A/N: Somebody told me I should write more schmoop. I did not have to be told twice. I make no apologies for the title.

I wrote half of this story while listening to "This Kind of Love" by Sister Hazel on repeat, so if it can be said to have a soundtrack I guess that's it.

I guess this is more vague handwavey post-canon AU. Don't ask which canon. I don't know.

Warnings: Do not drink, drive, or operate heavy machinery after use.

Disclaimer: Why do I put these things here? Does anybody read them? Does anybody care?

Shut Up and Dance

Ed hates dancing. He hates it with a passion he usually reserves for things like milk (which is gross and wrong and can't possibly be healthy for you, no matter what Winry says), and if he had his way he wouldn't do it at all even if it was rude to turn down women at parties.

But Roy likes it, because Roy is a weird sappy idiot, so Ed obliges him when he has to put in appearances at inescapable social functions.

For instance, the annual Führer's Ball. Ed had successfully avoided it the entire time he'd been in the military, but once he'd become publicly involved with the man (it had been an accident, there had been a puppy and a very embarrassed maid, he doesn't want to talk about it), the Ball had become unavoidable. At first he refused to dance, because, for the hundredth time, Roy, he fucking hated dancing, but he quickly discovered that was a mistake. The longer they went without dancing, the bolder the military women became. Ed suspected that they could sense that Roy wanted to dance, like sharks smelling blood in the water, and it didn't help that Roy was so effortlessly charming when he turned them down.

After the second time, Ed started to get annoyed. After the third, he started to preemptively glare at any woman who even looked at Roy, not that it helped. After the fifth, he gave the fuck up.

"Fine," he snarled as the lieutenant colonel walked away, then drained his glass of shitty champagne and (just barely) resisted the urge to slam it onto a passing waiter's tray. "I'll fucking dance with you, okay?"

"You don't have to, Ed," Roy said, and he had the bad taste to look surprised. As if Ed was going to buy that. "I'm not going to accept any of their offers."

"I know you're not," Ed grumbled less angrily because, okay, he did know that, and it wasn't Roy he was mad at. "It's just—you came here with me. They saw us walk in together! If I just suck it up and dance with you, maybe they'll figure out that you're fucking off limits." He hesitated as he felt a blush start up in his cheeks, because he blushed way too fucking easily, and ducked his head in the hope that Roy wouldn't notice it. "Anyway, I know you were really disappointed not to dance, so, you know," he finished in a mumble.

When he glanced up, he could tell by Roy's besotted expression that he hadn't managed to hide the blush, so he covered his face with his hand and groaned. "Shut up," he growled, even though Roy probably wasn't even going to say anything. "Just shut up."

Roy chuckled and moved in close, pushing Ed's bangs back to kiss his forehead. It was stupid and embarrassing, but shit like that always made Ed feel better, so he dropped his hand and tilted his head back in an invitation for Roy to kiss him properly. Roy did, fingertips gentle on his cheek, and it was an all-too-brief moment before he was pulling away.

"I would be delighted to dance with you, Edward," he said in a low voice that was usually a promise for—something else. Roy knew perfectly well what effect that had on Ed, and grinned cheekily down at him. Ed glared back. "Shall we?"

They waited until the next song started, and just as a sixth woman was starting to eye him up (clearly being egged on by women three and four), Roy took Ed's hand and led him out to the dance floor. Ed grumbled a little about having to take the woman's role, but since he admittedly didn't know all that much about dancing, he gracefully caved to Roy's constant need to be in charge of everything.

The song was slower than Ed had hoped, and he could feel more than a few eyes on them as they circled the floor. It made him uncomfortable, and even though he didn't say anything, Roy was always annoyingly perceptive. He dipped his head in close to Ed's.

"Do you want to stop?" he asked, quiet enough that it would be impossible to overhear. He didn't sound any different than normal, but Ed could tell he was disappointed again.

"No," Ed said immediately. He'd agreed to dance, and he'd be damned if he didn't finish out one song. "Everyone's staring. It's fucking annoying."

Roy smiled and pulled Ed in way closer than was probably acceptable in public. Pervert. "Hmm, they must be jealous," he murmured, pressing a string of kisses across his cheek that made him squirm. When he didn't stop, Ed accidentally-on-purpose stepped on his toes. Roy winced but continued as if he hadn't done anything. "After all, I am dancing with a very handsome—and very young—man who has been publicly lauded as a hero and has more alchemical power than most people even dream of."

"And you only had to turn down five women for the honor," Ed said. He couldn't help the growl in his voice but, dammit, Roy was his.

"Edward," Roy said very seriously, his stupidly entrancing eyes holding Ed's gaze without any effort, "I would turn down a thousand women if all I got for it was the pleasure of your company."

"Aw, gees," Ed said, and there went the stupid blush again. For fuck's sake. "I liked you better when I hated you."

"And you always say the sweetest things," Roy said dryly, which meant that he didn't want to admit that he thought what Ed had said was funny. Ed rolled his eyes.

"Fine, sweet. I can do sweet." The blush hadn't died down yet, which was good because it meant he couldn't blush again. They'd stopped dancing at some point, and Roy was giving him his ridiculous besotted look again as Ed fidgeted nervously. He hadn't said it yet, and this probably wasn't the best place to admit it but, well, it had to be somewhere. His chin dropped slightly, but he determinedly kept looking into Roy's eyes as he took a deep breath and said, "I love you."

Roy's grip on him tightened, and the look of surprise on his face this time was genuine. "You—" he said, and licked his lips. Speechless, that was a first. "I—God, Ed. I was not expecting—" A downright goofy grin spread across his face, the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes deepening sharply, and, hell, Ed had never seen him look this happy. Roy pulled him close until they were pressed flush against each other—definitely not acceptable now, and he always pretended to care so much about that too—and cupped Ed's cheek and kept smiling like he couldn't stop. "I love you too, Ed. God, I love you so much; you are simply astonishing—"

"Okay, okay," Ed said, disgusted. "You don't need to get all sappy on me."

"Oh, no, love, you're stuck with it now." Roy's grin turned mischievous. "I don't have any reason to hold back any more."

"I take it back," Ed said quickly. "I hate you, you're a complete shit, that colonel can have you—"

Roy laughed so brightly Ed saw a few couples startle out of the corner of his eye, but then they were pushed out of his mind entirely as Roy kissed him. Ed thought he'd gotten used to his kisses, but apparently Roy was determined to reach new levels of mind-blowing with this one, and the noise from the rest of the room dulled into white noise as he drowned in his boyfriend.

"Shit," Ed said when they finally broke apart. "Was this because I said I hated you? Because, y'know, if that's what gets you going…."

"How unseemly!" an elderly voice interrupted whatever Roy had been about to say in response, and they both looked over to see one of the general's wives glaring at them. "Young people these days, they have no sense of decorum…."

She walked off with her husband patting consolingly at her arm. Roy straightened up and coughed nervously into his hand.

"Ah," he said. "Perhaps we should hold off on dancing for the rest of the night."

"I don't know," Ed said, giving him a slow grin. "I was just starting to enjoy it."