Chapter 1

Day 74

Cool fact about my new ship, there's a Holoprojector connected to the Imperial Navy in the cockpit from which an Imperial with an impressive mustache sometimes appears to ask me to undertake dangerous space missions. He asked if we could help escort a spy back to a battle cruiser, and since we were in the area I accepted.

Vette has now banned me from the cockpit, saying that a "blind, deaf, comatose lobotomy patient could fly better than me." See what she did there? Apparently my flying was less actually flying and more spinning the craft around at full speed whilst shooting everything that moves.

The spy didn't make it back.

Day 75

Have I mentioned how damn good I look in capes? I hadn't really thought about it until today, but I walked past a mirror just now and hot damn. Maybe I should be a cape model if being a Sith doesn't quite work out.

Vette doesn't seem to share my enthusiasm though. In fact she accidentally tripped over it whilst I was admiring myself in said mirror and is now a little angry. I'm going to have to make this up to her somehow.

Day 76

Having trouble sleeping. For the first time in my life there's no threat of being attacked by ravenous creatures, pissed off republicans or even more pissed off Sith. There's no need to sleep with one eye open… it's actually pretty scary. Apparently I'm so used to constantly being on guard that I can't relax without danger about.

I need to find a solution to this. Hmm…

Day 79

Vette's been tampering with the Holoprojector. When Lord Baras called earlier to tell me what to do when I arrived on Balmorra it played gentle trombone music in the background. Now I have killed enough monsters, acolytes and K'lor'slugs to build a meat temple the size of Korriban, however keeping a straight face through that was without a doubt the hardest battle I have ever faced.

I think Baras is now seriously considering having me checked out for brain damage.

Day 80

Great news! We've arrived on Balmorra!

Not so great news… it's kind of a dump.

As soon as we arrived we went to meet Baras' man on the ground, Malavi Quinn. After he finished lecturing some guy called Jiggins for being a complete failure we had a chat, and eventually ended up having a 4 hour discussion on how wonderful a person Lord Baras is.

I think we're going to be great friends. Vette just thinks we were both dropped on our heads to much as children.

Day 81

Found something amazing whilst walking around Balmorra city today! A teddy bear that has just the right height to weight proportion as Baras! After buying it I found a miniature set of Baras armor on the holonet (they have everything on the holonet) and now have my own Lord Baras teddy bear! I call him Lord Bearas!

The best part is that with him by my side I can now get a good night's sleep. He is both a reminder of the terrible fate that awaits me should I fail to complete my master's mission and exceptionally cuddly.

Day 82

Where has Vette been sleeping all this time? There's only one bedroom on the ship; mine. Does she sleep on the couch in the projector room?

Day 83

She just stands in the engine room like she always does, even in the middle of the night. Doesn't move an inch until I walk in the room.

Vette scares me sometimes.

Day 84

A strange thought occurred to me today. After once again helping an imperial I found about Balmorra with a mission that'll somehow help the empire's cause I once again received a piece of clothing that is part of an outfit for Vette.

But how have all these people known a.) The exact measurements for clothing that'll fit Vette, and b.) What everyone else is buying? Is Vette calling these people ahead of time and telling them to get clothing ready that fit her? Has Vette distributed items of her clothing to imperials with problems around the planet? I'm very confused, and for some reason I can't explain a little bit angry. I dare not ask Vette though, the force warns me that certain death awaits me if I do.

Day 85

Does Lord Baras have a wife? Or kids? I've never thought about it, but he may well do. For some reason I can only imagine his kids wearing smaller versions of his mask.

Day 89

Ever wondered what the cruelest way to kill a man is? Well I think I've found the answer.

After disarming a particularly unskilled Balmorran trooper Vette delivered a snarky one-liner about his terrible aim, which I then followed up with a snarky line of my own. Before we knew it we had dissolved into a contest over who could deliver the snarkiest insult, and the rebel squad watched in abject horror as we proceeded to roast the trooper in a way that some planets would consider a war crime.

After a good half an hour of agonising emotional torment the rebel was finally granted peace after we roasted him so hard that he literally caught fire and burned to death. Vette then mentioned that it was unclear who exactly delivered the line that caused him to spontaneous combust, and that we should have a rematch. The other rebels ran away like little girls.

So there you have it. Death by snark is both possible and exceptionally cruel.

Day 90

Today's task was to kill Baras' spies' blabbermouth of a son. Problem is when I found him the kid started whining and crying for mercy like you wouldn't believe. I couldn't help but pity the poor guy. So instead of killing him I helped him wipe his own memories instead.

Of course when the kid woke up without a clue who he was my need to have some fun won over my pity. I told him that his name was Harry Balls, and that he was the seven year old princess of Alderaan. With just a little touch of the force he is now convinced that is the truth.

Strangely enough as I did this the floor glowed a strange red colour and a black trianglish icon appeared by my chest saying -200. Vette swears she didn't see anything though. Should I go see a doctor?

Day 91

Realized that I never actually let that kid from yesterday out of his cell. It was quite hot in there, and I did leave a long trail of bodies. It's probably smelling pretty fresh in there right about now.

Hopefully someone's come to check on the area by now. Overwise Harry Balls might be getting a little peckish right about now. Does he remember that humans tend not to be cannibals? Because the only thing within his reach is the guy who was guarding him…

Day 100

The spy has been taken care of. By which I mean he's dead of course. Shame, he was a nice guy.

Master Baras was ecstatic though! He said he hoped I could see his smile, forgetting of course that as he was still wearing his mask I could in fact not see his face. I'm not sure I want to see what a Gamorean looks like smiling anyway, it's probably terrifying.

Day 101

Great day! Probably one of the best I've ever had.

It looked pretty bad at the start; a jedi investigator overheard everything between me and Baras' spy and was about to tell the jedi council. Luckily Quinn pulled a quinn (my new term for an awesome feat of tactical genius) and had her blocked at the spaceport, so I was able to catch up to her. After a brief battle (and I mean brief, jedi are surprisingly fragile) the situation was resolved, and my mission on Balmorra officially complete.

Vette seemed surprised though when I spared the jedi's life, saying maiming and killing was more of my style. I told her I only maim and kill as a last resort, and she replied that I must have a pretty short list of resorts. She them seemed even more surprised when I brought out the list of resorts I keep on hand at all times and pointed out that maiming and slaughter were actually 54th and 61st respectively.

And even better guess who was waiting for me at my hanger. That's right… Malavi Quinn! He decided to join me on my incredibly vague quest across the galaxy for the good of the empire. We spent approximately another hour talking about how great Baras is once his stuff was packed on board.

Now we're off to Nar Shadaar to find (and eliminate) another spy.

Day 102

Quinn just sort of… stands there in the cockpit and doesn't move a muscle until I arrive. Just like Vette.

My companions scare me.

Day 105

We went on a space mission to destroy an acer republic fighter pilot today. Despite Vette's protests Quinn insisted that, as leader, I should be the one to fly the ship.

14 imperial casualties and 12'000 credits worth of missiles later Quinn has also banned me from flying.

Day 107

NAR SHADAAR IS AMAZING! Screw red dust and war torn battle fields, this planet has casino's everywhere and drinks on tap. After a long discussion Vette and I have managed to convince Quinn that we've earned at least one day off. Vette knows the best casino around and looting the corpses of my victims has earned me a small fortune, so tonight we're all going to kick back and party.

It's going to be the best night ever!

Day 117

It has been ten days since I last wrote in this journal, but to me it seems like it was only yesterday. Mainly because my memories of the last week have blended together into one big booze fueled haze. I dare not revisit many of these memories, lest the unspeakable horrors I have committed forever scar my awakened mind as they do my nightmares, however I feel I should note down the pro's and con's of my 'best night ever'.

Pros:

- Obtained 100,000,000 credits. Unsure as to how.

- The Duros now call me "Tualakan", which I have on good authority means "The Sundering Darkness."

- Hold the record for most drinks consumed on Nar Shadaar in a year.

- Guest starred in a holonet romance drama.

- Won an award for best actor in a holonet romance drama.

- Saw Vette smiling a lot. Felt strangely invigorated by this for some reason.

- Can somehow speak fluent Trandosian now.

Cons:

- Baras' disappointment is palpable even from here.

- Gerdo the Hutt has me on speed dial as 'the scarlet-sabre stripper'.

- Quinn will never forgive me for what I did to that protocol droid.

- I feel dirty no matter how much I shower.

- Images of my naked torso are all over the holonet.

- There's some kind of pink/grey goo all over the floor of the ship.

- The alcohol content in my blood is so high it's poisonous to most races.

- There's a strange outfit in my wardrobe. I'm not sure what it is, but it's furry, my size and… revealing. Very revealing.

- The Evocii believe me to be a god of war.

Day 120

Ugh… my head. It feels like a bantha's sitting on it. I've been walking around Nar Shadaar looking for… Lord Rathari? ...Or have I already found him and killed him? I'm not sure really, I just want to go to sleep. Vette's been leading on this one and just points me at things I need to kill.

Day 121

Turn's out that leaving the thinking up to Vette was a good call. I woke up this morning to find out that I apparently killed Lord Rathari and Baras's rogue spy at some point yesterday in my mindless drunken haze. So… yay?

Thinking that Vette deserves a present I've decided to lay off wearing the capes for a couple of days. I swear she seems happier already.

Day 122

Got to meet Nomen Karr, my master's arch nemesis, today after I discovered my ship was being tracked and followed the signal back to this sweet ass space station.

Now maybe it was just that the holoprojector was very high quality, but by the Emperor Nomen Karr has a stylish beard! It's so sharp! And it's incredibly distracting! The people working at the space station all escaped when I lost myself staring at the fine craftsmanship of his chin hair.

Day 123

Just discovered a small black sun tattoo on my buttcheek. Apparently during my hungover search for Baras' spy I ended up joining the gang war raging across Nar Shadaar and completely decimated every other gang, leaving the Black Sun with no one to oppose them as they conquered the entire planet. This has apparently prompted the Hutt clan to declare war on them.

Vette mentioned that if I'm going to go about starting wars on every planet we visit she wants a pay rise. The force warned me that it was a bad idea to mention that I'm not actually paying her.

Day 125

Been getting strange holocalls from a pimp on Nar Shadaar who seems to think I work for him. Quinn assures me that he's paid a agent on the planet to discreetly assassinate the guy before Vette finds out.

How did I ever manage without Quinn before?

Day 128

Baras called again to tell me that with the spies taken care of we're going on the offensive and hunting down this Jaesa girl. Nomen has her hiding away somewhere, so to draw her out Baras has instructed me to seek out her parents and her first master, then use their suffering to call to her. I'm on my way to Tatooine now to find her old master, who is some kind of desert hermit.

However Vette fiddled with the holoprojector into what she calls 'funhouse mirror mode'. Baras' image kept distorting to make some parts of him massive or tiny. Again I struggled to restrain myself from snickering through what was supposed to be a very serious and Sithy call, and Baras now suspects I am playing some kind of elaborate practical joke on him.

Day 130

Tatooine is without a doubt the worst planet in the galaxy! I mean I thought Balmorra was bad, but this place takes the biscuit. I mean it has two suns! Two suns! Who needs two suns! The temperature here is always between uncomfortably hot and dangerous-to-live-in hot, and this is the winter season! Why is this planet even colonised?

And don't get me started on the sand! It's everywhere! I hate sand; it's rough and coarse and gets in everywhere! I guarantee that no sith will ever hate sand as much as I do! And as if there wasn't enough sand about already the locals shove the word sand in the names of everything! There's sand people, sand crawlers and even sand demons! Heck Vette and I visited the 'sand market', stopped at 'Sandy's Sand Bar' and guess what the menu? Sand Burgers! Why?!

As soon as the surface of the planet was in sight Quinn suddenly mentioned how the city we were landing in was a cesspool of criminals, and so solemnly volunteered to stay behind and guard the luxurious, air conditioned ship full of water while Vette and I had the 'honor of fulfilling lord Baras' mission of great importance'. Little bastard.

We didn't make any progress on our mission today, mainly because I could barely think thanks to the bloody heat. As Vette wisely pointed out heavy black body armour complete with stylish black cape and desert planets with two suns do not mix. Work was called off today in favour of a cold shower, and Vette's roped me into putting the mission on hold tomorrow as well and taking her shopping for planet appropriate clothes. The force warns me that a terrible future awaits, but I'm sure it's just exaggerating. How bad can one shopping trip be.

Day 131

I, a Sith lord with enough strength to beat a Wookie in a fistfight, have met my match today in a pile of clothes. The sheer volume of it was enough to break a bantha's back, and while most of the clothes were Vette's her only contribution was to carry the water flask and pay for everything with my credit card.

Despite the pain of my ordeal there were some plus sides. I now own a few sets of clothes that a.) aren't armour, and b.) aren't black and/or grey. Apparently these clothes are what normal galactic society deems normal. Also seeing Vette in so many exotic (and rather minimal) outfits and clearly enjoying herself was strangely thrilling.

Why is it that seeing Vette like this makes me feel thrilled? It is because we spend so much time together? I'll ask Quinn and Baras to wear different clothes for me and see if that makes me feel thrilled too.

Speaking of Quinn we got back to the mid afternoon to find Quinn crying in front of the holoproject watching the end of 'Malak and Me'. It seems he was expecting us to be hunting for the jedi and thought he had the ship to himself. He also claims he wasn't crying, he just had sand in his eye, but I see through him. Even I cried watching that film, heck I got a bit teary eyed watching the end bit just now. Luckily Vette didn't notice, and with the amount of teasing she's giving Quinn I intend to keep it that way.

Day 131.5

Found Quinns secret film stash. His collection includes:

- Finding Nemro.

- The Emperor's New Groove.

- Dooku Where's My Car?

- The Good, The Baras, And The Ugly.

- The Lion Quinn (Turns out Quinn used to be an actor).

- 101 Dalmarrtians

- The Nightmare Before Sithmas.

Day 132

Not wearing armour was a mistake. On Vette's urging I wore a simple jacket, a green t-shirt with some designer brand and blue jeans today. Admittedly I am a lot cooler (and thanks to a neat little force trick I learned on neither Vette for I will get sunburnt), but I am now even more uncomfortable than I was in the heat.

This is mainly because of two reasons. First of all I feel… naked… without armour. Looking back I can't remember a time when I've ever not worn something at least slightly armoured, and without it I keep feeling like somebody is going to slip a knife into my back at any second (a common occurrence on Tatooine I'm told).

And secondly, and most importantly, my armour was what gave me most of my intimidation factor. Without it I'm not very scary at all; in fact it turns out I'm actually rather attractive. My non-sithy appearance and the rather fashionable clothes Vette picked out for me has made it even more difficult for me to get around unnoticed than it would have been in armour, because every other female seems to staring at me strangely and giving me… unwanted attention in that same disturbing way lady Gratham did. A bartender at a cantina we stopped at explained to me that they were 'making eyes' at me, but I don't understand how this staring is supposed to create new eyeballs. A local superstition perhaps?

Vette seems just as annoyed by this attention as I am. In fact she had what the locals call a 'cat fight' with a waitress when they pinched my butt (why is it always the butt? This is why I wear capes!) Unfortunately she seems just as annoyed with me as she is with everyone else, in fact even more so after I gave my number to a girl at a droid parts stall (which I assume was for marketing purposes).

We're heading out of civilization for a while, and to be honest I'm looking forward to it. Non-Sith are weird.

Day 137

Found a mystical lake today where I had an incredible life-changing experience! A vision of myself cloaked in light emerged from the depths of the water and told me that it wasn't too late to turn my back in the dark side and become one with the force after death. I found the very core if my being touched by its mere presence.

I've decided, I'm turning my back on the dark side! From now on I will devote myself fully to the light.

Day 138

Vette is unimpressed with my newfound connection to the light, particularly when my newfound pacifist ways prevented me from lifting a finger to fight back when a gang of bandits attacked.

Day 139

Inner peace. Inner peace.

Even though sand is getting in my eyes, my tongue feels like sandpaper and my hands are itching for a fight I won't let my irritation get to me. Dark thoughts are not the way of the light.

Day 140

There's nothing but sand everywhere I look! Can't this planet just have one bloody tree!

Ah no no no. Don't think angry thoughts. Be serene and peaceful. Serene and peaceful serene and peaceful sereneandpeaceful...

Day 141

VetTe says the mix of sunstroke and my Pent up destruCtive urGes are driving me crazy! Ha! CRAZY! ME?! Would a crAzy man amass an army of womp rats to cOnquer all of tatooine?! Would a crAzy man wear the skull of the mighty bantha as a Crown? WOULD A CRAZY MAN BECOME THE GOD-KING OF THE DESERT BEASTS?!

Huh… actually seeing it written down like this makes me think that she may have a point. Just one little murder should be fine right…

Day 142

Oh sweet darkness how I've missed you. The dryness of the desert is made wet again by the wash of tusken blood, and everything is right again.

I'm sorry I ever doubted you dark side. I'll never cheat on you again.

Day 143

My massacre of the local tuskens yesterday got me on the front page of 'genocide today'. Man that photographer did a good job, my picture looks incredible.

Day 144

How is Vette able to shoot so damn well with her eyes glued to my butt? Definitely wearing capes again once we get back to civilization.

Day 147

As part of a ritual we're doing to follow Jaesa's footsteps I was supposed to kill this creature called a Sand Demon and bath in its blood. Vette however insisted that we find the peaceful solution Jaesa used instead of outright slaughtering it.

Sometimes I wonder which one of us was supposed to be in charge.

Day 150

Finally reached the jedi hermit's house. I was looking forward to a good fight, but it turns out the guy is completely senile. I defeated his latest student and tried to kill him, but he mistook me for the guy he'd called to fix his sink and didn't understand me when I hold him he'd got the wrong guy.

I ended up fixing his sink. Apparently he'd been dying to get the washing up done for days, and was so grateful that it sent a ripple in the force which everyone seems to be mistaking for gratitude a sparing his life.

Well if it works it works. I guess that means my job here is done so… yay?

Day 152

Finally got back to the nice, air conditioned ship. By the force it feels nice to be cold again.

Asked Quinn to change into some new clothes for me when Vette went out to buy fuel. He said 'My Lord?' in a confused manner but nonetheless complied.

It wasn't the same as with Vette. Perhaps that's just because Quinn is my best buddy. I'll try with Baras.

Day 153

We're off to Alderaan! At last! Anywhere is better than Tatooine! I'm still finding grains of sand in places they have no right being.

Baras called to inform me that I'll be hunting down Jaesa's parents there. I was about to ask him if he would mind changing clothes for me, but then a mental image of his dressed in Vette's clothes popped into my mind and I was a little sick in my mouth.

So it is just Vette then. I wonder why?

Day 154

Took a detour back to Nar Shadaar on the way to Alderaan so we could swing by and pick up this 'Star of Kalla Uun' Vette's been talking about that's of great cultural significance to the Twileks. The guy that had it hired this bodyguard called the plague who he thought would protect him and started slagging off Vette.

I'm not quite just what came over me, but three seconds later the plague had been crushed under his personal ship and the guy was apologising. So Vette recited this well prepared speech again, took the star and then we were on our merry way.

Met up with some of Vette's old friends afterwards too. Nice bunch of people, but this one girl kept running her fingers down my arm. I assume this is some kind of Twilek custom, but it's one Vette is not a supporter of if her glare was anything to go by.

It was nice that she chose to stick around with me afterwards as well. I didn't tell her, but I was actually a little worried she'd leave. I can't imagine going through the rest of this journey without her.

Day 155

Quinn discovered Darth Bearas today. Asked if he could get one too. We spent the rest of the day talking about what a great guy Baras is.

Vette seemed amused and said Quinn was by BF, which after seeing my confused expression meant boyfriend. Well Quinn is a boy and is my friend, so I guess she's right.

I asked her if that meant she was my girlfriend. She turned an interesting shade of pink, stuttered and ran off. Vette's strange.

Day 157

Alderann is awesome! They have flying mantas! FLYING MANTAS! I've been trying to convince Quinn to let us keep one on the ship, but he keeps telling me that having a pet is a huge responsibility. I think he's patronizing me.

On a side note I introduced Quinn and Vette respectively as my boyfriend and girlfriend to Baras' agent on Alderaan. He looked highly alarmed for some reason, and Vette pulled me aside to tell me I should never say that again. Her face has gone all pink again.

Day 158

The local imperial commander has lost his troops in a cave full of these weird bug creatures called Kiliks. He's asked me to go rescue them, so I'm on my way via flying manta now.

Day 160

I see the stars beyond the clouds in the sky. I feel the earth below my feet. I feel the songs of my brothers and sisters all across the galaxy calling to me. My individual thoughts and wants are of no matter now, for now I am part of the hive. My desires are my Kilik siblings now, and there's are mine. I finally feel like part of a whole now, and the gaping hole of loneliness inside me has been filled by the warmth of my new family.

I will not be posting in this journal again. My past is the shared past of the hive now. We are one.

Day 170

I am no longer "one" with the hive mind, mainly because the rest of the hive mind are all dead. Adding me to the collective spread my lust for blood across the entire hive, and forced the others into an uncontrollable frenzy that led them to launch a suicide attack on the nearby heavily defended outpost. I was the only one with the strength to survive.

The gaping hole in my heart has been reopened from the severing of my connection to my Kilik family. On the plus side I'm back with Vette and Quinn again, so… yay?

Day 172

Vette and I had an argument today over clothes again. She mentioned how she was sick of people staring at her exposed midriff like she was a piece of meat, but had to make the sacrifice for increased mobility in combat. I retorted that wearing heavy armour all the time since trouble seems to literally find us everywhere, despite how heavy and clunky it is, was the greater sacrifice. One thing led to another, and now we've both agreed to swap outfits until one of us gives in and admits they were wrong.

Quinn things we're both idiots, and mentioned that he expects this competition to take a long time. He's wrong of course, after wearing my armour for a few hours Vette will surely give in. She's not that stubborn.

Day 173

Drawing a few odd looks from the house Thul soldiers, probably because these clothes really don't leave much to the imagination.

I take comfort in the fact that Vette looks like some kind of bounty hunter though, and has fallen on her face five times already. I'm so going to win this argument.

Day 175

Received an interesting report from the imperial division on Tatooine. It seems my massacre of the Tusken prompted many of them to mistake me for their religion version of the harbinger of the apocalypse. They also note that the womp rat population is booming due to all the available carrion for them to feed on.

Little do the fools know that this is no mere superstition. One day I shall return to Tatooine to rally my army of mighty rats, and then all of Tatooine shall be dyed red with blood. All hail to the god-king of the desert! Mwahahahahaha!

Day 177

It sure is breezy around the top of Alderaan's snowy mountains. Kind of wish I could cover my stomach, but I can't give Vette the satisfaction.

Day 180

Why is it so hard to force leap in high heels? The lady Sith make it look so easy.

Day 182

Stormed a republic base to talk to a general who once had Jaesa as her handmaiden today. They seemed shocked when I blasted down the door to their bunker, though I couldn't tell if this was in awe of my power or in awe of how short my hotpants are.

Day 190

The good news is I finally tracked down Jaesa's parents! They were staying in the house of some noble family they serve the whole time.

The not-so-good news is that I wasn't sure which room they were in, and really wanted to burst in dramatically through the door. This meant there were five separate occasions where I burst in on the wrong family. To save face I had to act like I'd meant to burst in on them anyway, and ended up having a rather awkward dinner with one of them.

Anyway I got there in the end, beat up another expendable jedi and then offered Jaesa's parents the chance to come live in the empire, which they accepted. Baras thinks I did so because Jaesa would sense and be stung by their betrayal. Truth is I did it because Jaesa's mom makes some damn fine cookies. The empire can not allow such a valuable resource to remain out of our grasp!

Baras did however ask me why I was dressed as a woman. My answer of 'to prove that armour is superior' prompted another round of silence before he ended the transmission without a word. I can sense that he's disappointed in me, but Quinn says that it's my common sense talking, not my force sense.

Alright I give! Vette can win the damn argument, I want my armour back!

Day 191

Did I ever mention that Baras had a duke on this planet working as an agent for him? No? Well that's because the little git was useless and completely forgettable. Well it turns out he tattled to Baras about how I blew up a hall full of house Thull dignitaries and helped the republic defend a war front this one time.

Thing is technically I did do those thing which, from a certain point of view, does actually make me a traitor to the empire. Luckily master Baras understood that I wasn't doing it deliberately. In his words I 'lack the higher brain capacity to understands concepts like betrayal'. I'm not sure what that means exactly, but since it's coming from him I'm sure it's a compliment.

Anyway the duke is dead now, and none of his relatives decided to challenge my claim to inheriting his home for some reason, so I now have a holiday retreat on Alderaan!

And one day from this house the hive will rise again, and all of Alderaan will be returned to its rightful Killik masters!

Day 192

I received a message from Jaesa! Turns out all that hunting down old people actually worked! She wants to meet in private to discuss bringing an end to this hunt.

Which is fortunate really considering I have literally no leads left on where to find people close to her. Kind of makes you wonder why she only showed herself after all the people who really matter to her have been proven to be safe from me…

Day 200

Arrived at the co-ordinates provided, but it turns out Nomen Karr found out what Jaesa was trying to do and talked her out of it. Probably hypnotized her with that beard of his too the little sneak.

Anyway instead of Jaesa I found two jedi, both of whom seemed confused about what their own code entailed and kept arguing about it. I barely got two words in before one of them decided that attacking someone who wasn't attacking them wasn't their way (for the record I was going to attack them, but I was going to wait for them to stop bickering first. It's rude to interrupt people).

The other one finally got round on fighting me after than, and in a few seconds was soundly beaten. But then the guy starting crying about how unfair it was which was awkward, so I just made a little suggestion that he give the dark side a quick try and he instantly runs off to hop on the next shuttle to Korriban.

Weird guy. Come to think of it pretty much all the jedi I've met so far have been weird. Why can't they just be normal like us Sith?

Day 202

Baras received a message from Noman Karr today, challenging him to a duel on Hutta. Baras is sending me to fight in his place.

He says he won't fight because he's outgrown his petty rivalry with Nomen. I reckon it's because the building doesn't have mobility scooter access.

Day 203

And finally it is over. The hunt for Jaesa Willsam has been concluded, and I have myself a new apprentice.

After arriving at Hutta I headed to the duel site and met Nomen, who was very gung-ho about killing me. Our battle was legendary, with both of us swinging our sabres with such speed and precision that we looked like blurs, but eventually the darkness with him began to take over and sent him wild and uncontrolled. After a wide swing I saw an opening, gathered the force around my foot, and poured all of my remaining strength into one last enormous force kick to the balls.

It is a good thing jedi aren't allowed to have children, because I doubt Nomen Karr will ever feel anything between his legs again. The ripple of pain echoed in the force all across the galaxy, and according to the holonet every man even the least bit force sensitive in the known universe shuddered and winced simultaneously. Now I've seen what happens to people in the dungeons of Korriban, but the look of pain on Nomen's face… that'll haunt me for the rest of my days…

Nomen's voice is now set 8 octaves higher, a condition that the imperial medics tell me will never fade. When Jaesa arrived to confront me this made things rather awkward, as everything Nomen said sounded like he was breathing helium.

Jaesa was shocked to discover that the dark side burned fiercely in her master, and had a bit of a crisis of faith. I was able to convince her that really the light side is kind of lame, and that if she came over to the dark side she could stop using her powers for lame things and start being awesome. Looks like I snagged myself a sweet new apprentice.

… She's perhaps just a little bit too eager to be a Sith though. I mean she seemed a bit disappointed when I told her that she couldn't kill Nomen as master Baras wanted him, and on the way back out she seemed… well… a tad murdery. As in the stab anyone who looks at her funny kind of murdery.

I fear I may have made a terrible mistake.