The swim club keeps to themselves like all the usual cliques do. I admire them. It's pretty obvious that they're all gay for each other in some way, shape, or form. I'm curious about what it's like to be a part of that sort of friend group. They're just a bunch of average teenage hunks, but Haru catches my eye.

He's in my history class. He sits across the room from me. Almost never speaks. He looks a little lost. I want to know more about him, but I'm outside the circle.

I've had to miss a lot of school due to my illness, but Haru is always on my mind. I'm crushing on him from afar, I realize. If I say nothing will ever happen between us, nothing indeed will ever happen. I can't ever say something like that out loud. What I want most in life is to be with Haru, as shallow as that may sound.

This afternoon, the swim club is competing against another school, so maybe I'll stick around to watch. It isn't often that they swim competitively at home, so now's my chance. I've been waiting for an opportunity to see Haru swim again for a long time now.

There's a lot of people here. A lot of fangirls, rather. Not me—I'm more of a secret fan. Oh, there's Haru. He's getting ready to dive in. He looks as stunning as ever. Every time I see him, he looks more and more beautiful. I want to touch that silky smooth skin after it's been cooled by the water he loves so much. He doesn't look lost when he's in the water. He's happy.

I would love to congratulate Haru on his victory, but that would seem inappropriate. He doesn't know me. I'll silently tell him how proud I am of him instead. It makes me glad to see him living out his passion. I watched how vigorously he swam today. He really gave it his all.

Now, he's walking away with the rest of his team. They're probably going to shower off in the locker room, which leads me to my fantasy of finding Haru naked. He'll slip off his tight jammers and lather up his perfectly toned body in hot water and soap. I can imagine the scent amongst the steamy air. It's so refreshing. Maybe he'll feel horny afterward and reach down to relieve himself. His size is obvious even with his swimsuit on. I bet it feels so good to have a release after such an intense match. I want so badly to see see Haru in pure bliss. I want to touch every part of him with utmost care to show him how much I love him.

Everyone is leaving. I suppose I should get going as well. Wait, whose goggles are those by the side of the pool? Are they Haru's? They must be—they're beside his lane. I suppose I could return them to him after class tomorrow, but then he would know I was at the match. What would he think of that? Maybe he wouldn't think anything of it. I guess it's worth a shot. I actually have a reason to talk to Haru…I must be dreaming. I'm holding something that was touching my darling Haru. Today is a good day.

Unfortunately, my plan did not work out. I had to be rushed to the hospital the next day after collapsing again. I'll give the goggles back to Haru another time. It looks like I'll be able to go back to school in a few days. If Haru was here with me, I just know I would recover in an instant. I wouldn't even know I was sick. Just thinking of him makes me feel better. I wonder how he'll react when I approach him. He'll probably be surprised, and won't realize I'm talking to him at first. He always acts surprised when the teacher calls on him. He's off in his own world somewhere. How I wish I could be a part of that world. I want to go there with him. I have to get better as soon as possible. I'm finally going to talk to Haru.

Today is the day. I usually walk to school, but today I'm being driven. I hope I look alright. If anyone knew I was this obsessed with a guy I barely know, they'd say I'm wasting my time. I'll keep Haru to myself. No one else has to know. I don't want anyone else to know. It's only a matter of time now, so what good would it do?

He sat down in his usual spot. I got here early, mostly to get myself mentally prepared. I have the goggles in my backpack. I'm just going to go up to him politely and see where it goes. I'll probably have to nudge him on the arm to get his attention.

"Excuse me, H-Haru." He looked up towards me from his seat, about to stand. "Did you leave these behind at the pool last week?" I handed him the goggles.

His blue eyes widened as he took them from me. "Thanks…um…how did you know they were mine?"

He was so confrontational! I took a deep breath. "I was at the match. Your team was walking away when I noticed them lying on the ground. I figured you'd need them back, but I've been absent so I couldn't return them until today."

His face didn't show any signs of emotion, even when he spoke. It looked as if he were staring right through me. "I have to get to my next class now. Thanks again for returning my goggles."

My love turned and walked away without a second glance in my direction. I have to think of my next move. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to attend school regularly.

The next day, I almost died and went to heaven—the dying part was almost quite literal, in a sense. I was on my way out of the classroom when Haru lightly grabbed me by the shoulder. I turned around and smiled at him.

"Would you like to have lunch with me? To repay you for yesterday, of course." He was frank, if a bit bold, but I was so happy at that moment, I thought I was dreaming.

After that, I must've blacked out. On cue, no less. I woke up in the hospital.

The nurse told me to phone a certain boy when I was feeling up to it. She handed me a slip of paper with a phone number on it. It was Haru's phone number. I suppose he was the one that got me to the hospital. Why did he want to speak to me?

"Hello?" Said the soft, rather monotone voice on the other line.

"Is this Haru? I'm returning his call from the hospital."

"Yes. How are you doing? I was worried about you."

Haru was worried about me? It's my dream come true…Haru…

"Are you still there?" Haru asked, after a long pause on my end.

"Oh! Yes, I am. I'm sorry for having to put you through getting me off to the hospital. It must've been a huge inconvenience."

"Not at all. I'm just sorry I couldn't take you to lunch like I said I would. Maybe when you get better I can make it up to you?"

We'd only spoken twice, yet Haru was willing to do all this for me. He didn't owe me anything, but he still wanted to have lunch with me. Hearing this made me so very happy. I told Haru I'd love to have lunch with him, but the truth is, I'm not going back to school. The doctor said my condition has worsened a lot, and continuing to attend school would put too much strain on my body.

A few weeks later, I was sent home. I was only going back for the weekend. I thought of Haru, as I always do. When I got home, a note was waiting for me next to my bed. It was a get well card. My eyes filled with tears. I was so happy that Haru cared for me, but I knew in the back of my head it could just be sympathy. Anyone with enough manners would've done this. Even so, the fact that it was Haru made it special.

I called him the next day. I left a voicemail.

"Hey, Haru. It's me. I'm not going to be able to come back to school for a long time, so I won't be able to have lunch with you. I'm home for the weekend, but I'm going back first thing, Monday. Thank you for the get well wishes."

Later, I took a nap. When I woke up, Haru was sitting next to my bed. I was startled. "Haru? Is that really you?"

"Yes, it's me. Please excuse my barging into your bedroom. I know you probably think I'm being overly sympathetic, but I've wanted to talk to you since before you collapsed during school."

"Really?" I felt a chill run down my spine.

"Yes. This might sound kind of crazy, but please let me explain. Last season, I noticed you sitting by yourself at one of my matches. I could feel your eyes on me when I was in the water. I noticed you again several times after, but couldn't muster the courage to talk to you, even though you were in one of my classes this year." For once, Haru's voice held some expression. It wasn't a lot, but I could sense it. His normally cold eyes were slightly less icy.

"So you noticed, huh? I thought I'd been very discreet…" I laughed, shyly.

"You were! It's just…I probably think too much."

I picked up Haru's hand and held it for a long time. I closed my eyes. "Please tell me this isn't a dream."

"It isn't," Haru whispered. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

When I opened my eyes, Haru looked sad. "Please don't worry about me. I'm not going anywhere," I told him.

"Get some rest. I'll visit you again tomorrow," said Haru. He kissed me on the forehead.

Haru kissed me…He really did, didn't he? Ever since I laid eyes on him, I've dreamt of him doing this. If only I had more time. If he gets involved with me, I'm only going to hurt him. Knowing that hurts me as well. I want Haru to live his dream. I'll watch over him, living vicariously through his passion…but not just yet. I'm going to get well. I have to do it for both of us if I want to have any future at all with Haru.

The weekend came and went in the blink of an eye. Sometimes I find myself wondering how my dreams suddenly began coming true. My prayers were answered, somehow. How my darling Haru is now with me quite often, I couldn't be happier. He visits me after swim practice sometimes. It always brightens my day when he walks through that door.

Today, Haru is here. I'm very tired, so he's just keeping me company while I rest. I think he brought his homework. I wish I could help him with it. He had trouble in history, I know. When I'm well again, I'll tutor him. Maybe he'll teach me to swim. I'd love to swim with Haru. I think he'd enjoy that.

I haven't been able to ponder much lately. Only dream. It's been a few weeks since I was fully conscious, I think. Has Haru still been visiting me? In my dreams, we dance. I sing him to sleep afterward. His smile is rare but worth waiting for.

I'm going home again for the first time in three months. Haru is taking me to the prom. I'm so excited. I have to find something to wear. I've never gotten dressed up for anything before. I bet Haru will look ravishing in a tuxedo. I can picture it in my head... His blue eyes are twinkling brightly. We're standing on a balcony. There's a cool breeze blowing... Oh, this weekend needs to come sooner! I can hardly wait! But, I have to be very careful. I haven't been on my feet in a long time.

"You look beautiful," said Haru.

We're getting ready to leave. Haru came to my house to pick me up. He's looking quite dapper! I could cry, I'm just so happy.

"Thank you. I'm so happy you're taking me," I said.

The prom was held at a grand hotel with a view of the ocean. Haru held my hand the entire time. He was worried that I might lose my balance. He kissed me under the stars.

"I'm so glad you could come. I know it wasn't easy," said Haru. He kissed me again, and I threw my arms around him.

It was such an elegant night. We danced a little bit, but spent most of our time in the upstairs hall, which was connected to an expansive veranda.

I'm back in the hospital now. The lights in this room make me feel sick to my stomach. I wish that night never ended. Afterward, Haru took me home. He stayed with me. It was wonderful. I did the best I could, in my condition. He was very gentle. I told him I would be fine, but he didn't want to hurt me. I wish I was able to do that with Haru more, but it looks like I'm almost out of time. I'm going to die pretty soon. I'm not going to cry about it, though. I'm finally with the one I love, and that's all I truly wanted.

Haru calls me 'the other Haru' now. No one seems to question it. I could rest, but I want to be with him a little longer. I help him with school, now that I'm more or less inside his mind. He really does think about water a whole lot!