When will Chloé return from the war?

"M-my…what?" Adrien was almost appalled by Alya's question has he not been so…surprised.

"Y'know. You're silly dangle. The thing hanging out between your legs. Baby gun. Whatever you wanna call it," she replied.

"I-in regards to what?"

"Just what's your size? Are you like average? Big? Small?" She elaborated.

"Why do you need to know?" He questioned.

"Listen, you like Marinette, right?"

Adrien nodded.

"You like kissing her and getting all touchy feeling with her in the physical way, right?"

"Uh-"

"Don't you 'uh' me mister, I saw where your hands were. Nod your head yes."

He nodded again.

"Anyways. You and Marinette have some rather strong feelings for each other, and instead of stopping you I'm gonna help you," she told him.

"I still don't know what this has to do with my genitals," he said. Alya groaned.

"I really don't wanna give you the sex 101 so I'm gonna leave that to your girlfriend. Just trust me when I say you're gonna need some of these," she assured him.

"But what are-"

"They're dick gloves! You put them on your dick and it stops the baby juices from getting in Marinettes baby chamber!" She snapped.

"There she is! Get her!" Chloé's shrill voice shrieked from the opening of the store.

"Oh shit," Alya quickly grabbed one of each sized condom and handed the boxes to Adrien.

"Sorry dude, you're on your own now. Buy all of these and find out your size when you get there. I'm outie!" She bolted off away from him as the police man chased after her blowing his whistle.

"Get her! My daddy is gonna lock you up you little brat!"

"You're one to talk!" Alya called as she ran out of the store.

"Get back here!" The police man called and followed her.

"What's going on?" Marinette asked as she rushed over to Adrien.

"I don't-"

"Adrikins!" Chloé cried.

"Fuck," he looked over in time to see Chlo run over and latch on to his arm despite both of them being full.

"Oh Adrien you had me worried! You haven't answered any of my texts of phone calls or snaps and…" Chloé's gaze landed on Marinette and she glared.

"Ugh, what are you still doing with her?" She sneered. Adrien would've pulled is arm away if he hadn't been holding three boxes of condoms to his chest.

"I-I'm hanging out with her. Is that a crime?" He replied trying to pull his arm away while keeping the boxes from the ground.

"What are you two doing at a drug store…" her voice trailed off when she noticed the items in their hands. Lube and condoms?

"Oh my god," she gasped and released Adrien. He inched closer to Marinette and away from the dramatic blond.

"N-no way! You two are actually gonna have sex? I can't believe that isn't it illegal!"

"Uh…Chloé we're both sixteen. We're of age," Mari pointed out. She fumed with anger.

"My father will hear about this!" She yelled.

"Do you really wanna tell your father about your classmates potentially having sex. Just because we're getting this stuff doesn't mean we're gonna do it," Mari pointed out.

"Ugh! Don't you dare touch him, Marinette! Adrien is and always has been mine!"

"C-cut it out Chloé. No I haven't. We're just friends," Adrien stuttered. It was always stressful to stand up to his childhood friend, but she always found a new way to push his buttons.

"Adrikins, I know you don't mean that," Chloé smiled. He sighed. There was no way to get rid of her.

"Chloe!" Sabrina shouted from the door. She whipped around to see her best friend.

"What do you want Sabrina?"

"My dad got her! She's just a couple blocks away!"

"Holy shit!" Chloé bolted after her best friend as they disappeared from the drug store.

Finally…it was silent. The drug store was quiet now without all the ruckus from Sabrina and Chloé. Plus without Alya's loud voice, Marinette and Adrien could finally hear themselves think. They looked at each other and giggled a little bit with flushed faces.

"That was odd," Mari said. Adrien nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. I still have no idea what Alya was talking about," he replied as they made their way to the checkout counter.

"I know…vaguely. I-I mean I'm no expert, but I have a basic idea," she stuttered turning more red. Adrien set the stuff out for the cashier to scan.

"Good because I'm clueless. I don't even know what I'm buying or what I'm buying it for," he spoke as he pulled out his wallet.

"Well…j-just know that if it makes you uncomfortable then you d-don't need to do it," she muttered as he paid for the items and they were bagged up for them.

"Uncomfortable?" He questioned.

"It's…um hard to explain. Do you really know nothing?" She responded. He shrugged as they left the store.

"Alya said something about a baby gun and a baby pot or something I'm not sure," he answered.

"Oh…yeah what this stuff is for is so we don't…a-accidentally make a baby," Mari said. Adrien stopped and looked at her with wide eyes. She stopped too.

"Um. Did you change your mind?" She asked.

"Why on earth would we want to stop that?" He almost yelled. Mari turned bright red.

"W-what?"

"This is to stop us from making a baby?" He asked holding up the bag. Mari nodded with a very confused look on her face.

"What? Why?"

"We're too young? I dunno. I don't think my parents would approve of me getting pregnant at 16," she replied. Adrien thought for a moment.

"I guess that makes sense…but kids, Mari! They're so adorable. It would be so cool if we could have a baby," he said excitedly. Mari blinked up at him. This boy was…fucking crazy.

"Adrien…maybe you should put more consideration in to having a kid-"

"I know I know. We're too young and all, but I think I'd make a pretty good dad." A much better dad than his own. Except he didn't say that out loud. Mari couldn't help but giggle a little.

"I have to admit you would, but still. That's for the future," she assured him and reached up to touch his shoulder. Shit. Now she was doing the shoulder touch. He nodded and smiled.

"Alright…but what are we doing making a baby if we're preventing making a baby?" He asked.

"Um…" damn this was hard to explain.

"It's just fun…and sometimes people don't want to deal with a baby because it's so fun. The more fun they have without protection the more babies they have, and they can't always deal with it," she attempted to explain.

"Oh…like what type of fun?"

Shit

"Listen, Adrien, why don't we go somewhere more private for me to explain. It would be best if you were more comfortable when I tell you," Mari said. She felt so awkward, but Adrien nodded as if she was the opposite.

"Okay. Sounds good. How about my place?" He suggested.

"Oh sure. We could talk about it in-"

"My room," he finished. Mari turned bright red. His room? Where was Alya when she needed her?

"A-are you s-sure about that?" She stuttered terribly. He shrugged.

"I don't see the big deal," he replied. Right. He was clueless.

"You will," she sighed.

"Huh?"

"Nothing! Why don't you lead the way," she said quickly. He smiled and nodded.

"That sounds like a great idea m'lady."

He held out his arm for Mari to take, but for some reason she had to resist the urge to slap him. Instead she blinked dumbly up at him. His…lady? Only Chat said that to her as Ladybug. It was odd hearing Adrien say the same thing. They sounded so similar…

Eventually she accepted his arm and allowed him to lead her off down the street. She tried to push away any thoughts of Chat Noir as they walked arm in arm to Adrien's mansion.