrow.

I shut off after that. My lips tightened and I felt a scowl plaster on my face as I gave thought to her words.

She was right. I do deserve to be heard and I guess I should start fighting for respect once in a while.

"Alright, I'll concede to your point, and perhaps try it when an opportunity arises. But I'm still doubtful that the Slayer and her Scoobies would immediately give me their trust and respect just cause I say so. Hell, the whelp would probably find something to counter any of my arguments and end up insulting me in one way or another."

"Trust is never that easy to gain, Spike. You must know that. But if you continuously show them that you are changing then perhaps you can gain their trust and respect."

"I have been showing them! Bloody hell, that summer when the Slayer wasn't around I have been showing them just how much I had changed! Fighting on their side, saving their arses, protecting Dawn! Those are things I never would've done before I met them! Hell, those are thing no demon with a right mind would do for the sake of a promise he made for a dead girl!" I said, raising my voice as the frustration I felt against the Slayer's friends came forth from the memory of what I had been telling the doctor.

"I really thought that they were warming up to me," I said lowering my voice again into a soft whisper. My frustrations slowly disappearing as a new emotion came into my heart. "Red and her bird had been nice to me back then, they had short talks with me and asked me how I was doing. They had even started inviting me to join them for dinner at the Summer's residence. Rupert sometimes asked me to join him to finish his bottle of scotch while we reminisced on the Slayer and what an amazing woman she was. And Harris? Well, we started playing pool together and had these manly conversations, that I really enjoyed, about women and movies we've watched." I smiled sadly as I realized just how much I missed those moments I shared with this small group of humans. "I really thought I was part of the gang, but then the resurrection spell happened and they didn't tell me about it, and I just-I just felt so betrayed by them." I bit my lip as I remembered the conversation I had with the Scoobies outside of the Slayer's house that night.

I remebered how Harris accused me of starting my obsession towards the Slayer again, how they dismissed my anger and resentment by telling me to just be happy with what they did, and how they practically shoved in my face that the reason why they didn't tell me was because they just didn't want to. It was right then I realized just how little the small group of humans thought of me. How very little they trusted me still. And that hurt.

"It hurt, you know. It hurt that despite what we had been through together that summer I was still the outsider in the group. It hurt even more because when Buffy came back all those things I used to do with the Scoobies stopped happening. I was back to being the guy they hate being around and only remembered when they want something out of me then forget about afterwards because I wasn't worth remembering."

I stopped talking after that because the anger, pain, and resentment towards those humans had just overwhelmed me. At that moment I had really wanted to kill or just hit something. I want to get all these pent up feelings out of my system.

What I had been feeling must've been so visible to the good doctor, who I had almost forgotten was still in the room, because she had suddenly given me a sheet of paper.

"How about you take out all those negative feelings on that paper, Spike," she told me, "Crumple it, rip it, do something to it. Take all that anger and resentment and put it all on that little piece of thing."

As strange as the suggestion was, I didn't question her on it. Instead I just took the paper and began ripping the damned thing to shreds, all while cursing and calling names at the damned Scoobies for what they did. When that was done, she gave me another one and I did the same thing to that paper. Then she gave me another one and I repeated the process. I don't know how many papers I crumpled and ripped and shredded, but all I knew was that I was feeling less homicidal after every paper. It was actually therapeutic. It was sort of a smaller but equally effective replacement to a demon or a vamp.

I finally declined another batch of paper from the doctor and gave her a small smile.

"Thanks," I told her, "I really needed that, even though I'm still really surprised that such a thing worked in the first place."

"You are most welcome, Spike," she said returning my smile. "And you really shouldn't be surprised. Paper shredding is just really a smaller form of taking out anger and frustrations from ones system. It's actually standing there right next to breaking glass plates."

I chuckled at that. "So it's another psychology thing, huh?"

"It is," she said sharing my laughter.

I thought how it was both really annoying and amazing how easy this doctor could change my moods with either just a simple action or words. It was times like these that I don't really regret going in to this therapy thing.

"So, now that you are alright, how about we go back to talking about these Scoobies of yours? Perhaps you can tell me further how you feel about these humans individually," she suddenly said, immediately putting a damper on my good mood.

I take it back. I hate coming to these sessions.

"Why do we have to talk about the those damn lot? I mean, earlier you were asking me to give you what I thought about myself, now you want to know about the Scoobies? How are those two things related?"

"I already told you, Spike, that the reason I wanted you to tell me about how you saw yourself was so I can base my questions on your answer. And I am currently doing exactly that," she explained, but what she said only irritated me further because it made not the slightest sense.

"What do you mean you are basing this question on my answer. Telling you about the Scoobies and how they treated me wasn't an answer to our earlier conversation. Bloody hell, it wasn't an answer to anything. I strayed from our original topic, because I wanted to talk about how I hated the way Watchers teach their Slayers about vampires. So this question is actually invalid!"

Doctor Grey let out a heavy sigh. "Spike, I am a psychologist," she began slowly. "-and I am trained to take out details from our conversations. I compile those details and give meaning to them in this little pad of paper. So when you strayed from our conversation when I had asked that you to tell me how you saw yourself, I had been taking notes about what I had heard and gave meaning or a higher understanding to everything you had said."

"And pray tell, what kind of higher understanding did you get from everything I told you?"

"I noted that you are a creature of passion and impulse. You love to keep your blood running, but not in a sense where you chase your prey like most predators do. Instead, you enjoy the hunt more when your food or opponent fights back, you love it even more when you are faced with impossible circumstances. The idea of your own death thrills you, which by the way we will be discussing in a later session. But anyway, I also noted that you are a creature who adores the company of others. You don't enjoy being left on your own for too long. In fact, I believe you like being a part of a group. That is why I was able to say that you are not only codependent on Buffy but also on her human friends," she answered me.

"What?!" I exclaimed. "What the bloody hell do you mean by that? I mean, I understand most of what you said, it was the last part of it that just didn't make a bloody sense to me. 'Cause what the hell do you mean that I am codependent on the Scoobies?"

"It means exactly what you think it means, Spike," she answered, "It means that you are not only codependent on Buffy but also on her friends. You seek their companionship and you enjoy being their friend. It had hurt you that they had thrown you out of their group. And you had hated them for it but you still missed those times when they had let you in. In fact, I can bet that you secretly want to be included again. But stopped trying to force your way back into their little circle because it seemed that they all had been vehemently trying to get you to leave their group , either by ignoring you again or insulting you when you were around."

My eyes widened and I was taken aback by this.

How the bloody hell did this bint know about that?!

"Spike, I told you I am a psychologist. I am trained on how figure out these things. I based my assessments and speculations on the data and information I get from you then I add the behavioral patterns of an individual that fit the data you had given me and thus allowing me to create close to accurate stories about what could have possibly happened."

Well, that explains how she was able to know about what had happened that night at the Bronze. It's kind of a very amazing and very useful skill to have, if I really thought about it.

I shook the straying thought away and forced myself to focus on the conversation I was having with the woman.

"Alright, fine. Again, I'll concede. Although under great duress, I'll accept your assessment about me being a codependent of the Scoobies. But what can I do about that? I mean, I could barely deal with being codependent on Buffy. How do I get over being codependent on her friends?"

"It's quite simple, Spike. You simply try and seek out other friends," she said with a smile, that I was beginning to really hate about the woman.

You really should stop giving me that beautiful smile, because it doesn't make what you said any easier when you smile nicely at me. It only makes me want to punch you. I thought irritatedly.

"I beg your pardon," I asked through my gritted teeth, "Did you seriously just asked me to look for new friends?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I just said." Her smile widened and her eyes sparked with amusement.

Damn this woman!

"You really are daft! Haven't you been doing your research on me? If not, then allow me to enlighten you that I am a fucking outcast in the demon world. A traitor, that is what they call me! No demon in the right mind would be friends with a turncoat like me. And you're suggestion for me to get pass my codependency with the Scoobies is to make friends? That's the most idiotic suggestion I ever heard from you, Doc."

She looked contemplative for a minute, which gave me a bit of satisfaction because for once since I stated this therapy thing, I was finally able to tell the damn woman that she was wrong.

"I thought you said you had brought a friend with you to Buffy's birthday party?"

"Who? Clem? He's a poker buddy that I bribed to come with me to the Slayer's party. I really don't know the guy well enough to be called friends with him."

"Well, what about Cecily? You had already been able to resolve your differences. So why do you not hang out with her?"

"Oh, sure, and by the end of the day I am sure to end up a big pile of dust courtesy of my jealous Slayer girlfriend. Did I tell you that the crazy bint was crazy jealous after seeing me with Cecily that night at the coffee shop?"

"So what you are saying, Spike, is that you do not have friends nor have the capacity to gain friends due to you reputation as a traitor to your kind? And because of this you are pretty much stuck with waiting for these Scoobies to accept you?"

"Yup, that about sums it up." In a very painful and pathetic way. I cringed as I added the last part mentally.

She straightened in her seat and again had that contemplative look on her face, before suddenly clapping her hands together in a very excited manner.

"Ooh, I got it!" she stated. Then she turned to face me with a very serious expression. "What are you doing tomorrow morning around nine?" she suddenly asked.

"Uhh-I don't know. I'll probably be asleep at that time, or on my way to bed, I guess. It depends on what happens between me and the Slayer tonight."

"Are you two planning on another date?" she inquired, making me a bit nervous on where she was going with this line of questioning. The creepy gleam in her hazel eyes didn't help in the slightest to ebb my nervousness either.

"N-no. But we usually shag after every patrol and she sometimes sleeps at my crypt afterwards."

"Does she still leave before morning?"

"Uhh, yeah. She knows she has to be there to make sure Dawn gets to school early," I answered.

"Alright! So it is settled!" she stated.

"What's settled?"

"Tomorrow you will be coming with me to meet a few of my other patients! I'm sure you will be hitting it off with them better than the Slayer's friends."

"Excuse me?!" I looked at with an incredous expression

She's not serious, is she?

"You're not really planning on introducing me to your other mentally deranged patients, are you? Introducing me and getting me to make friends with them, to be exact."

"Ooh, they are not that deranged. They are just troubled. And do not worry. You are not coming there as a patient but as a friend."

Troubled? That doesn't exactly ease my discomfort, Doc. And I'm coming with you as a friend? A friend, who's paying you to solve his codependency issues. Seriously?

"Doc, I don't think that's a good idea. I'm not exactly welcoming the thought of joining one of your group therapy sessions."

"Oh, you would not be accompanying me in a therapy session. You will be coming with me at a play rehearsal."

"A play rehearsal?"

Okay-like that is any better.

I really wasn't liking the doctor's crazy idea, and I was seriously planning to say no to her offer but that was until she said the next words.

"Spike, just trust me on this. I really think that introducing you to these people will help you get over your codependency issues towards those ungrateful humans," she told me imploringly. "And if it doesn't then at the very least I can promise you that you will enjoy yourself tomorrow. So please accept my invitation."

I was still really doubtful about the invitation. But I trust Doctor Grey, and so far my trust of her hasn't been misplaced . So her words and promises had seemed enough to convince me to at least check out these people she mentioned.

"Alright, I go," I told her, earning a very happy expression on the doctor's face.

"Great!" she exclaimed happily, "I shall see you then at your-crypt, is it?" I nodded in affirmation. "And I'll picking you up there at eight-thirty-ish tomorrow then?"

"Yeah. Eight-thirty sounds fine to me," I told her but with less enthusiasm compared to her.

"Good! Then I shall conclude today's session there!" she informed me, as she stood up and straightened her attire. "I hope you Will still try to do what we talked about, Spike, regarding those Scoobies and how they shut down your opinions. Just do what you suggested, if not to earn their respect then at least do it to give yourself a little respect," she told me as we both made our way towards the door, "You deserve it after all."

I was touched by those words and I smiled a little at that.

"I'll try, Doc," was my noncommittal answer, but that was all I could give her at the moment. I suddenly felt tired. It seemed that my mind had reached its maximum capacity from all the thinking it had been doing in this session and also because it was just realizing that it was waaay past my bedtime.

She opened the door and smiled at me one more time. "I am very happy that we were able to have this session, Spike, and also that we were able to finally tackle your codependency issues more openly than before. I know the things we talked about weren't easy but please understand that the end results will be worth it."

"I get it, Doc, no need to explain. I'm paying you to help me and you're doing alright so far," I told her, "Anyway, thanks for today and I guess I'll be seeing you again tomorrow."

"You will. See you, Spike, and have a nice day!"

I nodded as we shook hands before finally turning around and departing the establishment via basement sewer access. As I made my way to my crypt, I rethought about today's session and agreed with the Doc's assessment about how most of the things that we talked about not being easy. A lot of the things she said really stuck in my head; like me lacking self-respect and also about being codependent towards the Scoobies. But the most specific thing that really stuck to my mind were the things she said about Buffy.

The Slayer and I had issues, I always knew this. But what I didn't know was that these issues and problems were the ones hindering our relationship. The two of us were psychologically unwell, and because of that we weren't ready to be in a serious romantic relationship. The doctor's message regarding the matter was quite clear and it was that Buffy and I should temporarily stop seeing each other and get our shit together before we start really investing the relationship. But I really got the feeling that she wasn't gonna take it well if I were to suggest the break up. In fact, I was certain she'd be devastated.

I didn't want to hurt the girl just as much as I didn't want to ruin the relationship we have, no matter how unhealthy it was or how unhappy it made me. I plan to stick to it.

(O.O)