Hawk: The Child Care Provider

If there was anything that Hawk was good at, it was disposing of leftovers. And, of course, being one of the strongest warriors of all time. It was one day, however, as he was running around the yard, you know, doing intensive training, that he found out what else he could do.

"Hey, swine," Meliodas greeted, walking out of the bar with a grin and his hands on his hips. "Can you do us a favor?"

"Who you callin' swine?" the pig huffed, though he did look over regardless.

"Hawk," Elizabeth sang as she came out of the bar right behind Meliodas. "Can you watch the baby for us?"

She was speaking, of course, of the one and a half year old baby currently wiggling around in her arms.

"Really?" The pig trotted right over. "You want me to watch him?"

He had before, in instances where the two of them were busy tending bar and he just had him in another part, but never without one of them hanging around. And, if their stance told him anything, they were planning on going somewhere.

"No," Meliodas said simply, without hesitation. Elizabeth, however, only nodded, coming to gently set the child in front of him.

"Yes. Of course. If you would, please," she begged. "We must go into town for something. We won't be long. I must send a letter home, to my sisters, and Lord Meliodas is hoping to pick up some liquor for the bar. If you don't want to, I suppose we could take him, but-"

"I can watch him!" Hawk even held his head up higher. "For you, Elizabeth."

"Mmmm….I still don't think this is a good idea." Meliodas only glanced at Elizabeth. "At all."

"They will be fine." She even grinned at him. "Won't you guys, Hawk?"

"Of course we will."

Still, Meliodas went to gently tap his blonde haired son on the head, making the boy glance up at him. Speaking to Hawk, he said simply, "Don't let anything happen to my son, porky."

"You can't insult me more than once in a conversation!"

"Diane is around here too, somewhere," Elizabeth said, ignoring the two of them and their bickering. "As well as King. If you need anything-"

"I'll be fine," Hawk insisted. "I am by far more qualified for child watching than Diane or King!"

Meliodas snorted. "Is that what you are good at? Babysitting?"

"You're getting close to pissin' me off," the hog warned to which Meliodas only, once more, patted his son on the head. Then he stood and looked to Elizabeth.

"Ready?" And, when she nodded, he headed off.

"Bye, Hawk!" Elizabeth waved at him. "Be safe!"

Oh, he'd be more than safe. He'd be the best child care provider possible!

But not babysitter. Because that just demeaned it. And there was nothing demeaning about watching the baby prince.

Nothing.

"Alright, little prince," Hawk said once it was only the two of them. The little boy was only wearing a diaper, given how hot it was out that day, and his too long blonde hair was hanging down in his face. Still, at the sound of the hog speaking, he giggled and stared. "It's you and me today. I have to prove myself to stinkin' Meliodas too, so just be prepared; this is going to be the best day of your life!"

That, in actuality, wouldn't be too hard a feat to accomplish. The boy hadn't lived much of a life yet (only eighteen or so months) and, really, his best day usually just consisted of the one he was living in, given he hardly remembered the last. So if Hawk wanted to present him with something that was finally memorable other than who his parents were, how to ask for his bottle, and that it hurt if you feel down too hard, then the boy was all ears.

The only problem, actually, was the fact that, really, Hawk wasn't sure what to do with the boy. He really liked crawling around and when the pig made funny noises, but none of that constituted as the best day of his life. In no way, shape, or form did it. He had to blow every other thing that one year old had done out of the water. They couldn't just run around the yard or practice talking and definitely couldn't just sit around and contemplate what they were going to do.

Hawk needed a plan. And stat.

"I know!" He even jumped, just a bit, in his excitement. "We could go for a ride. You wanna do that? Huh? Little prince?"

There was a problem, however, and it lied very simply in the fact that, obviously, there was no one there to place the baby on his back. And the baby was only sitting there, watching a bumblebee flutter around his head, fingers in his mouth as he watched the insect curiously. Hawk almost gave up, right then and there, when his luck held and King came floating out of the forest.

"King!" The hog jumped once more. "Can you give me a hand over here?"

Floating over on his pillow, the fairy only stared. "What is it?"

"I've been deemed the Lieutenant of Child Care Services."

"The what now?"

"Meliodas and Elizabeth both decided I was most fit for the job. I am, after all, a Captain of another division. With them heading into town, I was the most likely choice for this. Don't be jealous."

King just laid there, on his floating pillow, with a blank stare. After a moment, he asked, "What is it that you wanted again? Mr. Pig?"

"Mr. P- I am a lieutenant!"

Heh.

Huffing, Hawk went on. "Can you pick up the baby and set him on my back?"

"Why?" King asked, not moving to do so.

"Because I asked!"

"Before you yelled, I was going to consider it. But now-"

"King, would you just help me?" Hawk had to grind his teeth together to get out the next part. "Please?"

It was with a big sigh that the fairy moved to gently pluck Meliodas' son off the ground, the baby complaining at first (that bee had been rather interesting, after all) before placing him upon the hog's back.

"There," King said with a frown. "All you need, Lieutenant?"

"For now." Hawk nodded his head. "You may go if you wish."

Because they were. Hawk was gonna take the prince all around the surrounding forest. They'd been stopped in that area for some time and no problems or attacks had occurred. Besides, even if they ran into trouble, Hawk was by far the best at protecting the little prince. Next Meliodas, Hawk was the strongest guy around. Hands down.

He had to walk slowly, Hawk did, as to be sure that the boy didn't fall off his back. The prince was seated upon his butt, watching with giggles and grins as they went along. It was so hot out that day that, honestly, he kinda just wanted his father to take him down to the river and hold him in the water, to cool him off, but riding upon Hawk was good also. It provided a nice draft and cooled him down quite well.

"See?" Hawk cackled along with the boy. "Who else could treat you to something like this? A walk through the meadow? No one. I'm the greatest Lieutenant of Child Care Services of all time!"

Again, not another hard feat to accomplish, considering he was the only Lieutenant of Child Care Services to ever exist, but whatever. Everything had to start somewhere.

It was while they were out walking around that Hawk made a horrible miscalculation; he somehow managed to run into Diane. This was due only to the fact that she was out in a clearing, stretched out, taking a nap. At the sound of him plopping along, however, she woke up and called out to him.

"What are you doing with the prince?" she asked as he came to join her in the clearing, the giant woman slowly sitting up. "Hawk?"

"What's it look like?" He stared up at the giantess with a frown. "I've officially been given the title of Lieutenant of Child Care Services."

"Really now?"

Nodding, he said, "Meliodas and Elizabeth went into town for a bit and, given my new position, I figured I'd show the baby around the forest. He seems to rather like it."

"But are you sure it's safe?" Diane cocked her head to the side. "What if something happened?"

"What could possibly happen? I'm the strongest hog in the world! I would never let anything happen to him!"

"Well, not on purpose," Diane agreed. "But if he only so much as slipped off your back, how could you ever get him on there once more?"

"That'd never happen!"

"He'd be much better off with me," the woman decided. "I can't believe Captain didn't go and get me."

"He didn't need to! And what are you doing out here anyways?" Hawk turned his nose up to her even further. "Sleeping in some random clearing? You know how unsafe that is?"

"If these forests are so unsafe, why are you walking around with the little captain all alone?"

"Because I'm the only person that could possibly protect him!"

"Hmph!" Crossing her arms, Diane looked off. "I could protect him way better than you!"

"No way. You'd probably step on him or-"

"That's not true!" And now that he'd annoyed her, Diane only reached out to gently cup her hands around Hawk's back, so that she could gently lift the baby into her hands.

"Hey!" Hawk bounced in annoyance. "You might drop him. Diane-"

"I never would do that!" With the boy in her cupped hands, she brought him up close to her face. "I'd protect him with my life."

"And you might just accidentally-"

"Never! Captain knows that. That's how come, clearly, he meant for you to come find me and give him to me so I could watch him."

"W-Wha'? No way! Diane, give him back!"

"No way." Getting to her feet, she kept her cupped palms close to her, the baby giggling as he stared up at her. He'd long grown used to all of his father and mother's friends; no matter how odd and strange they all looked and acted. "He's staying with me now!"

"Give him back! Now! Or else I'll have to attack you." Hawk dug at the ground with his paws. "It'll be the only-"

"Hey now, what's goin' on here?"

And Hawk almost growled out of frustration as they were joined, once more, in the clearing by yet another Sin. It was Ban, of course, hands behind his head as he walked along, Elaine floating along beside him.

"What's it look like?" Hawk exclaimed. "A kidnapping!"

"A what?" Elaine was concerned immediately, glancing around. "Someone didn't make off with Elizabeth or the baby did they?"

"Yes!" Hawk bounced once more. "And that someone had better give me the little prince back right now!"

"What are-"

"Elaine," Ban sighed as the fairy rushed to Hawk's side. "The kid's up there, in Diane's hands."

"W-What? Then why-"

"Diane stole him from me," Hawk explained.

"I did not!" Diane was so upset that she almost balled her hands into fists...before she remembered that she had the baby captain in her hands. Huh. Maybe he wasn't so safe with her… Glancing around, she finally said, "Here, Elaine. Can you hold him for a moment?"

"Sure, I-"

"No!" Hawk complained. "You give him back to me right now! I am the Lieutenant of Child Care Services!"

"Watch who you yell at over there, Master," Ban warned, glancing over at him. "It best not be Elaine!"

"I just… Give me the little prince back!"

"No!" Diane glared down at him. "Captain wanted me to have him."

"There's no way that's true!"

"Just let me keep him for a moment," Elaine suggested, floating right up to Diane's hands. "While the two of you sort this out."

Diane was suspicious of Elaine in that moment, but still allowed her to take the child from her. She had more important things to worry about anyways; like besting Hawk so that she could brag to the Captain about how she'd been the one to care for the baby captain.

"Are you alright?" Elaine whispered softly to the child as she descended back down to the ground, him cradled gently in her arms. "Huh?"

Meh. For the best day of his life, honestly, it was kind of a boring day. He really, honestly, just wanted to go take a dip in the river like he usually did on hot days. With Papa. That would be great.

Ban, bored with the situation, only said, "Clearly, you two aren't any good at watchin' a kid. And me? I'd be even worse! So, here's what we'll do; Elaine can watch him and we can all go-"

"No way!" Hawk pawed some more at the ground. "You better fork him over, Elaine. Right now! Else I'll- Eep! Ow, Ban!"

The man had only taking his three-section staff to knock the pig on the back, rather hard. "You knock it off, Master. Else'll have to cook ya right up!"

"Ban," Elaine complained, giving him a look as Hawk only took a step back in slight fear.

Diane, not one to be left out, was quick to say, "Captain would much rather have me watching the baby captain than you, Elaine."

"I honestly don't wish to," the Guardian assured them both. "I just don't want the two of you fighting over him. So-"

"Alright, alright, I'll cave." Ban wiggled his fingers around before approaching his woman. "Hand over the Cap'n's baby, Elaine. He's comin' with- Hey! Mater-"

"Rolling Ham Attack!"

"Get off me, you stupid pig!"

"I'm not a stupid pig, you ugly swine! I'm the Lieutenant of-"

"See, Elaine?" Diane tsked. "You should just hand the baby captain over to me. I'm far more prepared to care for him. It's kinda obvious, isn't it?"

The fairy in question only gently set the baby on the ground before moving to go tear the hog and the bandit apart.

"Ban, knock it off," she complained. "He's just an animal."

"Animal? Animal?" Hawk was enraged. "I'm not an animal!"

"Are too," Diane complained, staring down at where the three of them were tussling. "And as the most matronly, I should tend to the baby captain."

"Hold up, hold up." Ban gave up on fighting with Hawk then, staring up at Diane. "How the hell are you matronly?"

Huffing, the giantess said, "If Elizabeth is, then I am."

"No one ever said she's matronly," Ban complained. "She just had a kid. That doesn't all of a sudden make her something. And holdin' a kid occasionally don't make you somethin'. So-"

"Hawk," Elaine asked the pig softly. "Why are you do worked up over this?"

Uh, the same reason he got worked up over everything he did; it was just in his nature. Still, trying to take deep breaths to calm himself down, the swine finally got out, "Because Meliodas doesn't think I can watch the baby. But I can! Elizabeth gave him to me to watch and I was doing a great job!"

"If they really asked you," the fairy said, bending over to stare at the animal, "then clearly it's you that should take him. So- Um, where did he-"

"Where's the little prince?" Hawk did a quick three-sixty spin. "Ban? Diane? Did you see where the prince went?"

"What are ya talkin' about?" Ban frowned. "He's right- Uh, Elaine, I thought you set him right-"

"I did, but now-"

Diane gasped loudly, being sure not to move. If they couldn't find the boy, the last thing she wanted to happen was her to step on him. "Hawk lost the baby captain?"

"What?" the pig growled. "What do you mean I lost him?"

"Well," Ban said as Elaine quickly took to rushing around, searching for the boy. "You were the one that they put in charge of keeping him."

"Yeah, you definitely were," Diane agreed with a nod. "You came into the clearing, waking me up, bragging about just such thing."

"I didn't-"

"Perhaps we can put some effort into locating him?" Elaine suggested, frowning at all of them. "Guys?"

"I'll do it for Cap'n, sure," Ban said. "Since Hawk dropped the ball and lost his boy."

"Same here." Diane nodded. "I'll find him and then Captain will love me and ask me to have one of his babies as well!"

"This is so aggravating!" Hawk suddenly took off, nose to the ground, tracking something. Ban, watching, only shook his head.

"This really ain't the time for scraps, Master."

"That's not what I'm looking for!"

And it wasn't. Rather, he was tracking a rather stinky diaper down. It wasn't hard.

Suddenly, however, a loud cry sprang up, making all of them spring into action, Hawk leading the way.

They found the little prince out there, in the forest, wailing his head off. When no danger or presence was found, Elaine glanced over the boy.

"I believe he got stung by a bee," she reported, which allowed everyone to let out a long, slow breath, relieved for the moment. Then Hawk went back to freaking out.

"He was stung by a bee?" He rushed to the child's side, glancing at his arm which was sporting a red, inflamed bump. "Oh no! They're gonna blame me for this!"

"It's not that big of a deal, Master," Ban said, coming to glance down at the child a well. The boy was still flailing about it though and that was rather annoying so, after tapping the baby cap'n on the head, he turned to walk off. "Welp, I'm headed back to the bar. You comin', Elaine?"

"W-Well, he's upset and-"

"And if Cap'n comes back and finds him like this, he'll think that we were a part of it."

"You are a part of it," Hawk complained. "And so is- Hey, Diane! Where are you going?"

"Um...back to the bar. Have fun, Lieutenant!"

Ugh. Hawk couldn't even take the time out to glare after them. He had to focus on his shoat who, at the moment, was holding his wounded arm out like it was the worst pain in the world.

Elaine, kindly, set the sobbing child on the pig's back, suggesting that Hawk take him back to the bar.

"Perhaps a nice walk back will calm him down a bit," she suggested though, just as quickly, she was rushing after Ban.

Hawk had no choice, but to do as she suggested. When it became clear to the one year old that no one was going to stop his pain, eventually he gave in to just moaning a bit, sucking on his thumb. He really, really wanted to go bathe in the river then.

"E-Elizabeth. And Meliodas. Y-You're already back?"

They were there, back at the Boar Hat, awaiting him. Meliodas was seated on the steps, watching him, while Elizabeth immediately rushed to snatch the child off his back.

"Tristan," she cooed stared down at him. "What happened?"

"Oy, porky," Meliodas commented. "Where'd you take him?"

"W-Well… Hey, where is everyone?"

"Eh?"

"The others," Hawk complained. "They all said they were coming back to Boar Hat!"

Oh, they had been. Until they sensed Meliodas' magic emanating from there and turned off in other directions, not wanting to be dragged into whatever might occur.

"King's inside, if that's what you mean," Elizabeth told him as she continued to stare down at her son. Bouncing him a bit, she said, "Ooh, Tristan, did you get stung?"

As the child had no way of explaining, Hawk decided that, as the Lieutenant, it was his job to admit to any and all failures.

"I took him out to walk around," the pig admitted softly to the woman, "and he sorta mighta kinda gotten bitten by a bee or something and-"

"Awe." Elizabeth bounced him some, though she only grinned at Hawk. "That was so kind of you to take him for a walk."

"Eh?" Hawk frowned. "But he got bit by a bee."

Meliodas, still seated on the steps, shrugged a bit. "It happens."

"But as the Lieutenant of Child Care Services, I shouldn't have-"

"You're what now?" Meliodas cocked his head to the side. "Lieutenant of Child Bear Services? Elizabeth, did you know that there were bears here?"

"No, I didn't," she answered truthfully, even glancing around. "Hawk, when did you see a bear?"

"Much less it's child," Meliodas added.

Hawk only growled. "I said care and you know it!"

Giggling, Elizabeth said, "Well, Tristan's still alive, Hawk, if that helps. What more could we ask for?"

"Is that how low your expectations of me were?"

Meliodas nodded. "We're quite proud. Only a bee sting? You deserve a raise. Now you can be the Captain of Child Bear Services."

Elizabeth held Tristan to her. "So there is a bear?"

"No! There is no bear!" Hawk huffed. "So stop saying there is."

"Well," the woman sighed, walking over to Meliodas then, holding out their son to him. Taking the boy into his arms Meliodas listened along as she said, "Thanks all the same, Hawk. If you want, next time we need someone to watch Tristan, you totally can."

"R-Really?"

"Of course." Meliodas got to his feet then, his son snuggled up in his arms. "If you can take care of a baby bear, I think you can handle-"

Hawk couldn't stop his growl. "Would you stop talking about bears?"

Still, the man only set off, calling over his shoulder to Elizabeth, "Get the bar ready to open tonight. I'll go take Tristan down to the river. I think if he cooled off a bit, he'd feel better."

"Alright," she volleyed back. "Be careful of bears!"

Hawk could only bite his tongue as Meliodas raised a hand, waving to them as he walked off. The second he disappeared, Elizabeth looked down at Hawk.

"So?" she prompted. "What did you think of babysitting?"

Sighing, he headed into the bar. "I think that I was totally the best one for the job. You should choose me from now on."

"Well, you are able to take care of baby bears-"

"There were never any- You know what?" Hawk conceded with a sigh. "It's not even worth it."

Tristan is actually the name of Meliodas and Elizabeth's son in the Arthurian legends, so there was no way I couldn't make that his name. And out of everyone, Hawk would definitely be the best babysitter. Hands down.