DISCLAIMER! With the exception of original character Aina, all featured or mentioned fictional entities are from Kenji Taira's spin-off manga series, Rock Lee and His Ninja Pals (Rock Lee's Springtime of Youth), which in turn is based on Masashi Kishimoto's manga series Naruto. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment and generates no profit whatsoever.

This begins as an alternate take to Episode 36 of RLAHNP, "Orochimaru's Search for Love!" You might not want to read this if you don't like RLAHNP or you dislike crack fiction in general. Otherwise, please enjoy, and don't be a stranger~!

A BRIDE FOR OROCHIMARU?!

A Total Fluke!

Loneliness is no fun no matter the day of the year. But something about the holidays drives it in like a final nail in the coffin bearing all your hopes and dreams.

But then, what is loneliness?

It depends on who you ask.

…

Aina ambles up to the barrel and calls for order with a slow and steady ring of her cowbell at arm's length. "Gooooood mornin', everybody! The first official meeting of the Reptile and Amphibian Appreciation Club has officially begun. How are y'all? Did y'all find my house well enough?"

I…I may have had a teeny bit of trouble.

Aina sets down the bell. "Oh no, I'm so sorry, Minori! What part of the directions did you have trouble with?"

Oh, it wasn't the directions. I was just having such a lovely time at the pond that I would have forgotten about the meeting, had I not seen you coming and calling for me.

Ah, that's what you meant? You had me worried there. We do spend a considerable amount of time here.

Of course, Masa. I may be slow, but I'm not stupid.

"Now-now, my friends. What matters is that we're all here together. But I'll be mindful of this in the future. Let's start with introductions." She clears her throat and her round, brown face breaks into the broadest smile. "My name's Aina, but you can also call me Kame. Everybody does! I'm a farmer an' handywoman by day, intrepid nature-lover also by day. And I love reptiles an' amphibians most of all!"

It's a lovely day for December, a tad on the cool side but still warm enough to set up chairs, stools, mats and logs in the backyard in a circle beyond the porch. Between the seats and the barrel that serves as a makeshift podium, a round wooden table sits bearing snacks and punch. Dry leaves of brown and gold snap off the trees overhead now and then, with a lone leaf drifting aimlessly on the breeze before landing in the punch bowl.

There's just one thing wrong.

She claps her hands in encouragement. "Who'd like to go next? Anyone? C'mon, don't be shy. We're all friends."

Ah, I'm Minori. I love going for a swim in the pond and sunbathing with other turtles.

Masa, and I love rats. Fat delectable morsels, they are. Once you get past the fur and tail and smell. But their smell makes them easy to find, so there's that.

Save for a rat snake coiled on a mat and a pond turtle on a stump up front, all the other seats are empty.

Aina stands there with her large calloused hands clasped to her chest for some minutes more, but eventually her smile shrinks a millimeter for every second that ticks by. Thirty-five minutes have now passed since the time she'd printed on the flyers. The first thirty had been out of courtesy to allow any late members to drop in so they could all start together, and normally she's very lenient about time. But…

She slumps over the barrel with her jaw cupped in her hands and peers down at the ground, unsure what to do next. Like a tree, she's rooted in place that way for an hour more, until Masa grows bored and slithers off the pillow to retreat to the shade. Minori asks for help off the stump, feeling rather hungry herself.

The woman cradles her loyal turtle in her palms, her eyes stinging a little but not quite at that threshold where tears fall out.

"Oh Minori, where could they all be? I'm sure I gave the right time and address…"

Had everyone gotten lost? Had she put the flyers in the right places? Had she made enough flyers? Perhaps she hadn't picked the best date for this meeting? After all, it is the first of December. The time where people go out and start looking for Christmas presents.

Whatever the reason, all Minori can think to say is: I'm sorry, Aina. I…don't think anyone's coming.

…

This same day on the other side of the village, Lord Orochimaru stealthily cuts his way through a bustling line of shoppers trying to get into a department store boasting their annual Leaf winter bargains. He hides his pale angular face in the labels of a trench coat, his blazing yellow reptilian eyes behind a pair of sunglasses, and wicked designs in his heart.

"Just wait, little Leaf brats," he hisses under his hoarse breath with a toothy smirk. "I'll lie in wait until you're lured in by the incredible deals…then catch you in my trap!"

Before he gets the chance to monologue the specifics of said trap, however, a sales associate stops him before he can sneak through the pooling crowds into the front entrance. "Uh, pardon me, sir, are you here alone?"

Orochimaru pauses in mild surprise at this man's straightforwardness. And why not? He can't recall a time when anyone, man or woman, tried to flirt with him in earnest. Mostly because he's too intimidating for most people to handle, or so he thinks. Not that he's totally wrong. "Are you coming on to me? I'm flattered. I'll think about it, but let me carry out my plan first."

The employee, well-meaning but uneasy at how his question has been interpreted, smiles nervously and clarifies. "Uh, no, no. I'm sorry, that's not what I—we're having a family sale, sir. Only families and couples are allowed in today. But perhaps you can come back for our next sale?"

He blinks, taken aback by indignant surprise. That has to be one of the stupidest things he's ever heard. After all, money is money no matter who it's from, right?

The line speeds up and forces him out of the way, and before long he can feel multitudes of eyes on him like rubbernecks slowing down to gawk at an accident on the side of the road. They make very little attempt to hide their muttered comments to one another from his earshot. Then again, Orochimaru always had excellent ears.

"Who's that guy?"

"Looks like he came alone."

"Who's he, Mommy?"

"Now don't stare, honey."

"Must be all alone, poor thing…"

Poor thing…poor thing…poor thing…

Something about this whispering gets under his skin and latches his fingers into his scalp. Maybe it's the patronizing? Maybe it's rage from the lack of fear in their eyes (even if he is supposed to be in disguise)?

Or is it something else?

Whatever it is, he makes his escape with what dignity he still has: "Hmph! Fine, then. If that's how it is, I'll just take my business elsewhere."

But inside he's screaming into a dark swirling abyss.

What's wrong with him today?

…

That evening after putting the chairs away and making Masa and Minori their supper, Aina sits on the porch to watch the sun sink below the tree-line. She eats another one of the carrot cupcakes she'd baked for the meeting, licking the thin coat of frosting off the top before biting into the moist, earthy goodness.

She licks the crumbs clinging to her lips. "Ah, well. I can always try again next month," she says to herself. "Of course everybody would be busy gettin' ready for the holidays. Come January, the hustle-n-bustle is bound to calm down by then. Oops, I plum forgot about that. Ahaha! I'm so silly."

But the more she dwells on it, the more the thought becomes saddening than comforting. How many years has it been since she started living on her own? How many Christmases had she spent without Mama and Papa? Too many, frankly. Minori and Masa are wonderful companions, make no mistake. They are quiet, independent, and generally clean.

But there are some needs even turtles and snakes cannot fulfill. After all, humans are social animals at heart. Reptiles are solitary ones.

"It'd sure be nice to have somebody to watch this sunset with me again. Somebody to spend Christmas with. And all of winter, for that matter. And spring, and summer, and fall, and winter all over again…

"Hm. I wonder…maybe it's finally time for me to find a mate? 32's plenty old enough for marriage, and I can't say I dislike the idea of sharin' my life with somebody nice," she murmurs with a blush.

She scratches her head as she cleans up the remnants of the cupcake and sucks on her fingers. "But…where do I start looking?"

…

"You? A normal ninja again?" scoffs Kabuto in disbelief that same evening. "I can't believe there was ever a time when you were 'normal' to begin with. Besides, I thought you hated the Leaf and their normalcy?" What spore of madness has infected his master's head this time?

Orochimaru stops stuffing his satchel to turn up his nose, his eyes narrowed into slits. "Of course I hate them. That hasn't changed a bit. The nerve of some of them; would you believe they wouldn't let me shop in their store just because I'm single?"

Kabuto folds his arms. "Then why, pray tell, are you going back there?"

"Simple. I'm going to reintegrate into their society and earn their trust, and then…"

He clenches his white, bony fist in front of his smirk. "I'll destroy the Leaf from the inside."

Kabuto droops in exasperation. "My lord, you never thought to try that before? Oh, never mind that." He shakes his head. "It'll never work. After everything you've done? There's no way they'd take you back. You're an S-rank missing-nin. They're more likely to execute you than give you another chance."

"But they haven't yet, have they?" Orochimaru asks his right-hand man, smugness flashing in his unnatural eyes. "I understand your skepticism but remember the Will of Fire. They'll forgive me if I put on the right show. Especially if I approach that thorn in my side Rock Lee and his sensei first. They're so nauseatingly optimistic, it'll be no trouble tricking them into believing I seek 'redemption.' Why, not only will I destroy the Leaf, I could even have them turn on Lee for instigating their doom to begin with," he adds with a devious chuckle.

Kabuto groans and pushes his glasses back up on his face. "Ugh, I don't suppose I can stop you. Once you set your mind to something, no one can tell you differently." It's one of many traits about his master that the fellow outlaw has always found profoundly admirable and yet equally frustrating.

"When this inevitably backfires and you need us to bail you out, we'll be holding the fort here."

Orochimaru scrunches up his angular face and sways his long dark tongue back and forth. "This won't backfire. But thanks for the assurance."

He resumes packing, setting his sights on the village for tomorrow morning. Even if it's only for a while, neither can say they won't at least miss their banter.

…

"Thank you, have a nice day."

"Yep-yep-yep! Y'all have a nice day, too."

Aina reaches up to ring the bell a few more times before letting the door swing shut behind her. She has always loved bells, can't get enough of them. High above the buildings the crows flutter by, calling, "Ba-kaaaa! Ba-kaaaa!"

She trots down the street, her right hand full of crafting supplies and her left clutching her notebook. This Christmas she's going to make a new nest for Masa and a raft for Minori (or perhaps a little sailboat? Aina isn't sure yet). She makes a stop at the Yamanaka flower shop, only to frown at the CLOSED sign dangling from the window. Ah yes, of course. Winter is coming. Not the best time of year for flowers.

She's going to miss smelling them, even if it's only for a while.

So instead she takes a seat on the sidewalk and opens her notebook to a sketch in progress of her prospective mate. They have no distinguishing features except for a giant smile and two dots for eyes. Unfinished doodles of small animals, children and flowers surround the figure.

Aina cocks her head, recalling what Mama and Papa had told her about finding the right mate long ago. Man or woman, it mattered not. What did were three very important qualities:

1. They must be stable, financially and emotionally;

2. They must love animals and children; and

3. They must have a steadfast sense of humor.

Everything else was negotiable.

She fishes out her pencil and sketches in more details, sighing deeply as her mind tries to conjure up what this perfect spouse could possibly look like. How she'd love to have the kind of marriage Mama and Papa had!

"Aha. Tsunade is all those things," she thinks out loud, clutching the notebook to her chest with an infatuated smile. "She'd make a good wife. But Shizune said she only likes men, so unless she changes her mind one day, or one day I wake up as a man…I'm afraid we won't be watchin' no sunsets together."

(As with many things in life, Aina's view of Lady Tsunade is rather rosy.)

Speaking of Shizune, she sees those familiar feet and high heels ambling her way from out of the corner of her eye. They are accompanied by the pitter-pattering little hooves of Tonton.

"Aha! Good-mornin', Shizune! Good-mornin', Tonton," she bellows, putting down her notebook to fish a radish out of her pocket for the pig. "You both look nice today."

Shizune jumps slightly at the booming voice but smiles back at the vegetable woman once she collects herself and recognizes her neighbor. "Ah, good-morning, Kame. How are you?" Tonton wastes no time scurrying up to Aina to snatch the white radish out of her hand, having learned to expect handouts from this woman every time they encounter each other.

"I'm wonderful! Everything the same."

Tonton "oinks" in delight and gratitude after she gobbles up the offering, lifting her head to let Aina scratch her chin. There's always something magical about winning the favor of an animal.

Aina puckers her lips and smacks them affectionately as she slowly moves her hand to rub behind Tonton's flappy ears. "Little Tonton loves my radishes, don't you, dear? Yep-yep! Say, Shizune, what's that you got there?"

"What, this? Oh, just a flyer about this speed dating party happening tonight. Here, you can have it, if you're interested."

Aina blinks and makes an O-shape with her mouth. "Speed…dating? What's that?"

Shizune clears her throat. Every time they meet, she takes special care not to sound like she's talking down to Ms. Kichida. Goodness knows the temptation is strong. Sometimes it's easy to forget she's speaking to a woman her own age and not a child.

(On the other hand, sometimes she wonders if Aina would notice either way. Goodness also knows some villagers aren't so tact, and yet she remains indiscriminately cheerful all the same.)

"Er, well, it's a social gathering where people who are interested in finding a romantic partner sit and talk to each other for a few minutes at a time. To see if there's any potential for future dates," Shizune explains, steepling her fingers.

"Oh. Does that actually work? A few minutes don't sound like enough time to get to know a body, never mind somebody I wanna marry."

"Is that right? You're looking for a husband, Kame?"

"Yep-yep-yep! A husband, or wife. Ooh! Will Tsunade be there?"

Shizune ignores that last part for the sake of propriety. The vegetable woman has always been a bit off-kilter. But she's always been good to her and Lady Tsunade. If at any time they have an odd job to do—whether it's cleaning the gutters or unclogging the toilets—she's the first to volunteer. Tsunade likes her because she works for free. "Maybe not. But if you find someone you click with, that you see potential in, you exchange contact information with each other afterwards. Then you can take all the time you need to make acquaintance."

Aina nods in understanding at last, folding up the flyer to slip it into her pocket. "Mm-hm, okay. I'll have to think about it, but if it'll help me find somebody…"

Shizune chuckles affably. "Well, be careful not to think for too long. The party is tonight, and I'm not sure when the next one will be."

Thank you for the radish!

"Aww, you're welcome, little Tonton! It's no trouble a'tall."

Shizune glances at Aina, perturbed. It's not uncommon to see the woman conversing with random animals, though one cannot deny how troubling it is to hear anyone mimic the sounds said animals make. Indeed, in her ears, Aina's response comes out as a string of overenthusiastic piggish grunts, snorts and squeals. Tonton, she can understand. Aina, not so much.

Aina switches back to their common tongue like nothing has happened. "Thank you for your kindness, Shizune! Will I be seeing you and Tsunade there?" Aina has a dreadful habit of forgetting titles.

"Um, I may go but I'm not so sure about Lady Tsunade. She's a…a busy woman, after all."

"Oh yes, I understand completely. If she has any jobs she wants me to do, please don' hesitate to send for me. Otherwise, give her and Katsuyu my regards!"

There's a bounce in her step as she continues on her way home. Hopefully the party will be over in time for the sunset. Even better, hopefully she'll be watching it with someone nice by the end of the day.

Ooh! She could even bring some of the snacks she'd made earlier. They do have to get eaten.

…

"Gaaah, enough already! We all know this is bound to fail miserably, so let's just get this over with!" Is it just him or does Tenten get louder and screechier with every line she utters? It takes more than just agitated yelling and screaming to be a good straight man.

Orochimaru hides his contempt behind a blank innocent façade (well, as innocent as someone who looks like him can be, at least), and Rock Lee shows him the way to "the battlefield of romance."

Said battlefield is tonight's Leaf Speed Dating Party at a local upscale restaurant. Between the enormous shoes and the dozen tacky ewers Lee has made him wear, and the pink bow tying Manda to his back like an infant whose parent had to take him along because they couldn't find a babysitter, it's a miracle he can move a millimeter. Never mind get through the door.

"Now remember: always smile, and be polite," rambles Lee without pausing once to take a breath. "When asking questions, be assertive but positive. Ask three for every one she asks you."

"Wow, you sound pretty convincing," remarks Tenten, impressed by the surface quality of Lee's dating wisdom. "I'm surprised you credible you sound."

"But of course! Guy-sensei taught me everything I know!"

"Aaaaand just like that, your credibility is gone," she laments. It may be the only sentiment they can agree on. After all, if he were the love guru he's currently toting himself as, he surely would have caught that Sakura girl's interest by now.

Inside, the place is abuzz with nervous single men and women dressed in their finest, interspersed between round tables adorned with expensive finger foods and finery. He stays along the wall, his load too large for him to comfortably stand in the center of the room.

He wipes the thin film of sweat coating his forehead—surely they can stand to turn down the thermostat two degrees—only to stop himself when he spots Tsunade's assistant and two of her friends staring anxiously at him. He doesn't see Tsunade, though. Not that he'd expected to. The Slug Princess currently has two great loves in her life since dear Dan passed on: drinking and gambling. He reckons she only took on the title of Hokage to gain access to a steady income to feed both habits.

But that's neither here nor there.

Orochimaru settles himself down, cracks his most winsome smile and turns on the charm. "Good evening, ladies. You all look lovely tonight."

Shizune is wearing bright red lipstick and a pink silk dress for the occasion. "Oh, um, fancy seeing you here, Orochimaru."

He laughs. "Please, call me Orochi. Everyone does."

Shizune's even worse at faking a smile than he. "S-so…what's with the shoes?"

First thing a woman wants in a husband: stability. "I'm very stable. Isn't it great? Bad economy, downsizing, consumption taxes, I say bring it on!"

Her first friend with the perm and glasses pops the next question. Women rarely travel alone when it comes to social outings. "Ah, Orochi, what's that on your back?"

Second thing: fatherliness. "Oh, this is Manda. I raised him myself!" Manda, always a good snake summon, raises his head and beams at them, his horns scraping lightly across the ceiling.

Her second friend in the white dress and bandana moves in with the third. The questions keep coming like sticks from school-age children poking at a dead thing. "And…the jars?"

Third thing: a similar sense of humor. "Oh come now, they're my sense of humor ewers!" He takes the olive-colored jar bouncing off his hip and holds it out in offering. "Which one do you ladies like?" He laughs a bit louder than he should, a fact that he realizes too late, but it doesn't escape his notice that Shizune and her friends have begun backing away from him. Like he's gearing up to attack them.

All eyes are upon him, just like at the department store. His ears ring with that wretched child's words: Poor thing. Poor thing. Poor thing.

Team Guy stays back behind a snack table whispering among themselves, dressed as servers. "He's crashing and burning," mutters Tenten, wide-eyed with pity.

"I do not understand," says Lee. "The plan was supposed to be perfect. How strange."

Neji shoots his teammate a look. "You're strange," he grumbles. For someone who presumably hates wearing dresses and lace, he sure is quick to get into those when the plot demands it. (Not that he doesn't wear them well. He could almost rival Kabuto and even Orochimaru himself in that respect. Almost.)

Could this be the end for Orochimaru? Had Kabuto and Tenten been right all along? Is he wasting his time? Should he just go ahead and sic Manda on everyone while their guards are down?

Before he can decide, and before any of the ladies can ask any more questions, a booming voice cuts in on the conversation: "Oi! Would you look at that marvelous specimen!"

Startled, he turns his head to the source of the voice and sees a large brown-skinned woman bounding up to him. Her black, curly, wiry hair puffs out around her round head like dandelion seeds. Her droopy eyes, bright and brown as honey, lacks any trace of shyness but rather seem to be shimmering with awe. In her hands jostles a plate of what looks like cupcakes. She's garbed in a worn blue striped yukata that looks more appropriate for a man than a woman.

The stranger seems completely oblivious to the other guests staring at her as she comes to a stop in front of him. "My goodness, what a big beautiful snake," she gushes, placing the cupcakes on a table to pull out a magnifying glass from her pocket. "I ain't never ever seen anything like it before." She circles around Manda with the glass over his coiled scales. "Such vibrant coloration, such impressive musculature…and what brilliant eyes! Hello there, ya handsome fellow. What brings you here?"

Manda, always open to compliments, flickers his blue forked tongue and puffs himself up with pride.

Orochimaru isn't sure whether to be irritated at this abrupt interruption or relieved that now all eyes have moved from him to this woman. Whatever he's supposed to feel, he speaks up: "Eh, can I help you?"

The woman stops her oohing and ahhing and looks up at him. "Oh, howdy! I didn' see you there, friend." She leans to the side and notes the bow binding the giant snake to his master. "Say, is this here snake yours?"

"Y-yes, that's Manda you're ogling. He is in fact mine." He must admit it's been a long time since he encountered someone who also loved snakes.

"He's gorgeous! You musta taken perfect care of him," she marvels. "And he's so big! I didn't think there were any ecosystems that could support a snake of his dimensions. He must be super-duper rare. What species is he? His horns make me think of a viper—a very large viper, my goodness—but the shape of his head and musculature make me think of a constrictor…"

"Species?" He hooks a lock of his hair around his fingers. He enjoys talking about snakes but he can't say he isn't a bit put off that she doesn't seem to recognize him or Manda. Aren't they still notorious anymore? "Ah, well…Manda is a species all unto himself. You could say he's a python but he does carry a little bit of venom in those fangs. As for his origins, he's from Ryūchi Cave."

For some reason he vaguely finds his mind slowing down a notch.

Come to think of it, now that they're standing face to face, she does rather smell. Does she not shower regularly?

"You don't say! I don' recall ever hearing of a place like that before. Boy oh boy, I should go up there sometime! Ooh-ooh, we should go up together! Any friend of snakes an' such is a friend of mine, too."

In spite of himself, he flashes another smile that somehow feels slightly less fake than the other ones. Not that that's saying much. "Uh, hold on, I like your enthusiasm but we've just met. I don't even know your name."

Around this time, Shizune and company find a way to escape the increasingly awkward situation and politely see themselves out to search the room for more appealing dates.

"Oops! I plum forgot. I'm Aina, Aina Kichida. But everybody calls me Kame, yep-yep. Call me Kame."

Kame. "Turtle," huh?

"I'm Orochimaru. But…you can call me Orochi." He accepts her hand to shake it. Her grip is too tight, her shake too hearty. It takes her longer than it should to let go of him. She's got an odor to her, strong and musky. Loud, overbearing, and stinky. Not to be shallow but even if he's going into a sham marriage for the sake of destroying Konoha, can't it at least be with someone just a little more…tolerable?

Unfortunately, no one else approaches him thereafter. She's the only fish nibbling on his line in the proverbial sea of love. Nibbling quite eagerly, at that. He'd look like a complete idiot to turn her down, especially in front of Lee and his friends.

Wait! Wait, wait, wait. Maybe he can make this work for him? If he takes up dating this pathetic fool, perhaps it'll make him seem that much more trustworthy? At least they couldn't accuse him of being a gold digger.

But what if they get suspicious of him because he'd be dating under his league? Would it make him look desperate?

"Oi, what massive feet you have!" Aina gasps in the meantime, peering down at his canoe-sized shoes.

"Why, that's because I'm very stable. Er, would you care for a humor ewer?"

Aina claps her hands like she's just found everything she's ever dreamed of. "Oh, how'd you know? I love pottery! If you don' mind, I'll take 'em all! Ahahaha, oh Orochi, I've only just met you and you already seem like such a funny and nice lady."

Orochimaru bites back a sneer. This always happens to him, and it never gets any less annoying. "I'm a man," he corrects her.

"Oops! Are you? I'm sorry. Your pretty hair and eyes musta thrown me off, ahaha. Not that men can't be pretty too, 'cause they can. It's just that's usually the first thing most folks think when they see pretty faces. Aha, that's okay. Man, woman, somewhere in between…it's no matter to me. Say, what say you and I go outside and watch the sunset? I wanna get to know you better, and I don' reckon there're many better places to do that than in front of a sunset."

He's not exactly the type to sit around and watch sunsets—he has no reason to think she's alluding to anything else, since she's demonstrated zero subtlety throughout this conversation—but how can he say no? He's a patient man. All contracts have to start somewhere. Putting all her other glaring faults aside, she seems friendly. And, more importantly, gullible.

Besides, he can't recall hearing anyone call him pretty before, never mind say it and mean it.

A part of him can't wait to go home and rub it in naysayer Kabuto's face. See? I told you I still got it. Take that, Kabuto.

"Ah…sure. Let's." His eyes roving back and forth one more time to check for any other takers—of which he finds none—he gestures to the exit. "After you."

Stars shimmer in her eyes, her faintly scarred face breaking into a broad foolish smile. His knuckles practically snap and fuse back together into odd uncomfortable shapes in her grip as she takes his hand again.

"Yippee!"

...

"Oops. I plum forgot." She stops to take two cupcakes off the plate, dragging Orochimaru and Manda behind her all the while with little apparent effort. "Anyone who wants a carrot cupcake is welcome to what's left," she announces. "Made them m'self, and they gotta get eaten."

Lee grins at this unexpected twist. "Ha, I knew it! The battle looked hairy at first, but in the end our teammate managed to turn it around and secure victory! I knew he could do it. Looks like you were wrong, Tenten."

Tenten shivers, either out of shock, disgust, anger or a combination of the three. "I—I was wrong? But I'm never wrong about anything…this was supposed to fail. This is a total fluke, it's got to be! Just watch! Something's going to go wrong any second now!"

Neji cups his chin in his hand in thought. "Hold on. Isn't that Ms. Kichida, the local vegetable woman? Kiba sees her now and then when Akamaru needs a check-up. She's a bit touched in the head…"

"I'm not sure I like this," mumbles Tenten. "I know they say love is blind, but this is kind of extreme. Is it really okay to let these two go out? This is Orochimaru we're talking about, after all."

Lee wags a finger at her. "It is not our place to dictate who our new comrade finds happiness and redemption with, Tenten. But if it worries you that much, we will keep an eye on him. Look! The advice I have given him is clearly working. Guy-sensei will be so pleased at his progress. I know I am."