The sun was beginning to set and the wind was picking up, stinging my skin like the tips of a thousand needles. My journey had been a long one and usually at this time I would be holed up under layers of elk skin blankets next to a fire, waiting out the night and praying to the gods that I wouldn't freeze to death. But I was so close to Kattegat that I could see the smoke from the hearthfires rising in the distance, the smell of roasting meat reached my nostrils mingling with the scent of a coming snowstorm. I was spurred on more so by the dark clouds that had been gathering for the past few hours, hovering threateningly low, with the promise of Thor's wrath ringing out in the distance. Besides, I hadn't seen my home in a very long time and I never realized just how much I'd missed it until now. I was flooded with memories as I walked towards the Earl's longhouse. The memories were so strong and vivid, it was a struggle to push them aside and concentrate on my destination. Stopping just outside of the closed door, I listened to the dozens of voices coming from the other side. I placed my hand on the cold wood and closed my eyes. I felt the warmth from the room rush up my arm and through my body. There were many familiar souls and several strange ones to shuffle through. It didn't take long for me to find Ragnar, his misery called out to me like the long lost friend that I was. I quietly opened the door and slipped inside, unnoticed by the people eating and drinking around the giant hearth in the middle of the room. Most of them looked up as I removed my hood and unfastened my long robe. Only a select few froze, stopped talking mid sentence, stopped eating mid bite, all childhood friends that I'd grown up hating and fighting and loving. I looked upon their faces as recognition faded to shock before being replaced by warm smiles.

"Ylva." Ragnar's voice rang out, breaking the silence. His footsteps echoed on the stone floor as he crossed the room in just a few long strides. Holding his arms up, he cupped my face in his palms and I nearly staggered under the emotions that I felt surging through me. His sadness was nearly impenetrable, betrayal gripped his heart so tightly every beat was a struggle.

"Ragnar, my friend. How good it is to see you." I felt the smile spread from my eyes down to my lips as I gently took his face in my hands.

"Have you come back to us my wandering little wolf?" His eyes seemed to pierce my soul and I could feel the emotions raging within him as they mingled with my own storm of emotions, happiness, anticipation, hope, relief, love, but none of them could hold a candle to the hurt he felt over his brothers betrayal.

"For now." I said as someone cleared their throat, breaking the spell that gripped our hearts and prevented us from realizing that there were other people in the room. Within the flicker of an eye we were brought back to reality.

"Slaughter the fattest goat and bring our best wine. Tonight, we celebrate." He placed a kiss on my forehead before pulling me in for an embrace.

"Where is he Ragnar?" I whispered. His whole body went rigid as he held me in place. He knew who I meant and I could feel his hesitation.

"Are you so eager to see him?" His voice was strained and I decided not to press the issue.

"No, it can wait." He gave me a quick squeeze of gratitude before tucking me under his arm and leading me towards a beautiful, elegant looking woman.

"This is my wife…"

"Aslaug the Volva, daughter of Brynhildr. It is a pleasure my lady." I bowed deeply and Ragnar threw his head back and laughed.

"You have been gone for far too long, there is no need for such pleasantries here." Aslaug silenced him with a look before smiling at me as she took my outstretched hand.

"It is nice to meet someone who recognizes those pleasantries sometimes, my dear." I felt nothing when her skin touched mine, but that didn't surprise me. The Volur are known for masking their emotions well.

"You'll have to tell me one day, how you managed snare this one from underneath my sister's nose." Her hand stiffened before she withdrew it.

So, you are Ylva, the wandering she-wolf." Her smile was strained and I could tell she had been caught off guard. I couldn't blame her, Lagertha and I shared a mother but had different fathers and it was evident in our lack of sibling resemblance.

"In the flesh." I said, smiling a little too widely.

"I have heard many stories about you. Maybe we will see your other form of flesh before you leave." It was my turn to stiffen and Ragnar tighten his grip on my shoulder as I moved to step forward.

"Maybe you will" The smile didn't leave my face as I spoke through my teeth.

"Let's hope we're not treated to that show this time around." He said with a nervous laugh before leading me away. I glanced over my shoulder and she smiled before raising her drink, giving me a small nod.

"Well, that was fun." The rush of anger was already beginning to subside.

"You still have a temper I see." Ragnar handed me a horn full of wine and tried to hide his smile.

"I will always have a temper, I am however, much better at controlling it now. As you just witnessed." I took a drink as Torstein, Ulf, and Ulric came to greet me. It was a warm greeting but short and sweet as they were in a hurry to get back to the woman they were entertaining now in hopes of getting some nightly entertainment later. I scanned the crowd until Ragnar nudged me, nodding towards the far corner where Floki stood, arms crossed, sullen look on his face.

"Hello Floki." He turned his head and ignored me when I walked up to him. "Don't do that, Floki. I wanted to say goodbye all those years ago, you know. I just couldn't."

"You left me, you left us. With no word of goodbye, and no word since. Not one word to say you were okay. To say you were still alive." His eyes looked into mine for a split second before darting around the room.

"I know Floki. I'm sorry. I had so much to deal with, so much to learn. You would've all been in danger if I'd stayed. If I'd said goodbye, you would've followed me. You and Ragnar." I placed my hands on his arms and saw him relax, his internal mental torment eased for the moment.

"And Rollo." He added.

"No, not Rollo. He never cared that much. You know he would've stayed here, with Lagertha" I said with a laugh.

"No, Ylva. He cared. We all did. We all missed you." Floki's transparency made me smile and made my heart ache.

"Well, I'm here for now, Floki and I promise to say goodbye when I decide to leave again." He smiled and just like that, all was forgotten.

"There's someone I want you to meet." He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards a table. I sat down next to him and he introduced the girl sitting on his left as "My Helga". We sat there for most of the night, eating and drinking and laughing. It had been so long since I'd felt this free and relaxed. I wanted it to last forever.

Floki was in the middle of telling a story about one of our childhood antics, to Helga's delight. He lit up when she laughed and I could feel the bond connecting them as if it were a tangible thing.

"So Ylva had Ragnar scoop up a big steaming pile of goat dung and place it into a bit of linen. Then she lit a stick and they crept ever so quietly up to old man Erikur's hut. Ragnar placed the dung in front of the entrance to his hut and Ylva lit the linen with the stick. "Fire, Fire" They screamed, banging on the side of the hut as they ran towards the bushes where I was hiding. We watched as old Erikur pulled back the flap and saw the small fire. He stomped up and down on it with both feet and when the smell of the goat dung drifted up to his nose… he hooowwwwllledd with anger. 'You little bastards.' He yelled at us as we ran away into the woods." Floki and Helga laughed and laughed. I laughed as well, even though it was the third time he'd told the story. It was getting late and the wind was howling and lashing at the walls of the lodge. The room was thinning out as everyone paired up and left to pursue nightly ventures. I looked up to where Ragnar sat. Aslaug was just gathering up the children for bed and he hugged and kissed each one before she took them away. He watched them go then sank back in his chair and smiled at me. I nodded and waved before getting up and fastening my cloak around my neck. I paused in front of the door to pull the hood over my head before braving the lashing winds outside. Just as my fingers closed over the handle a large, calloused hand reached over my shoulder and held the door shut.

"I'm going to see him Ragnar." I said, turning around and leaning my back against the solid wood with my arms folded in front of me.

"I know. I'll take you to him." He gave a wicked grin before ushering me outside. That should have been my first indication that something wasn't quite right.

I laid in bed later that night, staring up at the ceiling with silent tears streaming down my face. Rollo had been so drunk that he couldn't even stand up. I doubt he even recognized me, and I knew my anger was wasted on him in that state. Ragnar had refused to enter the house, but waited patiently for me outside in the storm. He didn't have to wait long. I took one look at Rollo, rolling around in a puddle of his own vomit and was nearly sick myself.

"Don't judge him so harshly Ylva, he is harsh enough on himself." Siggy placed a hand on my arm as I turned to leave.

"He should be harsher still." I jerked away and walked out into the storm, leaving my cloak behind in my haste. I stalked past Ragnar and towards the longhouse without a pause. The main room was empty by the time we got back. I headed straight to the fire which was still burning, albeit low, but warm enough to thaw out my frozen finger tips.

"You left your cloak." Ragnar said, sitting beside me and draping his heavy winter coat over my shoulders.

"What was he thinking Ragnar? How could he? You're his brother. Lagertha and I have our differences, but I'd never...she'd never…"

"Those are the questions that haunt me night after night, Ylva. What was he thinking? How could he do this to me? To me?" His voice broke and I looked over at him. I didn't need my gifts to know what he was feeling. It was written all over his face and in his defeated posture. He showed the people what they needed to see, a strong and capable leader and he was those things. But this was the part of himself he kept hidden away, the part that was only for him to see.

"How my heart aches for you Ragnar. If I could take this pain from you into myself, I would in a heartbeat." I knelt on the floor in front of him, placed my hands on his knees and looked up into tear filled eyes.

"My heart is so heavy my little wolf. Sometimes I feel as if I can't bare the weight of it all." He rested his hands lightly on my shoulders and I took his face between my palms once again. This time we really were alone in the room, there was no one to break the spell that wove itself around us.

"This grief will ease in time. One day, Rollo will prove himself to you once again and all will be forgiven, not forgotten, but forgiven. You know it's true" I held his gaze and he smiled.

"That isn't my only burden." His hands moved up from my shoulders as he entwined his fingers in my hair.

"One burden at a time, my friend." I reached up to remove his hands, but he held my head steady in his strong grip.

"Sixteen years is a long time, we are no longer children. Time has changed me, it's changed you. I can see it clearly." His eyes captivated me, the flames danced in their blue depths as he pulled me slowly to him.

"Wait." I said, gaining my senses. Our lips were so close his breath mingled with mine. "I have only just returned Ragnar, let's not complicate things. We might have changed, but our situation remains the same." His grip on me hadn't loosened, if anything it tightened as I tried to pull away.

"If you wanted to run from me, Ylva, you wouldn't have come back." All I could see was his eyes and they lit up when he smiled.

"You might not be married to her anymore, Ragnar, but my sister will always love you." I tried once again to pry his fingers from my hair but my hands froze as I saw the light drain from his eyes.

"And will you always love my brother?" His expression was dangerous, impassive with the hint of a smile.

"I haven't loved him in a long time." At least, I hadn't thought about loving him in a long time.

"Ragnar" Aslaug's voice echoed in the quiet room. We turned our heads, but neither one of us moved back an inch. For a moment I saw us through her eyes. Ragnar sitting on the stone bench with me kneeling in front of him, nestled between his legs. His hands ensnared in my hair, holding my face merely inches from his. "Come to bed my love." She waited for him in the doorway.

"I'll be there shortly." He said in way of dismissal. She hesitated, but finally walked away.

"Plus there's the fact that you're married, again." I added as an afterthought.

"When has marriage ever stopped you?" He didn't even try to avoid the slap I aimed at his head.

"Fuck you Ragnar, Earl of Kattegat." The words came out as an insult. "Go to bed with your wife, where you belong" I called over my shoulder.

"Have fun keeping yourself warm during the night." He laughed as I walked away. I slammed the door to the guest room so loudly that a baby started crying into the darkness. Maybe coming back here was a mistake. Rollo was nearly unrecognisable in his current condition and Ragnar's feelings for me have not diminished over the years, if anything, they have grown. But he was right, things are different now. He seemed to be under the impression that it would be easier. I however, knew things would be a lot more complicated. We no longer love with the hearts of children.