January 2nd, 1982

Months had passed since Harry had landed himself in the past, and in that time he could honestly say that he'd accomplished more than he could have possibly imagined. No one could have ever explained his parents to him in a way that would have made him imagine the James and Lily that were in front of him.

More than that, he'd come to realize that he himself was different. His powers were off the effing charts! He no longer had to concentrate on the basics and Latin translation of a spell, he simply just thought of what he wanted and magic would make it happen. Or at least it did sometimes.

"Lils!" A loud thump was heard overhead, and then another. "Have you seen my Cloak?"

Lily looked up from her books and rolled her eyes, yelling back; "It's in the wardrobe!"

Harry chuckled and continued with cleaning his toy broom, knowing full well that he'd found and hidden the Invisibility Cloak the previous night. He'd overheard his father and Sirius talking about staking out a Death Eater hideout and knew that there was no way they'd be going without him as back up.

James stomped down the stairs, dust motes floating around him as he frowned and his eyes scoured the room. "It's not there."

Lily heaved a sigh of exasperation, setting her quill forcefully back into the inkwell. "You've made a mess, haven't you?"

James looked abashed. "I'll clean it up. I'm just worried about my cloak."

Harry tuned them out, using all of his concentration to use his wandless magic in removing the safety spells from the broomstick. The broom shook violently in his grasp and Harry used all of his strength to keep it from drawing attention. Not that it was necessary. Both of his parents had left the room and he was there all by himself. With a smirk and a hop, Harry plopped down on the unsteady broom handle and did a quick loop de loop around the room. Adrenaline flooded his veins and the air swept his hair back as the world blurred around him.

Much better. He patted the broom in appreciation of it's now outlandish speed as he picked himself up from where he'd crash landed on the sofa.

The front door opened and Harry looked up to see Sirius and Remus walking in, cautiously sniffing the air. It'd become somewhat of a routine for the two Marauders to show up at random times throughout the weeks, seeking the company of Harry and his family.

"Is it safe, Harry bear?" Sirius picked him up and spun him around. "Mum's not got a special dinner planned?"

"No yuck." Harry shook his head.

"That's what we like to hear." Remus patted him softly on the back.

"Where's your mum and dad?" Sirius bounced him gently, looking around the room.

Harry tried to say that they were in the bedroom, but it came out as; "Updere beeboom, bug..."

"Whoa." Remus put a hand over Harry's mouth, stopping the word from fully escaping.

"No, James!" Lily's voice was clearly heard throughout the house. "It doesn't fit in there! You have to stick it in the other way."

Sirius made a face. "Maybe we should take him outside for a bit, Moony."

"Turn it around." Lily called out. "I'll do it. You just have to help me push it in,"

The loud commotion on the floor above them had the two men exiting the house quickly with Harry in tow. Once out in the back garden, Sirius waved his wand producing a large silvery dog that looked up at it's owner hopefully. But even to Harry's Auror trained eyes, it was not the typical incantation; nor was the product.

"Go bite Prongs on the arse." Sirius ordered it with a dark grin. "Lils too."

The canine Patronus wagged it's tail as it darted straight through the wall and back into the modest home. Sirius set Harry on the grass then crossed his arms and smirked as loud yelps echoed out of the uppermost bedroom.

"Was that necessary, Sirius?" Remus shook his head, sitting down next to Harry.

Sirius shot him a look. "They shouldn't have left little Harry alone again. Merlin knows what could have happened to him. One of Lily's projects could have eaten him before they finished buggering."

"'gerin." Harry cackled, forcing his small voice-box to do his bidding. "Bug- gerrrin."

"Play with your broom, Harry." Remus let out a resigned sigh. "Language, Sirius."

"With Lily as a mother I'm sure he knows more about swearing than I do." Sirius admitted, maintaining his protective stance in front of Harry.

The door burst open and Lily and James stumbled out, looking bedraggled and confused.

"What the hell, Padfoot!" James whined. "Your bloody Patronus bit my arse!"

"Mine too!" Lily rubbed her backside. "Do have any idea how cold those teeth were? Oh, you can damn well bet that I'll never teach you another modified spell again."

"Well," Sirius put his hands up before Lily could hex his bits into powder. "You two should have known better than to go off and do the nasty while little Harry is all by himself."

"What?" James looked highly offended. "We were looking for the Cloak. We couldn't have been up there more than five minutes. Why would you think we'd be bumping uglies before an Order meeting anyway?"

"They've caught us before, James." Lily put a hand on her husband's shoulder. "The point is that we weren't doing anything other than looking for that damned cloak."

"Buhh—gerrr.." Harry giggled, then promptly shut up at the high pitched noise that escaped his mouth.

"Lils!" James hissed reproachfully. "Did you teach him that one too?"

Lily looked thoughtful, tucking her hands in the pockets of her trousers. "I don't believe so. Though I might have when I drank that modified Babbling Beverage. It just removed my profanity filter."

"We want samples." Sirius and James said at the same time, then crossed their arms looking smug.

"Okay," Remus intervened, helping Harry onto his broom. "So now that everything is settled, why don't we work on enlarging the sitting room for the meeting."

"Good plan, Moony." Sirius nodded, pulling out his wand. "James, I've already ordered a feast from the Leaky Cauldron, it'll be here beforehand, so you two don't have to worry with making anything."

"Merlin's beard." James teared up and hugged Sirius, thankful that Lily wouldn't be cooking. "I owe you one, Padfoot."

"Who's attending?" Remus asked them, standing up to better watch Harry.

"Everyone." James said gleefully. "Dumbledore figured we'd have one big Order meeting to announce last week's happenings before the trial hits the front page of the Prophet."

Harry was immediately interested and flew close to the conversation. There was absolutely no way he was missing out on this.

Far away a group of dark robed masked followers of that waxy faced fucker stood in a semi circle, surrounding the pale blond who had stood up to be their interim leader.

"I've used my connections at the Ministry to contact Pettigrew. He is sure that the Dark Lord is dead, but his fear and incompetence leave him as a less than viable witness. It is my understanding that the Dark Lord had reason to attack either the Potters or the Longbottoms the night he disappeared, yet we've not had confirmation of any happenings at either residence."

"So what are we going to do now?" Rookwood seemed unfazed by the growing tension in the crowd.

"We wait." Lucius said imperiously. "If the Dark Lord reappears I do not want him to doubt our loyalty to his cause, but there is little need in drawing attention to ourselves."

"I say we all hang up the robes and revel in the current state of peace." Nott put in idly. "There are always other ways to sate our blood thirst."

"Aye." Yaxley agreed. "And what about the Dark Lord's fanatic little bint and her three lovers? They're not going to let this fly."

Lucius gave the Lestranges and Barty Jr, a second's thought. "I'll find something useful for them to do."

"Why not send them after the Potters and Longbottoms?" Travers added. "That way we can get closure on his Darkness, and they're out of our hair."

"Yes." Lucius smiled, a plot already forming in his mind. "It just might work."

Back in Godric's Hollow, Lily and James were still in the back garden, only this time, Sirius and Remus were inside the house, quite ready to leave Harry to his own fate after his latest stunt. One that sent his mother into a blind rage and almost made him wish he'd never been born.

"It has to go, James!" Lily hissed, holding the toy broomstick in both hands with her knee raised. "He's almost killed himself twice."

"He's good, Lils," James held up his hands before she could snap the training broom, "I'll admit that he's had me scared at a few moments, but.."

"You pissed your pants!" Lily shrieked, ignoring the 'psss' sounds Harry was making as he rolled on the grass.

"Only a little!" James yelled back. "It was a perfect dive! No professional Quidditch player could have executed it so well! I was well in my right to be nervous!"

Lily gripped the broom handle tighter. "Our cat won't leave Batty's house."

"Pussy." Harry chimed in.

Lily bit her lip and glanced at her son. "Don't say that, darling."

"You named the little she-devil." James interjected smugly. "Come on, Lils. Don't you at least want to examine the broom and find out what made the safety charms fail?"

Lily's eyes dropped to the broom in her hands and she looked as though she was torn in two. "He's not to have it back until it's safe to ride."

"Agreed." James nodded, picking Harry up off the ground. "Way to get yourself grounded, Prongslet."

"Boom..." Harry looked at his broom in deep sadness as he was being carried back into the house.

There was this glint in his mother's eyes that had him feeling like a true fifteen month old. It was a look of sheer curiosity and determination that Harry could say reminded him of his own self right before he did something either very dangerous or very stupid. His poor little broom would never know what hit it. But his attention was diverted when the Floo flared up and spat out a gangly blond haired man that almost made Harry choke on his toddlerish drool.

"Frankie!" Sirius greeted the newcomer. "Welcome."

"Plaque, Loopy, Potters." Frank Longbottom nodded, dusting off his Auror robes and standing there with a friendly grin on his face.

The Floo produced another person that Harry would have never believed to see. Alice Longbottom stood there with her light brown hair cascading down her voluptuous body. Damn, Neville's mum was smoking hot. Not even bothering to stop the steady drip of fluid from his mouth, Harry gawked at the fit and fine form in front of him.

James set Harry on the floor and quickly shook their hands. "Lils isn't cooking. Sirius ordered in from the Cauldron."

Alice quirked an eyebrow at Padfoot. "Smart, Black. First time I can admit such an attribute to your dumb arse."

"Hey!" Sirius put a hand over his heart. "That hurts, Ally Cat."

"Pussy." Harry coughed into his tiny balled up fist.

Remus grabbed his side and did his best not to let the stitch of restrained laughter kill him as the other adults clearly heard the little boy. No, anything was worth saving himself from Alice's wrath. Even if it meant choking on his own amusement.

"Frank! Al!" Lily walked in the room and quickly pulled the two into a hug. "It's so good to see you. Where's Neville?"

"With mum." Frank nodded, placing his thumbs into the pockets of his trousers. "He's teething and makes better company for her right now."

"The poor thing." Lily frowned in sympathy. "I've got a new batch of numbing potion. Tried it out today and it works wonders. I'll just grab it from upstairs."

James gently grasped her elbow and stopped her, whispering; "Was it in the little vial that looked like lotion?"

"Yes." Lily scrunched up her forehead. "Why?"

"I might have used it." James looked abashed.

Lily's smile pulled into an almost painful grin. "You didn't."

"Might have been why I pee'd myself." James whispered, making Harry wish that he'd cast a deafening charm on himself. "You really need to label these things better."

Lily's brow furrowed. "It clearly said for oral use only. It's not meant to be a lubricant."

"It had me at oral." James shrugged his shoulders in defeat, while Harry promptly fell to the floor giggling loudly.

Remus held a hand to his face, his exceptional hearing clearly being more of a curse. "I need an Obliviate and it's only a couple days into the new year."

The coinciding dates and absence of his friend made Harry's eyes widen and sapped every bit of amusement from him. He needed to get help to his friend. He'd never heard an exact date of the attack on the Longbottoms, but something in his gut made him think that it was today. Or maybe it was his mum's morning stew. Either way, he needed to make sure his friend was safe.

"Neb!" Harry suddenly shouted. "Nebille!"

"Neville is probably asleep, Har." Lily tried to calm her squirming son.

"No!" Harry said wide eyed. "Nebille! Now!"

"I'll Floo call Augusta and see if she would mind Harry staying with Neville." Alice patted Harry's leg. "It's okay, Harry."

Harry fidgeted until his mum put him down and then he quickly stumbled to the couch where he'd stashed Voldemort's real wand. It wasn't that he didn't trust the headmaster with the powerful artifact, it was just that he trusted himself more. Stuffing the wand up the leg of his owl onesie, Harry allowed Lily to pull him out from under the couch.

"You're covered in dust." Lily shook her head making Harry wince when she flicked her wand in his direction. "Scourgify."

The spell washed over him, leaving his skin feeling distinctly lacking moisture. "Eck."

Lily grimaced and placed him gingerly on the floor. "You asked for it."

"Lils." Alice shook her head. "Gusty is going to keep the boys for the night. I say we break out the potions and Firewhiskey after the meeting."

"The good potions." Lily breathed in anticipation. "Oh, I've made new ones."

Alice bounced Harry on her hip, smirking at him. "You're in luck, darling. The potions your mum invents are infamous among even the Unspeakables. Not even they can figure out how they work or how to stop them."

"Puck." Harry's eyes widened in fear.

"I agree." Alice nodded, throwing a pinch of powder into the fireplace. "Longbottom Manor."

Harry resisted the urge to vomit when the spinning stopped and Alice stepped gracefully out of the floo.

"Is that the Potter boy?" A younger, but no less fierce looking Augusta Longbottom asked.

"Yes, madam." Alice grumbled, setting Harry down on the floor.

Augusta pinned the younger woman with a pointed stare. "Go on then. I'm fully capable of looking after two children."

"Mum." Neville's loud scream announced his presence to the entire UK. "MUM!"

"Bye, baby." Alice quickly flung another pinch of powder into the grate and flashed away, before Augusta could stop her.

"Typical." Madam Longbottom muttered, pulling Neville out of his pram. "She always leaves when you scream."

"MUM!" Neville wailed again.

Madam Longbottom cast a spell on herself and smirked at Neville and Harry. "Scream all you like, children. I'm going to be partially deaf for a bit."

Seeing no help from the older woman, Harry grabbed his friend's pudgy shoulders and shook him gently. "Top! Puck dats woud."

Neville stopped screaming and peered at Harry with wide eyes. "Rry?"

Harry's eyes narrowed at the larger toddler. "Neb?"

"Choo?" Neville pulled away quickly. "Choo?"

Sensing that Neville made have been in the same boat as himself, Harry almost wanted to scream, but refrained, realizing that it could very well be a trap. "Ow keel nake?"

Neville clasped his hands together and whipped them through the air as though wielding a blade. "Tord."

"Nebille?" Harry pulled the other boy into a firm hug. "Ow?"

Neville's hands wrapped around his throat in a mimicry of being choked. "Debil Nair."

"Buddy hell." Harry shook his head in sympathy.

"You?" Neville peered at him in concern.

"Dender kiss." Harry stuck his tongue out, not having to fake the gagging fit that overtook him at the memory, still feeling the scaly lips.

"Ew." Neville grimaced, gently patting him on the back. "Tuck it up, 'Ry. Bewwytwix be 'ere soon."

Harry smirked, pulling Voldie's wand out of the leg of his onsie, making Neville's brows lift and eyes widen. "Wets puck does bishes up."

Neville punched his pudgy fist into the palm of the other. "I weady."

Augusta leaned back in her settee, casting a cooling charm about herself as the newest chapter of her favourite erotic novel; Stalking Flamel came to a heated scene between the Alchemist and his spry young manservant. She was so lost in the steamy content that she didn't notice that Harry and Neville were walking out of the house.

"Oh, Nicky." Augusta breathed loudly. "You are naughty."

Harry turned to Neville with a questioning glance. Neville shuddered violently and shook his head, giving Harry the impression that it was probably something he didn't want an explanation for. He put his focus back on their plan, waving the wand and calling to black travelling robes down from the hook behind the door. Another spell shrunk them to the right size and Harry handed one to Neville, slipping his own on, glad to feel the reassuring weight on his shoulders.

"Got porkey?" Neville asked, his hand on the tiny plush bear in his pocket that Harry turned into a portkey.

"Yeah." Harry nodded, holding up the small green dragon and hoping that his spellwork would hold and get them back to Neville's nursery should anything go wrong. "You 'kay wid da pwan?"

Neville nodded with determination. "Do it."

Less than half an hour later, Bellatrix followed her husband, brother-in-law, and fellow Death Eater to the blood traitor's house. Despite what Cissy's frilly little husband thought, Bellatrix wasn't all that interested in finding the Dark Lord for reasons of the war. No, she had more self-respect than that, she only wanted to find him to keep in good standing and work her way up in the ranks until she was his most trusted. Maybe then she wouldn't be Crucioed to hell and back just 'because it was Monday' or because her 'idiot cousin foiled the plans again'.

"We're through the wards." Rodolphus grinned sadistically, cracking his neck as he stepped across the invisible line at the front gate of Longbottom Manor.

Rebastan and Barty followed without hesitation, but Bellatrix was far more cautious. Something wasn't right. An odd feeling crept up and down her spine, making her feel more uneasy with each step she took. It was the same feeling she'd had after Draco, the little shit, had been born. That malicious feeling of terror crawled through her veins and made her hair stand on end. They weren't alone.

A football rolled out from the bushes in front of them, stopping in the center of the path. The happy face of the duck smiled at her in a way that set her teeth on end and Bellatrix began backing away, ready to leave them all to their fate. A loud 'quack' erupted from the ball and Bellatrix jumped back, clutching her heart as Barty turned and cackled at her.

"Evanesco." Rodolphus waved his wand at the offending object.

The football didn't disappear; it grew. Soft high pitched laughter echoed around them and finally the three men that accompanied her seemed to realize that they were set up.

Bellatrix spun around, seeing something small and dark out of the corner of her eye dart into the hedges. The laughter sounded again and she sent a blasting hex at the hedges that didn't so much as make the leaves move. The laughter sounded again and Barty put his back to hers as Rodolphus and Rebastan copied their stance, ready to take on their unseen foes.

A bright streak of light arced toward them and Barty erected a hasty shield, but the spell seemed too strong to be hindered and pushed through, lighting his robes on fire.

"Ah!" Barty screeched, waving his wand to douse the flames, but once again his spell failed. "What in the hell is it?! It's travelling to my arse!"

Barty's backside erupted in flames and he dropped to the ground, dragging his rear across the grass in a futile attempt to smother the fire.

"Is it the wards?" Rebastan hissed at his brother. "I knew I should have done it myself, you always bugger up the incantations."

"It's not the wards!" Rodolphus ground out. "Something else has lit your boyfriend's arse on fire. Don't blame me."

The cackling laugh echoed around them and Bellatrix resisted the urge to cover her ears, crawl in a corner, and cry. The bright flashes of light erupted everywhere, burning into her retinas and leaving her momentarily blind as her companions screamed and yelled. Bellatrix tried to disapparate, but ended up going no where as a new warding settled over her. She clutched the Black crest on her sleeve, whispering the trigger word for the portkey, but it too had no effect. She was really and truly trapped.

"Pattetic." A high soft voice said from behind her, making her stumble and fall.

Bellatrix lifted her eyes to stare at the impossibly short robed figure. Her mouth dropped open as she took in the sight before her. The young child, no older than Draco, had a long green snake draped over his shoulders. Its watery eyes stared at her and she scrambled backwards, knowing the highly venomous creature wouldn't hesitate to end her life.

"The hell!" Rodolphus stepped forward, heaving in his breaths as his clothing still smoked. "Kill the shit already."

The child scoffed, raising a pale yew wand at her husband. "Pussy."

Bellatrix had a pretty good idea of what might be going on and kept her presence as nonthreatening as possible as she watched her husband succumb to the bright pink spell. Her eyes watered in pity as her husband transformed from the strong vicious man she loved to a tiny white kitten with a pink bow around his neck.

The snake crawled from the child's shoulders, slithering across the ground, and stopped inches away from her hand. It stared at her and she couldn't miss the sense of longing its gaze held as it picked its green head up as though to strike.

"Hold still, sister." Rebastan whispered, aiming his wand at the snake.

"No." The child pinned him with a deadly look.

Rebastan's lips quirked into the mockery of a smile. "Is that the Longbottom child?"

Bellatrix lifted her hand in warning, wanting to stop him from doing something he'd regret, but she was too late. The child's spell hit him full in the chest making his entire body explode from the inside out. Bellatrix clenched her eyes closed, grimacing as the spray hit her.

"Oops." The child cackled.

Bellatrix expected blood and gore, the true visage of her Dark Lord remade, not to see that the pathway was covered in multi-coloured glitter. Sparkly glitter that clung to her hair and face.

"Your evil knows no bounds, my lord." Bellatrix knowing that only the Dark Lord Voldemort could be so sadistic and cruel. "My apologies for taking so long to search you out."

"Huh?" The creature of the darkest magics stared at her, but she could not meet his gaze.

"I'll take you to your chambers." Bellatrix offered helpfully, hoping that she could maybe con Lucius or Severus into taking the child.

Harry sat on the throne straight backed and regal, ignoring the horrid squicky feeling of sharing the same seat as that monster, but he held his composure and played it off as though he wasn't uncomfortable.

"My Lord," Bellatrix bowed lowly. "You must feel so out of sorts. Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable."

Harry scratched his head in thought. "Die here now."

"Your hair?" Bella reiterated. "Oh, that mop must be so irritating. I know the perfect spell. It's so Dark it will bypass whatever that Potter blood has infected you with."

Harry sat back quickly, but was too slow to avoid the blast of the blinding lime green spell that struck his head with scary accuracy. He lifted a pudgy hand and felt that his scraggly and long black locks were gone, leaving him with a short stubble over his amazingly round noggin.

"Oo bish." Harry ground out, shaking his fist at the shell shocked woman. "Keel you."

"I'm so sorry, my lord." Bellatrix cried out, grovelling on the floor. "I only meant to straighten it, not remove it."

Harry thought long and hard about what to do. It would be so easy to kill her and walk away, he wouldn't even miss any nap time over it, but there was a nagging voice in the back of his head that told him that the scraggly haired witch could be very useful to him in the future.

"Bow." Harry hissed out, thrusting his hand toward her. "Bow now."

Bellatrix pressed her face to the floor, her arse in the air as she scooted away from the small child that was creepily stumbling toward her. "I'm bowing as low as I can, my Lord."

"No." Harry shook his head and extended his hand again. "Unbakeable bow."

"Oh," Bellatrix chuckled nervously and brushed the dirt from her cheek. "A Vow. Of course, my Lord. Anything you wish."

Her thin hand grasped his and she had to push down the shudder that ran through her as she felt the sheer amount of power her master had. His bright green eyes bored into her own, making her feel the expanse of hatred and rage that flowed around them. The magic crackled in the air as a stubby finger pulled her chin up to meet that haunting gaze.

"We need a witness, my Lord." Bellatrix looked around in hope for a way to escape. "The Vow requires it."

"No." Harry stuck his chin out, his fat hand squeezing hers tighter. "Bow."

"Speak the words, Master." Bellatrix trembled and fought the tears that threatened to erupt. "I'll obey your every wish and command."

"Arm non." Harry spoke seriously, making the thin gold bands to wrap tightly around their joined wrists. "Arm non dat no hurt you."

"I swear." Bellatrix nodded frantically. "I'll harm none that don't hurt me."

"Weave." Harry narrowed his eyes at her.

"I've never been much with sewing and such, my lord." Bellatrix said in confusion. "I doubt I could thread a needle. I've never studied the spells to weave, but I'm sure I could transfigure anything you want."

"No!" Harry rolled his eyes. "Weave dis pace. No come back."

"I swear." Bellatrix sighed as the golden bands faded from her arm. "I'll leave this place and never come back."

Harry's upper lip quivered into a childish smile that made Bellatrix cringe in fear. "Back. Geh me back."

"Oh," Bellatrix swallowed down her own revulsion as she picked up the toddler. "Of course you want to keep an eye on the enemy, Master. You're absolutely brilliant. They'll never suspect it."

Harry cocked his head at her in confusion, but then realised that he needed her for the time being, no matter how much he wanted revenge. "Ets go."

With a spin of her feet, Bellatrix Apparated them back to the outskirts of the Longbottom Mansion. Aurors were combing the area and she could hear the frantic argument that resounded out to the grounds.

Taking stock of her current predicament, Bellatrix carefully placed the toddler on the ground and backed away. "I'll be leaving you here, my lord."

"Go." Harry waved a hand at her in dismissal, hoping that the Unbreakable Vow they'd made would hold up.

The second the crazy bitch disapparated Harry breathed a sigh of relief and promptly began waddling his way back to the house.

He was almost halfway there when a gruff voice caught him off guard. "Stupefy."

Harry spun in time to see the scarred visage of Alastor Moody before the red spell struck and he fell back onto the plush, thick grass.

Harry woke up to find himself back in the crib, Neville staring down at him with a satisfied smile. He sat up, realizing that there was a commotion going on in the room.

"No, Alastor," Augusta shook her head, "I don't recall anything other than waking up from my nap and realizing that the children were missing."

"The wards didn't alert you?" He stared at her with his magical eye spinning around to scan the room.

Augusta put her hands on her hips, standing at her full height. "I'd damn well know if my wards were tampered with, thank you very much."

Neville slapped Harry on the shoulder. "Ta, 'Ry."

Harry smiled back, grateful that he'd been able to help his friend, but more than that, he was glad that he wasn't alone for this clusterfuck of a situation that he didn't even know if he wanted to escape from.

A/N: Still no explanation for this.

Anyone interested in reading the book that had Gusty all hot and bothered?

*Hides*