Chapter 1: Thirteen (Redux)

The final shot that Titus would ever shoot from a gun rang out, echoing off the concrete walls of the bedroom with a sickening force. It was followed hard upon by the clatter of the handgun dropping to the floor as Titus lost his grip on the weapon in his shock. Clarke's eyes widened as the magnitude of what she had just witnessed hit her as if the shot had actually met its intended target. It had not.

"Lexa!" Clarke cried out, "No!"

The Commander had appeared in the doorway in the same instant that Clarke had gone to open the door and make her escape. The bullet, fired wildly in Clarke's general direction by an untrained hand, had pierced through Lexa's upper abdomen.

Lexa stumbled backwards slightly upon the force of the impact and then, with a look of sheer shock, she glanced down as a gush of black blood escaped the wound and spread over the fabric of her shirt. Lexa's hand went to her stomach and her fingers came away black. Her wide eyes flashed from her bloodied hand to look in Clarke's eyes and in the next instant, Lexa crumpled to the floor.

Time had seemed to last an eternity and a millisecond all at once, but the sight of Lexa's legs giving out finally righted Clarke's perception of the event and she sprung into action.

"Help me get her to the bed!" Clarke ordered Titus. He had picked himself up off the floor and rushed over to where Lexa had fell. The Flamekeeper's face was pale with the horror of what he had done, but the urgency of Clarke's direction spurred him on. Together, they picked Lexa up off the floor and carried her to the bed. As they did so, Clarke noticed that there was also blood blooming on the back of Lexa's shirt. "The bullet went straight through, lie her on her side!"

The situation was critical, but Clarke fixated on the fact that the shot, from a hefty handgun and from a reasonably short distance, had at least seemed to pass through Lexa's slight frame cleanly. It had not been stopped by rib or diaphragm. There was time to act, to save Lexa.

They laid Lexa onto the bed on her left side so that Clarke had access to both wounds. Her insides lurched horribly at the sounds of terrible pain coming from Lexa as trauma began to kick in full force.

"What have I done?" Titus's voice was filled with anguish. He was unfocused again, equally sickened by Lexa's howls and groans. A girl he had watched grow up to become arguably the greatest leader, now looked so frail and small as she fought for her life. And he was to blame.

"I need to stop the bleeding!" Clarke said desperately. Her hands were already squeezing tightly against the wounds on Lexa's abdomen and back, but the blood was still flowing too quickly, the black liquid seeping through the gaps between her fingers and covering her hands.

Titus moved away to find something to help stop the bleeding whilst Clarke remained, her arms already starting to protest from the force with which she kept her hands squeezed against Lexa's flesh. Lexa shook and moaned with pain and Clarke responded by squeezing tighter still, trying to stop the Commander from moving too much,

"You're okay. Lie still," she urged gently, "Lie still!"

Lexa peered at Clarke and spoke between shallow raspy breaths, "Don't be afraid,"

Clarke felt her stomach roll violently at the words. Even when it was her life on the line, Lexa was more concerned with Clarke's well-being. Clarke tried to offer a weak reassuring smile.

Titus returned now with a bowl of rags and Clarke had to move quickly. She took her hands away from the wounds just long enough to rip Lexa's shirt open and then she halved the rags and applied them to the wounds, keeping the pressure firm. At first,simply having something other than her own hands to slow the bleeding gave Clarke renewed hope,

"You're going to be fine, stay still," she whispered to Lexa, but the hope lasted mere moments as the rags Titus had provided were already almost completely black. "She's losing too much blood!"

Titus merely looked at her before bowing his head. He reached into his robes and procured a leather pack which he proceeding to untie. Inside was a box and some medical instruments, but by this time Clarke's attention was back on Lexa, back on trying to keep the woman she had finally opened her heart to today from bleeding out on her bed.

Lexa gave another wrenching groan and Clarke wracked her brain for a solution. She was trained in medicine after all. She had saved Jasper from a spear to the chest. She had removed a knife from Finn's chest and saved him during a thunderstorm. Surely this time would be no different. She grimaced in frustration before an idea hit.

"Titus! There's a dagger under the mattress." Clarke cocked her head to show him where to look, "Get it and heat it up using a candle,"

Titus looked from the scalpel he had removed from the leather pack to Clarke, and then back again. Then with a nod he put the small blade down and followed Clarke's instructions. He reached and felt under the mattress until he found the dagger and immediately set about heating the blade over a candle was the same dagger Clarke had held to Lexa's throat mere days ago, the dagger Roan had given her so that she could take her revenge and end Lexa's life. Now she hoped it would help to save her.

"Lexa, I'm going to cauterise the exit wound, okay?"

As long as Lexa was bleeding from two places, the situation was critical. Clarke knew that cauterisation was a big risk to take, infection would be a very real threat, but for now the only thing she could concentrate on was stopping the blood, and closing the larger wound even in such a risky manner seemed best.

The blade of the dagger red hot, TItus moved back to the bed and handed the weapon to Clarke. Wordlessly, he moved towards the top of the bed and began to bunch up some of the bed sheet. He offered the gathered material to Lexa and she opened her mouth and bit down. The moment she did, Clarke pressed the burning hot blade to Lexa's back. The sickening crackle of burning skin was drowned out by Lexa's scream of pain that tore from the back of her throat, and the Commander ground her teeth into the fabric in her mouth. Titus's eyes filled up at the sound of such suffering.

"Okay," Clarke said softly, "Okay, it's all closed up."

Titus reached and removed the bed sheet from Lexa's mouth as Clarke rolled her onto her back so that she could properly tend to the entry wound. At least now it was the only place Lexa was bleeding from. But it was still gushing quite alarmingly, the pain of the cauterisation had no doubt quickened Lexa's heart rate, forcing the blood out of the wound faster. Clarke picked up the rags again and held them fast against the hole in Lexa's abdomen. Lexa looked at Clarke through drooping eyes, like she had already decided that to keep fighting was futile. The Commander turned her attention to Titus.

"Forgive me, Heda," the Flamekeeper spoke and his voice was heavy, burdened with guilt.

"Yu nou trana bash op Klark nodotaim nowe. Swega em klin." Lexa's voice was barely even a whisper as she asked Titus to swear not to harm Clarke ever again.

Titus tilted his head and it looked like the tears in his eyes might begin to fall. He offered a nod and replied "Ai swega em klin," his voice sage with the promise made.

Lexa managed a weak nod and continued to give instruction, "Den dula yu job op. Badan neson-de op kom we yu don badan ai op, Fleimkepa."

Clarke, who had been half-listening to the exchange whilst the majority of her attention was focused on keeping pressure on the wound, became suddenly more alert at Lexa's words. Lexa was starting to say goodbye,

"Hey! Don't you dare give up!" Clarke pleaded and she pressed strongly down on the wound with both hands.

"I'm not," Lexa spoke, though her voice was hardly intelligible, "My spirit will live on," she explained and each word came out as a weak and shaky whisper in between stuttered breaths.

"No!" Clarke's voice was loud and forceful in return, it's tone defiant. Stubborn. "I'm not letting you die, okay?" Despite her defiance, Clarke couldn't stop her voice from beginning to crack as the threat of losing Lexa suddenly began to occupy her thoughts more than the need to save her. Clarke's blue eyes began to shimmer with tears and she regarded Titus with a snarl, "Where are the guards? A healer? We need more help! Look," Clarke looked down at the wound, "The blood is slowing now, there's still time!"

Indeed thanks to the continuous loss of blood, Lexa's heartbeat had dropped away and where the blood had been gushing out, it had now slowed to intermittent spurts in time to Lexa's weakened pulse.

Titus did not move from his vigil at the bedside however, as if he was resigned to waiting for Lexa to slip away. As if all his help up to this point had been mere posturing as he waited for Clarke to give up too. Clarke felt her heart rise to the back of her throat and she thought she might scream at him to move, to fight to fix the mess he had made. The idea that perhaps he wanted Lexa to slip away from them made her sick.

"The next Commander will protect you," Lexa spoke and Clarke's anger melted away at the words as she turned her attention back to Lexa. Clarke was as moved as she was frustrated at Lexa's willingness to accept her fate.

She replied instantly, her voice raw with emotion, desperation, and a great deal of petulance, "I don't want the next Commander!" She cried out, and then to really get her point across, "I want you!"

Even despite the situation, Clarke felt a swell of pride as Lexa's green eyes widened at her heartfelt plea. The thought of losing Lexa today, when Clarke had finally let go of the last of her doubts, had dared to let her walls crash down and commit to the possibility of a future spent with Lexa, was too much. And she could only hope that Lexa would feel the same, that her words would inspire a woman who had previously been so blase and accepting of the inevitability of her death to change her tune, to choose instead to fight as hard to survive as Clarke had fought to save her. The Commander might be willing to accept death, but surely Lexa, beautiful, passionate, romantic Lexa, would want to fight for the chance of more time with Clarke.

There was a beat where Clarke's words hung in the air and then finally there was hope as an unmistakable fire returned to Lexa's eyes, even despite the pale claminess of her face, despite the fact that she was still fading.

"That's it! Just hold on a bit longer," Clarke urged, "Look the blood has slowed now- we just need-"

"Coagulant," Lexa finished for Clarke, "The guards carry-" but she was too weak to say anymore.

"Titus go and fetch the guards!" Clarke ordered the Flamekeeper to act. And this time he nodded an affirmative, as if hearing his Commander shift from acceptance to defiance had finally opened his eyes to the injustice of the situation he had caused. Had finally reminded him that his loyalty to the Commander's spirit extended to doing everything in his power to aid it's host. He rushed out of the room.

Meanwhile, unaware of the drama unfolding in the tower that dominated Polis's landscape, Octavia worked her way through the market towards Indra's home. Even in the evening, the capital was bustling with activity, the heady rush of trade and conversation and life. Despite the severity of her mood, Octavia tried to let the pulsing atmosphere of the grounder capital wash over her as she walked and she knew that it was somewhere she could learn to call home more than any other place she had been.

And yet she was being forced back to Arkadia, back to the people who she could not accept as her own, and who would not accept who she was. Her mood fouled further when the thought of her brother filled her mind. She almost barked out a laugh as she thought back to how quickly he'd gone from "You'll always fit in with me," to "It's time to stop playing grounder,". She knew that losing Gina so suddenly had hit her brother hard, that he felt responsible for trusting Echo's lies and leaving the mountain unguarded but his decision to support Pike stung Octavia like only a betrayal from a family member could.

Where she had found her place among the grounders, the love of her life among them even, Bellamy still refused to view them as anything but an enemy. And that divide threatened the one bond she had had on the Ark, the bond between a little sister and her protective older brother.

And yet despite the rift between them and despite Octavia's hatred of Bellamy's actions, still she could not find it within herself to hate him. She knew that that was why she had remained so vehemently against Clarke's support of Lexa. She knew that Commander Lexa was being merciful by proposing a blockade of Arkadia, knew that they really deserved much worse after the slaughter of three hundred innocent warriors sent there to protect the Sky people. Octavia had walked across that field of blood and bodies and wanted to take revenge for the fallen herself. But still Octavia needed an outlet for her anger and her frustration and it was infinitely easier to cling to older wounds than to accept the fresh ones inflicted by her own blood.

Octavia tensed her jaw and steeled herself as she made it close to Indra's home. Indra was at risk of becoming rudderless following her survival of the massacre and Octavia knew that she needed to be strong for her mentor, so that both of them may move forward. Octavia was therefore pleasantly surprised when she found Indra already fully dressed in her battle gear and ready to go, her stance rigid and imposing as it should be.

The pair exchanged a wordless nod and then clasped arms, a silent agreement passing between them that it was time to move past their own rift and face the future. Despite her mood, Octavia felt her heart lift at the thought of Indra accepting her back as her second once the situation in Arkadia had been solved.

Together, the headed back towards the tower, looking every bit the united front.

Lexa's breathing was shallower than ever but her eyes remained diligently open and Clarke was sure now that she has chosen to fight hard. Her hand was still pressing down on the entry wound, although the blood was only escaping now in small trickling pulses. With the bleeding under control, Lexa was now in most danger from the internal trauma and the blood loss she had already suffered and yet in the moments whilst they waited for Titus to return with help, it felt almost like a respite.

Lexa reached out and lay a shaking hand over the one Clarke kept pressed against her abdomen. Clarke's eyes lit up at the contact and she looked into Lexa's eyes, a small smile on her lips.

"You have beautiful hands," Clarke spoke without really thinking and though she did not possess the strength to smile, Lexa responded with a slow blink,

"You-" she tried, wheezing the word out,

"Shhh," Clarke hushed her and was about to say more when the door finally opened to reveal Titus and a guard.

Without waiting to be prompted, the guard moved with purpose towards the bed, already unrolling the first aid kit that all guards carried on their person. Clarke felt her temper flare and she wanted to demand to know why the guard had taken so long, where he had been all this time. But she knew that the answer would not change anything and she held her tongue so that the guard could concentrate on the task at hand.

First he removed a bottle of clear liquid and he passed it to Clarke,

"Clean the wound," he instructed.

Clarke popped the cork off the bottle and the smell of very strong alcohol hit her nose and made it wrinkle.

"I need to roll her so I can disinfect the exit wound," she said, "I had to cauterise it."

The guard nodded and took over holding the rag to Lexa's abdomen so that Clarke could roll the Commander onto her side again. The exit wound was ugly and blistered, but sealed tight. Clarke poured some of the disinfectant on the burned skin and Lexa yowled in pain.

"Gauze!" Clarke demanded and the guard passed her a clean piece of cloth which she placed over the burned area before shifting Lexa onto her back once more.

The guard was about to let Clarke resume the pressure on Lexa's abdomen, but Clarke was already reaching for his kit and pulling what she needed from it. A small vial of coagulant and another vial of red seaweed that had been boiled into a concoction. First she poured some of the disinfectant onto the still open entry wound and used a piece of fresh cloth to wipe as much of the blood that had begun to crust on Lexa's skin away. She tried to ignore the renewed noises of agony coming from Lexa as she worked quickly, with all the practice of someone with medical experience. She poured on some more disinfectant for good measure and then covered the wound in the coagulant, using a piece of gauze to keep it in contact with Lexa's skin. Finally, Clarke reached into the first aid kit for a large bandage and she nodded to the guard.

WIth uttermost care, the guard scooped his Commander into his arms and lifted her slightly off of the mattress and Clarke wound the bandage tightly around and around Lexa's torso, covering both wounds securely before knotting the ends. As soon as Clarke was finished, the guard lowered Lexa back onto the bed as carefully as he had lifted her.

To finish, and before Lexa could slip into sleep as her eyes were now drooping heavily, Clarke popped open the vial of seaweed broth and held it up to Lexa's lips, pouring the concoction into her mouth. Lexa choked a little, but managed to swallow it down. The antibiotic would hopefully fight off infection and stop Lexa's condition from worsening during recovery.

"There, see. I've fixed you."Clarke whispered triumphantly, although she knew they were not really out of the woods yet. She turned to Titus and found that his expression was for the first time in the whole nightmare, somewhat hopeful. "She will need blood. Can you?"

Titus nodded immediately, "The natblidas can all donate a little. It is an uncommon practice, but we understand the process." With that Titus turned to leave again but before he could go, the door opened to reveal Indra and Octavia.

Indra's eyes widened at the site of the Commander on the bed, deathly pale and heavily bandaged. And then her warrior's instincts took hold and her eyes immediately began to scan the room. She looked first to Murphy. Clarke had all but forgotten he was also in the room. Throughout the whole ordeal had remained tied to the chair Titus had left him in, unable to comprehend the flurry of drama around him and dazed from his injuries. Only presently had he begun to try to work his hands free of the knots around his wrists, though he stopped under the intensity of Indra's gaze. Then Indra's eyes moved on until they landed on the gun that Titus had dropped to the floor.

"Heda, what happened here?" Indra's voice was cool and accusatory.

Clarke shook her head at Lexa to stop her from trying to respond and then her blue eyes darted to Titus, the anger against him that had subsided in the rush to save Lexa now returning. She wanted to tell Indra the truth. She felt the accusations form on her tongue. She swallowed them back down.

"A misunderstanding, that's all," Clarke spoke up, not looking away from Titus's face so that she could at least see the satisfaction of the Flamekeeper blanching at the threat of being exposed.

"Is she going to make it?" Octavia asked.

Clarke's attention fell back to Lexa, "She better."

"Only, we still need to leave for Arkadia before we end up on the wrong side of the blockade."

Clarke grimaced, the reminder of her duties unwelcomed in the aftermath of nearly losing Lexa. She almost wanted to tell Octavia to just leave her be, to go back to Arkadia alone so that Clarke could stay and watch over Lexa's recovery. But she knew she would not- she could not stay. And Lexa wouldn't want her to.

"I know, I'm coming," Clarke assured Octavia but she did not yet move from where she sat on the bed next to Lexa. Without concern for their audience, Clarke reached and took one of Lexa's hands in her own. "Hey," she spoke and Lexa listened with heavily-lidded eyes, "I have to go now." Clarke laced their fingers together and reached out with her other hand to brush Lexa's hair away from her clammy forehead, "You just get better okay? You keep fighting."

Lexa parted her lips and let out a shallow breath, struggled and then managed to speak, "Ai gonplei nou ste-"

"I know." Clarke hushed her, "I know that because we've only just begun." With that promise, Clarke leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Lexa's lips as Lexa finally succumbed to sleep. Clarke kept her face close to Lexa's and reveled in the feeling of Lexa's warm shallow breaths tickling against her face, the feeling of life. "May we meet again," she whispered and she thanked the stars above that those words had not had to be prefaced with the traveller's blessing.